Hillary Clinton Hard Choices Pdf Download

Dr. Bond has again used her skills as a psychoanalyst and given a compelling look at the life of Hillary Clinton . . . She has assembled a vivid chronicle of a strong woman who faced immense challenges throughout her life and was able to pull through no matter how painful the journey.

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HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

Prelude

July 8, 2013

I am Dr. Darcy Dale, psychoanalyst and author, whom you may know from my "On the Couch"

series, written so far about Marilyn Monroe and Jackie Kennedy Onassis. Today I don't want to

write as a famous psychoanalyst, but as a simple Hillary Clinton lover who admires her a great

deal and wants to find out who she really is. To my great surprise, I was given the opportunity to

find out.

I had decided to take a long overdue sabbatical from my practice to write a book about

Hillary. To do so, I had to rent quarters in Washington, to be closer to the scene of action. I

rented an apartment, said good-bye to my friends, and began to pack my bags.

Why do I want to write about Hillary Clinton? I am rather tired of delving into the

introspective musings of great celebrities, who enjoy examining their navels. Hillary is

different, and I'm sure would be a difficult, if not impossible subject. She is known for being

intensely obsessive about protecting her privacy and that of people near and dear to her. Not an

introspective person, her gaze is always focused on the external world. But I have never been a

person to run away from a problematic situation, which often serves to make me even more

determined. I have wanted to write about Hillary for a long time, and if I am ever to do so now is

the time to do it. She is not the usual neurotic or psychotic person I choose to write about, but a

typical person like you and me. Except I think she is a genius, a political genius. It will be fun to

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

try to discover how this normal woman who looks like the girl next door possibly may turn out

to be the most important person who ever lived.

I read whatever I can find about unusual women, as I am always looking for creative

women to write about, both in professional journals and my books. As such, I have been

interested in Hillary Clinton ever since she first came upon the political scene crusading for her

husband when he was running for Governor of Arkansas, and have carefully followed her career

in newspapers and columns. Knowing many facts about her might help me understand her.

August 19, 2013

Shortly before I was to leave for Washington, Rivka, my elfish secretary, came into my

office with a look of excitement on her face. I can always tell from Rifka's expression whether

the new patient who is waiting for me will interest me or not. This time, I thought I had never

seen Rivka so excited, not even when she had shown Marilyn Monroe into my presence. "Who

can be more exciting than Marilyn Monroe?" I wondered.

"I'm not going to tell you who is waiting for you," the little imp said. "I want to surprise

you. Believe me, you'll be surprised!"

"I guess I'll find out soon enough," I said nonchalantly, not wanting to give Rivka the

satisfaction of knowing she indeed had aroused my curiosity.

I walked into the waiting room, took one look at the woman sitting there, and almost

gasped. There sat Hillary Rodham Clinton.

What a coincidence! I thought. But then Jung said there are no coincidences. Perhaps

whatever powers might be have destined us to meet.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

She was silently weeping into her handkerchief. When she saw me, she tried to disguise

her tears by pretending to be blowing her nose.

I used the moment I gave her to recover to take in her appearance, and was surprised to

find that she was quite pretty, far better looking than in her photographs. Looking at her closely

in the intimate setting, I could see that she had good bone structure, lovely white teeth, and the

beautiful skin of her English forebears. Her shoulder length blond hair softly curled at the ends.

I read somewhere that she is 5'4' tall, weighs 115 pounds, and works out regularly to keep in

shape. (115? I would have guessed more like 130. A little white lie, or is she just lighter than

she looks?) Because her apparel often has been judged harshly since she appeared in a velvet

headband on 60 Minutes in 1992, I was surprised to note that she was dressed in a sophisticated,

although casual fashion. She was wearing a dark blue blazer with gold buttons in the shape of

her earrings. Under the blazer she wore a light blue cashmere turtleneck sweater that exactly

matched her baby blue eyes. (I learned later they were tinted Barack.) From her appearance, she

could have been a New York society woman shopping in Bergdorf's.

"Mrs. Clinton," I said, stepping up to her, "I am happy to meet you in person. But I'm

sorry to see you so upset."

She stood up and brusquely reached out her hand. I don't ordinarily shake the hands of

female patients, but since she had extended hers, of course I took it. As I would expect, her

handshake was firm and rigorous.

"Sorry for the tears," she said. "But if you had just found out that your husband was

having a new affair, I imagine you would cry, too," she said, looking fiercely into my eyes. "We

have just moved into our beautiful new home in Chappaqua and I found out that he already has a

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

mistress there. He doesn't waste a minute! And here I believed him when he said he had turned

over a new leaf!

I certainly would cry too, I answered compassionately. But let's go into my office and

you can tell me about yourself.

" I suspect you know all about me, if you read the papers."

"The newspapers and I have very different interpretation of so-called facts."

She smiled, and said, "We just may get along."

We entered my office. It is always interesting to see if a new patient is aware of her

surroundings. Hillary seemed oblivious to my office. She did not look around her, but sat down

on the chair across from my desk and carefully examined her knuckles. It was only later I found

out that not one aspect of the room or its decor had escaped her notice.

"Well, where shall I begin, Doctor? You obviously know about Monica Lewinsky. If

you don't, you surely are the only person in the world who doesn't. Should I talk about her?"

Not immediately, Hillary. May I call you Hillary? (I may have had nerve addressing the

former First Lady by her first name, but since that was my habit with patients, I decided right

away that I would treat her no differently. To her credit, she nodded, as though she expected

nothing else.) Let us begin where your life began, at its very beginning.

"Is that necessary? I came here because of the problem with my husband, and I am a

busy woman. I have no time to waste."

"Believe me, I am well aware of that. But to understand a problem, we have to know its

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

origin, its place in your life, and why it has happened at the present time. I have to know more

about you before I can help you overcome the difficulties that brought you here." I sat back and

waited.

Hillary was silent for several minutes, obviously engaged in an inner struggle.

I felt sorry for this eminent woman who was finding it so difficult to talk about feelings

that were important to her. Unlike my usual practice, I decided to help her out.

"Tell me about yourself," I said. "It doesn't have to be anything you think is

consequential, just whatever comes into your mind.

She hesitated. "That's not so easy for me to do. I find it hard to talk about myself. When

newspapers interview me, I freeze up, so I give very few interviews. When I have to, I find it

much easier to discuss topics like poverty in Burma, mistreatment of children, or prejudice

against women. I don't even think about my feelings much. It is very unusual for me to cry in

front of other people, especially those I don't know," she said, giving me a dirty look.

I pictured a door with several heavy locks on it, with a chain across the opening of the

door, and myself banging on it without success. I thought, "She may be a wonderful woman, but

her character structure certainly would make her a difficult patient. I remember reading

somewhere that her high school newspaper labeled her "Sister Frigidaire." I know what they

meant. People who close off their feelings so much are often impossible to know. Maybe she

isn't treatable and I shouldn't be taking her on. I could never forgive myself if I accepted so

important a person for psychoanalysis and failed to help.. Nevertheless, if she will let me I will

try - for her sake, for my own, and perhaps even the sake of the world. Never mind writing her

biography. It would be much more useful to her as well as our country if I could help her to

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

function better.

I mulled over in my mind the possible sources of her impenetrable psychological armor,

and realized she must have had many painful experiences from childhood on that she cannot bear

to remember, so she projects them onto the outside world. When she handles earth shaking

problems on a purely intellectual level. it is not Hilary who is in pain, but all the abused women

and children on earth. Hillary lives in her head, not her heart, and maintains what she calls "a

zone of privacy" about her inner life.

Hillary broke the silence. Throwing back her head, she said, "Unthinking emotion is

pitiful for me." My heart sank. In my opinion, it is much more pitiful not to experience one's

feelings. Hillary Clinton may have an unusual character that is a force for good all over the earth

but she is not the best candidate for psychoanalysis.

"Let's try," I said, feeling helpless. "I will help you learn to tolerate your painful

feelings."

Tears began to roll down her cheeks again. She turned her head away from me and

hastily wiped them away with the back of her hand. "I'm not sure I'm up to it."

Oh, Hillary, I said, I know how brave and straight forward you are from the many videos

I've seen of you. You have lived through the worst kind of scandals, and been critically abused

by the media as no other First lady ever has been, and survived very well. I know you can face

up to this challenge, too.

She abruptly stood up. "I hear through the grapevine that you will be in Washington for a

year. I presume you will see patients while you are there." I nodded, but didn't tell her that I'd

had no intension of practicing while I was in Washington, but would certainly make an exception

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

for her.

"I want to leave now," she continued, "and need to think about whether I want to do

this."

I was shocked at the suddenness of her action. Certainly, Hillary, I said, thinking I had

bungled the interview. Please call my secretary if you want to make another appointment. I will

be here for another week, and Rivka will take messages after I leave.

She walked bluntly to the door, and to my surprise, stopped and turned around and

smiled sweetly. I thought with surprise, She may come back after all.

After she left, I thought about what I had learned from the media about Hillary Clinton's

character and puzzling behavior, and how it compares with what I had observed in her session.

Most of what I had seen of her confirmed what I had read, although I must admit I found her

more likeable than she is portrayed in much of the media. I knew she was intelligent, and had

read somewhere that she had so much energy she wore out much younger staff members. Come

to think of it, I'm pretty tired, too, and I've only seen her one short session! According to all

reports, her organizational and leadership abilities are unsurpassable. She is politically and

professionally highly ambitious, almost certainly more than she will admit. And as I had already

noted, she is remarkably charismatic when she chooses to be. A deeply religious person, she is

strongly committed to her family. I have been impressed many times by the love she has shown

her husband and daughter that has been captured on video, and would guess that love of her

family is the strongest feeling she will acknowledge even to herself.

On the darker side, it is also well known that she is impatient and has frequent outbursts

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

of temper, that she is a worrier who often is overcome by anxiety, that she is a victim of a

constantly philandering husband, and is the family breadwinner who is said to have cut some

ethical corners. Although many people love her, that is not true across the board.

Coincidentally, I have another patient, Sybil, who worked for Hillary and detested her.

Sybil was Bill Clinton's office manager when he was governor of Arkansas. She hated Hillary

with a passion--it wasn't political, it was personal. I remember two things she told me: first, that

Hillary had totally changed her appearance from those days, when she had dark hair and thick

glasses. There was a complete transformation into what she looked like by the time Bill ran for

president. From what I saw today it certainly is an improvement. Secondly, that she was mean

and nasty to everyone including presumably Sybil. She also told me that part of her job was

keeping women away from Bill. Well, that is Sybil's opinion. Maybe she and Hillary just didn't

hit it off. I have no way of knowing if Sybil's experience with Hillary was unique or if other

staff members felt the same way.

From what I have seen and read, I believe that Hillary does what she wants, what she

feels is right for her, no matter what anyone else thinks is best. In her mind, there are no experts

but Hillary Rodham Clinton. It would have been useless, for example, for me to urge her to

undergo treatment, no matter how much I thought she needed it. She, and she alone, would make

that decision.

All in all, a very interesting woman, I thought, although Freud himself would have had

trouble treating her. I have more patients than I can handle with ease, but nevertheless I found

myself brimming with excitement that I might become the analyst of the First Lady of the United

States.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

August 21, 2013

Indeed she came back, only two days later.

She came into my office and greeted me with another sweet smile. No wonder voters like

her, I thought. "I don't know what she is like in private, but she really can be charming and

likeable when she wants to be."

"Good morning, doctor," she said. "As you can see I have decided to try this out. For a

little while, anyway. But don't be surprised if I quit soon. Although I attended psychology

classes at Yale, Sigmund Freud is not one of my heroes."

What don't you like about him?

"I think all his stuff about penis envy is bullshit," she said in a raucous voice. "I never

wanted a penis. What would I do with one if I had it? Do you believe in all that crap? If so,

maybe I'm in the wrong place...."

I smiled. "Women's studies have come a long way since Freud."

"Well, that's a relief! Maybe it'll work on me after all, but you'll have to prove it to me

before I give you a gold star. Well, what do ya want to know about me, teacher?"

"Whatever you want to tell me."

"You're a big help, I can see that!" She was silent for a moment, and then said, "I guess I

should start with my birth. I am one of the first baby boomers, who was born on October 26,

1947.right after the end of World War 11...." She stopped and said, "I think I'd rather tell you

about my father, Hugh Rodham, who was probably the most important person in my life. Is that

all right with you, Doctor?"

Certainly, Hillary, I said. Talk about whatever you want to. I couldn't help thinking that

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

she thought her father was more important in her own life than she was, which already told me a

great deal about her.

A sadness seemed to creep over her, as her shoulders drooped, although her face

remained emotionless. I waited patiently while she pulled herself together. She had let an

emotion slip through, and, I suspected, was already regretting it.

She retreated to practical matters. Her father was Hugh Rodham, the son of Welsh

immigrants. What she told me in a monotonous tone of voice horrified me. She described a sour-

faced and crabby tyrant who tyrannized his children with scornful unrelenting sarcasm,

embarrassing penny pinching, and by forcing them to observe his constant humiliation and

maltreatment of their mother. She said he beat his sons, but not whether he hit her, too. Was she

protecting him, or was she simply his favorite who remained untouched? I think he was an awful

father, whatever his assets, and I'm sure there were plenty. He was so brow-beating and

humiliating a man I find it incredible that Hillary has turned out as well as she has. How she

grew up to be the person she is with so abusive and mean-spirited a father is beyond my

comprehension. At this early point in our journey, I suspect we have her heredity and perhaps

her mother to thank.

Hillary said, "I spent a lot of my time trying to please my father. I rarely was successful.

A typical example concerned my grades in school. I was always a brilliant student, and usually

brought home a report card full of As. Taking one of them to my father one day which contained

all As and one B, I waited patiently, silently praying for a complementary word. His response

was, "How come you got one B?" The next month I showed him a report card that had straight-

A's on it. He said, "You must go to an easy school."

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

No matter how well Hillary did, Rodham kept raising the bar. What a frustrated child she

must have been, desperately trying to please a father who refused to be pleased! I can see why

she might like to be elected president. A whole country ful of people voting for her just might

sooth over memories of never having satisfied the one man whose opinion she really valued.

A neighbor once said of him, "He was rougher than a corn cob and gruff as could be." He

was not a nurturer, leaving that parental function to his gentler wife Dorothy, whose intelligence

and abilities he frequently mocked. He was a crude man. (Like her father, Hillary, lady that she

is, at times also can sound brusque and gross.) When Dorothy threatened to leave Hugh for his

abusive treatment of her and the children, his comment as often as not was , "Don't let the

doorknob hit you in the ass on your way out." (What a way to treat a loving wife! I wouldn't stay

with such a man for ten minutes!) Sometimes the children laughed at his remark, but not all the

time. Surely they must have been aware of the cruelty behind it, although they don't admit it

publicly.

At dinner Rodham held forth at length on his thinking about life, and didn't take kindly

to being challenged. Most of the family would quietly squirm as they pretended to listen. Only

Hillary would argue back if she felt he was wrong. Apparently, she alone was allowed to

disagree with her father without suffering dire consequences, but if Dorothy tried to bring up a

contrasting opinion, she was subjected to the scorn and ridicule of her husband and tagged "Miss

Smarty pants!"

Yet provocative and insulting as Rodham was to his wife, Hillary made it clear that the

couple managed to impart to their children a prevailing sense of family and love for each other

that determined much of her future life. Looking at their relationship in analytic terms, I would

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

have to label it a sadomasochistic one, which for Rodham meant that "each man kills the thing

he loves" (Oscar Wilde). It must be the example of Hillary's parents' marital life that allows

Hillary to put up with her husband's infidelities. Like her parents, marital love to Hillary

includes abuse.

Reminds me of a joke Hillary told me. She said, "You heard about the submissive wife

who stayed with her sadist husband. Her friend asked her, 'Why do you stay with him?' She

answered, 'Beats me!" Hillary laughed uproariously with her uniquely raucous laugh. Good she

can laugh about it, I thought.

She said, 'My laugh reminds me that my father had a deep, boisterous laugh that came

from the center of his being and seemed to extend from the tip of his toes to the top of his ears.

When he laughed in a restaurant, every head turned his way. I remember being embarrassed and

thinking, 'Shush, Papa! You will awaken the dead'. Nevertheless, I am told I laugh like him,'

she said shyly.

Nobody is all bad. Even Hitler loved his dog. Rodham's excuse for the mistreatment of

his family, Hillary said, was his belief in the old-fashioned values prevalent during the mid-

century, in which hard work, discipline, and education at home, school, and church would make

any child's dream come true. Hillary was told that it was her obligation to use her mind, in order

to have some control over her life as an adult. The Rodham children had to do well in school.

Rodham's favorite remark was, "You get in trouble at school, you get in trouble at home."

Despite his unpleasantness, in the case of Hillary, if not her brothers, Rodham's philosophy paid

extraordinary dividends. To his everlasting credit, he taught her that her opportunities for success

would not be limited by her sex. In this respect, at least, he was ahead of his time.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

I decided to take a chance and send out a trial balloon. I said, Hillary, you puzzle me.

Here you are telling me the most emotional material about your father and yet you remain calm.

How do you manage to look unaffected by it?

She answered, "I've been through it so many times that I'm used to it." I was skeptical,

but thought it best to drop the matter until a later time, assuming there would be a later time. She

impressed me as being an angry woman. Not all the time, but much of the time. And she does all

she can to hide it. From what I've already heard, she has plenty to be angry about. But I hadn't

heard anything yet! Worse was yet to follow.

Ignoring my comment, she returned to factual material about her father.

"Hugh Rodham was a chief petty officer in the Navy during World War 11, in which he

trained recruits in the U.S. Military Gene Tunney Program, a strict and demanding phys-ed

regime based upon the boxer's defensive techniques. When my father returned home, he must

have missed the Navy, for he treated his family like an extension of the service. He sat night and

day in his living room recliner, barking out orders to his wife and children, ridiculing us, making

light of our achievements, down playing our accomplishments, continuously raising the

standards for his children, doing what he called 'character building.' I never gave up trying to

please him. He was aiming for absolute control over his household. When one of us defied him,

he became ruthless in his attempt to insist on subservience to his orders. For example, if a child

inadvertently forgot to replace the top of a tube of toothpaste, he threw it out the window, and

forced him to retrieve it regardless of whether the ground was covered with ice or snow. And no

matter how freezing the Chicago winter nights, my penny pincher father insisted on turning off

the heat until morning."

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

I shuddered to think of what this fascinating woman had lived through in her childhood.

On occasions of his brutality, it is hard to believe that even his adoring daughter didn't harbor

resentful feelings to her father, although to my knowledge nobody ever heard her voice them.

But as I said, I hadn't heard anything yet.

"I was crazy about my father, meanness and all, and thought he was as handsome as any

movie star." she continued. "Once when I was about five years old and madly in love with him I

asked, 'Daddy, will you marry me?' I was shocked to have my 'proposal' met with a sharp

whack on the butt. I ran crying into the kitchen, where my mother comforted me with a

chocolate bar."

What an awful man! I thought. Every normal little girl is in love with her father and

harbors desires toward him like Hillary's. This is the well known Oedipus Complex, or, in the

case of girls, the Electra Complex. How unknowledgeable Hugh Rodham was! And how cruel!

No wonder Hillary always had problems with men.

"That was very foolish of him, Hillary, and very wrong, I said. You were only

experiencing what every little girl feels toward her father.

Hillary's eyes clouded over and she showed no reaction to my remarks. Indeed, they

seemed to pass right through her.

Didn't his reaction make you angry? I pressured.

"No," she answered. "I thought I deserved the whack."

I shook my head sadly and thought, Nuff said right now. But in my opinion Hugh

Rodham shouldn't have been allowed to have children.

"Some people grow more pleasant as they age, " she went on as if intuiting my thoughts,

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

"but not my father. As I grew older, his meanness became more and more obvious. He had few if

any interests besides commanding his household and little lightness of heart, as his brow-beating

and grouchiness escalated."

According to Hillary, all the Rodham men were depressed. I was not surprised. His

younger brother, Russell, a physician, tried to hang himself upstairs in the attic, and Hugh had to

cut him down. Russell then worked as a bartender, and descended into ever deeper depression

and alcoholism, until he died in a fire caused by a lit cigarette. Hilary said she felt her father's

agony over his brother's fate very deeply, although I never would have known it from her flat

tone or lack of facial expression. It seems that despite his mistreatment of the family, she always

loved Hugh and empathized with his problems. She was a better daughter than he deserved, I

thought angrily.

Willard, Hugh's older brother, spent thirteen years taking care of his father after his wife

died. When his father passed away at the age of eighty-six, Willard was overcome with despair,

and followed his father to the grave five weeks later. Brother Tony said, "He died of loneliness."

With his parents and brothers dead, Hugh fell into a deep depression, and withdrew

further and further from the world. Although he was only fifty-five years old, he retired from

his business and sank deeper into himself. With this history of Rodham family males, it is not

surprising that Hillary's brothers spent their adulthood enveloped in a sea of melancholy.

As adults Hillary, Tony, and Hugh all tried to talk themselves into believing that their

father's rigid standards of child rearing were part of a grand plan to enable his children to

become "competitive, scrappy fighters," to "empower" them, as well as to foster elements of

"realism" into their privileged lifestyle. It is difficult to imagine that they interpreted his actions

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

so generously as abused children. It is more likely that they used the defense mechanism of

denial, in which one does not see what one wishes were not true. One suspects the same

mechanism helped Hillary get through the years of her husband's infidelity. As everyone knows,

when Bill was president, the Clinton marriage survived a series of scandals, in particular the

Monica Lewinsky affair. When the media made it known that the White House intern had

performed oral sex on the president, Hillary vigorously denied the allegations, insisting on

NBC's "Today Show" that they were the plot of a "vast right-wing conspiracy" that aimed to

remove Clinton from the White House.

That's incredible! I thought, and asked myself if she really had been so caught up in the

throws of denial that she believed what she'd said, or if she was just being the smart politician. I

answered myself with the gut feeling that there is something deep in the heart of Hillary Clinton

that is pining for the surface to be peeled away. I determined to help her find it, no matter how

difficult the search.

"My father was a giant," Hillary said. "He was six feet two inches, broad-shouldered,

with a booming voice, and as dominating psychologically as he was physically. We were

terrified when he was in a rage, and everybody knew that Dorothy's life with Rodham was

painfully demeaning. Even I, his loving daughter, was known at times to chafe at my father's

outrageous behavior and petty stinginess. Many times his tirades lasted for hours, beginning at

dinner, lasting all evening and continuing on into their bedroom for hours. I would put my hands

over my ears and duck underneath the covers to drown out his piercing sounds."

Dorothy was not the only recipient of her husband's violence. Hillary herself wrote,

"Occasionally, he got carried away when disciplining us, yelling louder or using more physical

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

punishment, especially with my brothers, than I thought was fair or necessary. But even when he

was angry, I never doubted that he loved me." She added with a smile, "My father was not one to

"spare the rod."

Why are you smiling, Hillary? I silently wondered. Somewhere inside yourself you must

be furious at his tyranny.

None of the family ever made public how severely Rodham beat his children, how and on

what part of the anatomy he hit them, or if Hillary also was the recipient of his blows, so we do

not know how she really felt when being "disciplined." But since she alone of the three siblings

possessed her father's self discipline, she probably "needed" less physical chastisement than her

brothers.

Hugh Rodham's philosophy of "not sparing the rod" in training his children was not

totally successful, at least in the cases of Hillary's brothers, Tony and Hugh, Jr. Rodman pushed

them mercilessly to follow his example so that they would be as successful in business as he

was. Tony adjusted better than Hugh, Jr., who never gave up his impossible dream of pleasing

his father. He tried to follow in his father's footsteps by playing football, and going to Penn

State, but the harder he tried to win Hugh's approval, the more his mean father pushed him

away.

A family member who wished to remain anonymous said that Rodham was toughest on

Hugh, Jr. because he was his first born son. Tony was very different from his brother. He didn't

seem to care what his father thought of him, and did exactly as he pleased. As a result, he won

much of his father's esteem at a young age. It is clear that Rodham respected Hillary and Tony

more than Hugh, Jr., as they dared to stand up to him. Hillary managed to get away with many

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

minor infractions of the rules of the household. Even when she was the one who engineered the

scrape, it was the boys who were punished.

"She was Daddy's girl," Tony said. "She could do no wrong."

For all his shortcomings, although he would have indignantly denied it, in a way Hugh

Rodham was a feminist. It was Hugh who taught Hillary that she was as good or better than any

male, including her brothers. Didn't Hillary follow in his footsteps when she wrote, "In high

school, one of my smartest girlfriends dropped out of the accelerated courses because her

boyfriend wasn't in them. Another didn't want to have her grades posted because she knew she

would get higher marks than the boy she was dating." These girls had picked up the subtle and

not-so-subtle cultural signals urging them to conform to sexist stereotypes, to diminish their own

accomplishments in order not to outperform the boys around them. " Thanks to my father, I

couldn't imagine giving up a college education or a career to get married, as some of my friends

were doing," she said.

"When Tony was nine years old, he suffered from rheumatic fever and was forced to

remain in bed for a whole year. He was lovingly cared for and nursed by our mother, until he

was well enough to go back to school. Dorothy's treatment of Tony was typical of her, the

person the boys sought solace from when they were in trouble with our father. She was

considered the heart of the household by all of us, and served as referee between my brothers and

Hugh, when he became too cruel verbally or physically.

"I grew up between the push and tug of my parents' values, and my own political beliefs

reflect the thinking of both," Hillary said. "The gender gap started in families like mine. My

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

mother was basically a Democrat, although she kept it quiet in Republican Park Ridge. My dad

was a rock-ribbed, up-by-your-bootstraps, conservative Republican and proud of it. Tightfisted

with money as he was, he did not believe in credit and he ran his business on a strict pay-as-you-

go policy. His ideology was based on self-reliance and personal initiative.

"I'm afraid I take after him in that respect," she continued with an embarrassed look. "I

put uneaten olives back in the jar and refrigerate left over pieces of cheese, no matter how small

they are. I guess he got me worried like him that we would end up in the poorhouse.".

All the time Hillary was telling me about her father, I continued to marvel that she spoke

in a monotone, with little expression on her face. I have listened to many such tales over the

years, and know that practically all patients, male and female, break down into tears when they

speak of such matters. Not Hillary. She could have been reading a grocery list.

Did she behave that way in front of her father, too? Little Hillary somewhere found the

courage to stand up to him and hide her terror. I suspect this toughened her up so that the adult

Hillary was able to challenge her husband, and hardened her to the viciousness of political

combat. Eleanor Roosevelt once said that to be in politics one needed the hide of a rhinoceros.

Hillary said, "Eleanor knew what she was talking about. She learned to take criticism seriously

but not personally. She said, No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. You win

one day, you lose one day, you don't take it personally. You get up every day and you go on."

What a wise woman Hillary is! Apparently she was already wise as a child, and

understood that her father's crass criticism was nothing personal, but simply the way he was.

Hugh Rodham was instrumental in toughening Hillary's skin to the necessary thickness and thus

helped her to survive the horrendous slings and arrows of her political career. Without his

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

"contribution," she probably would have been unable to continue her work at the White House.

How many of us have the strength of an Eleanor Roosevelt or a Hillary Clinton and could come

through such dreadful ordeals so well? Not I. It is hard enough for me to endure the criticism of

patients, whom I encourage to speak up.

Part of his problem was that from his youth on Rodham was a disappointed man. He

wanted to be a first stringer at Penn State, and told everybody he had been awarded a college

football scholarship. Unfortunately, he was a liar. Records show that there were no football

scholarships awarded during his years at Penn State (1931-1935). "He was a bullshit artist," a

member of his family said. Rodham's father had been a loom operator in the big Scranton Lace

Works, and instead of becoming a world celebrity or a famous football player his disgruntled son

Hugh followed in his father's footsteps at an early age. His mother, Hannah Jones Rodham, was

known to be hard-headed and gruff, and like her son Hugh, dominated the life of her family.

But Hugh had one great skill that stood out over his cohorts: he was a wonderful

salesman. "Dad was the world's greatest vendor," Tony Rodham said. "I never saw him lose a

sale." He became a tradesman who manufactured drapes and lace curtains to hotels, offices, etc.

and could talk anyone into buying them. He sounds a lot like Bill Clinton in this respect, for it

was said that Bill could charm the birds off the trees. Certainly he knew how to charm Hillary,

who stood by his side throughout his scandalous behavior, as her mother stood by her father, no

matter how demeaning his treatment of her.

"Hugh invested his money wisely, as befits a penny pincher," Hillary continued. "When I

was three years old he bought a mock-Georgian home in Pine Ridge for $35,000 He paid for the

house in cash, as he did not believe in borrowing, most likely to save having to pay the money in

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

interest. (He never had a credit card, probably for the same reason.) He usually returned home by

3 or 4 P.M., when he plunked himself down on his recliner with his bad leg stretched out in front

of him. He spent his time watching television, drinking beer, and shouting out the chores of the

day to his children. Through his family Hugh managed to remain the Commander, even though

he no longer was a petty officer in the Navy. Rather than pay tradesmen for the upkeep of the

house, Hugh saved money by making us do the required painting and patching. Not surprisingly,

we didn't do a very good job, so that the house was described as a wreck by the saleswoman who

handled the resale years later. Naturally, he didn't pay his children for helping. He said we didn't

pay for our room or board, and that was a big enough reward for our work 'You get fed,' he told

us. 'That's enough pay.' ."

I guess we shouldn't blame Hugh Rodman too much for his stinginess, I thought. Like

other children brought up in the depression he had witnessed many people who were homeless or

on the verge of starvation, and was always afraid that he and his family would join their ranks.

His most familiar refrain was "Do you want us to end up in the poorhouse?" He constantly

reminded his children that they had many advantages, compared to his generation, and drummed

into their ears, "You''ll never know how lucky you are," which Hillary heard more times than

she wanted to count.

"If I dared to ask my father for extra pocket money or an advance on my meager

allowance, I was treated to a lecture that money doesn't grow on trees. Pretty soon I stopped

asking.

"My dad was highly opinionated, to put it mildly," she said. "In our family's spirited,

sometimes heated, discussions around the kitchen table, usually about politics or sports, I learned

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

that more than one opinion could live under the same roof. By the time I was twelve, I had my

own positions on many issues. I also learned that a person was not necessarily bad just because

you did not agree with him, and that if you believed in something, you had better be prepared to

defend it. The knowledge has served me well as a political wife."

Surely her feelings about money were affected by her father's omnipresent anxiety. I've

heard it said that Hillary is tight-fisted, too. America's top columnist, Maureen Dowd, wrote that

the Clintons have a reputation for mixing up money matters and looking greedy in the process. If

this is true of Hillary, it is understandable. She suffered very much from her father's stinginess

and his terrible anxiety. It must be a great relief to her that she is able to make so much money in

the law firm, as senator, and from her books.

Hillary's lower lip jutted out, as she tightly pulled her top lip back, and confirmed my

feelings about her relationship with money. She said, 'My father was especially stingy about our

clothing. We seldom were allowed to purchase new ones until those we had were too small to get

into or were worn through with holes. Tony was usually decked out in his brother's hand-me-

downs. As often as not, we looked like orphans or homeless children."

Fortunately for the marriage, Dorothy was indifferent to how she dressed. It was a good

thing, because she had to be. Hugh had no interest in hearing that girls need to consider more

than covering up their nakedness when dressing.

No wonder Hillary dressed in shapeless pants suits before she was First Lady! I thought

indignantly. She never learned to dress properly at an age when most girls are taught such skills.

"All the other girls in high school were clothes crazy," Hillary said sadly, as if she had

zeroed in on my thoughts. "My father thought that was a frivolous reason to spend money and

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

forced me to dress unattractively. My mother wasn't much help. When I complained to her that

all the other girls dressed better than me, she said 'I don't give a fig what other girls are wearing.

And don't tell me about what other people are doing! You are yourself, a unique person. You

don't have to do what everybody else does. You can think for yourself.' I didn't tell her that

thinking for myself, I still wanted to wear pretty clothes. It wouldn't have done any good."

Was that a tear I saw glistening in her eye, as she said, "When it came time to go to my

high school prom, he made me buy the cheapest gown in the store. Next to me, all the other girls

looked like fashion plates. Sometimes I think his cheapness sabotaged my sense of femininity,

and made it hard for me to be comfortable with boys. Gradually, his stinginess and constant

criticism led to an almost complete breakdown in our relationship."

Who could blame her? I thought. I'm only surprised it didn't happen earlier in her life.

"The breach extended far beyond how I dressed. We disagreed on the most elementary of

matters, not to mention politics, the war in Vietnam, or feminism, and he became increasingly

intolerant of me." But being Hillary, she felt compelled to add, "But even though we disagreed

on just about everything, I always knew he loved me."

Their house was a small, two-story brick home painted in subdued colors, and

surrounded by maple and elm trees. Many of the neighbors of the Rodhams had come from

Chicago to escape the influx of Negroes from the South. Rodham despised black people and

spoke of them in the most derogatory terms. Unsurprisingly, no Jews, Negroes, or Asians, lived

in Park Ridge near the home of his choice. Maine East, the high school Hillary attended through

the eleventh grade, had the largest number of Caucasians of any high school in the country. It is

praiseworthy that despite her father's influence, she experienced none of his racial prejudice, at

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

least that we know of. From her efforts to help women of all races throughout the world, I

believe her to be unprejudiced, despite some hurtful stories that one occasionally hears about her

when she is campaigning. Park Ridge was a completely different type of suburb than those along

Chicago's exclusive North Shore. The houses were newer, built in the 1930s and 40s, and

without the pretensions of the more exclusive residential districts. Of course the price Rodham

paid for his house was much less than the cost of the prestigious homes of the North Shore,

Hillary droned on. She was not always the easiest person to listen to. I suppressed a yawn.

"Rodham considered himself a 'Taft Republican,' who tried to force his political beliefs

upon his children," she continued. "He made us watch the Republican National Convention in

1952 on TV and refused tolet us to look at the Democratic convention. But I made sure to visit a

friend's house when I knew the Democrats were having their convention." I wasn't a bit

surprised.

Bill Clinton said that even after he became president his father-in-law never gave up

hope that Clinton would become a Republican and abolish the capital gains tax.

It is incredible that Rodham never gave up hope that his son-in-law Bill Clinton, the

President of the United States and the heart of the Democratic party, would actually become a

Republican. How unrealistic can a person be?

Hugh Rodham died on April 7, 1993 at the age of 82, Hillary told me in a monotone.

Only the glistening blink of a lizard in her eyes gave away that her statement held any special

meaning for her. "Despite his treatment of the family," she said, "I mourned him terribly. In

fact, his death even forced me to take a public break while working with my health care reform

task force."

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

I think she mourned him even more deeply than she knows, and suspect she was talking

about him when she wrote, "Every one of us has a choice. I think that in every day ways, how

you treat your own disappointments and whether you're able to forgive the pain that others cause

you, and, frankly, to acknowledge the pain you cause to others,.is one of the big challenges we

face. I pray every day that I, like the biblical admonition says, will learn to forgive my enemies.

President Clinton delivered the eulogy. Did Hillary like it? Was she pleased? Did she

think he could have done better? I'll never know.

She jumped up and said, "I have to leave now."

I'll bet you do, I thought. Heaven forbid you should break down and sob.

August 26, 2013

The next session took place in my new quarters in Washington, which I had furnished to look

very much like my old office where I was so comfortable, even to having shipped my old brown

leather analyst's chair. Hillary entered as if there had been no change. As in New York, she

made no comment about the office, but I knew by now that she had taken it all in.

"Today I want to tell you about my mother, Dorothy Howell Rodham," she said. Since

she began with the facts, Hillary was less guarded at this point than she had been in talking about

her father. The character of Dorothy Emma Howell presents a totally different picture from that

of her husband. She was born in Chicago in 1919, a date she herself was reluctant to divulge, the

daughter of Edwin John Howell, Jr. (1897–1946), a Chicago firefighter, and Della Murray

(1902–1960). Dorothy's only sibling, Isabelle, was born in 1924. Their ancestors were English,

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

Scottish, Welsh, French, and Dutch, and their paternal grandfather was an immigrant from

Bristol in Gloucester. Many of her more contemporary ancestors had lived in Canada.

"Dorothy's childhood is bad enough to have been written by Dickens," Hillary said. "I

have nightmares about it."

Can you tell me the nightmares? I asked.

'I don't remember them," she answered.

I should have known better than to ask.

Hillary continued with her mother's story. "The family were boarders in an overcrowded

home along with four other families and Dorothy was frequently moved from school to school.

Her parents had a miserable, dysfunctional marriage, and like Hugh and Dorothy after them,

often were involved in violent fights. They paid only episodic attention to their children before

they divorced in 1927. Incredibly, Dorothy and Isabelle were then sent on a train by themselves,

unsupervised. to live with their maternal grandparents in the Los Angeles suburb of Alhambra,

California.

"Can you believe it?" Hillary asked, expressing the closest to a feeling I had heard from

her yet. "How could anyone allow it? Didn't they care about the dangers young children might

face, alone for days in a train with open doors in the company of total strangers? Had they no

heart?" At the time, Dorothy who was in charge of her younger sister was only eight years old,

and Isabelle just three.

I, like Hillary, was horrified and wondered how any grandparents could be so heartless. I

said nothing, but she must have seen the look of dismay on my face. She smiled and said softly,

"It is good to feel understood.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

She went on, "The sisters' lives did not improve at all in their new home, as they were

harshly treated by their unloving grandparents from the moment they stepped through their door.

Della Howell essentially abandoned my mother when she was only three or four, leaving her

alone all day for weeks on end with meal tickets to use at a restaurant near their five-story walk-

up apartment on Chicago's South Side. Can you imagine a three or four year old child eating her

meals alone in a restaurant? When I compare it to the loving attention Bill and I pay to

Chelsea's every whim, my heart breaks for Dorothy." Hillary's eyes grew wide with pain.

No, I thought. Such a thing is preposterous!' I've analyzed many people over the years,

but never have had a patient who was so neglected. And to think these were the grandparents of

America's First Lady!

It seems that Mr. Howell, a laborer for the city, was hardly present at all. He left the job

of taking care of his grandchildren, such as it was, completely to his wife, Della, whom Dorothy

remembered as a strict woman always dressed in black who would not allow the children to have

visitors or attend parties and punished them for every small infraction. Della was a weak and

selfish woman who spent most of her time watching soap operas on TV. "The girls were subject

to constant criticism, ridicule and harsh punishment," Hillary said.."When Mrs. Howell learned

one Halloween that Dorothy had gone trick-or-treating, she was confined to her room for a year,

being allowed out only to attend school. The "punishment" lasted for several months, until Mrs.

Howell's sister fortunately came to visit and put a stop to Della's cruelty.

What incredible punishment for such normal behavior!"I thought. The woman sounds

psychotic.

Hillary herself had a memory of her grandmother which illuminates as well as anything

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

the kind of self-involved, uncaring person she was. "Della was baby sitting for me and my

brothers when I was hit in the eye by a chain-link fence while playing in the schoolyard. Blood

streamed down my face, as I ran home sobbing in terror. When Della saw me, she fainted. I had

to run next door and ask our neighbor for help. When Della came to, she was furious with me for

making her fall. 'I could have gotten hurt,' she said angrily. I had to wait for my mother to

return before I was taken to the hospital to get stitches, while my grandmother sat and nurtured

her grudges while watching TV.

Hillary picked up on her mother's story. "Although it was the height of the Depression,

Dorothy was wise enough at the youthful age of fourteen to leave her grandparents' unhappy

home to find a job as a three dollar a week housekeeper, cook, and nanny in San Gabriel,

California. Fortunately, she was treated more kindly by her employer, who recognized the girl's

intelligence and encouraged her to read and go to school. Dorothy told me, "Without my stay

with a kind, loving family, I might not have known how to care for my own children."

Dorothy attended Alhambra High School, where she joined the Scholarship Club and the

Spanish Club and was mentored by two teachers, Miss Drake, who taught speech and drama, and

Miss Zellhoefer, the writing teacher. "She taught English and was very strict," Mrs. Rodham

wrote in 1998 in a book celebrating the centennial of the school. "We came from her class with

respect for her and a solid ground in English. What made her special was her desire that we

develop critical thinking." These nurturing teachers certainly contributed to the educated person

Dorothy became. This supposition seems corroborated by Hillary's remark that caring adults

who are not a child's parents can fill his or her emotional needs. Nevertheless, Dorothy must

have carried the painful scars of her parents' and grandparents' abuse all her life. Perhaps she

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

became a fine mother by learning from her parents and grandparents how not to raise children.

Upon Dorothy's graduation from High School, she was surprised to receive an invitation

from her mother, now remarried, to return to Chicago, who promised her money to attend a

university. Dorothy was thrilled. "I'd hoped so hard that my mother would love me that I had to

take the chance and find out," she poignantly told her daughter. But the promised love and

university financing never were delivered: it turned out that the only thing Dorothy's mother

wanted from the reunion with her daughter was a free housekeeper. Her mother had married Max

Rosenberg, a Jewish man, a fact which must have devastated Hugh Rodham, the Jew-hater, who

ironically now had a Jewish step-father-in-law. The pathetic attempt at a reunion between

mother and daughter was a total failure, leaving Dorothy disappointed and in greater despair than

before, for she now knew for certain that her fantasies of obtaining her mother's love would

never come true. This didn't stop her for long. The plucky young lady then took her life into her

own hands and moved into her own apartment and found office jobs to support herself.

I thought, I'll bet Hillary wold have done the same thing, under such circumstances. We

can see where she got her strength and determination not to be squelched.

Hillary said with shining eyes, "I attribute my own interest in children's welfare to my

mother's early life, whom I symbolically help by improving the lives of desperate children all

over the world."

Good insight, Hillary, I said. I agree.

During her unsuccessful presidential campaign in 2008, Hillary said, "I owed my

inspiration to one person: My mother, who never got a chance to go to college, who had a very

difficult childhood, but who gave me a belief that I could do whatever I set my mind to."

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

Here, for the first time in her sessions, Hillary displayed some emotion when she said,

"Despite the repressive atmosphere dominated by my father, Dorothy was able to encourage

ambition and a passion for learning in me. I have always credited my mother with giving me the

tools and toughness to enter politics."

Mrs. Rodham was a talented mother-teacher. She used a unique method to teach her

children how to remain calm in the midst of turmoil. She took out a carpenter's tool and said,

"See this instrument? Well, imagine that it is inside of you. You must always try to keep the

bubble in the center." She tipped the tool to demonstrate how the bubble could float upwards or

downwards, and told them they always had to bring it back to the center. She called it

"emotional desensitization." The technique may have saved Hillary's sanity during the difficult

White House years. "Thank goodness for the carpenter's tool," she said. "It taught me to stay

focused while living in the White House in the eye of many a storm." But however well

"emotional desensitization" may have served her in growing up with a father who was

impossible to please and as First Lady during difficult times, it certainly is a detriment to a

successful psychoanalysis.

"My mother was a very unusual woman," Hillary continued. "I was proud of the fact that

Dorothy had a 'social consciousness at a time when few people did. She always tried to help us

understand what was fair and just. She encouraged us to speak out, and not to worry about what

other people thought, just to be ourselves."

What a great gift she gave Hillary! No wonder she was able to speak so bluntly,

whenever she chose to.

Although Hugh Rodham was a difficult father, he as well as his wife contributed to

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

Hillary's political success. Hugh Rodham was a tradesman and Dorothy Rodham just about

managed to finished high school. Together, they projected a desperate ambition to better

themselves onto their daughter. Mrs. Rodham's passion for reading shows up in her daughter,

who reads prodigiously and is extremely well read. Incredibly, Hillary has read the biographies

of every one of her 43 First Lady predecessors. She has even read the series of mystery novels

Elliott Roosevelt wrote, in which his mother Eleanor appears as an amateur sleuth.

While applying for a job as a clerk typist at a textile company in 1937, Hillary said that

her mother met traveling salesman Hugh Ellsworth Rodham, who was eight years her senior.

After a lengthy courtship, they married in early 1942. It was to be an inauspicious mating which

Dorothy regretted until Hugh's death. But she remained in it, Hillary said, as she believed that

nothing was more important for her children than to hold the marriage together.

I doubt that, but I was not about to tell Hillary. I believe that in some perverse way,

Dorothy loved her husband, just as I think that Hillary loves Bill. For sadomasochists, love is not

love without pain.

Dorothy became a full-time homemaker, raising her three children and spending her

afternoons in libraries and museums. Hillary's eyes lit up when she said, "I give my mother full

credit for encouraging a love of learning in me, a curiosity about the world around me that

Dorothy had never seen, and a tremendous will to persevere, at which she was an expert. It is

amazing that she could encourage me to love learning and to pursue an education and a career

that she herself had never had. In contrast to my father's staunch Republican views, Dorothy

was basically a Democrat, although she kept it quiet in Republican Park Ridge. In my early

years, I was a staunch Republican like my father. But I later switched parties to become an avid

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

Democrat. The change brought my mother and me closer than ever."

Mrs. Rodham insisted that Hillary stand up to bullies, a talent that stood her in good stead

during her entire political career. Dorothy pushed her children to hold their own against

persecutors, Hillary said. "Once, when I was four years old, I ran to my mother in tears after a

neighborhood girl named Suzy had bullied me. I got no sympathy from my stalwart mother, who

instead said, 'There is no room for cowards in the Rodham family. You have to face things and

show them you're not afraid. If she hits you again, my mother advised, you have my permission

to hit her back.

"She later told me," Hillary said, "that she watched from behind the curtain as I squared

my shoulders and marched across the street. I returned a few minutes later, beaming from head

to toe. I can play with boys now,' I said. 'And I can even play with Suzy.' I did. In fact, we

became good friends, and still are.'

Similarly, when she was a freshman at Wellesley College in Massachusetts, Hillary

called her mother to say that she didn't know if she had the ability to remain and compete in the

Ivy League College. Once again, Mrs. Rodham refused to allow her daughter to be a quitter.

"You can't quit," Hillary quoted her mother. 'You've got to see through what you've started.' So

I did!"

It reminds me of another one of Eleanor Roosevelt's remarks that Hillary said she

frequently thought of, "We gain strength, courage, and confidence every time we look fear in the

face. We must learn to do that which we think we cannot do."

Hillary listened to her mother, learned to look fear in the face, and grew stronger for it.

She stayed at Wellesley until she received her B.A. degree in 1969. She said, "I arrived at

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

Wellesley carrying my father's political beliefs and my mother's dreams, and left with the

beginning of my own…'

Wellesley taught her many valuable lessons from a diversity of sources. She melded

these ideas together to form her own future goals, how she planned to go about them, a strong

work ethic expanding what she had brought to Wellesley, and the confidence that she could

reach for the stars. She also left with awe-inspiring strength of character, which helped her stand

up under the vindictive, brutal attacks the Republicans aimed at her during Bill's presidency, and

the vicious democratic slings and arrows shot at her during her 2008 run for president.

"One of the things Dorothy said was that Hillary always had the capacity, the confidence

and tenacity to stare the devil down," according to Hillary's childhood friend, Ernest Ricketts.

Dorothy's dream was that Hillary would grow up to become the first woman on the Supreme

Court. She later joked that unfortunately Sandra Day O'Conner beat her to it. But I imagine

Hillary's later accomplishments made up for Dorothy's daydream that failed to come true.

What a wonderful mother Hillary had, who was as responsible as anything else for her

daughter's great success and strength of character. "Dorothy Rodham is the person who shaped

Hillary more than any other, and there is no way to know Dorothy and not see how she fashioned

her daughter," Linda Bloodworth-Thomason, a Hollywood producer and close Clinton friend,

said. A quiet woman, Dorothy Rodham was always there for Hillary and her family,

psychologically always "standing behind the curtain," quietly supporting them.

Nevertheless, much as Hillary and Dorothy loved each other, they were not close in a

way customary to many mothers and daughters. Apparently they were not confidantes, or at

least Dorothy told a reporter that she didn't discuss anything intimate with Hillary about her

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

marriage, herself, or anything personal. She said they didn't talk about deeply personal things.

It's hard to believe, but that is what Dorothy said.

P.S. I don't believe it!

Probably more correct was her statement, "Hillary was born an adult. She never seemed

to lack discipline or drive. Once she settled on a track, she stuck to it like the wheels of an

express train." If Dorothy meant that from the beginning, her daughter was conscientious,

rational, and a perfectionist, her remark makes a lot of sense.

Sometimes I question whether people really change their characters much as they mature.

I once saw a video of photos of small babies, in which their activities as infants were compared

with their adult behavior. People had no difficulty matching up the babies with their grown-up

selves. They hadn't really changed that much.

Dorothy Rodham was there for her friends, as well as her family. "She was always there

if you needed anything," according to her lifelong friend, Hazel Price. She added, "Dorothy was

present for children as well as adults, inspiring self-respect and confidence in neighborhood

youngsters as well as her own by her willingness to listen attentively to their problems and

conflicts." Apparently, she was a better listener to the neighborhood children than she was to her

adult daughter, if we can believe Dorothy's words on the subject. "The children always knew

they were welcome in Dorothy's presence," Mrs. Price said.

Hillary sank back in her chair as she mused about Mrs. Price's other memories of

Dorothy. "She was not the type to take over a party. People would come and talk to her. But

Dorothy wasn't always serious and care taking. She was a remarkable woman with a terrific

sense of humor. When we were younger, boy, could she dance! She and her husband both - they

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

were great dancers. ... She was a great personality and had a big smile." Hillary's face actually lit

up as she recalled her former neighbor's words about Dorothy, as if she couldn't get enough of

them.

Mrs. Price's sentiments about her friend were repeated by many people, including the

wife of Lackawanna County Recorder of Deeds Evie Rafalko McNulty, who Hillary said

remembers Dorothy Rodham as a kind, cordial woman, who exerted a "positive influence" on

her children and grandchildren. She was a lady who could have had access to the world through

her daughter and son-in-law, yet you would never think so to know her," Mrs. McNulty said.

"She looked like the dedicated mother and grandmother she was. She never wanted to hog the

spotlight. She just wanted to be Dorothy Rodham. That's who she was."

Like mother, like daughter, I thought. I believe that Hillary just wants to be Hillary,

wherever that may take her. But I suspect she has a different approach from her mother about

"hogging the spotlight."

The Rodhams attended the First United Methodist Church, four blocks north of their

Wisner Street home in Pine Ridge, although Hugh frequently was absent from services on

Sundays, saying that he would rather pray at home. I imagine that his praying played second

fiddle to watching the televison set. A devout Methodist, Hillary practiced what she preached.

She and her church youth group often looked after the deprived children of Mexican migrant

workers who picked crops a few blocks from her home. Hillary always found great comfort in

her religion that she has enjoyed sharing with others since she was a child. At one point when

Bill Clinton was Governor of Arkansas, she toured the state, speaking to constituents about what

it means to be a Methodist.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

The newspapers were not always impressed. One ultra-conservative newsletter called

Hillary "a radical feminist who has little use for religious values or even the traditional family

unit." I wondered where he got his "information."

At their national convention Republicans accused Mrs. Clinton of having a Svengali-like

influence over her husband to make him carry out a secret, liberal agenda. They couldn't be

more wrong. I know already that Hilary's religious beliefs helped to form her character, and are

at the core of who she is. She believes in the Methodist philosophy of setting the world to rights

through good works. She still carries her bible around with her everywhere, and constantly reads

and marks it as she goes.

Hillary Rodham followed in her mother's religious footsteps, as in many other areas. "To

come from - as Hillary used to call it - a loveless childhood, to be so loving and dedicated, it just

says what an indomitable spirit she was," former Scranton Mayor James Barrett McNulty said

about Dorothy Rodham. "Hillary possesses the same spirit - tough, tough, but at the same time

very compassionate. When you see Hillary Clinton, you see Dorothy Rodham."

"She was there as well for her granddaughter Chelsea," Hillary said proudly. "She adored

my mother, and called her every day. She said she was amazed at how much her grandmother

had overcome and how she was able to build a better life for her children despite the terrible

difficulties life put in her way. Chelsea said she would like to emulate her grandmother and do

the same for the children she hopes to have some day and the work she would like to do on

behalf of less fortunate people.

On September 19, 2011 Chelsea posted the following Facebook content;

"My parents and my grandmother inspire me every day both in my work and personal

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

life. I think about how best to live my grandmother's twin mantras that 1) "Life is not a dress

rehearsal" and 2) "Life is not about what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to

you."

"My grandmother has had a remarkable life and overcame challenges when she was a

child that I cannot even imagine,"Chelsea said. "And her determination to build a better life for

her children which taught my mother and my father how to build a better life for me is

something I feel elevated by."

In 1987, Rodham and her husband moved to Little Rock, Arkansas, to be closer to their

daughter and granddaughter. An excellent student as a youth, Mrs. Rodham finally was able to

take college courses in subjects such as psychology, logic, and child development, although she

never was graduated, as she didn't want to settle down and major in one subject. Her loving

daughter never got over the fairy tale ending of Dorothy's journey from an abandoned little girl

alone on a train to the mother of the First Lady of the United States! I absolutely agree with

Hillary. It is an incredible story. She said, "I'm amazed at how my mother emerged from her

lonely early life as such an affectionate and levelheaded woman." Dorothy Rodham never

stopped learning as long as she lived. Here, too, her daughter Hillary follows in her mother's

footsteps, and continues to expand her knowledge every day of her life.

When Hugh Rodham died in 1993, one wonders whether Dorothy missed him greatly or

found his blustering absence a relief. Probably she experienced both feelings. She remained

active to the end of her life, but valued her privacy and rarely spoke to the media, As a result,

the public knows very little about her. She made an exception when she appeared on The Oprah

Winfrey Show in 2004. In 2006, she moved into the Clintons' large Whitehaven house in the

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

Kalorama neighborhood of Washington, D.C.

In December 2007 at the age of 88 she made a rare public appearance in Iowa and other

early primary states to campaign for Hillary's presidential nomination bid. Like her daughter,

Dorothy appeared at events concerning women's issues and also in a Clinton campaign television

advertisement. A highlight of her life occurred in January 2009 when the proud mother was

present at Hillary Clinton's swearing in as U.S. Secretary of State. But most important of all,

Hillary showed her deep love for her mother and how much she considered her an integral part

of the family by having Dorothy appear with herself and Chelsea on the presidential platform

when Bill Clinton was sworn in as President of the United States.

Dorothy Rodham was ahead of her time in many ways. Unlike the mothers of Hillary's

friends, Dorothy did not stay at home housekeeping all day, but spent any extra time she could

find in libraries and museums. It has been reported that she became much closer to her

granddaughter Chelsea after her husband died in 1993, and traveled to Paris with Hillary when

the President had an official visit. It was Dorothy's first visit abroad.

"My mother loved her home and her family," Hillary said, "but she felt limited by the

small number of options open to women at the time. It is easy to forget now, when women's

choices can be overwhelming, how few there were for my mother's generation. She started

taking college courses when we were older, although she never graduated because she was too

interested in many things to settle down with one major. I never fail to be amazed at how my

mother emerged from her lonely early life as such an affectionate and levelheaded woman," she

said, shaking her head.

If it weren't Hillary Clinton sitting before me, I would swear I saw the sparkle of tears in

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

her eyes as she spoke. Hillary then described her mother as a woman with a terrific sense of

humor, who was absolutely devoted to her family, and equipped with an enormous sense of

adventure. Hillary said, "Dorothy Rodham was a warm, generous and strong woman, an

intellectual; a woman who told a great joke and always got the joke; an extraordinary friend and,

most of all, a loving wife, mother and grandmother." This time I had no doubt that there were

tears sparkling in her eyes.

Dorothy Rodham was a good woman to pick for a mother, who certainly contributed

mightily to her daughter's character and personality. Hillary said she grew up in the usual

parental household where the mother is the helper and encourager and the father supples the

money for the needs of the family. Perhaps in differing ways both parents were of equal

importance in preparing their daughter to be Secretary of State of the United States.

When Hillary finished her campaign for president during a speech at Washington's

National Building Museum in June 2008 , Dorothy watched from off stage and was seen to wipe

away a tear as her daughter conceded the nomination to Obama. Mrs. Rodham looked very

different a few weeks later, when she stood proudly by as her daughter was sworn in as Obama's

Secretary of State.

Dorothy Rodham died on November 1, 2011, at the age of 92 in Washington, D.C., with

Secretary Clinton cancelling a foreign trip she had planned to London and Istanbul to remain at

her dying mother's bedside. Mrs. Rodham passed away shortly after midnight at a Washington

hospital, surrounded by her loving family. The cause of her death is unknown, but it is believed

that she suffered from heart problems. Mrs. Rodham's death ended a long period in which

Hillary Clinton had devotedly looked after her mother. Hillary's grief at the loss of her mother

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

was so great that the workaholic Secretary of State was unable to return to her job for some time.

Hillary deeply loved her mother, who was her best friend. After Dorothy's death, life for Hillary

Clinton would never be the same. Perhaps ever afterward she was a little lonely. Nevertheless,

Dorothy Rodham lives on as the primary role model of mother, the teacher who showed her

daughter how to be a fine parent, and the activist who seeks to improve the lives of children all

over the world.

The Clinton Foundation sent this touching statement to the news media to announce the

death of Dorothy Rodham:

"Dorothy Howell Rodham was born in Chicago on June 4, 1919 and died shortly after

midnight on November 1, 2011 in Washington, D.C., surrounded by her loving family. Her story

was a quintessentially American one, largely because she wrote it herself. She overcame

abandonment and hardship as a young girl to become the remarkable woman she was — a warm,

generous and strong woman; an intellectual; a woman who told a great joke and always got the

joke; an extraordinary friend and, most of all, a loving wife, mother and grandmother.

"Dorothy is and always will be lovingly remembered by her daughter and son-in-law,

Hillary Rodham Clinton and Bill Clinton; her sons and daughters-in-law, Hugh Rodham and

Maria, Tony, and Megan Rodham; her grandchildren, Chelsea Clinton and her husband Marc

Mezvinsky, Zachary Rodham, Fiona Rodham and Simon Rodham. She leaves behind many

friends from all stages and places in her life, friends from California she met in high school,

friends from Little Rock and Washington with whom she explored the world, the people who

were first her doctors and then became her friends at George Washington Hospital, to the people

she met through her children and grandchildren who became as much her friend as theirs.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

"Her family is and will be forever grateful for the gift of Dorothy's life and for the

memories they will treasure forever."

In Carl Bernstein's biography of Secretary Clinton, A Woman In Charge, he wrote that

"the former Dorothy Howell imparted to [her] children a pervasive sense of family and love for

one another that in Hillary's case is of singular importance." Dorothy drummed into Hillary that

nobody in the Rodham family ever got divorced: She repeatedly said, 'Don't give up on Bill

Clinton. You can work it out together. You must not leave your marriage! A child must have a

father.' My mother taught me that holding the family together is the key to keeping the bubble in

the center,'. She said that if you are married for more than ten minutes, you are going to have to

forgive your mate for something, and Bill is no worse than anyone else, " Hillary said, with a far

away look in her eyes. 'I will never forget it.'

As her husband grew weaker, Dorothy even became something of a free spirit, at turns

sentimental, analytical, spiritual, and adventurous. But she never forgot her religion, and taught

classes at Sunday school (as would her daughter)."

Dorothy changed along with the times and kept growing as long as she lived. It is

interesting that her favorite movies were not those of her childhood, but The Adventures of

Priscilla, Queen of the Desert –an Australian drag queen romp, and the bloody classic, Pulp

Fiction.

"I like movies, too," Hillary said, in response to my question. So does Bill. Sometimes

we see five o'clock, seven o'clock, and nine o'clock shows all in a row. It is hard for us to get

away from the White House, so we watch them sometimes on TV. I love it when we all three sit

together and watch the movie with our feet on the fancy White House chairs and eating pop corn.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

I recently tweeted Rachel Horwitz, the senior manager of Twitter's communications team, to tell

her that I, like her, am obsessed with the upstairs-downstairs drama, Downton. Abbey ."

What do you like about it, Hillary?

She hesitated a moment before answering. "I can watch it and pretend that I, too, am the

Lady of the English mansion," she confessed. "In many ways, it is not too different from being

First Lady."

I laughed, and said, "I like Downton. Abbey, too. Hillary, I am delighted to hear that you

actually relax sometimes, like us ordinary folks.

"Oh, I do," she answered. "But my main relaxation is doing crossword puzzles. It adds to

my brain power."

Oh, I thought. I knew you wouldn't do something just the fun of it

"When I was running for president in the 2008 elections," she continued, "I told the

Washington Post that my hidden talent is solving crossword puzzles. I share my passion with

Nancy Pelosi, who said,. '..my main, absolute must-do -- I stayed up last night, started at one

o'clock, ended at two o'clock to do it -- The New York Times crossword puzzle .' That's my

real relaxation, too."

I smiled and thought, "Thank goodness for crossword puzzles!"

As Hillary continued talking about her interests, I discovered that they are broader than I

had known. In the White House, she seeks self-understanding and inspiration from New Age

feminists, therapists and theologians like Rabbi Michael Lerner, anthropologist Mary Catherine

Bateson, and psychologist Jean Houston, who said, "In our time we have come to the stage

where the real work of humanity begins." But to me the most surprising news came in a note

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

concerning Hillary's law school experience, that one of her teachers at the Yale Child Study

Center was Anna Freud! Who would have thought it? Hillary is full of surprises. But maybe I

shouldn't be so surprised. She has done a wonderful job in raising Chelsea. Perhaps she put to

use what she learned from Anna Freud in this most important area of her life.

Not everybody thinks Hillary is a wonderful human being. I suppose a psychoanalyst

should look at all sides of the picture, so here is what one Hillary-hater has to say:

Camille Paglia wrote in Slate, "It's time to put my baby-boom generation out to pasture!

We've had our day and managed to muck up a hell of a lot. It remains baffling how anyone

would think that Hillary Clinton is our party's best chance. She has more sooty baggage than a

90-car freight train.

"And what exactly has she ever accomplished — beyond bullishly covering for her

philandering husband? She's certainly busy, busy and ever on the move — with the tunnel-

vision workaholism of someone trying to blot out uncomfortable private thoughts."

I must be losing the objectivity every psychoanalyst should have about his or her

patients. Paglia's comments made me furious! How dare she say that Hillary did nothing as

Secretary of State? Because of her tenure in office, women's lives all over the globe have

changed for the better. She has actually changed the course of civilization. If Hillary is indeed a

workaholic, whatever the cause, we have all benefitted from it, including Madame Paglia. I'd

like to crack her life open and see what she has done that compares to Hillary Clinton's life

work! As far as "sooty baggage" is concerned, is Paglia's life so perfect that an investigator like

Ken Starr couldn't find something hidden in it, or in anyone else's, for that matter, even mine?

None of the charges against Hillary, such as Whitewater, ever have been proven, and we cannot

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

hold her responsible for her husband's misdeeds, which, incidentally, she handled with grace and

dignity. Only Jacqueline Kennedy, at the death of her husband, was forced to endure her sorrow

in full public display, as Hillary was.

I stood up and said, "I'm sorry, Hillary, but it's time to leave now." She looked at her

watch and said, "Already? I'm just getting into this thing. Can't I stay a little longer?"

"I'm afraid not," I answered our First Lady. "Another patient is waiting to see me."

I gather not many people say no to Hillary Clinton. She stood up with highly erect

posture, stuck out her lower lip and stalked out of the room.

Concerned that I wouldn't be able to help a person as outward oriented as Hillary, I went

to sleep that night and had a dream. The face of Carl Jung loomed large before me. Nothing else,

just his huge face with his elegant mustache filling the dream screen. When I woke up, I thought,

Jung? Why Jung? I'm not a Jungian. I never have found his work very helpful. But then you

might say I am a psychological opportunist who uses whatever any school of psychology has to

offer that I find useful in my work. Although it was the middle of the night, I set about trying to

remember what I had studied about Jung many long years ago.

The first thing that came to mind was his early work on introversion and extroversion.

Yes, yes, that must be the meaning of the dream, I thought with elation. Jung believed

there are two opposing ways of being in the world, introversion, a turning inward away from

external objects, in contrast to extroversion which is a looking away from the inner self toward

the outer world. That describes Hillary Clinton to a tee! Let me see if I can find anything he had

to say about extroversion that might be helpful in treating her.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

Regardless of the hour, I leapt out of bed and went searching for my early notes from

analytical school. They confirmed what I remembered, that the extroverted person is

characterized by an outward flowing of libido, an interest in events, people and things, relating

to and feeling dependent on them, to the detriment of knowing his or her own feelings.

I got more and more excited, as I delved further into my notes. They said the extrovert is

usually motivated by outside factors and greatly influenced by the environment, sociable and

confident in unfamiliar surroundings, likes organizations, parties, and tends to be optimistic and

enthusiastic.

Such a person also has weaknesses, of course. These include the need to make a good

impression, making and breaking relationships easily, considering reflection a morbid practice,

avoiding self-criticism, disliking being alone, and accepting the conventions and morals of the

day.

That's certainly sounds like Hillary Clinton, I thought. Jung must have met Hillary or her

twentieth century counterpart. I scrambled through the rest of my notes to see if he had any

suggestions as to how to treat such a person. I turned page after page, but to my great

disappointment, there was nothing I could find about the treatment of extroverts. Nor could I

find such instruction in any of Jung's other books, which I spent hours perusing. What good does

a description of her character do for her or me? I thought angrily. I know that already. So she is

an extravert! I am an introvert, and don't know if I have the wherewithal to analyze someone so

different from me. What should I do now? The woman is coming to me for help, unlike others of

similar diagnosis, and I don't know if there is anything I can do for her. I feel like a charlatan. .

As a matter of fact. I suspect not many extraverts come for psychoanalysis, since they avoid

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

looking inside themselves, so no analyst may have any advice on the subject. I am right back

where I started from, dream or no dream! In despair, I thought I better go back to sleep and

dream a more helpful dream.

August 28, 2013

Hillary greeted me with a pleasant smile. I was surprised she had returned at all, let alone with a

happy look on her face,. I decided to tell her my reaction. It was the first time she had shown

even a hint of a feeling, and I wanted to encourage her. So I said, You look pleased to be here,

Hillary. Are you?

"Yes," she answered. "I am."

I couldn't believe my ears. Not only was she glad to come for her session, but she even

admitted it. What do you like about coming here? I asked

"I like that you really listen to me, and don't seem to be making any judgements. I can

relax with you. Eleanor Roosevelt said you need the hide of a rhinoceros to be First Lady. I don't

always have one, even if people think I do. It is a relief to know that you will not attack me,

whatever I tell you."

Thank you, Hillary. I am delighted you feel that way, I answered. And indeed I was. I

thought, hmmmm, maybe we will get some place after all, extravert or no extravert.

"What'll we talk about today, Doc? Can we get to Monica Lewinsky yet? Everybody else

wants to." she asked.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

I thought she was teasing me and said, I'd rather you tell me more about your life first.

Her face fell and she lost her happy look, but proceeded anyway. "OK, you're the doctor.

Where shall I begin?"

You told me about your childhood and your parents, but I don't know anything about you

as a teenager.

"There's nothing to tell. I was just an ordinary girl....."

"I doubt if you were ever ordinary, Hillary. Try me and we'll see." What I really thought

was that she was afraid to open up the pain she had undoubtedly felt as an adolescent.

Once she began to talk, however, she spoke with relish. "When I think of adolescence, I|

remember school," she said. "I was always good at it from the beginning because I worked very |

hard and brought home straight As from the Eugene Field Elementary school, except for the one

B (in Phys. Ed.) I told you about. I guess I was the biggest overachiever in the class. That made

my mother happy, and even my father must have been pleased, although God Forbid he would

ever say so. I was usually the teacher's pet, which made a lot of the kids hate me, but it was

worth it. What wasn't so great is that I have always been very nearsighted, and the doctor

prescribed glasses thick as the bottoms of coke bottles for me when I was only nine years old. I

tried to perk them up by picking out red or purple frames, but it didn't help. The kids at school

teased me mercilessly and called me 'Owl face." Sometimes when I was feeling vain or had to

go to a party I left the glasses at home, and a friend would have to pull me around like a seeing

eye dog. A lot of kids thought I was being snobbish because I didn't say hello; they didn't know

that I just couldn't see them. I wore those glasses until I got my first pair of Barack when I was

thirty-three years old. I know I look better with the contacts, but would you believe that I still

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

feel like 'Owl face?' Sometimes the feeling is so strong I have to look in a mirror to check."

She looked sad. I felt her pain and said, "Hillary, no matter what you looked like as a

child, you are now a beautiful woman."

Her face lit up, and she said, "You wouldn't just say that to make me feel better, would

you, Doc? After all, you are in the shrink business and get paid to make me feel good."

No, Hillary, I answered. When you know me better you will find that I never lie. I may

not always say what's on my mind, but what I do say is always the truth. It remained to be seen

whether she believed me or not.

"Even though I couldn't see well," she continued, "I got to be a good athlete. I was

clumsy at first, but my father would take me to the schoolyard and teach me to play baseball and

football hour after hour. We would practice so much that eventually I was able to hold my own

even with the boys."

Isn't that just like Hillary? I thought. She would never be satisfied at being poor at

anything.

"I always had deep friendships with girls from the time I was in Elementary School (The

boys came after.) In the sixth grade Betsy Ebeling and I became best friends, and did everything

together, even taking piano lessons from the same teacher, after I coaxed my cheapskate father to

buy me an old upright. My classmate, Art Curtis, remembers that he and I stood outside of my

house and discussed politics. He couldn't get over that I could talk about Barry Goldwater with

him, when most of the girls he knew were only interested in clothes and boys."

In high school, Hillary said she was running affairs for her Girl Scout troop and

neighborhood carnivals. By the time she reached Maine East High School, she was active in

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

almost every extra curricular activity the school boasted, the newspaper, student government, the

Brotherhood Society, the Cultural Values Committee, the prom committee, and as a member of

the It's Academic quiz show, that competed with other schools on local TV. She also was

selected as one of the eleven National Merit Scholarship finalists.

"At the time," she said, "I wanted to be a doctor. But I gave up on that idea the first time

I fainted at the sight of blood. Then there were lots of other things I dreamed about doing during

my teen years, to try out different lifestyles and personalities before settling down into who I

wanted to be. I wanted to travel a lot - to Africa, Asia, Europe, and around the United States and

especially to visit North California, where the 'hippies' were living - to just bum around for a

while anywhere I felt like going. I also daydreamed of working in arts and crafts, being an

actress in the theatre, on television, and in the movies, and to meet all kinds of people all over

the world. I thought I would do all this the year after I graduated from college before going to

graduate school. It didn't occur to me at the time that my plans were a bit unrealistic. But isn't

that what adolescence is for - to help a youngster decide what and whom she would like to be?"

Exactly, I said. You were right on the ball there, Hillary.

She smiled. She liked it when I complimented her.

"If I were asked to describe myself as a child in one word, I would say I was ambitious,"

she said. "I remember once I was sitting in a circle on the floor with a group of girl scouts, and

the leader went around the circle and asked each of us what we wanted to be when we grew up.

All the girls said practically the same thing, that they wanted to grow up and become a wife and

mommy. When the leader came to me, she said, "And you, Hillary? Is that what you want to be

when you grow up, too?" I said thoughtfully, 'Yes, I certainly want to become a wife and

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

mother when I grow up, but that's not what I want to be."

The leader answered, with a surprised look on her face. "What do you mean, Hillary?

That seems a pretty normal ambition for a little girl to me. What do you want to be"

"I really wanted desperately to be an Olympic athlete, but I couldn't jump, I couldn't run,

I couldn't swim. So I answered, 'I want to be an astronaut And I'm going to write to NASA and

ask how I can get ready for it now.

"The girls all tittered, but that didn't bother me. I just felt sorry for them. Everyone

should have their dreams.

"I did write NASA, and was very angry when they answered, 'We are not interested in

women astronauts.' My daddy always said that girls are as good as boys, and should be able to

do anything they want to when they grow up. I believed he was right. The rejection hurt badly

for a long time. I remember tossing my braid and thinking, 'When I grow up, I'm going to see

that all women can become anything they want to be.' I'm still working at it."

When Hillary was fourteen years old, an event occurred that was to considerably narrow

her choices and change her thinking forever. Betsy's progressive grandfather took her and

Hillary to hear Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. discuss segregation in the North as well as the South.

Hillary was shocked to learn that Black children were among the poorest and most deprived in

the nation. King's lecture had a profound influence on her, as she had never known a Black

person in Fayetteville. From then on, her core conviction was that the tragedy of race relations in

America had to be changed, and she would do everything she could to improve it. Soon many of

her closest friends were black, and Marian Wright Edelman, the Children's Defense Fund

founder who hired Hillary as an intern to work to improve the fate of poor and neglected

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

children, became her professional mentor.

Although she was an advocate of Martin Luther King, Jr., Hillary still considered herself

a Republican like her father. When she was fifteen years old, she became a Goldwater Girl, who

searched out registration fraud in Chicago's minority neighborhoods. A privileged adolescent,

she was able to see first hand how multitudes of impoverished Negroes lived. The knowledge

shattered her to the core.

Hillary continued, "Although I got a lot of pleasure from social activities, my relationship

with my father was deteriorating badly. His stinginess got more and more on my nerves. For

instance, he wouldn't let me take ballroom dancing lessons, although all my friends went to

dance class every Friday night and I've always loved to dance. He said he didn't want me to

dance with boys, but I didn't believe him, as he didn't object when we spent time playing ball,

going to the movies together, or doing anything with them that didn't cost any money..

"Boys didn't find me too attractive, anyway," Hillary went on. For one thing, because of

my father's stinginess, I dressed very badly. And in addition to wearing those terrible glasses, I

had thick ankles and a womanly figure. They liked girlish-looking girls. I also had trouble with

my hair. (I still do. So what else is new?) The boys thought I was too bossy, and uninterested in

sex and called me 'Sister Frigidaire' behind my back. That really upset me." I thought of

that unkind remark when I heard Jay Leno's joke, "I'm surprised that they did a portrait of

Hillary. I thought maybe an ice sculpture would have been more appropriate." I hope she hadn't

heard the "joke," or she would have been even more disturbed.

"It troubled me," she continued, " as I hadn't developed much of a rhinoceros hide yet.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

The boys considered me a nerd. Although I was hurt at the time, I must say they were right. I'm

still a nerd, although I've learned to disguise it better," she said with a smile.

November1, 2013

"When I think about what I've told you so far about myself as a teen-ager, I sound like a

real goody-goody," she began. "Since you want to know all about me, I decided I want to tell

you that I wasn't always above reproach."

Oh, I thought. Does that mean she is human after all? I began to listened with especially

rapt attention, but wasn't prepared for the punch in the stomach I felt when she spoke.

Apparently, there are more aspects to the personality of Hillary Rodman Clinton than I dreamed

of.

"I have a confession to make to you, Doctor, if you promise never to tell Chelsea! You

know that when Bill was asked if he smoked grass he said he had, but didn't inhale it. Well, my

drug history is a lot more checkered than his. During the 60s I began to join the social taboos and

experiments that characterized the life-style of the decade. I guess I was a child of my times,

and became known as a 'hippie.'"

What? I could hardly believe my ears and tried to keep my shocked feelings from

showing on my face. Whoever would have suspected that Hillary, the good little conscience

ridden Methodist girl, had such a past?

"When I was a teenager," she said, "my rebellion took the form of drugs. I had a friend,

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

Lorraine, who took me to her house after school. She told me how her cousin Jimmy got 'high'

by schlurping cough syrup. We searched her parents' medicine chest, but none was in it. But we

did find a box of Sucrets. We each ate three. I sat down and closed my eyes for fifteen minutes

but nothing happened. I decided this is a fake, and prepared to go to the kitchen and eat a banana.

As I was getting up, the room suddenly began to spin like a merry-go-round, until I got real

dizzy and fell on the floor. Lorraine talked so fast I couldn't make out what she said. After a

while I opened my eyes and everything began to slow up, like when you turn off a record player.

Finally it stopped altogether and I was able to catch my breath. I never was so scared in all my

life. We decided to take some more the next day.

"After that we went on a Sucrets jag that lasted until the neighborhood druggist got

suspicious and refused to sell us any more. We then tried sniffing Elmer's Glue, but it paled in

comparison.

"I wanted to move to Chicago, where you can walk into any store and get all the Sucrets

you want. I wanted to go there and meet a handsome boy and take Sucrets with him. My teachers

were assigning too much homework. Sucrets helped make it tolerable.

"Despite these yearnings, I managed to stay clean for most of high school. In the fall of

my senior year, however, worn out by after-school campaigning for Barry Goldwater, I started

sniffing ditto paper to keep myself going. It started as an occasional thing, a last resort on

extremely stressful days. Then I began carrying a freshly dittoed sheet around with me, to allow

an instant fix whenever I needed it. The next step was to carry a whole sheaf of ditto papers in a

manila envelope wherever I went. I guess you could say I became hooked."

I guess you could say that, I said wryly.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

"On the Saturday before Election Day, catastrophe struck: I was caught breaking into the

principal's office to renew my supply of ditto paper. In place of calling the police, the principal,

who admired me as a leader in the student body, let me off with a strict warning and an order to

change my ways or else. It worked. Something in me was still the obedient scholar above all. I

never sniffed ditto paper again.

"Then I tried Pez for the first time with LaVerne. It taught me that I had just been fooling

around with that other stuff. LaVerne had me lie down on the couch. She pulled Mickey's head

way back and a little yellow candy came out and fell in my mouth. I said Hmmmmm, and asked

if I could have any more. LaVerne smiled and shook her head no.

"Then I went back home. Mom had made meat loaf and mashed potatoes for dinner. I

gulped it down. She was puzzled and said she'd never seen me eat so much. Afterwards I was

exhausted, and went to bed. I hardly had enough strength to say my prayers before I was out like

a light. I couldn't wait to meet LaVerne the next day.

"With a Midol-No Doz combination Wellesley girls call a Bloody Mary, I finally found

my ideal stimulant. It had all the kick of Pez but none of the morning-after effects. There was no

possibility of getting seriously hooked, as I could trip only once a month. Finding the Midol was

no problem either, as it was in every girl's medicine chest, and No-Doz could easily be gotten

from the Harvard and Amherst boys who swarmed all over the Wellesley campus every

weekend.

"Law school brought a temporary stop to my drug habit. For most of my first two years at

Yale, I abstained from drug use, except for the occasional handful of Good 'n' Plenty at an

informal gathering in someone's dormitory room. Then, in 1970, I replaced my craving for drugs

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

with an addiction to Bill Clinton.

"I quit Sweet 'n' Low cold turkey, and after a few weeks of Cremora maintenance under

medical supervision, started drinking my coffee black, which I do to the present day. Marriage to

Bill in 1975, and the obligations of a rising young lawyer and the wife of a prominent politician

sharply reduced my use of drugs. Then in late 1979, after learning of my pregnancy with

Chelsea, I completely stopped chasing after kicks, in preparation for my new role as mother." |

She sighed, and looked at me. "Well, Doctor, have I shocked you?" she asked. I smiled |

and was not about to tell her how I felt about it. Hillary is not the only one who can be a prude.

I repeated instead what a wise psychoanalyst had said, that the drug culture is a

sociological illness. Hillary found that very interesting, and said, 'So I wasn't sick; society was |

sick!' You could say that, I answered.. |

I knew too that adolescence is a time when youngsters psychologically move away from |

their parents. Apparently Hillary was so close she had to shut them out completely in order to |

individuate As a result, she apparently abandoned her internalized parents along with her actual |

ones. This left her with an inner emptiness she tried to fill with drugs. |

Then I thought of something Anna Freud once told me. She said nobody could ever tell

from observing an adolescent how he or she would turn out as an adult. Anna sure hit the nail on

the head with Hillary. She was practically a drug addict. If I had known her then, I wouldn't

have bet two cents on her recovery. And just look at her now!

November 6, 2013

"Let's talk about religion today," Hillary said at the beginning of her next session.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

From the sewer to the mountain top in one easy lesson, I thought. I actually preferred to

hear more about her drug experiences and inwardly cringed, as I, like most psychoanalysts, am

an atheist. I believe, along with Pope Francis, that it's not the belief in God that counts, but

'abiding by one's conscience, as the Pope told atheists in a letter written to the Italian newspaper

La Repubblica, in which he responded to a query about whether God forgives 'those who don't

seek the faith.' But of course I didn't tell Hillary that, and responded to her remark with, 'Of

course.'

"My whole family is very religious," she said "They walk with God, study with God, and

argue with God. As I do - most of the time. It's good they never found out about my drug

experiences. It would have killed my mother, who was so proud of my morality. She taught

Sunday school all her life, and I regularly attended bible class and belonged to the Alter Guild.

When I was around sixteen years old, a very important man came to town, the Methodist Youth

Minister, Reverend Don Jones, who remained my number one man until Bill Clinton came

along. Don was only twenty-six years old, and didn't seem that much older than me. He had just

been discharged from the Navy, and graduated from Drew University seminary. I had never met

anyone like him before. He was very handsome and dashing, as he arrived in his red Chevy

Impala convertible, and soon became a combination of glorified father, mother, brother, teacher,

mentor, shrink, and fantasied lover. He became the most influential person in my life, my

counselor who greatly enlarged my concept of religion, who taught me how to grapple with

adversity, and to save my soul by doing good works, which fit right into the philosophy of life I

had already formed. He not only advised me on how to cope, but expanded my knowledge of art,

literature, and the Gospel. One day, he brought us a copy of Picasso's Guernica, which

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

frightened me to death and belatedly opened my eyes to the grotesque horrors of war. He taught

us about Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, and Salinger, and was an all-around man who was not adverse

to playing Bob Dylan's records. It was the summer of 1961, that very exciting time when the

Freedom Rides were going on in the deep South. When Martin Luther King, Jr. came to

Chicago, Don took our group to hear him speak on 'Sleeping Through the Revolution,' which

wove God's messages with matters of conscience."

Sounds like Pope Francis, I thought.

"I still return to his teachings whenever I need to," Hillary continued. "I've been writing

to Don for over twenty years now, and he and his wife frequently visit Bill and me at the White

House."

I silently chastised myself that I had cringed inwardly when Hillary brought up the

subject of religion and was glad she had done so, as I had not known before just how central it is

to her character structure. She has prayed every night before she goes to sleep ever since she was

child, and prayer has remained an invaluable source of consolation and guidance for her.

Religion helps to make her a decent, law-abiding citizen, saw her through her drug addiction,

and serves her well. It explains the strength with which she attacks the forces she believes in, her

extraordinary self-discipline, and how she gets her self through terrible times that would sink a

weaker person. Maybe I should become a Methodist!

She spent the summer between her freshman and sophomore years working as a

researcher for an ex-Wellesley professor editing a book about the Vietnamese war, The Realities

of Vietnam.: A Ripon Society Appraisal. The Ripon Society was a liberal Republican movement

which professed to believe that "the country's future would be found not in extremism, but in

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

moderation." It is easy to see how their philosophy would have appealed even to the young

Hillary. The former professor contributed further to Hillary's education by giving her books to

read by Marshall McLuhan and Jesuit polymath Walter J. Ong, liberal Catholics who appealed to

Hillary because of their philosophical resemblance to her Wesleyan orientation. Ong wrote about

the creation of "a global village," which would make it possible to stage the kind of electronic

town meeting that Bill Clinton would later use to such profound political effect. Hillary believed

that Ong's book was one of the most significant she had ever read. I silently wondered if the

title of her book, "It Takes a Village,"was inspired by Ong's writing.

I asked Hillary about her early relationships with men and she told me of her connections

with the opposite sex during her high school years. She said that she and her friends of both

sexes usually hung out after school at a Main Street luncheonette and went to the movies

together on weekends. It was all very innocent. Not many couples "went steady," and most were

inexperienced sexually. "I didn't go in for heavy necking then," she confessed with a blush.

"Maybe because not too many boys wanted to neck with me."

"When I got to Wellesley, activities with men were pretty much those of other Ivy

League colleges," she continued, "and consisted largely of walks on the Boston Common, train

rides to Manhattan and New Haven, football games, and attending concerts and museums. We

relied mostly on weekend mixers with undergraduate men from New England Ivy League

schools, which occasionally led to more serious dating. On weekend nights, we rushed back to

our dorms to meet the 1 A. M. curfew. Men were allowed in the Wellesley dorms only on

Sundays from two to five thirty P.M. The "two feet rule" was in effect, in which two out of four

feet had to be positioned on the floor. I've always liked men," she said, looking directly into my

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

eyes. I wondered what she was trying to tell me that she wasn't saying.

"My first important boyfriend was Geoff Shields," she went on.."I met him on a double

date at a party at Harvard when I was a freshman. He whispered in my ear while we were

dancing that I was a pretty girl, a great dancer, and interesting to talk to. I was thrilled to hear it,

as I had never felt that men considered me good-looking or even interesting. I found it hard to

believe that an attractive 'older man,' who was a jock and an all-state football star, was attracted

to me. I wrote letters to him at Harvard that embarrass me now when I remember them. They

were passionate, star struck, and romantic.

"But in person we mostly talked about politics, and how to go about solving the problems

of the world. Our dates usually would begin with a party at Winthrop House, where he lived. We

would dance cheek to cheek to Elvis Presley or the Beatles, but I've always preferred to sit

around and discuss politics rather than dance at a party or go to a football game. Football bored

me. That's why I always took along a book when we went to a game, which horrified some of

the jocks. It was a time of intellectual awakening for me. We often got into heated debates about

the Vietnam war, civil rights, or racial matters. I admired that he had a Black roommate, which

was very unusual in those days. We discussed literature, politics, music, and philosophy.

Especially philosophy. I remember a hot discussion we had once on whether there is an absolute

or only a relative morality. It was good to have a male friend who could keep up with me

intellectually. Most of the boys my age couldn't have cared less.

My parents were very strict with me," she said wistfully, "and refused me permission

even to stay overnight with a girlfriend, much less travel to New York. 'It is too wild, too

dangerous!' they said. 'We can't have you running wild there!' They should have known about

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

my drug habit! But in my sophomore year, I managed to sneak out from under my parents'

wings and took off for a party weekend at Dartmouth. There I met a boy I liked and stayed

overnight at Hanover. I was so proud of myself," she said with a smile. "Monday morning I

couldn't drag myself out of bed even to go to Bible Class. Despite my strict moral Methodist

conscience, I was beginning to change!"

I grinned, and thought, "Good for you, Hillary!".

By her sophomore year, Hillary was already a leader, and attracted six classmates to

move into a gothic dorm to live with her. They took all their meals together in a stone gazebo,

and developed what would later become known as a "Sisterhood." From very early on, Hillary

wanted to know more about Negroes, and invited a black student to go to church with her. In

those days, that was a daring thing to do. But not everyone was impressed with her gesture.

Friends chided her for doing what they considered a political act, and not acting out of a wish for

integration. Hillary wasn't so sure. "I was testing myself as well as the other church goers," she

said. "In my class of more than four hundred students, only six were black, and there were no

black faculty members at all. Eventually, I was to become a political ally of the black students,

but at the time I was just a friend.

"But I was a not a part of the momentous civil rights events of my generation," she went

on. "Although I supported civil rights in my heart I did not join the sit-in kids from SNCC who

went to Selma, Alabama because I felt that what they were doing was too extreme. I worked

hard to learn all I could about blacks and issues of poverty in a cerebral rather than an

experiential manner, as that is my way of being. Because of my very real concern with race

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

relations, I was one of the first Wellesley students to enroll in an urban sociology class, which I

found completely absorbing. Race relations remain one of the great interests of my life.

"D'Amato taught me that facts are the only tools for discovering the truth, and that

subjective judgements must be ignored. It is the classic male scientific way of perceiving the

world., and makes a lot of sense to me."

Oh God! I thought, that was the last thing she needed to learn! His teaching alienated her

even further from her intuition and insights. I wasn't surprised when I read that many of her

fellow students considered Hillary to be utterly devoid of introspection, and believed that when

things went wrong she always looked elsewhere to find the reasons. As long as she could bury

her own problems in solving the difficulties of the world, she did not have to look into her inner

self. She also could be aloof and impatient, when people disagreed with her. She revealed little

of her inner life to those around her, of course. How could she, when she wasn't in touch with it

herself?

When I read the comment in some book or other (A Woman in Charge, p. 44), little did I

know this trait of Hillary's was to become the bane of my existence. How do you teach someone

who habitually runs away from pain to look inside of herself? Lord only knows. I'm sure I

don't....

There was only one problem that her way of looking at the world caused Hillary: She

wasn't always sure who she was. "I wish I could meet her sometime," she said facetiously. "I'm

sure I would like her.."

I know you would, Hillary, I said.

This characteristic didn't seem to make Hillary's classmates admire her any the less. She

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

was known to be warm, funny, and a hard worker who knew how to get things done. She was

both gracious and generous, and people liked to be around her. A natural born leader, she

unselfishly praised others and remembered details of their lives that were important to them. She

was also very direct in everything she said, a trait I admire very much. I like being around her,

too.

November 8, 2013

"Well, Doctor, what should we talk about today?" she asked.

What's on your mind, Hillary?

"Well. I'm a person who likes order in my life. I seem to be telling you my life story in

chronological order, so I guess I'll just continue that way. Is that OK with you?"

Certainly.

"OK. Where were we?"

I remained silent.

She thought a moment and said, "I was telling you about Don, but I don't believe there is

much more to say about him... I guess I'll go on to my college years. "

I nod.

"When it came time to chosing a college, I knew I wanted to go to a women's school so I

wouldn't be distracted by men. I didn't want to spend my precious learning years worrying

about whether the guy across the aisle thought I was pretty. I also thought I would like to go to

one of the Seven Sisters because they were the best place at the time for a woman to get a fine

education. I chose Wellesley."

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

What made you pick Wellesley, Hillary?

She looked pleased at my question. "Oh, a number of things. A high school teacher I

admired had gone there and highly recommended it. She said I would have more interesting

classes at Wellesley and that the girls were smarter than at the other Sisters schools. Also, I had

seen photographs of the college, and was struck with its beautiful scenery, rolling green acres,

tree-lined horse trails, and the beautiful Lake Waban, which reminded me of a cottage my

grandfather built on Lake Winola in the Pocono mountains twenty miles northwest of Scranton,

where I had spent many delightful summers. It helped that the college looked just like the one I

had pictured attending, in my daydreams. But unfortunately, I had never imagined what the other

students would be like. It soon became obvious to me that I had chosen a school full of

glamorous and sophisticated young women who wore meticulous make-up even to class and

dressed in evening gowns for weekend dances, I, who had arrived with a suitcase full of Peter

Pan blouses and pleated skirts my mother had picked out for me, along with knee-high socks and

moccasins. I was embarrassed to be seen by the other students for a while and looked down at

the ground whenever I passed by any of them, but 'times they were a-changin', and I soon found

out I could compete with them on an intellectual basis. So I stopped worrying about my clothes

and got down to work.

"Robert Reich, a friend who later became Bill's Secretary of labor, described me to a

mutual friend as wearing bell-bottomed jeans with long, ironed hair, and no make-up at all. Not

particularly flattering, but it helped that he liked me anyhow. We were reformers together, who

marched for civil rights and demanded the admission of more black students to the college. We

had high hopes of bringing the nation together, but had no idea of how naive we were.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

"It was as a freshman at Wellesley that I first experienced a depression."

My ears perked up. A depression? Why do you think you were depressed, Hillary?

"I don't know."

Could it be because you missed your family?

"I never thought of that, but I suppose it could be true. I had never been away from home

before even for a weekend. I called my mother and told her I couldn't cope with Wellesley and

wanted to come home. She said in no uncertain words that she didn't want me to be a quitter, so

I stayed. I was better for a while and made some new friends, but in my junior year it hit me

again. Even though I got all As, was dating a popular Harvard man, and had a close relationship

with a seven year old black girl I was tutoring, I often overslept, fell asleep in classes, and was

convinced that my teachers didn't think much of me."

Did you go for help for your depression?

"I corresponded with Don Jones, who remained my counselor, spiritual advisor, and

confidant. He convinced me that there would be grace in my life, and I should just carry on. He

was right. After a while I just got better."

He was a wise man, Hillary. It is good for you to remember that even the worst

depressions eventually get better.

November 11, 2013

Despite her interest in Martin Luther King, Jr. and the Freedom Riders, the 60s pretty much

passed Hillary by, except for her love affair with drugs. Although many hundreds of Yale,

Harvard, Columbia, and Vassar students participated in the rides and marches, Wellesley women

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

in general were less involved. For Hillary and other scholarly students, it was a time to listen

and learn, and to participate only politely in politics. Rather than become a member of off-

campus protest groups, she worked to keep matters under control, and steered the anti-war

movement at Wellesley and student rage at the murder of Martin Luther King, Jr. away from

waves of confrontation with the authorities and school administrators that had swept like a

tsunami over many university campuses. She became a leader in the Wellesley Young

Republicans Club, and was already elected president at the end of her freshman year.

Nevertheless, she found herself moving away from her father's beliefs and toward the liberal

wing of the party. Much to his dismay, The New York Times became her favorite newspaper. He

became more and more antagonistic toward Hillary's views on feminism, equal rights, and anti-

war convictions. When she came under the influence of John Wesley and his disciples and New

Left theoreticians such as Karl Oglesby who later became a leader in the radical Students for a

Democratic Society, Hillary found herself moving even further away from Republican views.

"I was violently opposed to the Vietnam war," she said, "and my deep interest in both

children's issues and racial inequality was already apparent as I tutored impoverished black

children.

"I even brought a black classmate to church services in town, to test myself as well as the

other churchgoers," she said. "But my father was not happy about it, and deeply regretted having

allowed me to leave home."

Hillary and her Wellesley class were responsible for more changes than any other in the

history of the college. When she arrived in 1965, no men were allowed in the dorms on week

days, and students were not permitted to drive cars on campus. Jeans and slacks were forbidden

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

in the dining room. By the time she was graduated, Wellesley seemed a different college

altogether.

"It is hard to believe that so many changes could occur in so short a time, largely as a

result of our activities" she said, with a look of wonder on her face. "Black Studies had been

added to the curriculum, and the number of Black students admitted and faculty members hired

had increased. Anti-war activities were allowed on campus, slacks and jeans were permitted,

and grades were given on a pass-fail basis. I rarely missed a committee meeting, improved the

system for returning library books, and developed an important plan to reduce the number of

courses required for graduation."

It is evident that Hillary in her late adolescence already was a great leader who, unlike

many of her cohorts, was willing to participate in the drudgery of politics, rather than merely

direct policy from on high. She was not above stuffing envelopes or pasting stamps from early

morning to late at night. According to her friends, she soon became a pace setter of unique

stature on campus, who was concerned about social matters, pleasant in appearance and

personality, who expressed herself clearly, and was a hard-working, fun-loving person who

| toiled at her studies. Her fellow students revered her. She seemed aware of it, and carried it

around as part of her identity.

What little spare time she had Hillary spent in trying to save the lives of endangered

species. "I have always been an animal activist," she said. "One day, while walking along the

polluted Lake Michigan shore, to my horror I came upon hundreds of dead fish, their dead eyes

glaring at me, as if to say, 'How can you let us just lie here exposed like this?' I frantically set

about covering them with sand, before I could continue my walk in peace.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

Her lack of introspection didn't seem to make her classmates like her any the less. She

was known to be warm, funny, and a hard worker who knew how to get things done. Gracious

and generous, people liked to be around her. A natural born leader, she unselfishly praised others

and remembered details of their lives that were important to them. She also was very direct in

everything she said, a trait I admire very much..... I like being around her, too.

While discussing her years at Wellesley, Hillary said, "The most wonderful thing that

happened to me at Wellesley is that I was asked to give the first commencement speech ever

given by a student at Wellesley. My fellow graduates and I decided that a student should speak

at our commencement in this age of student protests or none of us would attend at all. To our

surprise, President Ruth Adams agreed, as long as she knew that the speaker was to be me. She

said in her introduction to my speech that I 'was cheerful, good humored, good company, and a

good friend to all of us.' How nice to hear such things said about oneself by the president of

one's college! I thought it was a difficult description to live up to, especially the 'good humored'

part, but I would certainly try my hardest."

What was the speech? I asked, thinking it would give me some hints as to what the

twenty-one year old Hillary was like.

She answered, "I'll bring you a copy of it next session." And she did.

November 13, 2013

Hillary's address followed that of Republican Senator Edward Brook of Massachusetts,

at the time the highest ranking black politician in American history and the only non-Caucasion

member of the Senate, for whose election Hillary had campaigned hard. The courageous young

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

Hillary (the same person who at age four had stood up to the biggest bully on the block) thrust

aside her prepared speech and lit into the Senator, who had made some bland, dispassionate

remarks about empathy. He said that while he felt empathy for some of the goals of the anti-war

and civil rights protestors he disapproved of their tactics, which he called "coercive protest." He

appeared to be defending the war and Nixon's manner of prosecuting it. Hillary thought it

strange that Brook, a black man, had failed to mention the civil rights protests, or the

assassinations of Martin Luther King and Robert Kennedy, events which defined the decade.

In her graduation speech she said, "We're not in the positions yet of leadership and

power, but we do have that indispensable task of criticizing and constructive protest and I find

myself reacting just briefly to some of the things that Senator Brooke said.... Part of the problem

with empathy with professed goals is that empathy doesn't do us anything. We've had lots of

empathy; we've had lots of sympathy, but we feel that for too long our leaders have used politics

as the art of making what appears to be impossible, possible. What does it mean to hear that

13.3% of the people in this country are below the poverty line? That's a percentage. We're not

interested in social reconstruction; it's human reconstruction. How can we talk about

percentages and trends?"

She continued with what she and her classmates were like when they arrived four years

before. "The question about possible and impossible was one that we brought with us to

Wellesley four years ago. We arrived not yet knowing what was not possible. Consequently, we

expected a lot. Our attitudes are easily understood having grown up, having come to

consciousness in the first five years of this decade -- years dominated by men with dreams, men

in the civil rights movement, the Peace Corps, the space program -- so we arrived at Wellesley

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

and we found, as all of us have found, that there was a gap between expectation and

realities....What we did is often difficult for some people to understand. They ask us quite often:

'Why, if you're dissatisfied, do you stay in a place?' ...It's almost as though my mother used to

say, 'I'll always love you but there are times when I certainly won't like you.'"

She went on to discuss the changes her class had brought about at Wellesley. "Our love

for this place, this particular place, Wellesley College, coupled with our freedom from the

burden of an inauthentic reality allowed us to question basic assumptions underlying our

education. Before the days of the media orchestrated demonstrations, we had our own gathering

over in Founder's parking lot. We protested against the rigid academic distribution requirement.

We worked for a pass-fail system. We worked for a say in some of the processes of academic

decision making. And luckily we were in a place where, when we questioned the meaning of a

liberal arts education there were people with enough imagination to respond to that questioning.

So we have made progress. We have achieved some of the things that initially we saw as lacking

in that gap between expectation and reality. Our concerns were not, of course, solely academic,

as all of us know. We worried about inside Wellesley questions of admissions, the kind of

people that should be coming to Wellesley, the process for getting them here. We questioned

about what responsibility we should have both for our lives as individuals and for our lives as

members of a collective group."

I found myself thinking how admirable that students themselves could bring about so

many changes in their education. How different it was from my college days, where any

suggestions made by pupils were promptly tossed into the nearest waste basket.

Hillary, who had long been overwhelmed with feelings about the disadvantaged people

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

of the world, continued with her wishes for humanity. "Coupled with our concerns for the

Wellesley inside here in the community were our concerns for what happened beyond Hathaway

House. We wanted to know what relationship Wellesley was going to have to the outer world.....

One of the other things that we did was the Upward Bound program. There are so many other

things that we could talk about; so many attempts, at least the way we saw it, to pull ourselves

into the world outside. And I think we've succeeded. There will be an Upward Bound program,

just for one example, on the campus this summer."

The idealistic young woman went on with, "Many of the issues that I've mentioned --

those of assuming power and responsibility have been general concerns on campuses throughout

the world. But underlying those concerns there is a theme, a theme which is so trite and so old

because the words are so familiar. It talks about integrity and trust and respect. .....We are, all of

us, exploring a world that none of us even understands and attempting to create within that

uncertainty. But there are some things we feel, feelings that our prevailing, acquisitive, and

competitive corporate life, including tragically the universities, is not the way of life for us.

We're searching for more immediate, ecstatic and penetrating mode of living. And so our

questions, our questions about our institutions, about our colleges, about our churches, about our

government continue.... We have seen (them) heralded across the newspapers. Senator Brooke

has suggested some of them this morning. But along with using these words -- integrity, trust,

and respect -- in regard to institutions and leaders we're perhaps harshest with them in regard to

ourselves."

I don't know about the other students, but it was and is certainly true of Hillary.

"Every protest, every dissent, whether it's an individual academic paper, or Founder's

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

parking lot demonstration, is unabashedly an attempt to forge an identity in this particular age,"

said the still adolescent Hillary, who was much preoccupied with forming her own identity.

"That attempt at forging for many of us over the past four years has meant coming to terms with

our humanness. (I wondered if she meant that she had forgiven herself for her own

transgressions doing drugs.) Our perception of reality is that it hovers often between the

possibility of disaster and the potentiality for imaginatively responding to men's needs. There's a

very strange conservative strain that goes through a lot of New Left, collegiate protests that I

find very intriguing because it harkens back to a lot of the old virtues, to the fulfillment of

original ideas.," said Hillary, the deeply religious Methodist. "And it's also a very unique

American experience.... If the experiment in human living doesn't work in this country, in this

age, it's not going to work anywhere.

"But we also know that to be educated, the goal of it must be human liberation. A

liberation enabling each of us to fulfill our capacity so as to be free to create within and around

ourselves. To be educated to freedom must be evidenced in action, and here again is where we

ask ourselves, as we have asked our parents and our teachers, questions about integrity, trust, and

respect. Those three words mean different things to all of us. Some of the things they can mean,

for instance: Integrity, the courage to be whole, to try to mold an entire person in this particular

context, living in relation to one another in the full poetry of existence. If the only tool we have

ultimately to use is our lives, we use it in the way we can by choosing a way to live that will

demonstrate the way we feel and the way we know. ...Trust. This is one word that when I asked

the class at our rehearsal what it was they wanted me to say for them, everyone came up to me

and said 'Talk about trust, talk about the lack of trust both for us and the way we feel about

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

others....' What can you say about it? What can you say about a feeling that permeates a

generation and that perhaps is not even understood by those who are distrusted? All they can do

is keep trying again and again and again. There's that wonderful line in East Coker by Eliot

about there's only the trying, again and again and again; to win again what we've lost before."

'Ray, Hillary, I thought when I read this. That line defines the adult Hillary as well as

everything I know about her. What Hillary wants, Hillary strives for....again and again and again.

"And then respect," her paper continued. "There's that mutuality of respect between

people where you don't see people as percentage points. Where you don't manipulate people.

Where you're not interested in social engineering for people."

Wouldn't it be great to have a president who believed this? I thought.

"The struggle for an integrated life existing in an atmosphere of communal trust and

respect is one with desperately important political and social consequences. And the word

'consequences' of course catapults us into the future..... Fear is always with us but we just don't

have time for it. Not now."

She ended her speech with a wonderful poem written by Nancy Scheibner, but is so

Hillary she could have written it herself. The last verse is:

............ you and I must be free

Not to save the world in a glorious crusade

Not to kill ourselves with a nameless gnawing pain

But to practice with all the skill of our being

The art of making possible."

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

I thought it was a marvelous speech, particularly when considering that the speaker was

only twenty years old. I gave Hillary my opinion. She beamed, and said, 'I'm so happy you

think so! While my father was at the graduation, it is one of the great regrets of my life that my

mother was ill and unable to attend. I was so disappointed! After all she had done to ensure my

success at the college! In some ways, the celebration was as much hers as mine. Your pleasure in

my speech makes up a little for her absence."

I was startled. Is she developing a mother transference to me? I wondered. I had been

unaware of it. I hope so. It would take her analysis to much deeper levels.

It seems the whole world agreed with my evaluation of Hillary's speech. The editors of

Life Magazine thought it typified what was happening on campuses all over the country, and

featured it along with a photo of Hillary in her coke-bottomed glasses and striped bell-bottomed

pants. Only Hillary was unaware of how unusual her speech was. She was not sure she had done

the right thing. She wrote to Geoff Shields asking, "Did I go too far?"

When I finished reading Hillary's speech, I was overwhelmed by the depth, intensity, and

wisdom of this still adolescent youngster. At her early age, she already was a great woman. No

wonder Life Magazine featured an article about her. If I had heard the speech at the time she

gave it, I would not have been surprised if someone had predicted that one day she would be

elected our first woman president.

November 15, 2013

"Well, doctor," she began. "Can I talk about Bill yet? I'm up to where I met him in this

Billary-Hill saga."

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

I smiled. If you are ready, I answered.

"Ha! I've been ready since the minute I stepped in here. But you wouldn't let me."

I smiled again, and said, "I doubt if anybody ever let you do anything!"

"Right you are there, Doctor!" She smiled back in agreement. "OK. Here we go. But if

you have anything to say to me you'd better speak now or forever hold your peace. Because once

I start on Bill you probably won't hear anything else from me." I smiled again. I smile a lot

around Hillary.

"I was sitting in the Yale library reading Karl Oglesby's Ravens in the Storm: A Personal

History of the 1960s Anti-War Movement when I noticed that this handsome guy at the next

table who was six feet two and a half inches tall, weighed in at around 220 pounds, and looked

like a Viking with long hair and a raggedy beard, kept staring at me. I couldn't imagine why, as

it was a time in my life when I wasn't exactly a cover girl type. I was wearing bell bottoms,

glasses that looked like the bottom of coke bottles, and driving a beat-up old car with a mattress

tied to the roof. I flung my arm in front of my eyes to block out the sight of him so I could

continue reading my book without distraction. To my disgust, I wasn't able to concentrate. When

I put down my arm he was still staring. 'Since I am not able to read anyhow,' I thought, 'I better

do something about it.' So I marched over to him prepared to say, 'What are ya looking at, Bub?

Haven't you ever seen a lady before?' Instead, to my never ending amazement, I reached out my

hand, and said, 'You've been staring at me ever since I came in here. Do you want to know my

name? It is Hillary Rodham. What's yours?'

"He smiled that gorgeous smile of his, put out his hand and said, 'I'm Bill Clinton.' But

when I went to take back my hand, he wouldn't let it go, but just kept holding it and looking

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

deep into my eyes. We stood there locked together for several moments, and I felt a shiver of

fear run down my spine. Somewhere I sensed that I was hooked for life. And, indeed, from that

moment on, we were inseparable."

No wonder she isn't an intuitive person, I thought. When she does intuit something it is

so deep it scares her to death. Better not to know something than to be terrified all the time!

"I looked down at the hands that were holding mine, and it struck me that they were

beautiful." She looked straight at me and said, "You look surprised, Doctor. Why? Don't I look

like the kind of person who likes beautiful things? Bill is gorgeous and I still like to look at him.

His wrists are narrow and elegant and his long fingers as skillful as those of a surgeon or a

pianist. I love watching him turn the pages of a book, and could watch indefinitely. I had never

met anyone like him."

She was right, I was surprised. She really loves him! I thought. It is a real love affair. Too

bad most of the country thinks their relationship is a business arrangement. I regret to say that I

had thought so, too.

She continued, "This is not a guy who wastes any time! I sat down next to him without

being asked and right away he began telling me all about himself, the brilliance that had won

him a Rhodes scholarship, his loving mother, his dead father, his lonely childhood, his

ambitions, his everything. As if to warn me, he said he was going to turn down all the offers

from big law firms and return to Arkansas. He said, "I am going to be governor.' Note that he

didn't say he was going to try to be governor, but that he was going to be governor.

"Later he told me he had been watching me ever since we both were taking the same

class at law school. He said he had never seen me before and was sitting in the back of the class

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

when he first noticed me. He said, 'I was struck by your sense of strength and self-possession

that I had never seen in a woman before, and that you always knew the answers to the

professor's questions.' He said he began following me around the campus. Funny, I wasn't

aware of it until he told me...."

I blush to think that I called Hillary intuitive in regard to Bill! Compared to him, she is

less intuitive than his shadow. One look at Hillary and he immediately knew what she was. He

told her right away that he liked being around her, and that she never bored him, and said very

early on that he would like to grow old with her.

"I was bewildered," she went on. "Even at the very beginning, fantasies of marrying him

buzzed around inside my head. Me, Hillary, who is always so controlled and cerebral! In my

mind, he had already asked me to marry him and I was considering it. I realized that if I went

along with his plans, it would be like signing up with a minor league baseball team, in the hopes

of being hired by a major one. On the other hand, if I followed my own star, I would lose him. It

didn't sound very hopeful. Nevertheless, we sat there talking until the custodian had to throw us

out. I have always been ruled by my head, not my heart. But Bill Clinton is a very seductive

man. As unlikely as it seems for cool and collected me, I went back to his room with him.

Sometimes I think my parents should have tied me down with ropes."

I thought, Bill supplies the missing part in Hillary. He is all heart, while she is all head.

Together they make a complete person.

"He immediately brought joy and a sparkle into my prudish life,' she went on, as if she

had read my mind. He turned me into a passionate woman. I remained overwhelmed by

emotions I couldn't control. The essential question in my life became 'Should I chose pleasure

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

or self-control?' For the first time, my mother's carpenter tool went skidooing all over the place.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't even study. I didn't know what to do. All I was aware

of was that we fit each other like a glove on a hand. It took three months before we were able to

get out of bed.

"I decided to discuss it with someone, I , the closed mouth Hillary, who was famous for

never talking about my real self to anyone. I chose my former boyfriend, David Rupert, who was

as clear headed as anyone I knew, to ask for advice.

"'I have a problem, David,' I said. 'I'm madly in love with this guy Bill Clinton who says

he is going to be governor of Arkansas. He leaves no doubt in my mind that he will be, that's the

kind of person he is. I would like to go to Arkansas with him. But then, what about my own

ambitions? They are very important to me. I doubt if I could change the world from Arkansas.

What should I do, David?'

"He wrinkled his brow and asked only one question, 'Do you love Bill?' Without losing

a beat, I answered 'yes!' He said, 'Then go for it!' I threw my arms around him and gave him a

great big wet kiss, which already showed Bill's influence on me. David had said exactly what I

wanted to hear.

"In my third year at Yale, Bill and I moved in together. We rented a Victorian style house

with a porch surrounded by white pillars, just off the campus. But things were not as settled

between us as I originally had thought. Shortly after I moved in, it seems our positions reversed.

While I became more and more involved with Bill he became very ambivalent about our

relationship. He never lost sight of his lofty political ambitions. He said, 'I warned you from the

beginning that I have to return to Arkansas. I'm worried about being in love with you, because I

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

have to return home. That is who I am.' I was worried, too. I couldn't imagine living in

Arkansas, but I couldn't bear the idea of leaving Bill.

"Although I was scheduled to be graduated in 1972, I was so besotted with Bill that I

lived with him in New Haven for another year until he graduated. I spent the year taking courses

in child development at the Yale Child Study center. I wasn't going for another degree; I just

hung around to hang on to Bill Clinton.

November 18, 2013

"A few months before his graduation, we took a trip to Arkansas, ostensibly for him to

take the bar exam. He said I should take it too, 'just in case.' (We both passed.) Actually,

although I don't think he knew it, he took me home to meet his mother. I was weary and dirty

from the long drive, wore a babuska over my greasy hair, and had no make-up on when his

mother and I met for the first time. No greater contrast between two people can be imagined. She

was a flamboyant woman who worked hard at being glamorous. She even went to bed wearing

make-up because, as she said, it took her so long to put it on. Her eyelids were striped in three

different shades of eye shadow, and she had a silver streak dyed down the middle of her hair. To

me she looked like nothing so much as a skunk. I'll never forget the shock that came over her

face when she first saw me. By her reaction, you'd have thought her wonderful son had picked

up a homeless creature under a bridge somewhere. Maybe she thought he had. It wasn't just our

looks that were so different. She was known as a pleasure-seeking lady, in grave contrast to my

rigid personality. The reception she gave me was chilly and definitely unsouthern. I suspect she

never got over that meeting. Neither did I.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

"Bill is a great flatterer, and knows just the right words to say to make me feel good. No

wonder! He learned it as his mother's knee. The first thing she said to him every morning was,

"Nobody ever tells me how cute I am!' He would answer, 'Virginia, you just are so cute that

you are adorable!' Thus he could assure that she would be nice to him for the rest of the day.

Once he was off in the clouds somewhere and didn't give Virginia the 'right' answer. She

ignored him for hours. Little Billy was a quick learner. He never 'forgot' again. She taught him

how to flatter and praise women, a lesson he was to carry around with him for the rest of his life.

"One of my favorite stories about Bill concerns his alcoholic, abusive step father Roger,

who was very cruel to Virginia, especially when his rages were fueled by jealousy. Once when

Bill was in his early teens, he stepped into a room and saw that his step-father had thrown

Virginia on the floor and was stomping on her. Then Roger yanked off her shoe and began to

beat her ferociously with it. Bill picked him up by his neck and said, 'Stop that immediately,

you rotten drunk, you! You are never to do that again! Do you understand? If you do, you will

have me to deal with!' And that was the end of the beatings."

What a wonderful story, Hillary, I said. A teenager who stands up to his father figure has

resolved his oedipus complex and won't be afraid to compete with anybody in the world. You

could see that already when Bill as a young man did not hesitate to say that he was going to be

governor of Arkansas and then be elected President of the United States.

"Bill was the his mother's idol, the sole redeeming aspect of her life, the holy grail into

which she poured all her hopes and dreams," Hillary continued. "He also nurtured his step-father

and his brother Roger. Bill was father, brother, and son to the whole family. His mother's

adoration felt wonderful, but the burden was suffocating.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

I've heard it said that a man marries another verison of his mother. The person who said

that never met Virginia Kelley and Hillary Rodham.

November 20, 2013

Hillary came into her next session still reminiscing about her decision to marry Bill

Clinton. She said, "I was madly in love with him but still conflicted about going to Arkansas. I

couldn't decide if I should pursue my ambitions as an independent woman or take a chance that

a partnership with Bill Clinton would take me where I wanted to go. So I decided to discuss it

with my boss and mentor, Bernie Nussbaum, a man with a good legal head who was to become

Bill's close friend and cabinet member. I was hoping to get some good advice. I was only

twenty-six years old and thought I needed it. Goodness knows I didn't know what to do on my

own.

"Nonchalantly sneaking my prepared speech into our conversation, I said, 'I'd like you to

meet my boyfriend. I think you'd like him.'

"He said, 'Oh? What's his name?'

"I answered, 'Bill Clinton. I met him at Yale Law School.

"He said, 'Is he going to be one of those big shot lawyers?"

"'No, he isn't,' I said. 'He's going to be a politician. He is going to return to Arkansas

and run for congress right away.

"'Run for congress right away?' He looked at me strangely. 'Shouldn't he have a law

practice first and get some experience under his belt?'

"I ignored his question and said calmly, 'After he runs for congress, he's going to be

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

governor of Arkansas. And then he is going to be president of the United States.'

"He looked at me incredulously, as if he couldn't believe what he had just heard.

'Hillary,' he said, 'I know you are in love with the man, but don't you think you are being

unrealistic? That is absolutely the most absurd idea I've ever heard. Who becomes governor, let

alone president of the United States without any legal experience? Have you gone mad?

Hopefully, it's just that the vodka we drank has gone to your head.'

"By now I was fuming. Bernie knew me well and should have realized that I never talk

out of the side of my head, one vodka or not. I thought, 'No help here!' and ripped up my

prepared speech and threw the pieces at him. I said, 'Bernie, you are a nincompoop! How can

you possibly have an opinion about a man you've never even met?'

"I got out of the car, and slamming the door without waiting for an answer, I stalked

away. Here I had asked for advice from a so-called man of wisdom, but was given a lecture. I

was worse off than I'd been before. I decided not to consult any more 'friends.' They are of no

value to me at all. When Nancy Bekavac, an old classmate from law school, asked me when I

would know if I were going to marry Bill, I snapped, 'I'll know when I know.'"

Hillary continued musing, until it was time to leave. She got up and said only half

jokingly, "I should have known you then, Doc! You would have believed me."

I'm honored that you think so, I said. Hillary put her hand over her heart and took a little

bow.

November 22, 2013

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

She came into my office in a pensive mood, and said,. "You always seem surprised,

Doctor, that I can go on functioning as well as I do when I am constantly being attacked by the

media."

I nodded. It is a gift, Hillary. I doubt if I could do it.

:She said, "Along with my mother's carpenter tool technique, I learned how to manage

my troubles from Bill. He knows how to compartmentalize difficulties. He said his mother

taught him to brainwash his problems by locking them up in an airtight little white box. 'When

bad things happen, and they will, construct a box in your head that is strong as steel,' she told

her children. "Keep your secrets locked up inside the box and don't let anyone else open it.' I've

been doing that since I was a child, he added, or I wouldn't have been able to do as well in

school as I did when all the kids called me Fat-cat. I was real fat, slow, and couldn't hit a ball

straight if my life depended on it. The combination doesn't make for friendship among boys.' He

must have felt the way I did when the kids called me 'Owl face.' The 'little white box' still rules

him. He tells me every day that we can't let people with their own agendas rule your life or your

duties. Because they will if you let them."

I was impressed, and said, I'll have to get me a little white box, Hillary.

Despite its psychological drawbacks for the controller of the key, I thought the country

should be grateful to Virginia Kelley for Bill Clinton's little white box. Psychoanalyst or not, I

know I am. Our country wouldn't be in as good shape as it is today without the'little white box'

in Bill Clinton's head.

November 25, 2013

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

Hillary continued with her Billary saga as if no time had elapsed between sessions.

"After Bill graduated from Yale Law School he kept his promise to return to Arkansas,

and immediately got a job teaching law at a local university in Fayettesville. I missed him

terribly, and decided I didn't want to spend another night away from him. Unbeknown to

anyone, even Bill, I had quietly begun preparations to move to Arkansas months before, so I

already had a teaching job waiting for me at a law school and a place to live. I made the decision

to join him, and immediately started to pack a little suitcase.

"My friend Susan Ehrman wandered in as I was packing, and asked where I was going.

"I said, 'I'm going to Arkansas to marry Bill Clinton.'

"'Does he know it?' she asked.

"'Not yet,'" I answered.

She glanced at my overnight bag and laughed. "How are you making out with the

moving?"

"Well, I have a minor problem. I don't know how to get all my stuff like my books, the

rest of my clothes, and my bicycle, to Fayetteville."

"Are you sure that now is the right time to go?"

'No, I'm not. But I'm going anyway."

Susan answered in a serious tone, "I'm against your going, Hillary, I've told you that

many times. He is only a country lawyer in a small town. You don't belong there. You are a

brilliant woman and could have a wonderful career on your own right here."

"But Bill is there," I answered.

"I guess Susan hoped to have enough time during the ride to convince me to return to my

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

senses when she offered to drive me and my stuff to Fayetteville. Of course much as she argued,

and she is a good arguer, she couldn't persuade me to change my mind. I was not surprised.

"'You can just visit him,' she persisted, 'and then turn around and come back home with

me where you belong.'

"As I'm sure you already know, Doctor, I am not easy to persuade of anything I don't

agree with. Especially about who to marry. But Susan was a good sport about it and retained her

cool all the way down to Arkansas. But when we reached the desolate looking outskirts of the

town, she broke out in sobs."

As a feminist of another generation, I found myself sympathizing with Susan, and

thinking, If I had been there I might have done the same thing.'

"I wanted to hook on to a political man, and Bill was that man," Hillary said. "When I

arrived in Fayetteville, I knew I shouldn't live with him, because of the local mores, so I rented a

room in an old professor's house. Not that I stayed in it very much

"I frequently dropped by the campaign headquarters and was horrified by what I saw. It

was run by a bunch of school teachers who managed the campaign like a sloppy kindergarten. I

soon took over, and the mood at the headquarters immediately changed from having fun to dour

faced volunteers. They called me 'the drill Sargent,' but since when has name calling had any

effect on me? Half of them quit. 'Good,' I thought. Maybe we can replace them with a higher

quality staff!'

"Despite my arrival in town, I am sorry to have to tell you that Bill continued his daily

flings. When I protested to the campaign manager that the staff was finding women for Bill, he

answered, 'That ain't gonna change, Honey. Bill needs a different woman every day to function,

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

It has nothing to do with you, and there's nothing you kin do about it. Sometimes we usher a

dame out the back door just as you are entering the front. That's how bad it is.'

"I must say there were times, the first of many to come, when I thought I had made a

terrible mistake in coming to Arkansas. But I loved Bill desperately, and decided to hang in

there. Maybe I can change him after we are married."

Sure, I thought. And then you can buy the Brooklyn Bridge.

November 29, 2013

She opened her session with a sigh. "Well, it's time for me to get on with why I really am

here." She hesitated a moment and then went on, "Although I loved Bill madly, I hesitated a lot

over whether I should marry him. One of the reasons which you must certainly know about was

that he had (and has) a terrible reputation of being a womanizer. A so-called friend of Bill's

took me aside and said, 'Sorry to have to disillusion you, Sweetheart. but it isn't going to work,

not in a million years. You are too decent for Bill. He has to have at least one new woman every

day of his life, and will break your heart.' My eyes popped. I hadn't known it was that bad,

although many people in Fayetteville said they had seen him around town with other women

even after I arrived. Maybe I was looking at his proclivities in small doses, until I was able to see

the whole picture without breaking my heart."

Did she learn that from me, or did she intuit it herself? I wondered. Either way I was

pleased. She is getting more insight, I thought. Her treatment is proressing nicely.

"I usually tried locking up the news in my 'little white box," she continued, "but then the

next day somebody would blast it open when they said that they, too, had spotted him with

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

another woman, sometimes in an uncompromising position. Once I came across a list of his

'friends' in his desk drawer. I ripped it up into tiny shreds. Of course you could say I deserved

what I found, as I shouldn't have been snooping in the first place!"

I remained silent. I have to say I do not approve of snooping, and can be as puritanical as

Hillary when it comes down to it. But this was not the time to tell her that.

" I knew the leopard doesn't change its spots," she continued, "but the megalomaniac in

me was convinced I could change his behavior after we were married. Other times I would think

maybe it would be worthwhile to be with the man I loved all the time, even with his terrible

character flaw. After all, nobody is perfect, except for you and me, Doc," she said facetiously,

"and I'm not that sure about you. If I did decide to marry him, nobody could say that I went in

with my eyes shut."

November 27, 2013

"Well, shall I start today with the good or the bad things about my relationship with

Bill?" she began.

I remained silent. She knew by now that she should talk about whatever she wanted.

"OK, Teacher. First the good things about our relationship," she went on. "When things

were going well, we were in perfect balance, and still are. I seem to be the motor that energizes

his leadership, and he blossomed under my approval. He behaved like I was his Rock of

Gibraltar. I was his anchor; he was my sail. I was the realist, he the dreamer. I was the strategist,

he carried out my plans. I am tough and aggressive; he is gentle and wants people to love him. I

have a killer instinct, but lack his subtlety. He is slow to recognize the malevolence in people,

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

and therefore is often taken advantage of, while I see through peoples' masks right away.

Without me, he never would have become president. I am very lucky. . Bill & I started a

conversation over forty years ago and have never stopped talking. He is my best friend, and there

isn't anything that I can't tell him.

"What I've learned over the years is that there is real glory in a good marriage. The

feeling comes from knowing that no matter what trials and tribulations you have been through,

you are able to look at your mate and still love what you see. I think Bill feels the same way.

"We long ago rejected the idea that marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition. Instead Bill and

I see it as a hundred- hundred percent commitment in which both partners have to give their all

and persist through the crises and difficulties that invariably arise in any couple's lives."

Sounds good, I said. And now for the bad side of the relationship?

"We fought all the time," Hillary said. "Any time we weren't making love we were

arguing. First he and I would throw things at each other - once I threw a heavy ashtray at him

and nearly broke his skull - and then each of us would slobber all over the other. 'Oh darling, my

sweetheart, I hope I didn't hurt you. Come give me a kiss!' she said, pursing her lips. "Our

intellectual exchange was electrifying, but then it would always turn into a fight. It was

exhilarating, if exhausting, for both of us. After a few months of these 'I love you, I hate you'

tirades, Bill said he was sick and tired of it and was through with me. He told Betsy, 'I tried to

run her off, but she just wouldn't let go.' He was right about that, Ma'am. No way would ever I

let him go! I thought about him night and day, and nobody in the world mattered nearly as much

to me as Bill Clinton, fights or no fights. Our friend Max Brantley, editor of the Arkansas Times,

was asked what he thought about Bill and my relationship. 'She is out to get him, no doubt!' He

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

answered, 'But they really do care about each other. Nobody could fake the chemistry between

them in the good times - you just can't do it.' When Max was asked how I handled Bill's

promiscuity, he answered, 'Maybe he was just a good liar. Or perhaps she just kept her eyes

shut. If she could face the whole story, she might have had to drop him.'

"The fights continue to the present day," she said wearily. "I did all in my power to

change him over the years, but character is character, and I never could succeed. I guess he needs

love so badly he really can't be good. When I think of how much he needs my love, nothing else

matters."

Apparently, the topic was so intense that Hillary couldn't continue with it, and as her

wont, turned to a joke mode. "One of the more serious aspects of our marriage is that Bill

Clinton does not like chocolate,"she said with a straight face.

This time her effort at humor fell flat. Ignoring her effort to sidestep the analysis," I

asked, Why do you stay with him, Hillary?

"Because I love him and don't want to live without him." Her eyes filled with tears.

Mine did, too.

November 27, 2013

"I wanted to get married and 'suggested' it to Bill. His response wasn't much better than

my father's had been when I proposed to him when I was five. But at least Bill didn't hit me. He

only hurt my feelings.

"But since Bill wasn't too eager to get married, I thought 'I'll show him!' and decided to

play hard to get. I went on a tour to New York, Washington, Chicago, and Boston to see what

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

the large cities had available for me me that Arkansas didn't. I was offered an important job in a

gold-plated New York firm, and went back to Arkansas to think it over. Should I be a big shot in

Arkansas with the man I loved, or small potatoes in New York City?

"Bill was so upset about the possibility of my moving north that he consulted a friend,

Jim McDougal, about it. 'Jim, I need to talk to you. There's this girl I can't get out of my head.

I've never known anyone like her. I like being around her and am never bored with her. She is

brilliant, knows everything I don't, and there is nothing I can't talk with her about. The rocks in

her head fill the holes in mine. I can even picture getting old with her. Would you believe it - I'm

actually thinking of marrying her. Me, Bill Clinton, top ladies man of Arkansas.'

"Jim, who had just begun to date Susan, encouraged Bill. 'Marry the girl,' he advised.

'It's good to be married to someone different from you. It gives you a broader vision of life.'

"You wouldn't believe how I found out he wanted to marry me," Hillary said next "I had

casually admired a simple wood and glass cottage on the way to the airport. When Bill picked

me up on my return, he stopped the car at the house.

"'Why are we stopping here?' I asked.

"'You said you liked this house so I bought it,' he said. 'I even furnished it with an

antique bed and flowered sheets from Target's. You'll love it. So I guess you'll have to marry

me.'

"Bill has always had exquisite taste, much better than mine. The house was a tiny simple

jewel with a back porch overlooking the river and forest. He said, 'Can't you just picture us

growing old together and sitting here in rocking chairs overlooking the beautiful river and

forest?'

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

"I loved the house, but not enough to get married. Bill moved in himself and when the

kitchen was overrun with field mice he put out breadcrumbs for them."

November 29, 2013

"Despite Bill's buying the new house, the struggle between my head and my heart

continued. I loved Bill passionately, but my lifelong ambitions to do some good in the world

persisted. I didn't know how much good one could do in Arkansas, and I just couldn't bring

myself to take the leap.

"Circumstances came to my help. Nixon's Watergate scandal was just breaking,

to the detriment of the party's ability to find any Republican candidate likely to win an election.

Bill was considering running for the office himself. If Nixon were to be investigated by the

Judiciary Committee, impeached by the House and tried by the Senate, the process would take at

least a year. Bill would begin his term as congressman about the time Nixon's impeachment was

a faites accompli. As my stature as a lawyer was soaring, I was offered a job on the

impeachment inquiry staff. My job would be to collate procedural information about former

impeachment proceedings, something that I would be excellent at with my organizational skills.

Then Bill and I could be Washington's new hot young power couple. I liked the idea. We

decided to go for it and see what happened.

"One day, about two months after his first proposal, I looked into his beautiful eyes and

thought, 'I can't live without this man.' So in the end, like millions of women before me, I

married for love. I decided to travel the traditional path of my mother's generation, and follow

my man. I would be his partner, his manager, his advisor. I would listen to my heart.

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

"I refused an engagement ring and planned a simple home ceremony in Fayetteville

without any fanfare. No wedding invitations were sent out.

"The wedding was set for October 11, 1975, in the living room of the pretty little house

Bill had bought.

"On the eve of my wedding, my mother asked me what dress I was planning to wear at

the ceremony. 'Dress? What dress?' I answered What I would wear was irrelevant to me. I

could have worn a horse blanket, as far as I was concerned. What was important was that Bill

and I finally were getting married. My mother was horrified and rushed me down to Dillard's,

the only store in town that sold wedding gowns.. I reached onto a rack and pulled out the first

dress I saw, a Jessica McClintock Victorian lace style. Without trying it on I said, 'This will do.'

I didn't hear any complaints."

December 2, 2013

"At the age of thirty-two, " she continued, "Bill was elected governor of Arkansas, the

youngest governor in the history of the state. The constituents idolized us for bringing youth and

beauty to the governor's mansion, which, of course, I loved to hear. But my parents were not

happy about my marriage and new locale In fact, they didn't even know where Arkansas was.

They thought it was in Alaska. They would have liked me to marry some rich doctor or lawyer.

You would have thought they were Jewish." She quickly looked at me to check my reaction.

"Sorry, Doctor," she said. "I hope you're not Jewish and offended by my little joke."

I kept a straight face. After all, patients are supposed to say everything that comes into

their minds, and it was not my place to serve as her conscience. She has enough of one without

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

me adding to it.

"His mother wasn't happy about our union either," Hillary continued, "and made no bones

about it. She either complained about me or treated me like an interloper. On one of our visits,

Bill told her off. 'Look, Mom,' he said, 'I don't need to be married to a sex goddess or a beauty

contest winner. I'm a politician and in public service and need a wife like Hillary who is willing

to work alongside of me. I wish you would treat her with a little warmth and respect. You better

be happy it is Hillary,' he added, 'because it will be Hillary or nobody at all.'

All Virginia could answer was, 'I'd like to sit her down on the edge of the bathtub and

give her a few lessons on how to put on make-up. She has a pretty face, but you'd never know it

to look at her.' To my everlasting gratitude, Bill answered, 'To me she is beautiful! She has the

most beautiful eyes and the biggest heart. Diane is her middle name. It means gorgeous and

loving. The name fits her perfectly.' At least he said that's what he said.

"I was not interested in being instructed by Virginia on the bathtub or anywhere else. I

was determined to change the world and not to be a 'face girl,' who wasted time on her

appearance.

"My father wasn't much happier about Bill than Virginia was about me. When I first took

him to meet my parents at our cabin on Lake Winola, Hugh made my long-haired and bearded

boyfriend sleep out on the porch. Maybe he was afraid Bill had bedbugs. But unlike Virginia,

who never accepted her son's choice of a mate, Bill's charm eventually won my father over, as he

did everyone else.

"The wedding itself, like my wedding gown, was hastily arranged. It was short, with not a

wet eye in the house, undramatic, and as close to a non-event as I could make it. Nobody there

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

was happy except for Bill and me, and I'm not so sure about me. The climax actually happened

after the ceremony when I announced that I was not going to take my husband's last name.

Virginia threw a fit, saying, "I have never heard of such a travesty!' Then she started to cry."

Why did you want your wedding ceremony to be a non-event? I asked Hillary.

"I guess I was still ambivalent about the marriage. I thought the papers wouldn't make a

big deal about such a non-descript affair, and I could get out of the marriage easier, if I wanted to.

I needn't have given it a thought. Despite my parents' apprehensions and Virginia's scorn, we

have been married since 1975 (for 38 years!) and are still going strong."

Tell me, Hillary, if you had to do it over again, would you make the same decision?

Without missing a beat, she replied, "In a minute!"

"Shortly before I married Bill in 1975, I tried to join the Marines, probably to make a

political statement. I was rejected by the Marine recruiter on the grounds that I was 'too old,

couldn't see well enough, and was a woman. I felt just as bad as when NASA rejected my

application to be an astronaut when I was a child. Who was it who said, 'The more things change

the more they remain the same?'

September 16, 2013

"I guess I should tell you a little about the Arkansas years, since you want to know my life

story," Hillary began.

Certainly, if that's what you want to talk about...

"As you know, I am a compulsive kind of person, and I don't want to leave out anything

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

important."

I nodded, thinking I'd rather she just speak spontaneously, but that is not Hillary Clinton's

way.

"In 1978, at age thirty-two, Clinton ran for governor, winning an easy victory as he had

known he would and becoming one of the nation's youngest governors ever. The first year Bill

was governor was a special time in our lives," she continued. "I had already been recruited by

Rose, Nash, Williamson, Carroll, Clay and Giroir, the second largest law firm in Arkansas, and

was to be made a partner when I was only thirty-two years old. It was quite a triumph for a

woman, especially one so young, as the firm was known for being a corporate power and was

associated with old money. Vince Foster, an old friend of Bill's, had recruited me. We became

dear friends, although our friendship, as you probably know, was eventually to result in one of the

great tragedies of my life. But I'll tell you about that another time."

Of course, I thought nastily. You'll tell me it in chronological order.

"Prestigious as it was, I considered my position at the Rose firm merely my day job. I

worked there mainly because we needed the money, as the governor of Arkansas is paid measly

wages. There was no time until Bill was elected president that I wasn't the major bread winner in

the family. My heart, however, was with my own agenda, which, as always, was improving the

lives of women, children, and the poverty stricken. I was especially interested in the plight of

mistreated and neglected children, as I saw a connection between the abuse my mother had

suffered as a child and the horrendous things some parents were doing to their kids. I wanted to

be the voice of the children of America. By helping them, I symbolically undid Dorothy's terrible

childhood."

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

I was impressed with Hillary's insight, and thought with surprise, we really are getting

somewhere!

She went on, "I also set up a legal aid clinic at the university where Bill and I both taught,

and flew back to Washington every few weeks to attend board meetings of the Children's

Defense Fund. I also made a lot of money in the stock market, gambling a thousand dollars on

risky cattle futures, which earned me an easy $10,000 by the end of the year. Unfortunately,

although I had done nothing wrong, the deal was to come back and haunt me later on."

I must have looked at Hillary a bit skeptically, as she protested, "You probably read about

that, Doctor, but I swear to you I was strictly honest and was just lucky enough to fall into a

landfall."

I nodded. Who am I not to believe her? As far as I know, she has been strictly honest with

me.... at least so far.

"My pet project as First Lady of Arkansas was educational reform, which became the

signature accomplishment of the Clinton governorship. While teaching at the state university, I

was upset by the substandard education that was available. The students needed far better than

they were getting, if they were to make any kind of decent life for themselves.. I insisted that they

be given a greater variety of subjects, broader exposure to the arts and sciences, and many more

internships. Eventually, every single one of my recommendations was adopted. Then I launched a

summer program for gifted high school juniors, which was modeled on the University of Life

program in which I had met Martin Luther King, Jr., and was instrumental in forming my life

goals. Several students have contacted me to thank me and to tell me how much the program had

influenced their lives. It feels good. I remember thinking that if I never accomplished anything

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

else, I had earned my place on earth."

She beamed. I beamed, too, and congratulated her.

"I also was appointed by Bill to serve as chief of his health care advisory committee," she

continued. "He had run into trouble during his first term when he appointed an out of state health

commissioner who proposed that nurse-practitioners be allowed to serve as doctors in areas of the

state where there were few physicians. The state medical society got in an uproar, when they

learned that their high Medicaid profits were about to be devoured by paramedics. Bill appointed

me to solve the problem of delivering health care to the poorest counties in the state without

taking a bite out of the doctors' pockets. I used my Washington contacts (you scratch my back,

I'll scratch yours) to obtain federal money to pay for rural health care in Arkansas. It worked.

Four rural clinics immediately opened, construction began on three others, and midwives and

nurse-practitioners were permitted to practice.

"When I feel low, I think of the good things I was able to bring about for the people of

Arkansas, and I feel better."

I said, You have every right to feel proud of yourself, Hillary. I don't know anyone else

who has contributed so much at such an early age.

A look of pleasure lit up her face. Even a First Lady needs a complement now and then.

"I began to get a national reputation as a social reformer," she went on after taking a

moment to enjoy the sensation. "President Jimmy Carter heard about me and appointed me to the

Independent Legal services Corporation, a group of politically active lawyers whose job was to

distribute money to impoverished rural programs. I soon was elected to chair the board. One thing

leads to another, if you will excuse the cliché, and my appointment to deal with the impeachment

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

of our obnoxious president, Richard Nixon, came through. I won't go into it deeply, except to say

that both Bill and I loathe him. I thought he was an evil man and had no doubt that he should be

impeached. It will always be a source of pleasure to me that I managed to tie him up."

I didn't say so, but I was delighted to hear it. Besides being a psychoanalyst, I am a human

being who also happens to despise Nixon and surely can be excused for my all too human

reaction.

December 2, 2013

"As I said last time, in his first term as governor of Arkansas,' Hillary told me, 'Bill

proposed modest reforms in education and the control of pollution, but unfortunately, his biggest

initiative, a highway program, was very expensive, and made Bill extremely unpopular among

such people as truck drivers. Bill always said the program cost him the next election. As governor

he experienced several instances of pure bad luck, including rioting among Cuban refugees who

were temporarily interned by the federal government at Fort Chaffee, Arkansas. Bill also had

raised auto license fees to pay for road construction and alienated the state's powerful timber

interests. Unfortunately for us, the voters elected Frank White, a politically unknown Republican

savings and loan executive who doesn't measure up to Bill's little toe. My husband became the

youngest former governor in American history.

"Unlike his early years as governor, the two-year span between Bill's governorships was

one of the most miserable periods of our lives. When Bill is miserable, everybody is miserable,

especially me. He moans and groans and cries until I can't stand to be near him. The biggest

baby in my life is not Chelsea. I was also depressed quite apart from Bill, and decided to bow out

of his political life for a while. I withdrew into reading in bed, working out at the YWCA, and

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

blasting out in anger at whoever annoyed me, which was practically anyone around.. You haven't

seen it yet, Doctor, but when I get mad it stings, and people tell me they never get over it."

Is that a warning? I asked. If so, you don't scare me.

She smiled and continued, " To tell you the truth, I believed the fact that I refused to

change my name to Clinton annoyed many of the conservative Arkansans and was responsible for

his defeat. I still don't get why they chose to stampede me with their disgruntlement, but I

decided that much as I hated to give in to their prejudice I'd better change my name to Clinton

when Bill ran again, as I knew he certainly would. Another problem that bugged them was the

way I dressed."

I looked at her in surprise and said, You look lovely to me, Hillary.

She answered, "Thank you, but you should have seen me then! I had long stringy hair,

went without make-up, needed those glasses with bottoms thick as coke bottles, and as often as

not wore jeans and great big fisherman sweaters." Once in Bill's first term as governor, I even

went to a ball dressed that way, when all the other women were decked out in designer gowns.

Boy, did I get the dirty looks! I could practically hear them saying, 'Can you imagine, that

creature is our governor's wife!' Can you imagine not voting for a man for governor because his

wife didn't wear make-up? How shallow can you get?"

Why did you dress like that, Hillary? Surely a woman as intelligent as you could have

figured out how to dress properly.

"It has nothing to do with intelligence. You should know that, Doctor. As I told you, I

didn't want to become known as a 'face girl' who wasted her time on appearances. My name

broadcasted that I was still me. Where other women worked on changing their looks, I wanted to

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

change the world. So I deliberately dressed like a pseudo-hippie. I am me, and if people won't

accept me as I am, I don't need them.' She gave me a look that could kill, which clearly said,

'And that includes you!'

She quickly realized that I certainly accepted her for who she was, and proceeded with the

session. "I soon found that I had become the lightening rod of people's resentment of the Clinton

administration. When I was told I was an eyesore that might cost Bill the next election, I didn't

want it on my conscience and decided to do something about it. So I researched current styles at

the library, much as I do my lawyering work. And although I hate to admit it," she said almost

shyly, "I do enjoy looking nice.

"Although I secretly felt I had contributed to Bill's defeat, we lashed out at each other

continuously. I blamed him for his unfocused agenda, the increases in taxation, and giving in to

President Carter's pressure to dump the Cuban refugees in our backyard.

"Bill was bleeding from his loss. It is a mute question who was more devastated by it, he

or I. The press continued to drag us over the coals, and Bill refused to be interviewed by them. I

was worried that he was losing it. He would walk up and down the corridors of super markets,

asking the customers where he had gone wrong, and read everything he could get his hands on to

find the answer. Although close to being destroyed by his defeat, Bill eventually went to work for

a Little Rock law firm where he spent most of his time campaigning for reelection. He boyishly

admitted his mistakes as only Bill can do, so that the voters fell in love with him all over again.

How can anyone resist Bill Clinton when he turns on all his charm? Just ask me; I know! He used

TV ads brilliantly to convince people to give him another chance, in which he promised major

strides in education and avoided saying he would raise taxes. It worked. He not only won in

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

100

1982, but again in 1984, and for two four-year terms in 1986 and 1990. He kept his promises to

the best of his ability, and did a lot of good for the state. During Bill's tenure as governor, the

Arkansas Board of Education adopted rugged new accreditation standards. By this time we were

beginning to be seen together as a package deal. Our promise to improve the lives of Arkansans

did much to bring about his reelection. He strongly pushed for educational reform. My biggest job

as the wife of the governor was to head his study commission, a job I loved. One of his important

proposals called for competence tests for all teachers, a policy that succeeded in stirring up a

national furor. Our sweeping education reforms changed Arkansas schools forever, causing a

decrease in the rate of dropout and an increase in college-entrance exam test scores. I will always

be proud that I helped to raise the educational level of the people of Arkansas.

"I also helped to form policy and to review candidates for Bill's staff. Pretty soon, it became

impossible for even his staff to know which one of us had originated an idea. The 'two for the

price of one' era had begun.

"But that is not all we accomplished during Bill's tenures as governor. Our welfare

reforms pushed recipients out into the workforce after two years, rather than permitting them

indefinite welfare assistance. Bill believes in extending a 'leg up,' not carrying around an able

bodied adult on our backs forever. A man who is genuinely without racial prejudice rather than

one performing lip service to win votes, Bill, with my backing, of course, promoted affirmative

action. He appointed more African Americans to commissions, state boards, and important

agency posts than all of his predecessors combined. Bill is a highly creative man. He originated a

style of government that resembled a permanent election campaign. He advocated legislative

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101

agendas based upon public opinion polls, and then built support for our policies through sales

campaigns that used every public relations strategy available to pressure state lawmakers. I am

proud of what my husband and I accomplished for the people of Arkansas. My goal in life is to

improve the lives of humanity. Thus I can safely say that being the First Lady of Arkansas helped

me toward achieving my lifetime goal.

"But even at its best, my life with Bill Clinton wasn't all good," she observed. "All during

his first governorship, rumors reached me of Bill's dallying around with floozies. He loved being

on the road and out of my sight, where he could carry on as much as he pleased, which was

plenty, as women were drawn to him like flies to fly paper. I soon became suspicious of his every

move, and then was infuriated with him. Even though I had known what I was getting into when I

agreed to marry him, I was as hurt by each new of his women as if she were the first of the lot. I

learned to live in a state of quiet humiliation. But I loved this man child, and determined to stay

with him whatever the cost. Besides, there was always the hope that he would settle down and

realize that he loved only me. Which he does."

It was the end of the hour. As Hillary left our eyes met. She saw the look of admiration

and respect in mine, and returned it in kind. We gazed at each other for a long moment before she

turned the doorknob.

I thought, What a lucky psychoanalyst I am! Not only am I analyzing the First Lady of

the United States, but she actually is doing very well. I locked the door and strode home wearing

a smile that lit up Fifth Avenue.

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102

December 4, 2013

"After the 1980 election I first realized how weak my husband is," Hillary began. "I

discovered that this handsome, virile, brilliant man was a little boy at heart who still cries for his

mommy. Do you agree, Doctor?"

Absolutely. Jung talks about the eternal boy archetype, who is stuck at an adolescent

stage of development and greatly depends on his mother. These men are seductive toward

everyone, men as well as women. Everybody must love them, or they can't love themselves. This

eternal youth often brings about fateful crises, in which he turns to a powerful woman to rescue

him.

"Sounds like Jung knew Bill," she quipped. "Bill says himself that he was born at age

sixteen, and will always feel that is how old he is."

How old does he think you are?

"He says I was born at forty, and that's how old I will always be."

We both laughed.

She became serious. "You're the doctor," she said. Tell me what to do about my sixteen

year old husband.."

I wish I knew, Hillary. I can only suggest encouraging him to enter psychoanalysis. That

might help. But with a man like Bill, who is so successful in life despite his weaknesses, there are

no guarantees.

"Psychoanalysis, Doctor? You must be kidding. I'm lucky if I can get him to brush his

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103

teeth." She sighed. "I knew I would have to teach him how to fight, and that if I couldn't, nobody

could. He has no boundaries and is gregarious to a fault. He is too idealistic, and lacks self-

discipline (to put it mildly) and toughness. He may be ambitious, but he is very laid back. He

never could have gotten up the steam to campaign for governor if I hadn't taken control. He

needs a hard-as-nails manager. I don't have to tell you, Doctor, that I am hard where he is soft. So

in 1981 I became the back seat driver of our joint political careers.

"Bit by bit, inch by inch, I began to put Bill's shattered political career back together

again. To do so, I had to ask myself first if I were willing to put aside my own career temporarily.

I decided that yes, there were certain advantages to doing so. I have always known I am a political

leader. But I was still stinging from the viscous attacks of politicians and journalists, and I wasn't

even the one running for election! With Bill, I could live out vicariously the leadership part of my

identity without subjecting myself to the slings and arrows of nasty politicians. I thought, 'Let

Bill have the darts thrown at him for a change, and allow me to recover my self esteem in peace!'

"On February 27, 1982, I stood next to my husband as he announced his candidacy

for the 1982 gubernatorial election. After deciding that I would pull no stops on becoming Bill's

political dopplegänger, I became a changed woman. I was now Mrs. Bill Clinton. It was a

calculated change. I had my hair lightened, exchanged my coke bottle glasses for contact lens,

and wore a form-fitting silk print dress in which I tried to look like a fashion maven so the

constituents would stop bugging me about my appearance. I steeled myself never to look back.

"When a reporter asked Bill why I had to change my name, he relinquished the podium to

me and said, 'I'll let her speak for herself.'

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104

"I said, 'I didn't have to change my name. I've always been Mrs. Bill Clinton in my heart.

I only used my maiden name in my law practice. But I am planning to take a leave of absence

from my law firm, and spend all my time campaigning for Bill, so it is expedient to use his

name.'"

Have you ever regretted changing your name? I asked.

She hesitated moment and then said, "Returning Bill to office and working on education

and health care were more important to me than retaining my maiden name. It was a deal. I would

take his name in exchange for his promise to take me to the White House, where I would serve as

co-president." Tears filled her eyes. "But I must confess that sometimes when I hear the name

Mrs. Bill Clinton, I think 'Mrs. Who?' I get a little homesick for Hillary Rodham. But I suppose

she is waiting patiently inside me, and I can always pull her out if necessary. Such as if I ever get

a divorce."

Have you ever considered divorcing Bill? Nobody would blame you if you did, I asked.

"Yes, I have, many times. Whenever I feel humiliated by Bill's escapades, it helps me to

think I can always divorce him. It would serve him right. My feelings about divorce and its

effects on children, however, are like my mother's. She felt, and I agree, that it is necessary to put

the interests of the entire family before that of one person."

Hillary got up to leave, and then turned her head over her shoulder and added, "Then too I

realize how much I love him, and that I need him as much as he needs me, and I vow to put up

with his idiosyncracies and stick it out a little longer."

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

105

I nodded compassionately, and watched her walk dejectedly out the door.

Poor woman, I thought. First Lady or not, I wouldn't trade places with her for all the tea

in England.

September 23, 2013

"I want to talk today about the balance of power between Bill and me," she began.

I looked up with interest and said, Of course. To tell the truth, I had been getting a bit

bored with the story of the Clintons' Arkansas adventures, and welcomed the idea of Hilary

talking more about their relationship.

"1982 marked the beginning of the Rodham regency. If you will excuse my lack of

humility, I really ran the government in Arkansas, feeling much as a European regency does when

a sovereign is too young to rule. There wasn't a single major political decision Bill made without

consulting me. After all, didn't we say (along with Jung) that Bill was the eternal boy archetype,

who is stuck at an adolescent stage of development and greatly depends on his mother? In this

case, the mother was me.

"I sat in on all of his strategy sessions; I was the major breadwinner; I campaigned for

him; I gave him many of his best ideas. I kept him on the straight and narrow (as much as one

could say that he kept to it); I cleaned up his messes, which easily could have knocked him out of

office. I acted as his conscience. It was as if I perched on his shoulder like Jiminy Cricket,

keeping him on the path he had promised his constituents. There were lots of times he would have

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106

preferred to go home and read a book or watch a football game but I always had a list of things

that needed to be done. Sometimes he would protest and say, 'Why can't you just be a nice little

wifey and let me alone?' But he always gave in and did what I thought he should, because that is

what he really needed to become Bill Clinton. .

"Most important of all, I gave him a perfect child. But I will have to devote many later

sessions to talking about Chelsea, the love of my life.

"I must confess that some of my absolute power over Bill was based on his sense of guilt

about his philandering. He knew I could leave him at any moment if his womanizing upset me

enough, and that he couldn't function without me, so he gave me any job I wanted in his

government to keep me happy. It was a kind of a bargain: he kept his women and I held the reins

in our relationship. Not the best situation for a happy marriage, but for us it seemed to work.

She looked suspiciously into my eyes. "You disapprove, Doctor," she said angrily. "It is

written all over you."

I was devastated that my feelings showed so blatantly and tried to rescue the situation. I

am not here to judge you, Hillary, I said, but to help you understand yourself.

That seemed to sooth her enough for her to continue her saga.

December 4, 2013

"I mentioned last time the balance of power between Bill and me," Hillary began. "It goes

up and down like a see-saw. The downside happened after Bill's victory in 1986, which changed

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107

the relationship between us. The legislature had passed a four-year term of office for future

governors, so that Bill would not have to run again until 1990. He was carried away with himself

as only Bill Clinton can be. He had defeated his rival, was now serving a four year term of office,

earning a decent salary for the first time, and acting like the Pharaoh of Egypt. He no longer felt

he needed me to rescue him, and made it clear that I was not welcome any longer at his strategy

meetings, so I stopped attending them. The power I had enjoyed during the Rodham Regency had

drizzled away. I was very depressed. But Bill still needed my financial help, as I was earning

$175,000 in 1991 at the law firm, in contrast to his annual salary of $35,000. I also kept up my

self esteem by chairing the Children's Defense Fund and serving on the board of a dozen

organizations for social justice and education. Although my spirits were low for a while, I knew

Bill, and that if I waited patiently, the time would come when he would desperately need my

services again.

"That happened sooner than I expected. After his triumph in the fall of 1986, Bill began

to think seriously about running for President. I have dreamed of being First Lady ever since I

was a little girl and in spite of my anger at his treatment of me, decided to throw my whole weight

behind getting us to the White House. I was thrilled when my old friend and professor Don Jones

introduced me to his class as"'the future First Lady of the United States, because her husband will

soon be running for president" It was the first time I had been introduced in this manner in

public, and it intensified my desire to the point where I decided to work night and day to put us

there.

"I flew into New York to visit my old friend on the Watergate Committee, Bernie

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108

Nussbaumm to talk to him about it,. 'Don't commit yourself to any other candidate for president,

Bernie, as Bill may run.' He laughed and said, 'Hillary, we had this conversation twelve years

ago, and I told you then that Bill was too young to be president. He is only forty-seven years old

now, and that still is true.' I smiled knowingly and answered, 'Laugh all you please, Bernie. But

he who laughs last laughs best."

December 6, 2013

"Bill had called a press conference to announce his plans to run for president. Everything

was set for a private luncheon on noon of July 15 in the Excelsior Hotel ballroom. But go figure

my husband! You never can tell what he will come up with next. Reporters were waiting for

confirmation that Bill was intending to run, but the soup got cold as he kept everyone waiting.

Finally he came into the ballroom and said with a grimace, 'I'm not running!' Everyone was

shocked. He mumbled something about the conflict between his head and his heart, 'My head

wants to run but my heart tells me the time is not right.' What could possibly have happened for

Bill to change his mind at the last minute about something he had wanted all his life? It was a

mystery to everyone, especially me.

"I spoke to Betsy Wright the next day, and she clarified the issue. She had compiled a list

of over one hundred women with whom Bill had sex. They discussed each woman, how many

times they'd had sex, where they were now, and how likely they were to talk about the affairs.

When they finished, Betsy told Bill that he absolutely could not run for president, that he would

destroy himself if his sordid record became public. At first Bill resisted. He protested that not

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many people knew about his affairs, and he wanted to proceed as planned.

"Betsy screamed, 'If you don't care about himself, it would demolish Hilary. And what

about Chelsea? Did you want to ruin your relationship with her forever?' According to Betsy,

Bill sulked, and then promised her that he would drop his plans to run for president. He discussed

the situation with his friend, Carl Wagner, who echoed Betsy's thinking. 'Walk up the steps to

your daughter's bedroom, Bill. Look at that sweet innocent face and ask yourself if that is what

you want to do to her.'

"Apparently Betsy and Carl convinced him. Bill stepped to the podium and announced, 'If

anybody had told me five years ago that I would turn down the chance to run for president, I

would have said they were crazy. But our daughter Chelsea is seven years old, and the most

important person in the world to Hillary and me. If I were running for president, Hillary and I

both would have to be on the road for long stretches of time, leaving Chelsea at home with hired

help. This would not be good for her or us. I am sorry to disappoint this wonderful crowd who

turned out for my announcement, but I hope I will have another opportunity to run for president at

a time when I can be faithful to my family, my state, and my responsibilities.'

" I was shocked, furious, and devastated. Tears surged down my face faster than I could

mop them up. In fact there wasn't a dry eye in the house, including Bill's.

"That night as we lay in bed back to back, we both sobbed aloud, doubting that our shared

lifelong dream - to occupy the White House - would ever come to pass."

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December 6, 2013

"After Bill punctured our mutual dream, we both believed that he was going nowhere, and

were deeply depressed. I felt I was even losing my identity as First Lady of Arkansas.

Fortunately, not everybody agreed with me. A few months back, for instance, I was browsing

through a museum in Washington. There I was, thinking that if I didn't know who I was, no one

else would either, and I could fade anonymously into the works of art. Suddenly, a woman came

up to me and said, 'You sure look like Hillary Clinton.'

"So I'm told," I answered.

"Bored and restless, brooding night and day about his lost dreams, Bill practically ignored

his governorship. He sought escape in the arms of willing women who for a little while made him

feel important again. As a result, his marital indiscretions became more frequent and obvious. I

tried to ignore the rumors, knowing I was his true love, and thinking at my better moments that at

this low point in our lives anything that alleviated his misery was fair game. His sources were

cosmopolitanecumenical and included a former Miss Arkansas and Miss America, a childhood

friend, a municipal judge, a beautiful black TV anchor, the wife of a prominent judge, a staff

member of Bill's office, and even a woman who sold cosmetics at a Little Rock department store.

It didn't seem to matter to him what class the woman came from, as long as she had open arms

and open legs. Most important of his paramours, Gennifer Flowers surfaced at this time, seeking

fame by claiming that she had carried on a longtime affair with the governor. She ended up on a

list of his alleged lovers in a 1990 lawsuit intended to remove Bill from the presidential race.

Betsy Wright came to Bill's rescue and had Flowers run out of town. She smugly refused to tell

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us what method she had used, but it was enough to know that it had worked, although the name of

Gennifer Flowers sullied Bill's reputation for many years to come..

"Difficult as it was for me to tolerate his philandering, worse was yet to come. I had

always known that Bill loved only me, and that his series of mostly one-night stands was

emotionally meaningless to him. Then he had an affair that was different from all the others and

literally shattered my soul: Bill fell in love with another woman."

Hillary lifted her hand to her brow as if she felt feverish.. She looked at her hand and

wiped theseemed surprised to find there was no sweat off on her pants.it.

She shook her head in despair and continued. "She was a tall, slim, blonde divorcée of

about my age named Marilyn Jo Denton Jenkins, who had the seductive voice of a small town

Southern woman. I first observed her turning up at all Bill's receptions and fund raisers, and

wondered for a while what she was doing there. Knowing Bill's habits, that wasn't too difficult to

figure out. I was able to obtain Bill's phone records, and there were an incredible number made

daily to the same unlisted number. What hurt me the most was that on the same day he had made

one brief three minute call to me, he had spoken with Marilyn at 1 am for a full ninety-four

minutes! He told Danny Ferguson, a trusted state trooper, 'It's tough to be in love with both your

mate and another woman.' Maybe it was tough for Bill, but I assure you it wasn't nearly as tough

for him as it was for me.

"I asked Danny what he thought her attraction was for Bill. The trooper answered without

missing a beat. 'Everybody always wants something from Bill. Then he dared to add, 'You asked

me, so I'll tell you. Even you want something from him: you want him to be president. Marilyn

apparently wants nothing but his company. Bill seems to glory in being loved for nothing but

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what he is.'

"Just what I needed to hear, that it was my fault that Bill loved another woman! I was so

depressed I went to bed for a week.

"Bill is a narcissistic man, and rarely lavishes his love upon me. He really is emotionally

unavailable most of the time, and lives on campaign flattery and casual affairs. When I become

furious with him, as with the Jenkins affair, he shows me some physical warmth and intimacy. At

such times, he also awards me political gains, usually giving me any job I want. I have what I

consider an unusual ability: I know how to separate the personal from long term goals. I am able

to get mad at him and then sort that through in a matter of hours. I invariably end by realizing

that I love him in spite of his behavior and don't want to live without him. I am always conscious

of our future together, and how I need him to get where I want to go. I could offer Bill what no

other woman could; I could neutralize the transgressions that had kept him from running for

president. But the one thing I would not condone was that Bill maintain an meaningful ongoing

relationship with another woman. I told him he would have to give up Marilyn and realize how

desperately he needed me, or I would leavedivorce him. If he agreed, we could rededicate

ourselves to the marriage and to capturing the presidency. Otherwise I would file for a divorce.

Bill consented to my terms and promised to work on straightening himself out. We made a

commitment to work on our relationship and save our marriage.

"And that was the end of Marilyn Jo Denton Jenkins - to the best of my knowledge,

anyway."

December 9, 2013

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"When Bill won his sixth term as governor I had mixed feelings. I was sick and tired of

being an Arkansan, and yearned for bigger things for us. I was sitting next to Skip Rutherford, a

political junkie like me, and watching Chelsea cover third base., when he said, 'I think George

Bush is going to be reelected, despite the economic problems the country is going through. He

can't lose.'

"'Oh?' I said. 'I'm not so sure.'

"I was sure, but I wasn't about to tell Skip what I was sure about.

"In May, 1991, Bill delivered perhaps the most important speech of his life. He was the

keynoter at the DLC national convention in Cleveland. He and I had worked all night on laying

out the plans that would become the distinguishing characteristics of the new Democratic party.

We were bound together again by what we both love most - the wish to change the world for the

better. We are the only people in the world who can bring that out in each other. Before speaking,

Bill wrote down three words on a small piece of paper, Opportunity, responsibility, community,

and proceeded spontaneously to deliver a passionate speech to a thunderously applauding

audience. Nobody can orate as well as Bill when he speaks from the heart. They ate it up.

"Bill was talking to his friend Max Brantley when he asked if Bill was going to run for

president. Bill answered, "Hillary wants me to run.' 'Well,' Max said, "I guess that means you

will run.' Bill smiled and didn't deny it.

"As I said, I was sick and tired of being a governor's wife, and needed something bigger.

I wanted to make my platform national. I was sitting up in bed early one morning and looking aa

t Bill, who was still snoring away. I nudged him and said, 'You have to do it.'

He yawned and said, 'Do what? You mean run for president? Hillary, do you know how

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tough that will be?'

"'I know,' I said. "'I'm ready. Let's go for it.'"

December 9, 2013

"But there still was the matter of Bill's infidelities to take care of before we could

proceed. Unfortunately, Gennifer Flowers had seized that moment to accept $100,000 from the

Star tabloid to tell her disgusting tale of what she said was her twelve year affair with Bill. The

headline screamed out, 'They made love all over her apartment!' She spoke about Bill as being a

wildly successful lover but not especially well endowed. I felt as though I had been punched in

the stomach, but decided it would be better not to come to Bill's defense. There was no Betsy

Wright this time to tar and feather Flowers and chase her out of town.

"Bill and I talked it over and decided that the best thing would be for him to confess

publically that there had been some infidelities in his past, and that he regretted it very deeply.

We felt this would serve as a kind of public immunization.

"My close friend, New York lawyer Susan Thomases, flew in to advise Bill not to deny

having had an affair with Flowers. Polls showed that nineteen percent of voters would have

reservations about voting for a man who had been unfaithful in his marriage, but that those

numbers would considerably lessen if his wife accepted him in spite of his indiscretions. Who

better than Bill's poised, brilliant, blond Wellesley graduate wife to act the role?

"On a TV interview on 60 Minutes Bill said, 'I acknowledge that I have done wrong and

have caused pain to my wife. I deeply regret my actions, and sincerely apologize to her and

promise it will never happen again. ...Like nearly every couple who has been together twenty

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years, our relationship has not been perfect or free of difficulties., but we feel good about where

we are and we believe in our obligation to each other, and we intend to be together thirty or forty

years from now, whether I run for president or not.' It was a great performance! Bill missed his

calling. He should have been an actor.

"Then the interviewer asked for specific details of his affairs. I quickly jumped in and

said, 'He doesn't have to be more specific. I don't believe that being more detailedspecific about

what's happened in the past in the privacy of our life together is relevant to anyone but us.'

"Betsy Wright gave me a score of one hundred for my remarks, and said I had shown that

I was not a victim of Bill's behavior, and as a result we would be able to move on."

Hillary smiled, and said, "I have to tell you, Doctor, that I was pretty proud of myself, too.

Even though my heart was breaking, I was able to do the right thing and make it possible for Bill

to become president of the United States. There are many ways for a woman to show love for her

mate. One will slave over a hot stove to cook his favorite dishes, another go out with him until

late at night when her aching bones are crying out, 'I just want to go to bed,' and a third will give

parties for his colleagues when she hates to entertain. My way of showing my love for Bill is to

stand behind him unconditionally even when I disapprove of his actions, to help bring about what

we both want more than anything in the world. As my mother used to say when we misbehaved, I

say to my child husband, 'I don't like what you are doing, but I will always love you anyhow.'

And I, what did I think about Hillary's philosophy of love? Most of my colleagues would

call her an enabler, that by seemingly condoning his behavior, she was giving him permission to

continue it. I couldn't predict how I would feel about it in the future, but at that moment I could

only look at her with admiration, and think that Bill Clinton was indeed a lucky man.

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December 11, 2013

Hillary's pleasure in her part in putting the matter of Bill's infidelities to rest didn't last

long. She opened her next session with, "Do you know this quote of Shakespeare, Doctor? 'When

trouble comes, they come not in single spies but in battalions.' Well, it certainly describes the life

of the Clintons."

I said, Oh? I'm sorry to hear it, Hillary. What happened?

"We no sooner had put the matter of Bill's infidelities to rest (for the time being, anyway)

than The New York Times began to pick on me. They questioned my ethics in my role with the

Rose law firm by representing clients who had dealings with the state. The reporter, Jeff Gerth,

also doubted whether Bill and I had the right to do business with Jim and Susan McDougal,

whose savings and loan was regulated by the state. Our partnership with the McDougals involved

the Whitewater real estate investment, and opened up a whole new can of worms you probably

have read about. As you know, I am a very private person, whose integrity is very important to

me. From early childhood on, I have thought of myself as a virtuous person, who is morally

beyond reproach. I can think of no greater insult than to have it questioned. My very character

was under attack by a Washington society that seemed totally bereft of anything decent or

principled.

"I believed that the clients I chose to represent and what I did with my investments is

nobody's business but my own, so I refused to answer Gerth's questions. Well, you would have

thought I had dumped a bucket of shit over his head, by the torrents of rage against me that were

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carried all over the world! They said that I was arrogant and thought of myself as beyond the

sphere of any questioning. The gist of the furor was that if I had nothing to hide I would have

answered Jeff's questions, instead of adopting what was become known as the 'Fuck you, Jeff

Gerth strategy.'

"It was speculated by the White House appointee Lanny Davis that the whole chain of

events that led to the Whitewater investigation, that led to the appointment of special prosecutor

Ken Starr, which led to the investigation of Monica Lewinsky and finally to Bill's impeachment

can be traced back to Jeff Gerth's article in The New York Times."

"Wouldn't you know," she sobbed, "that I would be blamed for Bill's impeachment? He

took his fun whenever he felt like it and I always rescued him, and yet I am the one blamed for

the whole mess! Most people in this town have no pain threshold. No one can say that about

Hillary Clinton, although most people don't believe it. They call me ruthless, and have no idea of

the sleepless nights I toss in pain. It hurts, even though I am a public figure, which in the United

States means anybody can say anything they want about you. People don't realize that even

public figures have feelings. I ask you, Doctor, is that fair? I repeat, Is it fair?"

I felt sorry for this illustrious woman, who has been treated so vengefully by both the

Republicans and the press. I said, I agree with you, Hillary. President Kennedy described it well

when he said life is not fair. It is rare to find anyone in this life who has gotten what he or she

deserves.

She looked at me inquisitively and asked, "Not even you, Doctor?"

I smiled. Not even I, Hillary. She grinned and wiped away her tears.

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December 11, 2013

"Things picked up a bit after awhile, as they usually do" she began. "It's a good thing they

did, or I don't know where I'd be today. The voters of New Hampshire were touched by Bill's

confession and forgave his indiscretions and apparently even my zest for privacy, and in the end

we triumphed. He fought his opponents to a tie in Colorado, and moved on to decisive victories

in South Carolina, Illinois, and Michigan. Unfortunately, the Texas businessman Ross Perot threw

his hat into the ring, and shoved Bill down to third place, after Bush and Perot. But New York

newspapers like The New York Times, the Post, and Daily News picked up the slack when they

enthusiastically endorsed Bill, and he easily finished in first place in New York. (I do love that

state!) He further secured his nomination by winning New Jersey, New Mexico, Montana, and

even California, where he defeated the popular Jerry Brown in his own state.

"With this deluge of victories behind him, Bill and I exulted in a moment of triumph in

Madison Square Garden, when his name was placed in nomination by top Democrat Mario

Cuomo. Bill gave a very touching acceptance speech, in which he focused on 'the forgotten

middle class, those who do the work and pay their taxes so that their children can enjoy a better

life.' Tears streamed down my face as he spoke of the night Chelsea was born. He said, 'I was

overcome by the thought that God had given me a blessing my own father never knew: the chance

to hold my child in my arms. Somewhere at this very moment, a child is being born in America.

Let it be our cause to give that child a happy home, a healthy family, and a hopeful future.'

Nobody can be as moving as Bill when he speaks so passionately. His speech brought down the

house, with applause that thundered on for an hour. No one clapped longer or harder than I,

overflowing as I was with love for my husband, the president to-be of the United States."

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December 13, 2013

"In the electoral college, it was Clinton, Clinton, Clinton all the way!' Hillary said

exuberantly. Bill had won with 362 to 168 votes, with 32 states in his column. Despite the awful

setbacks of early in the year, the Clintons had prevailed again.

"Tom Brockaw set the tone for the Clinton presidency on NBC news when he asked me

what I thought Bill and I would do the first morning when we awakened in the White House. I

said, "We'll pull the blankets over our heads.' I had the right idea.

"Sure enough, what ever goes smoothly with the Bill Clintons? We found ourselves knee

deep in problems almost from the moment we set foot through the front door of the White House.

The first problem was that we couldn't seem to settle on who would be the director of the

transition team. Mickey Kantor, a dear friend of Bill's and his campaign chair, seemed the logical

choice. I disagreed, because I felt he was taking over too much. I had a fit, and yelled, 'Stop that,

Mickey! You are not to push Bill into doing what you want!' Exhausted from the last days of the

campaign, Bill did nothing to thwart my wishes. Disappointed, Mickey flew back to California,

his tail between his legs. Then Bill appointed Warren Christopher, a nice guy who would go to

any length to keep the peace. But keeping the peace was not what was required. We had a keeper

of the peace in the person of Bill Clinton. What we needed was a firm, tenacious person who was

not afraid to make decisions. The choice was between a tough guy who could bark orders and a

system in which everybody could speak his or her piece. We made the wrong decision. As a

result, the administration became a bloody mess, which Stephen Hess of the Brookings Institute

called 'the worst presidential transition in modern history.' The problem was, Who was going to

run the presidency? Of course Bill was the one who had been elected, but he had promised me

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that we would be co-presidents, 'two for the price of one.' This didn't sit very well with Al Gore,

the vice-president, to whom Bill had also promised a leading role. So here we had three people

competing for authority, with no one in charge. Confusion was the order of the day.

Unfortunately, it seems that I was at the center of the controversy. I was not about to yield the

power I had been promised. I thought for a while of becoming chief of staff myself. Dick Morris,

Bill's advisor, who was to become counsel to the president, vetoed the idea, saying that the chief

of staff served as the lightening rod for all the president's unpopular decisions. On thinking it

over, I decided that was one job I definitely did not want!

'What about me being attorney general or secretary of education?' I asked. Again Morris

demurred because he said it would be nepotism and not reflect well on Bill's presidency.'

"How come Bobby Kennedy served successfully as his brother's attorney general? I

asked.

He answered, 'Times have changed.'

He suggested instead that I take charge of a major domestic issue such as health care,

seeing as I had handled education so well in Arkansas. His proposal was in line with my major

interest in children and family and felt right to me. I would be the leader of a social change

comparable to social security and Medicare that would transform the nation. That suited me fine.

"But there was trouble with Al Gore. Bill had promised him that he would play a decisive

role in government and be his ultimate confident, with whom he would consult before making any

important decision. There was only one problem with this: That position was already filled. By

me. Al and I jousted with each other for power all through Bill's presidencies, albeit in a

superficially polite way. I insisted on having office space in the West Wing, the first wife of a

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president to occupy an office at the center of power, but that upset Al and cut short his space.

Neither of us was willing to give in, partially because of the symbolism of which one was given a

larger area and whose office was closer to the president. I also wanted to be in the West Wing

because I am an ardent feminist. Having an office side by side with the top leaders of the country

says a lot about the relative status of men versus women. I was acting out in the White House the

drama of what was going on in offices and homes all over America, and I hoped to set an example

to women everywhere. Despite my excellent reasons, Al was not impressed, and we kept on

tussling with each other as long as Bill was president. A strong chief of staff would have resolved

the issue for once and for all. But seeing that there was no strong chief of staff, no resolution was

to be found there. Or anywhere else, for that matter.

"The absence of a strong chief of staff was a recipe for chaos and turned out to be the

worst mistake of Bill's preinaugural period. Confusion was everywhere, and no one seemed to

know what he or she was supposed to be doing. Not Bill. Not I. And certainly not Al Gore.!

December 16, 2013

Hillary continued with the difficulties incurred in the White House. "The problems didn't

end there. Unfortunately, everything that possibly could go wrong did, from the moment I tried

to bring about some order into the chaos, from that created by the hostility of the press at being

barred from the press secretary's office, ongoing problems in the Justice Department, to failed

cabinet appointments, to the controversial executive order to permit gays to serve in the military,

to a disorderly staff. Nobody was in charge. There was no focus, order, or discipline in the new

presidential administration. As one observer said, most members of the Clinton team felt as if

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they were starting their presidency amid a howling gale. I was one of those members..

"I tried to take charge, to bring about some order. Not everybody was happy about it. Carl

Bernstein, for example, commented that 'After less than two weeks in the White House, Hillary

had assumed her command as America's first warrior First Lady.'

"Now I ask you again, Doctor, was that fair? Here the White House was a raging mess,

and I, as the only one who tried to bring some order to the administration, was criticized as

'America's first warrior First Lady.' How unfair can a person be? Two weeks as First Lady and I

was ready to resign!

"Speaking of criticism, some idiot called me 'the Lady Macbeth of the White House.'

Katy Couric asked me, 'Do you go around the White House saying, Out damn spot?' I answered,

'Only when I want to wash something.'

"One good thing happened amid the chaos, however, or at least so it seemed to me at the

time. Bill appointed me as chair of his task force on health care. As you know, I have always

been interested in expanding health care to include the poor and downtrodden women and

children of our country. Vice-president Gore had told Bill that he wanted to head the task force,

but I objected to his appointment, thinking that he certainly would try to hog the entire agenda. Of

course, Bill stood by me. Yah yah, Al Gore!

"I don't mean to imply that nothing else good happened during that first year. There were

other important triumphs we experienced. The president signed the Family Medical Leave Act,

which allowed employees to be given up to three weeks of unpaid leave to handle family

emergencies. He immediately overturned Regan and Bush's twelve years of prohibiting

government support for programs that disseminated information on birth control or the

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termination of a pregnancy. Can you believe in this day and age that two U.S. presidents were so

reactionary? How conservative can you get? I am still puzzled that so many American women

couldn't see past their noses and voted for those two regressive 'gentlemen.' Couldn't they see

that the so-called 'gentlemen' didn't give a tinker's damn about them or their rights, but were

only interested in promoting their own power? Unlike his forebears, Bill, who really cares about

people, sanctioned fetal tissue research on Parkinson's disease and Alzheimer's, as well as

diabetes and leukemia. He will save many lives in the future, maybe even yours and mine. I don't

know about mine, but saving yours will be a gift to the future."

Needless to say, I was touched. Hillary's compliments are few and far between.

"Despite the stalemate with Republicans on most issues," she continued without seeming

to notice my reaction, "Bill Bill succeeded on two other major projects. Since 1985, when he was

governor, he had advocated a major overhaul of the welfare system to encourage work, and in his

1992 campaign, he had promised to 'end welfare as we know it.' When Congress approved a

harsher version of his proposal in 1996, he signed it into law over the objections of many in his

own administration and in Congress. Bill had vetoed two earlier measures that were even

grimmer. The law limited lifetime welfare benefits to five years and required adult recipients to

work after two years on welfare. In 1997, Bill worked out a compromise budget package with

Congress that included tax and spending cuts aimed at improving the budget. The legislation also

began a new children's health insurance program that expanded Medicaid coverage to millions of

children from low- and middle-income families. I was so proud of him. That was the man I

married! He also signed into law bipartisan measures to combat terrorism, including more funds

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to fight it and making it easier to deport foreigners suspected of being terrorists.

"I rejoiced that, whatever his flaws, and we know he has plenty, at last we hadve a

president and a First Lady who genuinely cared about the people of ourtheir country."

I feel the same way.

December 16, 2013

"On March 19, 1993, a terrible thing happened," Hillary said, with deep sadness in her

voice. "My father had a stroke. I took Chelsea out of school and flew immediately to his bedside.

He was 82 years old, and had been in deteriorating health for some time, and had even undergone

a coronary bypass and been confined to a wheelchair. Even so, I was not ready for him to go, and

was carried away with grief. I sat beside my dying father and was overcome with feelings about

him and our life together. Grief for him changed me. It has made me a different person."

You are wise to know that, Hillary, I said.

"I was used to feeling only love and admiration for my father, but rarely had thought

about his tyrannical side and how it had shaped my character. Who would have thought that I

would began to remember unpleasant incidents about him at his deathbed, such as when he made

us search for toothpaste tops in the snow and ice, and that he would never say, 'Well done,

Hillary,' no matter how hard I had worked and how well I had done. I remembered that the

White House staff didn't like him, and considered him rude and nasty. Some of that staff have

called me a tyrant, too. I don't think I am, but am just a person who tries in every way to get the

best results from them. But I can see that I sometimes come across as a despot, and if I am we

know where I get it from. I realized then that my mother's willingness to tolerate her husband's

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abuse has shaped my entire approach to marriage and to life itself. My father's death indeed has

changed me. I began to question the very meaning of life and of death. When does life begin?

When does it end? Or does it? I turned to my religion for answers and realizeddecided there were

more important things in life than the search for power. I knew then that I wanted to teach people

about the common ground we all share, people who now saw themselves as mortal enemies. It

took the death of my father to teach me the truth. I talked to my followers about 'the spiritual

vacuum at the heart of American society, this tumor of the soul.'"

Being a psychoanalyst isn't always easy. Even at such a terrible time, I had to remember

that I was Hillary's analyst, and that noble and praiseworthy as her sentiments were, she was

projecting her own feelings of inner emptiness when she spoke of 'the spiritual vacuum at the

heart of American society.' I promised myself I would do everything I could to help her

overcome them.

"While I was in the hospital," she continued, "I I suddenly found myself in the role of a

family member of a catastrophically ill person, who faced incredible costs, incomprehensible

insurance rules, and confusing forms, all of this while I was so overcome with grief I was unable

to think. I talked to other patients and their family members and to hospital personnel. I was told

again and again by doctors that many of their patients couldn't afford to pay for necessary

medication, and often skipped doses to make their prescriptions last longer. All this reinforced my

ideas of how important it was to reform health care.

"In the meantime my health care task force was at a standstill. After a two-and-a half

week absence, I decided I would have to return to Washington for a short while. Unfortunately,

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my father chose just that time to die. Despite the long hours I had spent with him, I was not able

to be at his side at his deathbed. True to his character to the end, Hugh Rodham was never able to

give me his final blessing or to tell me he loved me. Nor was I able to tell him how much I loved

him and of the hurt he had caused me.

"My father is dead," she said between sobs. "Despot or not, I loved him and miss him

terribly. I wasn't able to return to work for weeks. I mourn him to the botttom of my soulbeing.

Don't you be like everybody else and tell me I will get over it," she said, looking at me hostilely.

"Because I never will. I will never be the same again."

Analyst or not, I went over to her and took her in my arms. She cried against my shoulder

for the rest of the hour.

December 18, 2013

"Remember Shakespeare's quote, 'When trouble comes, they come not in single spies but

in battalions'?" she began. "Well, the brutal truth of his statement became apparent to me again.

For the second time in a few months my heart was broken. My dear friend, Vincent Foster, killed

himself. He and I were soul matessoulmates, and experienced a deep friendship when we worked

together at the Rose law firm. He was Bill's childhood friend, and my best friend at Rose's. We

spoke together for long hours, ate lunches with each other, and giggled about vicious gossip.

Knowing Vince made working at Rose's fun, and compensated for some of Bill's deficiencies.

There was talk, of course, that we were lovers, but that wasn't true: We were just good friends.

Vince came to the White House as deputy counsel to the president as well as our personal lawyer,

and mopped up a lot of our personal messes, which I won't go into fully now. It is enough to say

HILLARY CLINTON: ON THE COUCH

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that when I worked at Rose I wasn't supposed to take on clients who did business with the state. I

regret to say that I sometimes forgot this rule. But Vince's new position caused an awful shift in

our relationship. From being close personal friends, we became boss and employee, with me

barking out orders in my habitual manner like, 'Take care of it, Vince!' Our friendly meetings,

lunches, and gab sessions ended. Sometimes he was a counselor, sometimes a fixer, but we no

longer were intimates. Vince was a bit slow about following my orders, which made me angry. I

am not happy when things don't go the way I want them to. For instance, I gave him the job of

erasing my name from all references to the firing of travel office personnel, called Travelgate by

the obnoxious press. I didn't feel guilty about it, but thought that erasing my name might save us

trouble later. I was so right! He did it, but had compunctions about my actions. He just wasn't

able to get things done as fast as I wanted, and he knew that I wasn't happy about it. He

considered quitting the job, but was too proud to allow himself to fail at anything. We were both

heartbroken about the situation. He did all he could for me as First Lady, but it became

impossible for him to be my real friend anymore.

"One terrible day when I was visiting my mother, Vince went to work as usual. He left

in the early afternoon, telling his office personnel that he would be back soon. He drove to a

park in Virginia, took out a gun, and shot himself right between the eyes. When I heard the sad

news, I fainted from the shock, and blamed myself that I had not seen it coming and done

something to stop it. Bill and I mourned Vince together, and Bill did his best to convince me

that it was not my fault, and that given Vince's fragility, there was nothing I or anybody else

could have done to prevent the tragedy. I don't believe it. I think Vince killed himself because

he thought I didn't care about him anymore. Nobody will ever persuade me otherwise.

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"A few days later we found a suicide note Vince had left. It said, 'I made mistakes from

inexperience, ignorance, and overwork. The Wall Street Journal editors lie without

consequence. I was not meant for the job in the spotlight of public life in Washington. Here

ruining people is considered a sport. The public will never believe the innocence of the Clintons

and their loyal staff."

"Tell me, Doctor. How do you get over the suicide of a close friend, especially when you

think it is your fault?" The tears rolled out of her eyes and down her cheeks. "The pain is

unbearable," she said through sobs. "The image of that metal gun shooting a bullet straight

through his head won't go out of my head. It stays in a picture right between my eyes and drives

me wild. I see it as clearly as if I had been at the shooting and it makes me feel as if I myself had

pulled the trigger. Why won't it go away and leave me in peace? Didn't Vincehe realize how

much his killing himself would hurt me? Why didn't I call him that morning? Why didn't he

call me? Why didn't I realize how desperate he was? Why did I tease him, like when I said,

'Keep on moving at a glacial pace, Vince! You know how much that thrills me!' Didn't he know

I was only kidding? Why? Why? Why?" Her voice slowly trailed away until I could barely hear

her.

What could I say that could possibly help? All my years of study and practice couldn't

prepare me to answer that simple question. Drowning in feelings of inadequacy, I responded

much as anyone else might have.

I'm so very sorry, Hillary. I know how awful you feel. But I don't believe you or

anyone else is to blame. Vince was a sick man, a weak man, who couldn't pull himself together

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enough to realize that even the darkest of times will pass. That is why he killed himself.

She nodded, and continued sobbing.

There is another matter you should know, Hillary. Like you, I will quote your friend,

William Shakespeare, who said, "With old woes new, wail my dear time's waste." He meant

that every new loss brings back all the old ones. So with each loss, you are grieving for all

previous losses, as well as the fresh one. You recently lost your father. You are crying for him,

too, as much as for Vince.

She nodded again, and suddenly energy seemed to flow back into her voice. She said,

"You are right! I wondered why I keep superimposing my father's face upon Vince's in that

image that won't go away.!

"Thank you, Doctor. You have helped me when I didn't think anyone could." She dried

her eyes, arose from her chair with dignity and crossed to the entrance. She hesitated at the

threshold for a moment and then turned her head and said warmly, "Thank you again, Doctor. I

am glad I come hereknow you."

Hillary's grief awakened my "old woes' as well as hers, and tears dampened my face as I

wept for my son, my husband, and my parents. Unfortunately, I had only ten minutes to get

myself together before the next patient was due. It helped to staunch my tears when I realized

what a long way Hillary has come. It is real progress when a woman who kept her feelings in a

locked box her whole life becomes able to mourn so deeply.

The doorbell rang. I was almost ready.

December 20, 2013

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Hillary came into her next session looking rather blue. Freud said that people come into

their post-week-end sessions with a 'week-end crust.' It seems that is precisely what Hillary had

developed.

"Because of our difficulties with the press," she said, "from the beginning of Bill's

presidency we felt alienated from the elite of Washington which mainly revolved around the

Washington Post. They just don't like me at the paper. Nobody in Washington seems to like me.

I guess I'm not a very likeable person," she said sadly.

I like you, Hillary, I said.

She smiled wryly and said, "Well, that makes one person, anyway!" She continued, "To

make matters worse, the White House staff, including the cooks, ushers, servants, and even the

Secret Service took a disliking to us. It all began the day after the inauguration, with breakfast

served at 5:30 AM! Two Secret Service teams had to be on duty early in the morning, in case

Bill wanted to go out jogging. Since he also liked to play cards and talk late into the night, that

meant longer hours for the staff, who resented it. You have to remember they were used to staid

old couples who kept normal hours. You can imagine how unpleasant it is to be around people

who snarl at you all the time. So I remedied the situation by hiring mainly Arkansans.

Nowhere was the strain in the relationship between us and Washingtonians greater than

in 'Travelgate.' That staff consisted of people who had made all the arrangements for trips,

flights, and hotel accommodations for the press corps for years when the president had to travel.

It all began when our close friends Harry and Linda Thomason told me that they thought the

travel office showed 'gross financial mismanagement.' Thomason even had a replacement team

headed by a cousin of Bill's all ready to step in.

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"Deputy White House Counsel Vince Foster became worried about the firings we were

about to do and ordered the KPMG Peat Marwick review. They discovered that the agency kept

an off-book ledger, had $18,000 of unaccounted-for checks, and kept chaotic office records.

I saw the unexpalainable expenditures of cash by the staff as an excellent opportunity to get rid

of workers who were inefficient, if not actually dishonest. In May, 1993, we fired all seven

employees of the travel office. I was so angry with them that I made the mistake of not giving

them a hearing or a chance to defend themselves. It set off a clamor in the media that has not

subsided to this day. The story was picked up by the press, and centered not on the irregularities

of the office, as it should have, but on what they called our 'management style.' It was only the

first major ethics controversy to confront the victimized Clinton administration.

Further inquiries by the FBI and the Department of Justice, the White House itself, the

General Accounting Office, the House Government Reform and Oversight Committee, and the

Whitewater Independent Counsel all took place over the next few years. At one time there were

thirty-nine investigations going on at the same time. It felt like the Spanish Inquisition. You can

imagine how this locked me into a state of tension, and kept Bill and me at each other's throats

for years, each blaming the other for getting us into the mess. Travel Office Director Billy Dale

was charged with embezzlement but found not guilty in 1995. I wonder who he paid off. In

1998, Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr exonerated my husband of any involvement in the

matter, so we could breathe a little easier. To my fury, heavy media attention forced us to

reinstate most of the employees into other jobs and to remove Clinton personnel from the travel

positions. I still think I was right to fire them, but it certainly did not make me Miss Popularity

of Washington, D.C.!"

132

"Around that time, to add to our difficulties, Davis Maraniss's book, First in His Class,

was published and exposed over the whole earth the problems Bill's indiscretions had caused in

our marriage. I was in a rage, mostly at my 'friends' Betsey Wright and Dick Morris, who had

divulged the details of our marriage with Maraniss. I was so upset that I turned my 'frigidaire'

qualities on with Bill and refused to talk with him for weeks, and made him sleep downstairs on

the couch. Instead of holding hands like lovers and hugging all the time, I tried to avoid Bill

whenever I could, even to leaving a room if he came into it. I didn't want to be anywhere near

him or have anything to do with him. Even Chelsea was mad at her father, for the first time in

her life. I wanted to wring Bill's neck, but thought I had better desist. Bthought I had better

desist. Besides being my husband, he was my president.

Except for the one comment I had made early in the session, I had said practically

nothing during the hour. I felt Hillary just needed to vent. She apparently didn't seem to notice

my silence, and left seemingly in a better mood.

December 23, 2013

Hillary's problems continued to magnifygrow. "To my despair," she began, "The

Vince Foster suicide quickly became a political time bomb. The media continually speculated

about conspiracy theories, treason, and even death plots. It never seemed to occur to any of them

that sometimes life is just so hard that a person doesn't want to live.... I feel that way too

sometimes, when the whole world gangs up on me."

I looked at her in alarm.

"Don't worry, Doctor," she said. "It is only a thought. I wouldn't do that to Chelsea."

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I believed her and was greatly relieved.

"Six days after Vince's death," she continued, "a suicide note was found by White House

employees." Hillary looted around in the bottom of her purse and pulled out a scrap off paper,

which she then read aloud.

"'I made mistakes from ignorance, inexperience, and overwork,' Hillary read. 'The Wall

Street Journal editors lie without consequence...I was not made for the job in the spotlight of

public life, in Washington. Here ruining people is considered sport...The public will never

believe in the innocence of the Clintons and their loyal staff.' It reminds me of something

George Orewell wrote, '"Then the lie passed into history and became the truth.'(-George Orwell,

1984)

"Vince got it right," she said sadly, wiping away a tear. "Life in Washington is one big

fox hunt. And I am the number one fox. At a time when the whole country should have mourned

the loss of an important public servant as they did JFK, people actually believed the Clintons had

planned the tragedy as part of our effort to become dictators of the United States. Are they

kidding? Compassionate warm-hearted Bill a dictator! He can't dictate a letter without my

editing it. How unrealistic can you get? But people still believe it.

"Bill and I endured torturous verbal abuse for months that even Nixon hadn't suffered. It

got so bad we had to push each other out of bed in the morning. But as most things do, the

uproar gradually subsided to the point where life could resemble normal White House living, if

there is such a thing. Bill's domestic agenda was doing well, our poll numbers had risen, and it

began to look as if we would be able to rescue the presidency from the vicious onslaught of the

media.

134

"I will tell you just a little of what we accomplished in those early years, as I imagine

much of it will be familiar to you. Bill passed a law that required companies with more than fifty

workers to give them up to twelve weeks of unpaid leave every year to cope with family

problems, as he understood how important it was that I could stay home for four months when

Chelsea was born. He established a national service program called Americorps, which enrolls

adults in intensive community service to help others and meet critical needs in the community.

Bill has a big heart, and establishing Americorps is just another proof of it.

"He also knows how to think in terms of huge amounts of money, even though he never

has been able to balance our checkbook. Money means practically nothing to Bill. He doesn't

mind having it, and isn't adverse to my making it (the only time I wasn't employed since I was

thirteen were the eight years we spent at the White House), but is happy as long as he has enough

to buy books, go to the movies, go out to dinner when he wants to, and travel. I, on the other

hand, am like my father, and feel more secure when our bank account is full. But I learned early

in our marriage that if we were to have any bank account at all, I'd have to be the one to fill its

coffers.

"Under Bush's last fiscal year, the national debt had reached $290 billion dollars. Bill

reduced government spending over five years by $255 billion and increased taxes on high

incomes by $241 billion. He also expanded the earned Income Tax Credit, which provided extra

income for millions of families earning less than $30,0000 a year. Under his supervision, the

deficit decreased sharply over the next two years and completely disappeared in 1998. Bill had

succeeded in balancing the budget for the first time since 1969!

"As far as foreign affairs are concerned, Bill tried to arrange peace between religious and

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ethic rivals in the Middle East and in Northern Ireland. His interventions ended religious strife in

Northern Ireland, and brought about an agreement between Israel and Jordan to end their

perpetual sate of war. When the Mexican peso collapsed in 1995, threatening the failure of

Mexican economy, Bill devised a $20 billion loan package to restore world confidence in

Mexico, which they paid off three years ahead of schedule. The whole world is better off

because Bill became president of the United States.

"His major interest in foreign policy was not military intervention, for which the people

of the United states should be grateful, but in strategic improvements in trade and the economy.

He also completed negotiations of the North American Free Trade Agreement, which reduced

tariffs and created work on a comprehensive world trade agreement called the General

Agreement on Tariffs and Trade. In my opinion, prejudiced as it may be and angry as he makes

me at times, Bill Clinton is one of the greatest presidents ever to grace the Oval Office

"As you know, Bill was among Arkansas's most productive governors and with my help

brought about extensive reforms in public education. His long tenure ended with a prolonged

period of job creation and economic growth. As president he succeeded in improving the

economic well-being of low-income working families by $20 billion a year, supplying health

insurance for their children, providing refundable tax credits for work and college expenses.

Bill's presidency marked the longest period of sustained economic growth in the nation's

history, including four consecutive years of federal budget surpluses. He was president at the

peak of U.S. supremacy in the world, which was no coincidence, and can be excused if he

enjoyed personally basking in unprecedented global admiration.

"The country has never had it so good as during Bill Clinton's presidency. But what do

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citizens of the United States think about when his name is mentioned? They think 'Monica

Lewinsky!'

"How shallow the people of this country are! The French find our attitude toward the

whole Lewinsky mess infantile. I must say that miserable as his philandering has made me at

times, in my heart I agree with them. Psychologists tell us that fifty percent of the men in the

United States commit adultery. Fifty percent! That means one man out of every two. Yet people

behave as if Bill were Jack the Ripper!

Whatever his childish proclivities, Bill Clinton was a great president. People don't know

when they are well off. What a pity the presidents who have come after him have not followed in

his footsteps. If they had, our country wouldn't be in the mess it is in today."

Even I, who always admired Clinton, had not realized he had accomplished so much in

his presidency. I told Hillary this, and said, 'You must be very proud of him.'

She beamed. "Oh but I am! I have always known he had it in him to be a great president.

That is the main reason I married him. But I am afraid it will take a hundred years before the

people in the United States catch up with my opinion of him."

I could only agree with her, and hope that her estimate of time was exaggerated.

"Well, Doctor," she said as she arose from the couch. "I guess it's time to get off the

soapbox!"

December 18, 2013

"Despite Bill's good work and the greatly improved state of the country, we were

continually bombarded by accusations of wrongdoing throughout his presidency. What is the

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matter with people?" she said, raising her voice. "Why wouldn't they let us alone? I will never

understand it, although my hunch is that the Republicans knew he was doing a wonderful job

and wanted to tear him down before the next election.

"Do you know bob Dylan's song, 'Stoned?

Well, they'll stone ya when you're trying to be so good

They'll stone ya just a-like they said they would

They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to go home

Then they'll stone ya when you're there all alone

But I would not feel so all alone

Everybody must get stoned

" Dylan must have been listening in at the White House. And like him, Bill and I felt all

alone. After the Republicans gained control of the House of Representatives and the Senate in the

1994 elections, they appointed congressional committees to conduct seemingly endless

investigations on misconduct in the White House. Accusations included that a White House aid

had improperly raised funds privately while he ran Bill's wonderful agency, AmeriCor; that Bill's

first Secretary of Agriculture had accepted gifts from companies regulated by his department; that

the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development had lied to Congress about the size of payments

he made to his mistress (What business is it of theirs how much he gave his mistress?); his

Secretary of Commerce had engaged in illegal financial deals; Bill's interior secretary had lied to

Congress about his role in granting a license to a gambling casino, and that our Secretary of Labor

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had taken part in an influence-peddling scheme while he was an aide in the White House.

Interesting that none of the investigations came up with any evidence of illegal activities, of

course. Why are they wasting the taxpayers' money? I suspect the Republicans responsible for the

investigations didn't even believe the allegations themselves, but were merely trying to annoy Bill

to prevent him from implementing other benefits that would promote the well-being of the people

of the United States."

Hillary had raised her voice until I was afraid people in the corridor would hear her, and

was happy the double doors to my office kept out (and in) most of the noise.

"Didn't they have anything better to do?" she shrieked. "Instead of attending to the affairs

of the country, those sons of bitches wasted their time and the government's money in hounding

us!"

Tired by her outburst, Hillary arose to leave. Her parting words were said in a more gentle

voice, "Considering what Bill accomplished under all that stress, think what he would have done

under ordinary circumstances. His face would have been carved on Mount Rushmore by now."

December 27, 2013

"But the congressional battle that still makes me wantsick in to vomithe stomach

was over national health insurance," she continued in her next session. "As you know, Bill

appointed me chairperson of the task force to study health insurance and to recommend a plan that

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would guarantee coverage for everyone. Under our proposal people would join an alliance in each

state to contract with insurance companies who would offer insurance to members.

"I worked night and day along with a task force of five hundred members to prepare the

best possible health plan to cover everyone in the United States at a price all could afford. We

finally worked out a platform that pleased me. In fact I was ecstatic about it. But my rapture didn't

last very long. It took only one year for me to go from euphoria to defeat.

"Did Congress pass our health plan? Is the Pope Jewish?

"Democrats had been trying for generations to pass such a law, as many impoverished

people are uninsured and cannot afford to take proper care of their health, some even losing their

lives because of it. But by putting his personal stamp on the reform of health care, Bill gave the

Republicans the incentive to defeat it and humiliate him rather than agree on a compromise. Of

course, it wasn'twas not only our plan that was defeated. Every other health care reform proposal--

the Cooper, Moynihan, Mitchell, Chafee, Cooper and Grandy, and other predominant group plans,

to mention only a few–also were killed off in Congress.

"Instead of being concerned about the health of millions of Americans, the opposition

focused on what those in good health care might lose. The insurance companies objected to our

plan and each generation of Republicans fight the passing of national health insurance more

viscously than those preceding them. I can only say that the Republicans are a bunch of

psychopaths who couldn't care less about the welfare of others.

140

"I am heartbroken that all our hard work and good intentions are lost to posterity. Even

today, the Democrats are proposing health care for all that the Republicans are still fighting. I

badly wanted Bill's presidency to be remembered for what we did for our people, but what would

have been our greatest contribution was flushed down the sewer. In my opinion the failure of our

proposed health care reform will go down in history as the greatest lost political opportunity of the

century. It is a story of unaccepted compromises, deals never completed, and members of both

parties failing to back proposals that they themselves had co-sponsored."

Did you learn anything about health reform from the fiasco? I asked.

She responded thoughtfully. "I can see now that my task force made the mistake of trying

to do too much at one time and of taking too long. As a result, we ended up with nothing. If I had

to do it over again, we would have taken on less and perhaps even compromised with the

Republicans. As President Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, a politician must learn to

compromise. I have never learned how to do that, to my own detriment and that of the country. If

I had to do it now I would compromise. The danger of doing nothing is greater than the risk in

compromising. On the political agenda, it is unfortunate that health care had to give way to other

priorities. During the transition period and his first year in office, the battle of the budget

threatened Bill's presidency, and he had no choice but to focus on it

"The task force and I were thrilled when Bill threatened congress with a veto of anything

but universal coverage. But like others in favor of reform, we failed to recognize that by doing so

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we risked losing everything. We naively assumed that changes for the better couldn't lose. To my

regret we learned that strategy and speed do matter in politics. On the positive side, I can see that

changing times will always bring new possibilities, and we can always hope for the best.

Nevertheless, I suspect that health care will remain at the nigardly heart of politics for a long time.

"The failure of our health care proposal is probably the worst defeat of my life, even worse

than my loss of the presidential nomination, and hurt millions of Americans along with me. I will

never get over it." She added in an icy voice, "I promise you, Doctor, that someday I will make

them pay!"

Hillary is a powerful person who says what she thinks. Her vow frightened me. I was afraid

to ask what revenge she had in mind.

December 30, 2013

"I told you about the terribly distressing investigations that hounded us all during

Bill's presidencies,' she began. "The most troublesome one was a real estate deal we innocently

undertook in 1978, while he was attorney general of Arkansas. The investigation became known as

'Whitewater,' after the name of the land development company, Whitewater Development

Corporation, which we had formed with James D. and Susan McDougal of Little Rock. I can't

think of the name without shuddering. We four had purchased 230 acres of wilderness near the

White River and Crooked Creek in Marion County and had lost money when they were unable to

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develop and sell the lots. Although we failed to make any money at all, they persisted in accusing

us of benefitting from the operations of a Little Rock savings and loan association that McDougal

had formed in the 1980s, which eventually went bankrupt. Can you believe it? We were found

innocent, as usual, but counsel kept right on prosecuting us! Pulling scabs off old wounds, they

expanded the investigation to look into Vince Foster's suicide as well as the firing of the White

House travel staff.

"Yielding to Republican criticism, Bill asked Attorney General Janet Reno in 1994 to

appoint an independent counsel on Whitewater. Her appointee, a Republican lawyer named Robert

B. Fiske, was removed by a panel of Washington judges and replaced with the devil incarnate

Kenneth W. Starr. What a cruel man he is! I hope he goes straight to Hell when he dies. He'll feel

right at home there. In my book, it can't happen too soon. Starr had been solicitor general under

that great president, George H. W. Bush, whose puerile antics during his terms of office forced me

to spent much of my time as First Lady helping our country recover from the sloppy mess he had

left behind. Bush was a terrible president, the worst in our country's history. How come they

never investigated him? They'd rather pick on an innocent man who is doing his best to improve

the country.

"Starr continued badgering us throughout the rest of Bill's presidency. I have to stress to

you, Doctor, that although they continued to persecute us, neither the Clintons nor any others in

our administration ever were implicated in any wrongdoing in Whitewater-related activities. The

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investigations also concluded that Foster had committed suicide and that the firing of travel staff

involved no wrongdoing. You'd think that would have gotten Starr off our necks, but no, he

proceeded anyway with a vengeance.

"This time he hit pay dirt, and I do mean dirt! Starr's agents had been conducting

prolonged inquiries into reports of Bill's marital infidelities, as though they concerned anyone but

us. A former employee of the Arkansas Industrial Development Department, Paula Corbin Jones,

filed a lawsuit in 1994 alleging that my husband had made unwanted (I'll bet!) sexual advances

toward her in a Little Rock hotel room in 1991, and the U.S. Supreme Court foolishly ruled that

trying the suit would not distract Clinton from his duties as president. In 1998, Linda Tripp, a

confidante of Monica Lewinsky, (and who doesn't know who she is?), gave Starr recordings in

which Lewinsky talked about having oral sex with the president. Bill is such a little boy! He really

believed that not having actual intercourse meant he didn't have sex with her. In his mind, he was

not lying. Although the Lewinsky affair was unrelated to any of the Whitewater issues, Starr

justified the investigation by saying it was part of a pattern of obstructing justice at the Clinton

White House. On September 9, 1998, Starr gave the House of Representatives a long winded

report on Clinton's indiscretions with Lewinsky, including his efforts to cover them up during

testimony before Starr's grand jury and during a deposition that he gave in the civil case of Paula

Jones.

"To my horror, the House Judiciary Committee accused Bill of 'high crimes and

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misdemeanors,' which are grounds for impeaching and removing a president, and brought four

articles of impeachment against him. How we ever survived it I'llI will never know. On December

19, voting largely along party lines, the House adopted two of the articles—perjury before the

grand jury and obstruction of justice—by votes of 228 to 206 and 221 to 212. Democrats,

including me, believed that the impeachment proceedings were a Republican vendetta to destroy a

popular president. But only the Senate can remove a president, by a two-thirds vote. On February

12, 1999, to my great relief, after hearing lengthy arguments presented by Republican members of

the House and defenders of the president, the Senate defeated the perjury article, forty-five for and

fifty-five against, and the obstruction of justice article, fifty to fifty. Starr said he would seek

criminal charges against Clinton for the Lewinsky affair after the president left office, but on the

day before that, Bill at my urging issued a statement in which he apologized for giving erroneous

testimony to the grand jury, and Starr closed the investigation. Owing to his admission of giving

false testimony and proceedings instituted by the Professional Ethics Committee, Bill, to my

everlasting despair, was forced to surrendered his license to practice law in Arkansas.

"People wonder how I ever endured the terrible attacks on Bill and me. Someone asked me,

'How can you even get up in the morning, let alone go about your business? Even if you don't

believe the charges, it must be devastating to hear them.' They have no idea how devastating it

was. Sometimes with a close friend like Betsy Wright I tried to pass it off with a comment like,

'Bill is a good man. There are worse things in a marriage than infidelity.' But I don't think I fooled

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anyone. My heart was broken and everybody knew it.

"In an agonizing decision, I chose to stand by Bill, at least for the moment. I decided to

rescue him one more time, in his interest and the sake our family and the country. I didn't come to

my conclusion the way some little woman like Tammy Wynette 'stood by her man.' I stood by

Bill because I love and respect him and honor what he's been through and what we've been

through together. If that's not enough for some people, then I say don't vote for him. Also, I must

confess that I need him as much as he needs me, for personal reasons as well as our political

future. If he went down, he would take me with him. So I swallowed my rage and humiliation and

'stood by my man.' At least publically. Privately, he was relegated again to sleep on the couch for

two months.

"After coming to that conclusion, I supported Bill publicly whenever I got the chance .As

the house vote on impeachment drew near, I begged everyone to practice reconciliation rather than

trying to get revenge. When asked by Richard Gephardt to speak to congress before the vote for

impeachment took place, I gave what I am told was an impassioned speech imploring Democrats

to stand behind their president. 'I'I am here not as a political leader but as a wife who loves and

supports her husband,' I said. 'Of course I am not happy with his behavior. But I do not believe

that impeachment is the answer for you, for Bill, and for me. Bill Clinton has been a wonderful

president, who has brought about many changes that enriched the lives of all Americans. Let us

allow him to continue to do so."

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"Apparently my speech touched their hearts. Not a single Democrat crossed party lines to

join the Republicans who were knocking themselves out trying to impeach Bill Clinton. This was

in great contrast to the events of twenty-five years ago, when Republicans joined the Democrats

who wished to impeach Richard Nixon. But then, despite his sexual transgressions, Bill Clinton is

a good-hearted man who is no Richard Nixon. Thank God for small favors!

"I appreciated more than ever Eleanor Roosevelt's advice that in politics you need to

develop a hide as thick as a rhinoceros. While my armor was far from difficult to penetrate, it had

hardened over the years as the criticisms kept pouring in, so that I barely recovered from one when

the next one hit me. I knew how a prize fighter must feel before the last punch knocks him out.

You don't just wake up one day and say, "I'm not going to let them get to me today.' Each day

was harder to endure than the day before."

"To my surprise (and delight) she added, "I also was worried that my hardening surface

might mask my underlying feelings that you are always griping about. You think I am unaware of

them, but I constantly watched myself for evidence that I no longer could access my emotions. I

had to know what they were so I could act on them."

Did she learn that from me? I wondered, "and not want to give me the satisfaction of

saying so? Or was she really aware of it at the time? Who knows? Who cares. It is enough that she

has the insight.

"At a speech I gave at Goucher, somebody yelled out, 'Do you think the charges against

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your husband are false?' I stopped in my tracks and said, 'Of course I believe they are false.

Absolutely. Nevertheless it is painful when someone you love and admire is subjected to so

terrible outpouring of ruthless criticism.'

'Then why is Bill Clinton being attacked?' the same voice asked.

'Because there has been a concentrated effort to undermine his achievements as president,

and to undo his magnificent accomplishments. His enemies have attacked him personally because

they could not defeat him politically. In my heart I am certain that history will bring out the truth,

that Bill Clinton is one of the greatest presidents our country has ever been fortunate enough to

have. He has brought about one of the greatest economic revivals in American history. He has

generated nineteen million new jobs, and has succeeded in balancing a budget that was nearly

destroyed by his predecessors, leaving surpluses that will benefit Social Security and Medicare for

years to come. Because of his college tuition credits there has been a ten percent increase in the

number of young people attending college. Each of these gains by itself may not be earth

shattering, but all together they add up to momentous progress. And all of this was going on while

Bill was undergoing the impeachment process! Who among you, Republican or Democrat, could

do as well?' Wiping away a tear, I took my seat to tumultuous applause."

She left with her head lowered, as if she didn't want me to look into her eyes.

January 3, 2014

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"Happy New Year, Doctor!" she began the new year and the new hour. When I responded,

Thank you, Hillary. A very happy new year to you, too, she said glumly, "Well, let's get on with

things, shall we? I've never been one to waste any time. I've told you the morally degrading story

that brought me to see you," she began. "I haven't been able to bring my head out of the sewer

ever since it happened. I needn't tell you how furious I was at the public humiliation Bill had

subjected onto us and the office of the president. Although I stood up for him, and decided I don't

want to leave him, I will never forgive him for the pain and embarrassment he caused me in front

of the whole world.... And yet, sometimes I blame myself for the whole sordid mess. Maybe I was

not sensitive enough, too involved in my own concerns and problems to recognize the price he was

paying for the continuous public attacks on him."

I vigorously shook my head, and said that I experienced her as a loving wife and a superb

source of support to her husband.

She paused, and then hesitantly asked, 'Then what do you think, Doctor? Do you believe

Bill's actions were as inexcusable as I do?

I gave her question much thought before responding, as I knew it was the most important

issue of her analysis, and that the outcome of her treatment depended upon my answer. I also knew

that I could give her no false reassurances, as all analytic treatment must be based upon the truth. I

thought deeply for a few moments about what I had learned of disorders like Bill Clinton's during

my many years of training and practice.

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When I finally felt ready to answer I said, My reaction may surprise you, Hillary, but I can

speak only the truth, so I will tell you exactly what I think. I'm sorry for the almost intolerable

pain Bill's behavior has caused you and your daughter, and deeply sympathize with you on what

he has put you through. Nobody should have to experience such an ordeal. But sordid as the

situation sounds, I don't agree with you that it is completely a moral issue. Nor do I think the

responsibility is all Bill's. He is an addict, who turns to the objects of his addiction when he is

distressed. Everyone has his or her own way of dealing with unbearable stress. Some withdraw

completely, others turn to alcohol or drugs, while still others abuse their wives or children. Bill

turns to extramarital affairs to self-medicate himself. I don't think anyone could have stood up to

the terrible unceasing accusations made against him and not broken down in some way. I doubt

whether I could have. What is remarkable is not that Bill regressed but that he was able to carry

out the duties of the office of the president as well as he did under the horrendous pressure he has

been forced to live under for so many years. I for one am forever grateful for his accomplishments,

and wish our country was in the condition today that it was when Bill left office. I hope future

generations of Americans will remember the good condition he left the country in, and that the

affair of Monica Lewinsky will slide into the obscurity it deserves.

I paused, and looking directly into her widely opened eyes, said, What I believe, Hillary, is

this: if Bill hadn't been persecuted so intensively from the moment he took office, he would not

have needed his addiction as badly. He probably could have controlled his impulses and there

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would have been no Monica Lewinsky.

Hillary's eyes glistened over, and she looked at me with appreciation. "Thank you,

Doctor," she said when she was able to speak. "You are the only person who makes any sense

about Bill's behavior, the only one who really feels for him. Everybody else is so busy

condemning him that nobody before you has asked why he did such a foolish thing. Are you

saying that he had no choice but to rescue himself from the vicious assaults in the only way he

knew how?"

I nodded.

"I am sure you are right and I am grateful," she continued. "I've always said the

Republicans were out to get him and to ruin his presidency. They almost succeeded. I can see now

that the affair was really a regression to his earlier way of handling problems. To his credit he tried

to end it, but the woman was clearly a narcissistic loony; and it was beyond his control. I don't

think my husband's sex with Monica Lewinsky had any meaning to him. In my heart I know it is

me he really loves. And besides the reasons you give, I think the stress of our personal losses -my

father and his mother, along with our friend Vince Foster - added to Bill's need for the affair."

I nodded, pleased that despite her pain and humiliation, she was able to see the other side

of the coin. She is a very big person, I thought, perhaps the biggest I know..

She paused and then said tearfully. "As I understand it, you believe that Bill is essentially a

good man who was in over his head because of the unceasingly brutal attacks of the opposition, in

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addition to his personal losses."

I nodded again.

"I can understand the affair with Monica now," she said. But this new woman in

Chappaqua is more than I can bear. Why do you think he needs a new lover now when things are

going so well?"

"Hillary, they are going well for you. But can you imagine what it must feel like to leave

the office of the President of the United States in disgrace and to become a private citizen? After

being president, in any case, where else can he go but down? All this while watching his wife

becoming more and more popular. For such a narcissistic man, there can be no worse ordeal. He is

seeking self-medication again, and needs your compassion.

She thought deeply about what I had said, and with tears running down her cheeks

responded, "In the light of your opinion, Doctor, which really echoes my deepest feelings, I think

I'll be able to find it in my heart to forgive him."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

December 23, 2013

She went on with her story. "Early in 1999, in an effort to rescue myself from the slings

and arrows of the Lewinsky affair and tired of the monotony and conflict of White House living

(and also, I must admit, of riding on Bill Clinton's coattails), I decided to run for the U.S. Senate

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seat in New York that was vacated by Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan. I knit together a

combination of urban minority groups, Giuliani Democrats, and white voters from upstate I was

told was impossible to combine. That just goes to show that you shouldn't listen to anyone but

yourself."

I agree, Hillary, I said. That you listen to yourself is what makes you a leader.

.She smiled with a surprised look, as if she had not known it before. "We bought the house

in Chappaqua, to establish residency in New York, and in November 2000 I was thrilled to be

elected to the U.S. Senate. It was a job I loved from the first day of office.

"Bill retired after leaving the presidency on January 20, opened an office in Harlem and

began to write his autobiography. The book, My Life, was published in 2004 and became a

bestseller. He made a lot of money, more than me for a change. Bill received an advance of $10

million dollars, while I only got $8 for my autobiography! It's just another example of the sexist

mentality of this country. It was also the first time in Bill's chaotic life he made a decent income,

not that he hadn't always deserved more. To our great pleasure, his presidential library opened in

November 2004 on the Little Rock river front. We are both book-a-holics, and were thrilled to

have a whole library devoted to him.

"Bill then traveled extensively around the world, particularly in Africa and Asia, where he

began efforts to import medicine to fight the AIDS epidemic. In 2005, President George W. Bush

appointed Clinton and the elder President Bush to direct humanitarian relief efforts for the victims

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of a tsunami that killed more than 200,000 people along the coasts of the Indian Ocean on

December 26, 2004. They saved many lives. Both ex-presidents were also involved in aiding the

casualties of Hurricane Katrina in 2005. In 2010, Clinton and George W. Bush created the Clinton

Bush Haiti Fund to assist the people of Haiti after an earthquake there in January. I'm glad W.

finally managed to do something worthwhile in his presidency. Can you believe a Republican and

a Democrat could work so well together? That's the way it should be, but rarely is.

"My quest for the Senate was met with some skepticism, but I was able to win over voters.

After I became a senator, even the Republicans whom I expected to greet me with crucifixes and

garlic learned we could work together and, grudgingly, began to respect me.

"My constituency apparently did as well. In the 2000 election, New York City's firefighters

supported my Republican rival for the Senate seat. Six years later, the firefighters publicly

endorsed me before any Republican threw his or her hat in the ring.

"Although I was sworn in as a U.S. Senator on January 1, 2001, I remained the First Lady

until January 20. I served simultaneously for twenty days as a member of one branch of

government while married to the leader of another branch, another first for me. I got a little dizzy

jumping from one position to the other, and was relieved that the interval was only twenty days.

The first year, while working to understand my new state and position, I assumed the low public

profile typical of most freshmen Senators, if not of me. "I was thrilled to be re-elected in 2006,

winning more than 67 percent of the popular vote in N.Y. state. As of November 2007, I enjoyed a

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60 percent job approval rating . On Feb. 14, 2008, the Washington Post reported that I was among

the top 10 senators for securing federal funds for my home state, generating more than $342

million in earmarks for New York

"In the Senate, I became a staunch opponent of the Iraq War."

I looked at her with skepticism.

She picked it up, of course. Hillary Clinton doesn't miss a thing.

"Although I voted in 2002 in favor of the initial invasion," she explained, "knowing what I

know now, I would never have voted for it. I later cast votes against the war, including against a

troop surge and in favor of calls to withdraw troops."

Oh? I said, lifting my head. I was not completely convinced.

She continued without picking up on my skepticism. Either she hadn't noticed, which I

doubt, or she didn't care. "I added a wide variety of causes that were important to me in the

Senate, expanding access to family planning and contraceptives and supporting unwanted

pregnancy prevention through education I quickly leaped in when the media revealed that a

popular video game contained explicit sex scenes, which disgusted me. I have nothing against sex,

but portraying it before the eyes of children? Come on! Although Bill sometimes calls me a

prude, he couldn't stop me from co-sponsoring the Family Entertainment Protection Act, which

called for stricter rating guidelines and better enforcement of existing guidelines. In March 2007, I

introduced the Count Every Vote Act in the Senate, which required voter verified paper copies of

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electronic votes be used as the standard in a recount and tighten guidelines on electronic voting

machine security.

"During my time in Congress, I served on several committees. Among others, I was

member of the Senate Armed Services Committee; the Senate Committee on Environment and

Public Works; the Senate Committee on Health, Labor, and Pensions; and as a tribute to my

departed parents, introduced the Senate Special Committee on Aging

"1introduced 377 bills between Jan. 22, 2001, and Aug. 11, 2008. Of these, 323 died in

committee, earning me a rating of 'extremely poor' in relationship to my peers. Not surprising,

when you consider how much the Republicans hate me. Ten of these bills were enacted into law,

and I also co-sponsored 1,858 other bills

"In the Senate, I voted along Democrat Party lines 97.2 percent of the time.. After the

ghastly terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, I feel proud that I initiated a fund of $21.4 billion

to assist cleaning up and recovering, to provide health tracking for volunteers at Ground Zero and

to create grants for new developments. In 2005, I issued two studies that examined the

disbursement of federal homeland security funds to local communities and first responders. I made

a point of visiting American troops in Afghanistan and Iraq during the U.S. war in those nations.

The soldiers made such a fuss over me that I felt like a rock star. You would have thought I was

Elvis himself! I must admit it was fun.

"I also became a national advocate in public and in my Senate work for retaining and

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improving veterans' health, along with other benefits provided. As a champion of New York state,

I led a bipartisan effort to bring broadband access to rural communities; co-sponsored the 21st

Century Nanotechnology Research and Development Act; included language in the Energy Bill to

provide tax exempt bonding authority for environmentally conscious construction projects; and

introduced an amendment calling for funding of new job creation to repair, renovate and

modernize public schools. I won an extension of Unemployment Insurance, which passed on the

first day of the 108th Congress, and was a vocal opponent of the Bush Administration's tax cuts. I

instigated many changes that will improve the lives of New Yorkers forever. I don't think the

constituents of New York made a mistake when they elected me," she said shyly (for her.).

"My memoirs Living History were published in 2003 and sold over 3 million copies both

in the U.S. and in other nations; it was eventually translated into foreign languages including

Chinese. At last I felt like a real writer, a profession I had always wanted to follow. Unfortunately,

it sold fewer copies that Bill's book, a fact that he never misses the opportunity to remind me of .I

always answer, "I'm not finished yet, Bill Clinton! I'll write another book that will sell better than

yours!

"When Bill required immediate heart surgery in October of 2004, I was terribly upset and

cancelled my public schedule to stay with him. I sat beside him and held his hand for twenty-four

hours. The thought of my losing him was agonizing. I found myself thinking, 'If he dies, I will go

with him. He can't manage on his own." I found out by his bedside that his life and well being

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were more important to me than my career. Who says I am not a good wife?"

I nodded my head in agreement. I think she is a wonderful wife.

"Oh, Doctor,' she said as she left, 'Merry Christmas!' She handed me a nicely wrapped

package.

How lovely of you, Hillary, I said. May I open it now?

"Of course,' she answered.

With great curiosity I opened the her gift. It was a beautifully illustrated copy of Walt

Whitman's 'A Child Went Forth.'

I was very moved. Oh Hillary, I said, How did you know that is one of my favorite books?

"Aw, you shrinks are all alike,' she said with a smile, as she left the room.

We were taking off the Christmas week and not planning to see each other until after the

New Year.

After she left I opened the book to see if she had inscribed it. She had. She had written,

'To the best shrink in the world.

With love,

Hillary.'

I was happy she had left the office, because I cried.

January 6, 20014

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"Happy New Year, Doctor!' she sang out, as she come through the door. 'It will be good to

start the New Year by talking about Chelsea. I can't wait to tell you about my dear daughter,

Doctor, who is the most important person in my and Bill's life," she said enthusiastically (for her,

anyway).

I couldn't wait either, as I was anxious to hear about their relationship and the kind of

mother Hillary is.

"Since very early in our marriage," she continued, "we had been trying hard to get

pregnant. Our lack of success almost demolished me, as I never felt I could be a woman without

having a child. To me, it was the worst failure of my life, and every month when 'the curse'

arrived I felt a deep despair. It really felt like a curse. It took me days to get over it, and by that

time it was almost ready for my next period. I suffer from endometriosis, which you surely know

is a condition which often makes it difficult to conceive a child, and may cause extreme pain

during and after intercourse. You must also be aware that the disease occurs when the endometrial

tissue that lines the uterus grows onto the ovaries and other pelvic areas. I was terrified that I

would remain one of the forty percent of women with endometriosis who are incapable of carrying

a foetus to full term. Bill also had a fertility problem: His sperm count was low. So I knew that

things didn't look very promising. In the summer of 1979, as a last resort we scheduled an

appointment with a famous fertility specialist in San Francisco, to take place after we returned

from a short vacation in Bermuda. Immediately after our return and before our appointment with

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the specialist, a miracle of miracles happened. I discovered I was pregnant! Maybe our relaxation

in Bermuda did it, who knows? Maybe God just felt that the Clintons and the world were ready for

Chelsea. Regardless of the reason, surely no child since the birth of the Savior has been greeted

with as much with joy and excitement.

"Bill and I attended Lamaze classes together to prepare for natural childbirth. The other

members of the class took it in stride that their classmates were the governor of Arkansas and his

wife. What was important to them, as to us, was their pregnancies. As Bill and I are both heavy

readers, we poured over Barry Brazleton's handbook of parenting, talked about my pregnancy

night and day to each other and whoever else we could corner, sought advice from our friends who

had children, and even from some who didn't, and barraged doctors, nurses, and midwives until

they ducked in closets when they saw us coming. I discovered Bill talking aloud one day and was

amused to hear him asking questions of our cat.

"On February 27, 1980, 15 minutes after Bill came home from a governors' conference in

Washington, D.C. and three weeks before my due date, my water bag broke. Bill swore I was

waiting for him to come home. I've never seen him so flustered. You'd think he was the one

having the baby. I of course was calm as a cucumber, as if I gave birth every day. Unfortunately,

that didn't last too long. When we got to the hospital, we were told that Chelsea would be a breech

birth and would have to be delivered by a caesarian section. There would be no natural childbirth

for me.

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'Caesarian? What is that? Does it mean the baby is in any trouble?' I shrieked. "The

doctor tried to reassure me, but I wasn't convinced until I held Chelsea in my arms and counted

ten tiny pink fingers and ten tiny toes.

"Although a nurse blocked the door to the delivery room, Bill would not accept her dictum.

'If you take my wife into that room without me, I assure you that you will be making a big

mistake. I am the governor of Arkansas, and believe me there will be repercussion you will not

like.' When the nurse protested that Bill might faint at the sight of my blood, he answered, 'You

are wrong, M'am. You could cut her in half from head to toe and I would not get sick or faint. I

insist on seeing my daughter born," he shouted in a threatening voice.

"Never mind that Bill was the governor of Arkansas. He is a big man with a booming

voice. When Bill is in an uproar, people listen! At such times, they don't even know I'm around.

The nurse didn't even hear my weak protest at his exclusion. Of course Bill was allowed inside the

delivery room to hold my hand, and the hospital even changed its policy after that for fathers who

wanted to help their babies be born.

"Bill had taken a Lamaze class with me, and knew what to expect, and how to help me by

holding my hand, rubbing my back, doing breathing exercises with me, and putting ice on my

tongue when I was thirsty. He was the ideal birth partner... well maybe a little too good. He went

through every contraction with me, and even screamed when I screamed. I must say I am still a

little resentful that he saw more of the birth than I did, as the doctors put up a screen to block my

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view of the cutting and bleeding. It's not fair - I went through all the pains of childbirth, and Bill

was the one to watch the process! That was fine with him. I've never seen him so happy as when

the nurse handed the tiny six pound one and three quarter ounces baby to him and he cuddled her

to his breast. He was as proud as if he had borne her himself. 'From that day to this,' he said, 'I

have believed without the shadow of a doubt that it was the greatest thing that ever happened to

me, one my own father never knew. At last I was a father!' While I was in the recovery room, Bill

couldn't put the baby down. He carried her around to show her off to his mother, friends he had

invited, and members of the staff. He sang to her, talked to her, and crooned to her. As he told me

later, 'I never wanted that night to end.'

"As for me, I glowed in the miracle of having produced a perfect child. 'I have a perfect

child. I have a perfect child,' kept running through my mind. What can be more wonderful than to

create a perfect human being?

"We had already chosen her name on our Christmas vacation in London in 1978, after we

heard Judy Collins sing 'Chelsea Morning.' We both loved the song and Bill said with delight, 'If

we ever have a daughter, let's call her Chelsea,' because that's where we were walking when we

first heard the song.' So Chelsea she was from that moment on."

We'll have to stop now, Hillary, I said. We'll continue with Chelsea next time.

"Stop now?" She exclaimed angrily. "Just when I'm getting into the best part! What good

are you? You're not an analyst, you're a warden. Right when I'm really getting into things you

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lock me out!'

I was sorry about that, but out she went, like all my other patients.

January 8, 2014

Hillary came in for her session and seemed to have forgotten she left mad at me.

"I guess you know by now, Doctor, that I am the world's worst worrier, so of course I was

anxious for months after Chelsea was born. I was concerned that I wouldn't be a good mother, as

some aspects of mothering did not come easily to me. For instance I had a lot of trouble nursing

her. Once while I was still in the hospital, I was trying to nurse her. I had her head tilted at a

peculiar angle and the milk started running out of her nose. I was in a panic because I thought I

was killing her. Then a wonderful nurse came in and said laughingly, "If you just hold her up a

little higher, Mrs. Clinton, the milk will go in the right opening.' That helped - a little. What

didn't help was that Bill seemed a more natural parent than I. 'Too bad he can't nurse her,' I

thought many times, as I removed my inflamed nipple from Chelsea's mouth. Sometimes she

screamed night and day, for no reason I could figure out. We marched her up and down for hours,

once ran up and down the steps with her endlessly, pounded her back until her eyes protruded, and

sang lullabies until our throats were sore, but still she went on screaming. In desperation, I took

her by the shoulders and said, 'Listen here, Chelsea, I've never been a mother before and you've

never been a baby, so we'll just have to work this out together.' I could swear she understood me

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and quieted down...for a few minutes, anyway.

"I cried at the drop of a hat, or I should say, at the sight of a filled diaper. 'Not again

Chelsea!' I scolded. 'You just did that!' My chastisement didn't seem to deter her from further

activity of similar nature. Our friend, Carolyn Staley, paid a visit to the three of us shortly after

Chelsea arrived. Carolyn was an opera singer, and wrote a song she sang to celebrate Chelsea's

birth. It was written mostly about the awe of giving birth to a child. I totally agreed with that part

of the song. It was one of the subsequent lines that gave me trouble. She had written, 'We may not

be worthy, but we'll try to be wise.' I am embarrassed to admit to you, Doctor, that instead of

feeling grateful to Carolyn for her creativity on our behalf, I felt greatly insulted that she thought I

was unworthy to be a mother. Such is the sensitivity of the brand new mother!"

I smiled. Hillary had brought back memories of my own post-child bearing state of mind. I

told her she was not alone, that it was true for many women, and I, for one, had experienced

similar ultra-sensitivity after giving birth. Hillary loved hearing that her 'shrink' felt the same way,

and said it made her feel better about her own unchecked flow of tears.

January 10, 2014

Hillary continued her sage of her "perfect daughter." "Once home, we hired a series of

baby sitters who were available around the clock. We never knew when we would be called away

on important business. We tried to devote as much time to her as possible (and sometimes even if

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it wasn't), as did our parents and friends, along with the governor's staff. I vowed to do everything

I could for her and to put her above everything else in my life. My mother did that for me, and I

will be eternally grateful. Chelsea was a precocious little girl from the moment she opened her big

blue eyes and took me in. I could almost see her thinking, 'Is that my mother?' I'm not sure it was

a compliment. She began speaking at age two, and yelled, 'Where's my mommy? I want my

mommy!' But she soon learned to answer for herself, saying, 'Mommy make 'peech.'

"During the terrible time after Bill lost the election for governor, Chelsea was the one spot

of sunshine in our lives. Virginia, Bill's mother, and Chelsea adored each other, so we spent a lot

of time at her house. It was there she learned to walk and talk (she hasn't stopped since), and

taught Bill a lesson he has never forgotten. One day he was holding her while watching a

basketball game on TV.

"'Da,' she softly called out.

"No answer from Bill.

"'Da da!' she called out more forcefully.

"Still no answer from Bill.

"Then Chelsea resorted to more drastic means. She grabbed him by the nose and chomped

down on it with her four teeth, which unfortunately, met. He yelped, and I watched with alarm as

his nose swelled rapidly. I don't believe it has ever gone back to its original size. Check out his

photos and see for yourself!

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"Little took precedence over our sweet child. Bill has been a wonderful father (except for

the above incident) since the moment he laid eyes on Chelsea. When my career called for frequent

flights between Little Rock and Washington, Chelsea waited up for Bill to come home. He would

practice the piano and do homework with her, so that one or the other parent usually was available.

I instructed my staff early on that my late afternoons and evenings were to be kept as free as

possible to spend with Chelsea. I didn't leave the White House during those hours unless I

absolutely had to. When I was home later on she and I sat around the family kitchen table piled up

with her books and did her homework together. When I needed to be out of town, she would fax

me her homework, and I would answer her questions by return fax. We had many discussions

together, including at the dinner table, while driving her to school, playing Scrabble and other

games, cheering her wildly from the bleachers at her soccer games, watching movies together -

especially her favorites, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and High Noon (which we saw and

saw until I was ready to throw up), and analyzing the films after we had seen them. Bill and I were

determined that, if we could help it, our beloved child would not suffer from our political careers.

Often when I was away and dead tired and had retired to my hotel room at night, and needed

nothing so much as to collapse on my bed, I would force myself to listen without interruption to

Chelsea's stream-of-consciousness account of her day. If my eyes would shut occasionally, I doubt

if Chelsea noticed. When I woke up she was still talking.

"All parents love their children, but in my opinion Chelsea means even more to us. We'd

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had such a hard time conceiving her, besides being rather old for first time parents when she was

born, that we called her 'our miracle child.' And so she seems, to this day.

"We hardly ever took a vacation without Chelsea coming along. In fact, Chelsea and I

frequently went on vacations without Bill. He would promise to join us later; sometimes he did

and sometimes he didn't. We rarely even went to the movies or ate out without her. As a result of

our devotion, we have a healthy, happy, well-adjusted, attractive child."

January13, 2014

"I stopped last time when I was telling you about how well adjusted Chelsea was," she

began. "I hoped and prayed she could remain that way, if she heard the dreadful campaign

propaganda certain to be circulated about Bill during his campaign for reelection.

"During all the uproar about Bill's infidelities, real and imagined, we were sure that sooner

or later Chelsea, who was old enough at age six to read well and look at TV, would hear nasty

things about her father. So we decided to teach her a role playing game to try to prepare her for

the harsh truths of the political world.

"I said, 'Chelsea, as you know, Daddy is going to run for governor again. Let's hope he

wins, so we can go on living in this beautiful house.'

"'Oh yes, Mommy.'" she answered. 'Do let's stay here! I love it and don't want to leave

my friends and school.'

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"'I know, dear, and I hope you won't have to. But for us to remain here Daddy has to run

for election again, and that means his opponents will be saying terrible things about him.'

Her eyes opened wide. "How could they say anything bad about my Daddy? He's the best

daddy in the whole world."

"I'm happy you think so, Chelsea, and I agree with you. But there are mean people in the

world, as well as good ones like Daddy. In politics, people sometimes make up dirty things about

a person that they think will keep him or her from being elected.'

Chelsea looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Nobody should be allowed to say

bad things about my daddy!'

"'Again, you couldn't be more right, Chelsea. But Daddy and I have thought up a little

game that will help you deal with any bad words you might hear about him. We will all play parts,

and yours will be to tell people that they should vote for your father.'

"She smiled through her tears and began to play Bill's advocate so well that I believed her.

In fact, I began to think she would make a great actress. She said, 'Ladies and gentlemen, my

father is a wonderful governor, and does all he can to help people in any way he can, so everybody

should vote for him!' She looked at me for affirmation and I nodded, 'Very good, Chelsea. That is

exactly what I mean.' Bill then pretended to be one of those 'nasty men' running against him, and

said terrible things about himself, like he actually was a mean man who really didn't want to help

people.

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"The tears were literally bathing Chelsea's cheeks, and I felt bad for what we were putting

her through. 'Why would anyone want to say such mean things about my daddy?' she kept asking.

"I still don't know the answer to that one, but we went on repeating 'the game' over and

over again until I could see her gaining mastery over her feelings and even to enjoy role playing. I

hoped we had neutralized the awful words that soon would resurface about Bill, and felt good that

we had taught Chelsea the kind of emotional desensitization I had learned at my mother's knee

many years ago, using a carpenter's level as a tool.

"Sure enough, shortly after we had played 'our game,' the newspapers began battering Bill

again. Going through the checkout line at a supermarket, I almost gagged to see the lurid tabloid

headlines about him. But I swallowed my nausea and said to Chelsea, who was also reading the

headlines, 'This is just what we expected in a political campaign, isn't it, Chelsea?' She said, 'Yes,

Mommy, but I don't have to read it, and when I hear anybody say bad things about my daddy on

TV, nobody says I just can't turn it off!' Good girl, my Chelsea!"

January 15, 2014

"When Chelsea was six years old, we took her on a trip to England with us," Hillary said.

"She wanted very badly to meet the queen and Princess Diana, but in those days that wasn't so

easy to arrange. So we took her to an exhibit show casing the history of all of the kings and queens

of Great Britain. She studied it carefully for close to an hour, and then said, 'Mommy, it looks to

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me like being a Queen or a King is a very hard job.' Now, where could she have gotten that idea, I

wonder!

"Did I ever tell you the story of how we almost lost Chelsea in Russia? While Bill was

president, we took a trip to try to straighten out the relationship between Bill and President Yeltsin.

The Yeltsins hosted a state dinner for us, and Chelsea joined us for the entertainment after dinner.

The next morning our long motorcade left the Kremlin. Somehow, with all the excitement,

nobody noticed that Chelsea, her caretaker, and Secret Service agent weren't with us.

"As the group watched the last car of the motorcade pull out they realized what was

happening. The Secret Service agent rushed up to an old white van nearby and commandeered it.

Wouldn't you know, the driver didn't understand English or was hard of hearing, and kept saying,

'Eh, what? Eh, what?' The agent had to repeat the story over and over before it made any sense to

the Russian. Then he pushed the Americans into the van, jumped into it himself and dashed

through the barricades to the airport. But the problem wasn't over yet. The Russian security

refused to let them enter. They recognized Chelsea but couldn't believe we had actually left her

behind. (Neither could I!) While they sorted out the confusion, Chelsea's party grabbed her and

their bags and made a mad dash for the airplane. I didn't discover until I saw them walking up the

stairs to the plane that my daughter had been missing. I yelled out, 'Oh my God! We almost lost

my Chelsea! Can you believe we almost lost my Chelsea? I swear I'll never let go of her again!'

and hugged her to me for the rest of the trip.

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"I have always encouraged Chelsea to speak up with whatever was on her mind. The

following incident made me doubt whether to continue that line of her education. In 1988, around

Christmastime, when Chelsea was eight and three quarters, I went duck hunting with Dr. Frank

Kumpuris, a well known surgeon who is a good friend of mine, along with his two sons and some

friends. My father had taught me how to shoot a gun when we practiced shooting rocks and cans

behind his cottage at Lake Winola in the Poconos. I hadn't shot much since those days, but thought

I would find it enjoyable. I must say that standing hip deep in freezing waters waiting for the

sunrise with a heavy rifle over my shoulder made me question my judgement. As the sun finally

rose high in the magnificent rainbow colored sky, the ducks flew overhead. With one lucky shot, I

raised my rifle and brought down a banded duck. I couldn't wait to get home and show my bounty

to Chelsea, who I assumed would share my pleasure and compliment me on my shooting skill.

Unfortunately, her response was not what I expected. True to my teachings about speaking up, she

said sternly, 'I think it is outrageous that you killed some baby duck's mommy or daddy! How

could you possibly do such a thing?' She turned her back on me and wouldn't speak to me for the

rest of the day. Noble Chelsea! Somehow, after that I lost my enthusiasm for duck hunting. And a

little for teaching Chelsea to speak her mind.

"We enjoyed Chelsea so much that even in my forty-ninth year, we talked of having

another child. I told a startled Time magazine reporter, 'Bill and I are hoping to have a brother or

sister for Chelsea.' 'Do you mean - uh -naturally?' he gulped. 'Well, I would be pleasantly

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surprised,' I answered, 'even though my friends would be appalled.' We may even adopt a child,

but it would have to be after the1996 election.' As I watched the shocked reporter stagger away, I

laughed out loud , and thought what a long way I had come since my prissy early years.

"Bill and I were trying to determine whether he should run for president. As Chelsea was

eleven years old and quite mature for her age, he asked for her opinion. She pondered the question

and said, "Well, you probably would make a good president. But first you have to promise that

just because you are president doesn't mean we would miss the annual Arkansas Ballet

performance of The Nutcracker.' We decided to seek another advisor.

"Adolescence is always difficult, but while living at the White House it is something else

again. I particularly sympathized with Eleanor Roosevelt, who had a terrible time with

motherhood. Her children all turned out to lead disruptive and troubled lives. Eleanor once said

that she was so busy disciplining them that she had no time to show her children any affection. I

had to watch out that I didn't become a mother like her. I was the disciplinarian, while Bill spent

his time with Chelsea being warm and loving, captivating her with his far ranging conversation,

vast knowledge, and interesting stories. In my bad moments, I am resentful that he had all the fun

and left the discipline to me. You know, Good cop, bad cop? Good parent, bad parent. Guess

which one of the Clintons was the bad cop. Once Chelsea had some friends over to see a movie,

and like other normal kids today, ate lots of popcorn. Unfortunately, much of it landed on the

White House floor. I made them go down on their hands and knees and pick up every kernel they

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had spilled. I guess my father's influence shows up here. I didn't force Chelsea to go out in the

ice and snow to locate a lost toothpaste cap, but picking up spilled popcorn is a milder example of

the same sort of thinking. I don't want to seem a monster to my daughter, so I was very relieved

when Bruce Lindsey, Bill's chief personal aid, told some of my friends I was a warm and tender

mother.

"Chelsea is a perfectly normal teenager, and as such her behavior is not always to my

liking. When she was sixteen years old, she and I were going to march in a parade. Chelsea

walked down the White House stairs covered, not coincidentally, I'm sure, with a full-length coat.

As we were leaving, I asked to see her outfit. She opened her coat and I was shocked to see that

she was wearing a miniskirt up to the middle of her thighs. Unfortunately, it was too late for her to

change clothes, and being a teenager she probably would have refused anyhow. I'll never forget

her striding down the middle of the procession without her coat, with the eyes of the media

fastened upon her. Some of the reporters clapped loudly as she sailed by. So much for trying to

keep her out of the public eye! Chelsea just waved and smiled without embarrassment, and

appeared happy and confident. I wasn't. I kept imagining the headlines that would erupt, 'Hillary

lets Chelsea walk half naked in the parade.' Luckily, they forgot to mention it. When I

complained to Bill about his daughter he just laughed and said, 'Come off it, Miss Priss! You've

always been a big prude.'

"I won't repeat my response.....

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"At the traditional congressional luncheon that year, some idiot seated Chelsea next to the

nonagenarian South Carolina senator, Strom Thurmond, who tried to entertain her with small talk.

I don't think she was amused.

"'Well, little lady, he said, 'Would you like to know how I got to be ninety-five years old?

Chelsea, who couldn't have cared less, politely nodded her head. 'I do push ups! One-armed push-

ups! You should do the same.' She smiled politely and didn't deign to answer. That didn't deter

the Senator. "And do you know what else I do? I eat meals six times a day the size of an egg.'

Don't ever eat anything larger than one egg!' Chelsea smiled even more politely and continued to

push her salad around her plate.

"The Senator must have realized by then that his famous Southern charm wasn't working

on the present Belle of the White House, and he was getting a bit desperate. 'I believe you are

nearly as pretty as your mother,' he said. 'She's real pretty, and you are, too.'

"This time, Chelsea, who has her mother's built in shit detector, did not react at all.

"Desperate by now, the Honorable Strom Thurmond said, 'I do believe you are even

prettier than your mother! If I was seventy years younger, I'd come a-courtin' you.'

"Chelsea (the little devil) had had more than enough. She got up and putting him in the

place she felt he belonged said, 'Excuse me, Senator, but nature calls.'

"The senator said, 'Good idea!' and began to discuss his digestive habits. By that time

Chelsea was out the door. We didn't see her again all day. Good girl, Chelsea! You have more

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guts than your mother has, and that's saying something!."

January17, 2014

"Nothing was more important to me than that Chelsea lead as normal a life in the White

House as possible. In Little Rock, she had gone to a public school, where she could do everything

the other kids did. But obviously, that was not possible for a president's daughter. Chelsea was

not thrilled with being trailed by Secret Service men twenty-four hours a day. Even Socks, her cat,

had to be kept on a leash when they went outside. I tried to have her walk a thin line between

taking part in normal activities and being in danger from mental cases like Lee Harvey Oswald

who might be lurking about outside. Who could I ask? I thought. Who could possibly know? Then

I thought of Jackie Kennedy Onassis I had great admiration for the way she had brought up her

children in the White House, so I decided to ask her for advice.

"Besides Jackie's poise and elegance, we were alike in many ways. We both were reserved

women, with a shameless sense of humor lurking right underneath the surface. Jackie was

notoriously witty and I was known among friends for being a wicked mimic. We both idolized

accomplished men of intelligence, wit, and wealth. Not incongruous to our growing friendship,

we each were married to presidents and had knowingly married preposterous womanizers.

"As soon as she herself picked up the phone when I called, Jackie insisted I come to lunch

at her elegant Fifth Avenue apartment. I was dropped off at her home by the Secret Service men,

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and Jackie greeted me at the door of the fifteenth floor elevator. I found her taller, slimmer, and

more beautiful than in her photographs. As always, she was impeccably dressed, in beige and grey

silk pants and matching blouse. She was just as glamorous at age sixty-three as she had been as

our First Lady. I was delighted to find her home warm and comfortable, overflowing to the floors

with books, paintings, and works of art, rather than one designed to demonstrate the latest in

society decor. I was immediately stuck dumb in her presence. 'She is truly America's queen,' I

thought anxiously. 'I am just a little girl from Arkansas. How can I ever hope to follow in her

footsteps?

"With her brilliant intuition, however, she sensed my discomfort and put me at ease right

away. She seemed to know immediately what I had come to talk about, and started in on her years

as First Lady, when she had found herself confused and her job undefined. 'There is no book of

rules,' she said, 'on how to be a First Lady. You have to make them up for yourself. It's not easy.

If you're under twenty-five, you are an indifferent Generation X-er; If you are over 40, you're a

selfish Baby Boomer; If you're a liberal, you are a bleeding heart; And if you're a conservative,

you have no heart at all.'

"Yes, I added, "and if you're a Democratic President from Arkansas, you're every one of

those things, depending on what day it is.' Jackie laughed, and said, 'I know what you mean."

Her erudite refurbishment of the White House served to define her role for herself, as well

as of the Kennedy presidency, and greatly contributed to the myth of Camelot. I wondered how I

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would define the role of First Lady for myself. I doubted very much if I could equal the brilliant

highly original role that Jackie carved out for herself as First Lady.

"We had lunch at a table in the corner of her living room overlooking the gorgeous trees of

Central Park and the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and discussed how to keep Chelsea shielded

from the media, who would hound her as much as I would allow. Jackie told me what she had

done to protect Caroline and John, and said that providing a normal life for Chelsea would be my

number one priority. She warned me that we would have to allow Chelsea to grow up and even to

make mistakes, all the while shielding her from the constant presence of reporters. She said her

own children were lucky to have been surrounded by cousins and children of friends, and that it

would be harder for Chelsea, who was an only child.

"'You have to protect her at all costs,' Jackie warned. 'Keep her surrounded with family

and friends, but don't spoil her. You don't want her to grow up thinking she is special because she

is the daughter of a president.'

"I had to smile at that remark. Being my father's daughter, it didn't seem to likely that I

would spoil Chelsea. Maybe I should have Jackie talk to Bill, I thought.

"'Do all you can to keep the press away from her,'she continued, 'and don't let anyone use

her. Many women will try to have their children become friends with Chelsea to try to get into

your good graces. Don't let them fool you.'

"I told Jackie how grateful I was that she had created a dining area upstairs and that we

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were converting the butler's pantry into a small kitchen where we could relax in a less formal

manner than in the usual presidential dining room. She wholeheartedly agreed. 'The more

naturally you can live as a family, the better it will be for Chelsea.'

"I said, 'It is hard to keep a child normal who is living in a fish bowl. I really admire how

successful you have been in protecting your children from the press. I hope I can do the same.'

"She graciously responded, 'From what I have heard about Chelsea, she is adjusting

beautifully. I suggest that you just keep on doing whatever it is you do.' I felt a rush of warmth for

my new friend. When I left we gave each other a big, friendly hug, and kept in touch by phone for

years to come. She remained an inspiration for me until her death."

January 20, 2014

"When Chelsea was fifteen, and developing into a poised, delightful young woman, we

took our first extended trip abroad without the president. He had asked me to make the twelve day

official visit to South Asia because he wanted to oversee the development of good relations with

India after their forty year policy of non-alignment with the United States and ties with Russia

during the cold war. The State Department approved of our visit to highlight the administrations's

commitment to the region, and I wanted to extend my passionate crusade to improve the rights of

women.

"The trip was a treat for both Chelsea and me. She was excited about seeing a brand new

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part of the world, and I yearned to share some of the last experiences of her childhood with her. I

knew it would add to my pleasure to see the new world through her fresh young eyes along with

my own that had become jaded after years of Washington politics. We landed in Islamabad,

Pakistan after an endless trip of seventeen hours.

"As you know, the press and I have never been bosom buddies. To my surprise that

changed a little on our trip. Like Jackie Kennedy with her children, I had always tried to protect

Chelsea from publicity to keep her life as normal as possible. Everything that happened on

airplanes or in hotels was always strictly off limits to them, as was anything she did or said on her

own. But in India, it was difficult to keep the media away from Chelsea, as we shared many of the

same moments, from government dinners to visiting historical places of interest, to meeting

celebrities at the same time.

"For the first time in Chelsea's life, the press were able to see her up close, and were most

impressed with her poise and fortitude, and could see how very special my daughter is. They

watched her gently help weigh undernourished babies, so fragile they winced at anyone's slightest

touch. They saw her dining with the prime minister, with Chelsea as poised as a sophisticated

adult. They noted the brilliant questions she asked and her remarks of great insight, and many of

the reporters begged me to allow them to quote her. Finally, when visiting the Taj Mahal, I had to

give in. Her remark was so insightful I thought I would have to let the world hear it. She said, and

the journalists quoted, 'When I was little, this was the embodiment of the fairy-tale palace for me.

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I would see pictures of it and would dream I was a princess. (She didn't know yet that she was.)

Now that I am here, it is just as spectacular as I had dreamed.'

"How could I not let the world know how wonderful Chelsea is?"

I knew what she meant. I brag about my children, too, to anyone I can corner.

January 22, 2014

"Chelsea came to me with a peculiar look on her face,' Hillary continued as if there had

been no time at all between sessions. .

"'Is anything wrong, dear?' I asked. "

"'Well,' she answered, I wouldn't say wrong, just....strange.'

"What could that be?" I wondered aloud.

"'You won't believe what the Secret Service agent just told me,' she said in a startled

voice. 'He said the hotel had emptied out the swimming pool for us and filled it with bottled

water!'

"I laughed. 'Maybe they were just joking,' I said, not wanting her to feel too important.

"'But I guess we'll never know, will we.'

"But it seems the Secret Service agent hadn't been joking, after all.

"'Guess what they are doing for us now?' Chelsea asked the next day with a smirk. 'The

Indians paved a dirt road because they knew we would be walking down it!'

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"Oh Jackie,' I thought, 'Could I use your advice today! How do I keep Chelsea unspoiled

when they pave a road so she doesn't have to walk in the mud?' It didn't help when we took a long

walk in the hills above the city, and hordes of people waiting for us at the roadside applauded as

we passed by. I thought, 'I'll just have to hope that Chelsea's past upbringing will keep her level

headed.'

"And so it has. And so it has."

January 24, 2014

"We returned from Asia just in time to get Chelsea in school. She was now fifteen, and

behaving more and more like a teenager every day. I remembered what Jackie had told me about

Caroline as a teen-ager, 'She knows everything, I know nothing.' I know what Jackie meant. A

little voice inside of me told me to be happy that Chelsea was behaving normally for her age, but a

bigger voice shouted, 'What happened to my nice little girl who always did what her mother

asked? Where is she? I miss her!' She kept testing her independence, which I must say was made

particularly difficult for an adolescent girl being followed every minute by Secret Service agents,

to say nothing of a very loving overprotective mother. Finally, she stamped her foot and said, 'I

want to ride with the other girls, and not be driven around like a freak in a car driven by Secret

Service Agents!' Sometimes teenagers are right. Hard as it was for me, I saw her point and gave

in.

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"Like other girls her age, Chelsea's life revolved around her friends, school, church, and

ballet. Chelsea loved ballet, and every day after school she took lessons for several hours at the

Washington School of Ballet. At that time she wanted to be a professional dancer, but I didn't tell

her the chances for success for a president's daughter are not so great in that profession. I figured

that every girl wants to be an actress, dancer, or singer when she grows up, and Chelsea eventually

would outgrow that ambition. Thank goodness I was right. I'm no Harry Truman, who bawled out

the music critic who dared to criticize Margaret Truman's singing, although Bill might have been.

I'm happy I didn't have to tussle with the two of them over it, the way Jackie did with John Junior

when he wanted to be an actor. (Sorry, Jackie! I think you should have let him be what he wanted.)

After ballet class Chelsea came home to tackle the mountains of homework assigned to high

school juniors facing the college applications procedure. I thought with all my educational

experience I could be a great help to her in applying to colleges. But do you think she wanted my

assistance in filling out her applications? Is the pope Jewish? She made it extremely clear that she

was old enough to take care of her own business and that I should get off her neck! I am

embarrassed to tell you, Doctor, that I went to bed and cried myself to sleep. After passing several

nights like this, I decided that Chelsea had a right to be her own person and resolved to do as she

wished. And I do....well, most of the time, anyway.

"It was hard to believe, but Chelsea was now sixteen To my dismay she wanted to learn

how to drive. Even worse, Bill was going to teach her. The Secret Service didn't ordinarily allow

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Bill to drive, which I think is a good thing, as he has a garbage collector mind which stores up so

much information that at any given moment he might not see where he is going. But since neither

he nor Chelsea paid any attention to my fears, he insisted on doing his paternal duty, and inveigled

the Secret Service fleet into lending him a car at Camp David.

"Her first driving lesson consisted of backing up and parallel parking. I went to bed with

my head under the covers until the lesson was over.

"'Well, how did the lesson go?' I asked her, upon their return.

"Well,' she answered, 'Dad learned a lot.'

"I looked them both over carefully. Chelsea appeared exhilarated, but Bill looked a little

green around the gills."

Patient and analyst got an attack of the giggles and laughed until it was time for Hillary to

leave. She went out into the hall still laughing. I do enjoy her sessions. We are almost like

girlfriends. It reminds me of when I was in elementary school and my friends and I broke out in

giggles every morning when The Principal was reading the bible. Fortunately, there is no Principal

around now to chastize me, but I seem to be taking care of that matter myself. I worry that my

warm feelings for Hillary will ruin the treatment, but then I console myself by thinking that she

really isn't in analysis, but only in psychotherapy. So I don't have to be so-o-o-o neutral. Analysts

will know what I mean.

But still I'd better check my countertransference (the reaction brought out in a therapist by

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his or her patient.). Why do I like her so much? I like her because she's likeable, that's why. She

is smart, she is funny, she is highly knowledgeable, and I learn a lot from her. She is more fun to

be with than any other of my patients. Also, she is a celebrity, and I am highly flattered that she

wants to come to me. Who says you can't like your patients? I'm getting to think like Hillary's

father. What kind of crazy business am I in where it is suspect to like your clients? I'd do better to

be a cashier in a supermarket where nobody criticizes you if you laugh with your customers.

January 27, 2014

"Shortly after she learned to drive," Hillary began, I came upon Chelsea and a group of her

friends discussing where they would apply to college. 'What, already?' I thought. 'It seems only a

little while ago that I was holding her on my lap and we were reading The Cat in the Hat together.

I thought I would give the world to have those times again. Unfortunately, she was then as tall as I

was, and it would have been a bit difficult to hold her in my lap. Despite my pain at the thought of

her leaving home, I resolved to hide my feelings with the hope that she would chose a nearby

college and we could at least spend weekends together. I wasn't always successful.

"Sidwell Friends School holds a college night every year in which they have qualified

speakers discuss various colleges and the application process. Bill and I went with Chelsea to see

what we could learn. On driving back to the White House, Chelsea seemed deep in thought.

Finally she said, 'Do you know what, Mom and Dad, I think I'd like to go to Stanford.'

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"Forgetting the advice in all the books I had read on how to be a good mother, I shouted,

'Stanford? Are you crazy? That's three thousand miles away. We would never get to see you!'

"Bill, wise man that he sometimes is, pressed my arm and said, 'Chelsea, you can go to any

college that will admit you.' Of course, I realized he was right, and even though I was not ready

for her to leave me even if she was, I knew I would be glad for her if she were admitted to the

college of her choice. I gritted my teeth and determined to spend as much time with her before

then as she would let me.

"Speaking of Chelsea's adolescent rebelliousness, I had to laugh when I read in the

newspapers that she was to be given an award by the National Hispanic Health Foundation

(NHHF) at its annual awards gala in New York. According to a press release, they will praise

Chelsea for 'motivating and informing young adults, especially Latinas, to be independent and

make healthy decisions for themselves.''Independent' is not exactly the word I would choose to

describe my teen-ager's snotty behavior. The NHHFshould stick around here for a few days. They

might retract the award.

"I've been reading stories about the traumas experienced by parents whose children left

home for college. One mother snuck back on campus to sneak one last look at her son, only to find

herself slinking around the hallway of his dorm like a spy in a grade B movie. I've been tempted to

do the same. Can't you envision the headlines, 'Hillary Clinton caught stalking around Stanford

dorms?' Then there was the father who couldn't sleep at night because he was worried that his son

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wasn't getting enough sleep. Sounds like Bill. One crazy mother couldn't bear to erase any phone

messages from her absent daughter, until her phone was so cluttered that it wouldn't work any

more, so she missed hearing from her daughter when she really called to talk Worst of all were the

parents who sobbed every time they walked by the empty room their kids once used, playing

music loud enough to break their eardrums. I'm not that bad, although Bill might tell you a

different story.

"I got a lot of comfort from such stories because misery loves company, and I really

dreaded the moment Bill and I had to say goodbye to Chelsea at Stanford. I'm the person who

cried when she went off to kindergarten. Oh, I know that good parents should feel great at their

children's achievements and full of excitement about the wonderful experiences that lie before

them. That's how I felt at my mature moments, but unfortunately, most of the time I wondered

why I let her skip third grade.

"I sympathized with the other mothers who were suffering from premature separation

anxiety during a month of intense preparation for a hallowed Sidwell Friends tradition: the

Mother-Daughter show. Mothers of Sidwell seniors participate in an evening of comic sketches

poking fun at their graduating daughters. I joined several mothers of Chelsea's friends in a series

of skits in which each of us played the part of our respective daughters. I did a lot of pirouetting

like a ballerina and talking endlessly on the phone about plans to go out. The audience howled. In

the opening scene we mothers draped ourselves in sheets like togas and sang, 'I Believe I Can

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Fly.' (I wouldn't be surprised if Chelsea could. She can do everything else.) Despite my stage

fright, I was able to find my inner ham, but fortunately for Chelsea, my voice was drowned out by

more musical mothers during the opening number.

"The graduation was much like many others I have attended, with one major difference:

The President of the United States spoke. Bill made me cry when he asked the graduates to realize

that their parents might seem a little sad or even act a bit strange. He said, 'You see, we are

remembering your first day of school and all the triumphs and failures that occurred between then

and now. Although we have raised you for this moment and are very proud of you, we long to hold

you on our laps one more time as we did when you were little and read you 'Madeline' or 'The

Little Engine That Could.' He wiped away a tear, and so did I and every other parent in the house.

"Soon, too soon, it was time for the parents to depart and leave their children to stop

humoring us and to rearrange their possessions as they really would like to have them. After weeks

of imagining our parting, I had steeled myself for this moment and was almost ready to leave. Not

Bill, though .He suddenly seemed filled with anxiety about parting from Chelsea.

"Do we have to leave? he asked. Do we really have to go this minute? Can't we return

after dinner?"

"As far as Chelsea is concerned she was more than ready for us to leave. Because Stanford

starts much later than most schools, she already had heard from many of her fellow students about

the excitement and miseries of college life, and can't wait to start. I tried to keep her from noting

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the woe-begone look in her parents' eyes."

What wonderful parents Chelsea has. Then I had a strange thought. This "analyzed"

experienced psychoanalyst found herself thinking, "If I could be reborn as someone else, I would

chose to be Chelsea Clinton, who has such loving, accomplished parents." Needless to say, I

quickly shoved away the thought, lest Hillary catch sight of it in my eyes.

"I hope we have given her the really important things a student needs to do well at college,

and that she has her own conscience firmly locked inside her," Hillary continued. "Like most

mothers, I've worried about unimportant matters like the color of her sheets, when I'm really

concerned about whether she'll make good friends who will like her for herself and not for who her

parents are, if she'll like her classes, and eat the right foods. Unlike every other mother, however, I

worry about the security and privacy that go along with being the president's daughter. Bill and I

trust Chelsea to take care of herself on her own. She always has been a level headed and well-

controlled person. But the nuts of the world are not so predictable, and we won't be able to shield

her from them as we did while she lived with us."

January 29, 2014

"Speaking of the nuts in the world," Hillary said, picking up where she left off. "That's a

problem that has bothered me more since Princess Diana's death and my resulting concern about

her sons. Neither Chelsea nor William and Harry chose their parents. Like all young people, they

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should be permitted space and privacy. These children, like all others, deserve to pursue their

educations and emotional development without the pressure of living under the eyes of the world.

Unfortunately, Prince Charles does not seem to be able to fill the bill, nor does that stony faced

statue of a queen and her preoccupied Prince Consort. I only hope that Diana gave her boys

enough emotionally to guide them on the rocky path to adulthood. .

"I will be everlastingly grateful that Chelsea has been spared much intrusive media

attention during our White House years. Once I made it clear to the press that Bill and I were

deeply committed to protecting Chelsea's privacy and would got to great lengths to enforce it, they

have avoided stalking her most of the time or bothering her with unwelcome attention outside of

public events that she participated in because of her father's presidency.

"The media's sensitivity and feelings of responsibility for Chelsea's welfare have helped

her a lot, and allowed her to grow up as normally as possible in the White House. They have

permitted her to be a regular teenager, who is free to pursue her studies and interests without

journalists gawking at her night and day. That's as it was for Caroline and John Kennedy, and

exactly the way it should have been. I'm happy Jackie was around long enough to see it. That's

also how it should be for William, Harry or the child of any public figure, who must be left in

peace to mature away from the intense glare of the public eye. And that's how I hope it will remain

for Chelsea as she embarks on her college years.

"When I think of my own college experiences, dates that were a disappointment; rushing

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back to the dorm to beat the curfew, getting a quarter of an hour snooze during finals if I was

lucky; walking through the campus with a handsome new boyfriend that ended in a tender

moment, the idea of having any of those private moments, all part of finding myself, under the

bright lights of cameras of my parents' occupations makes my intestines cramp up. I hope my

daughter will continued to be spared such indignation.

"I pray that she and her friends will be able to spend their next four years learning, finding

out what is important to them in life, and moving toward fulfilling their dreams. Then I can return

to worrying about everything else at Stanford, like the color of her sheets."

January 31, 2014

"Chelsea became a student at Stanford in the fall of 1997, with a history major," Hillary

told me."Not surprising when you think that she has helped to make it, and conceivably will do

more so in the future. The week before she registered, I published an open letter in my syndicated

column warning journalists to leave my daughter alone. Chelsea arrived at Stanford in a motorcade

with Bill and me, Secret Service men, and almost 250 journalists. For her security, bullet-proof

glass was installed in her dorm windows and cameras were placed in hallways. In addition, Secret

Service men dressed as students lived in her dorm. To my satisfaction, with the exception of an

occasional tabloid story written about her (which nevertheless infuriated me), Chelsea's four

Stanford years remained largely hidden from the public.

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"She graduated in 2001 with highest honors and a B.A. in History. The topic of her 150-

page senior thesis was the 1998 Good Friday Agreement in Northern Ireland. She knows more

than I do about it, and I was Secretary of State! At the time of Chelsea's graduation, Bill issued a

statement saying, 'Hillary and I are grateful for the friendships and great learning experiences

Chelsea had at Stanford, and we are very proud of her on this special day.'

"In July 2001, Bill issued a statement that Chelsea would attend University College,

Oxford later that year, where he had studied politics between 1968 and 1970 on a Rhodes

Scholarship. Chelsea did not apply for one, as we felt they should be given to a needy child. Lord

Butler of Brockwell, the Master of University College, said, 'Chelsea Clinton's record at Stanford

shows that she is a very well-qualified and able student. The college is also pleased to extend its

link with the Clinton family.' Upon the suggestion of British and American advisors, the

university heightened security measures, and students were ordered not to discuss Chelsea with the

media.

"Arriving at University College shortly after the September 11 attacks, Chelsea was

attracted to other American students who were feeling as she did about the traumatic after-effects

of the assault. She told Talk magazine: 'Every day I run into some sort of anti-American feeling.

Before I got here I thought I would seek out non-Americans as friends, for the sake of diversity.

Now I find support in being around Americans, who feel as devastated by the attack on our

country as I do.'

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"Chelsea was heavily criticized for her comments in the press and by the students'

newspaper, Oxford Student, (So what else is new? She's a Clinton, isn't she) which angered the

university for attacking Chelsea in an editorial. In contrast, many people who met her described

her as charming, poised and unaffected, which she is, and unless she is hiding her feelings from

me, which is unlike Chelsea, she seemed to be adjusting well to life overseas. During her Oxford

years, I was surprised to see Chelsea adopting a sophisticated look, helped by our family friend,

Donatella Versace, whose couture shows Chelsea never missed. Geordie Greig, the editor of

Tatler, ranked her fifth on his 2002 'Top 10 Girls' list. My daughter on the Top 10 Girls" list?

Incredible! I hope my college classmates read about it and are consumed with jealousy, as I was

about them at Wellesley.. My father must be looking down from Heaven and smirking. He thought

the whole fashion industry should be run out of town.

"In 2003, I was thrilled when Chelsea was awarded a M.Phil. in International Relations.

Following her graduation, she returned to the United States, where she began working toward a

D.Phil. in International Relations from the University of Oxford, doing her doctoral work at

Columbia University. I always said I had a smart kid!

"In the spring of 2010, Chelsea completed a Master of Public Health degree at Columbia's

Mailman School of Public Health and began teaching graduate classes there in 2012."

February 3, 2014

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"Now for Chelsea's work life," Hillary said. "I can't wait to tell you what she's been up to.

In 2010, my brilliant daughter began serving as Assistant Vice Provost for the Global Network

University of New York University, working on international recruitment strategies. She also is

the co-founder of the Of Many Institute for Multifaith Leadership at NYU and serves as its co-

chair. In 2012, she was given an award from the Temple of Understanding for her "work in

advancing a new model of integrating interfaith and cross-cultural education into campus life,"

together with Imam Khalid Latif and Rabbi Yehuda Sarna. A girl after my own heart! Some

people pay lip service to the idea of not being prejudiced against any religion or race, but Chelsea,

who was raised by non-prejudiced parents, has proven her lack of intolerance by marrying Marc

Mezvinsky, a Jew.

"In 2003, Chelsea was hired by the consulting firm McKinsey & Company in New York,

and in the fall of 2006 changed jobs to work for Avenue Capital Group She was appointed co-

chairperson for a fund-raising venture by the Clinton Foundation, and at her young age is already

on the board of directors of the School of American Ballet. Leave it to my Chelsea to get what she

wants, one way or another. If she couldn't be a ballerina herself, she does the next best thing by

participating in the lives of young dancers

"NBC announced in November 2011 that they had hired Chelsea as a special

correspondent. She was to report feature stories about 'Making a Difference' for NBC Nightly

News and Rock Center. It was a three-month contract that permitted her to continue working for

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the Clinton Foundation and to remain at Columbia. Although she received some critical reviews

for her work (Of course. She is a Clinton!), her NBC contract was renewed.

"In December 2007, my dear Chelsea at her own initiation began campaigning in Iowa in

support of my bid for the Democratic presidential nomination. She spoke largely on college

campuses across the country . By early April 2008, she had appeared at one colleges to speak on

my behalf. What a daughter I have! Most girls desert their mothers when they begin to go about

their own lives, but not Chelsea. She continues to show her love for me in her actions. I suppose

she takes after me in that respect: I stuck by my mother to the bitter end, and was happy to return

her love for me when she grew to need it. When I read about all the problems people have with

their teenagers, I thank God I have Chelsea for a daughter and wish everybody was as lucky as Bill

and me. But then, is it really luck? I like to think I have had some input in helping her to become

the wonderful person she is.

"While Chelsea was campaigning, she answered audience questions but refused to give

interviews or respond to press questions, including one from a little nine year old Scholastic News

reporter who asked whether Chelsea's father would be a good 'first man.' Chelsea laughed and

replied, 'I'm sorry, young lady, but I don't talk to the press. Even though I think you're cute, that

applies to you, too,' Philippe Reines, my press secretary, always stepped in when the media

attempted to barge in on Chelsea. He did a good job, and I was grateful.

"When MSNBC ignoramus reporter David Shuster called Chelsea's activities on my behalf

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'being pimped out,' Reines violently objected. Shuster subsequently apologized on-air and was

suspended for two weeks. I am completely in favor of free speech, but I suspect I would turn my

head if David Shuster were gagged!

"The first time she was asked about how I handled the Lewinsky scandal at a campaign

stop Chelsea responded with her mother's tart tongue, "I do not think that is any of your

business."As she became a more experienced campaigner, she tuned down her responses and

deflected questions on such issues with comments like, 'If that's what you want to say, then that's

what you should say. But there are other people who are interested in important things like

healthcare and economics.' Smart girl, my Chelsea! Or did I mention that before?

"At the 2008 Democratic National Convention, to my great delight Chelsea called me "my

hero and my mother" and introduced me with a long video tribute. She then returned to New York

City and her private life."

January 27, 2014

"Now for the best part. On July 31, 2010, Chelsea and investment banker Marc Mezvinsky

were married in an interfaith ceremony in Rhinebeck, New York. (I told you she believes in

interfaith with all her heart.) The wedding was held at Astor Courts, an estate overlooking the

Hudson River which at that time was the home of Hillary Clinton supporter Kathleen Hammer,

once a producer at Oxygen Media, and Arthur Seelbinder, a developer and businessman. Although

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I was terrified of losing her even more, I liked Marc, and was happy for both of them.

"Mezvinsky was born December 15, 1977, to former Pennsylvania Democratic

Congresswoman Marjorie Margolies-Mezvinsky and former Iowa Democratic Congressman

Edward Mezvinsky. Marc was raised in the Conservative Jewish tradition. The older Clintons and

Mezvinskys were friends in the 1990s and our children met on a Renaissance Weekend retreat in

Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. They first were reported to be a couple in 2005, and became

engaged over Thanksgiving weekend in 2009.

"Before her marriage to Mezvinsky in 2010, Chelsea's love life, such as it was, had been

tabloid fodder, much to the chagrin of her fiercely protective parents. Her first reported boyfriend

was Matthew Pierce, whom she met at Stanford, but the pair split in 1998, reportedly due to the

emotional toll of President Clinton's sex scandal with Monica Lewinksy. Chelsea was later linked

to fellow Stanford student Jeremy Kane, who even interned for her dad in the White House (I

wonder how he got the job), and she was later romanced by Ian Klaus at Oxford. She finally

settled down with Mezvinsky, and now the world (and her mother!) wants to know when a Clinton

grandbaby will appear on the scene.

"When asked by the ever present press, Chelsea answered, 'My husband and I hope that's

in the not-too-distant future, but at the moment we're both working really hard," she said, adding

that they are focusing on getting to a place where they can make a child their top priority. I can

only answer with the Jewish word, Alevei, meaning 'It should only happen to me,' a word I

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learned from the Mezvinskys. Hey there, Doc, I'm getting to be as Yiddish as my daughter and

future grandchild! Like all rich Jews, Chelsea and Marc live in a an elegant condo that cost $10.5

million, near Madison Square Park in Manhattan.

Incidentally, Chelsea's in-laws must have been thrilled when I was awarded a Lifetime

Achievement Award From The American Jewish Congress. But my father surely turned over in

his grave. I hope somewhere he knows about it. It would serve him right!"

January 29, 2014

"Writing my book, It Takes a Village, showed me there were (sometimes) other things in

the world besides mother-daughter relationships, and helped a lot with the loss of Chelsea from my

daily life. My book tours offered exciting moments that often made me forget about Chelsea for an

hour at a time. Dozens of people showed up at my book signings wearing 'Hillary Fan Club' T-

shirts. There were hundreds of chapters all over the country, who seemed to sense when I needed a

boost of self-esteem. They would send out their troops to greet me with smiles, hand waving, and

homemade signs. It made me feel great, although my hand always hurt so much from all the

handshaking that I had to retreat to my hotel room and soak it in Epson Salts. It took away the

pain until the next day, when the process repeated itself. I might mention it didn't detract at all

from my improved spirits that people lined up around the block at many bookstores to buy an

engraved copy of my book, which made me a lot of money. So there, Bill Clinton! You are not the

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only one whose readers line up for hours outside of bookstores to buy an autographed book.

"When Kenneth Starr issued a subpoena calling me before the grand jury to testify about

missing billing records, I was frantic, and regressed again to my depressed mood. I am a very

conscientious person, and it hurt badly to have my credibility questioned in front of the entire

nation, if not the world. I also was worried that my testimony would reflect badly on Bill's

presidency and destroy voters' trust in us. I wanted to be his helpmate, not a lode around his neck,

and told him so. He felt very bad about it for me, and said, 'Not to worry! It will all come out in

the wash.' I deeply appreciate his support. We are a family that sticks together when one of us is

in trouble. Chelsea also was very worried about me. She was now a young lady, and closely

followed the news about the investigations, sometimes to a degree I wasn't happy about. But as the

old adage says, 'What goes around comes around.' I guess I had comforted and protected her for

so long that she wanted to return the favor. I originally tried to avoid troubling her with what I was

going through, but relented when she said she felt better when I told her what I was feeling.

"When Chelsea was interviewed on The Rachael Ray Show on October 11, 2013, I was

shocked to learn some things about my daughter that I had never dreamed of. It seems she told

Ray that she had her first necking party in the basement of the White House (the White House!) at

some point during Bill's presidency, with an unknown guy who later become her boyfriend. I only

hope that guy was Marc. And here I thought I was taking such good care of her, and seeing that

she was always carefully supervised. I guess she just wasn't a Miss Priss like her mother at that

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age. It must be the Bill Clinton in her. Jackie, where was your advice about such matters?

"Marc seems to be madly in love with Chelsea. He couldn't keep his eyes off her as she

stepped out in a bold orange dress during the closing plenary session of the Clinton Global

Initiative in New York The 37-year-old investment banker, who once described Chelsea as 'the yin

to his yang', sat alongside her during the final day of the Clinton Global Initiative Annual Meeting

in New York, flashing her adoring looks. The couple were joined in the audience by Bill Clinton

and me, where I modeled my new shorter hairstyle and an eye-catching mint green pant suit.

Marc is the son of Marjorie Mezvinsky, law professor at the University of Pennsylvania and of

former Republican congressman and convicted felon Ed Mezvinsky. While I don't enjoy the fact

that my daughter's father-in-law is a convicted felon, I guess I shouldn't be too critical of Ed

Mezvinsky's shortcomings, after the Monica Lewinsky scandal. Despite unfounded reports by the

media that the Mezvinsky marriage was on the rocks (Don't they wish it!), in an interview with

Vogue last year Chelsea and Marc explained that they were more in love than ever and gearing up

to start a family 'in a couple of years'. Their appearance together appeared to confirm these

feelings. Mr Mezvinsky beamed as he sat alongside his wife and she looked equally happy with

life. They both were all smiles. She wore her long blonde hair straight and accessorized her pretty

sleeveless dress with a pair of nude heels.

"I think they are a perfect match: They seem to fit together like Bill and me, although I

pray to God without the philandering! Her husband sat on one side of her, and Bill and I on the

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other. Towards the end of the Clinton Global Initiative closing session, Chelsea went up on the

stage at the Sheraton Hotel together with us to address the crowds. She spoke beautifully, and I

was so proud! Sweet Chelsea tweeted today: 'Thank you to all the staff at @ClintonGlobal and

@ClintonFdn for making #CGI2013 a terrific and productive meeting this year!'

"The annual CG I meeting provides a platform for Bill, Chelsea, and me to announce a

series of financial commitments from corporations, nongovernmental organizations and

philanthropists to address intractable problems around the globe. Perhaps more than any other

year, the New York gathering of Clinton devotées has offered a striking look at our past, present

and future. Created in 2001, the foundation allowed the ex-president to tackle problems across

continents and shore up his legacy. It now serves as a home base for me, too, as I consider running

for president in 2016. It also could become a launching pad for Chelsea, should she live out her

heritage and become a political person like her parents.

"'What began with one man's drive to help people everywhere quickly moved into a

foundation full people of great passion and great gifts.

"Like mother, like daughter: We struck matching poses as we stood on the stage at the

Clinton Global Initiative. It was said that we also selected equally loud outfits. Oh Bob Dylan,

you had it right about being stoned.

"The four-day yearly CGI meetings illuminate how the Clintons have moved on from the

White House to establish a worldwide clearinghouse in which overwhelming problems like AIDS

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prevention, nutrition, and female equality and low income are examined with an eye to finding

solutions.

"In a testament to our continuing ability to convene big names, the ballroom was bursting

with former Clinton administration officials, CEOs and corporate executives, as well as celebrities.

As my slob of a husband searched for his notes backstage, Bono kept the crowd entertained with

an impromptu Clinton impression, complete with a Southern drawl. The crowd howled. Even Bill

thought it was funny and laughed loudly. I laughed to be polite. In smaller sessions, actor Sean

Penn talked about his development work in Haiti and the lovely actress Kate Hudson promoted

leadership roles by women.

"I told how I would lead an effort through the foundation to evaluate the progress made by

women around the globe in advance of the 20th anniversary of my remarks at the U.N. women's

conference in Beijing. As first lady, I had declared at the 1995 conference the much quoted remark

that 'human rights are women's rights and women's rights are human rights, once and for all.' It is

one of the best things I've ever said, and is still resounding around the world.

"Chelsea left her husband in the audience as she joined me on stage. Voicing both of our

thoughts I delighted her by speaking about a commitment to stop the poaching of African

elephants.

"During a session on Wednesday, I announced three new commitments to help women

around the globe, including a $1.5billion effort over the next five years to help businesses owned

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by women. Financial partners include Coca-Cola, Wal-Mart and Exxon Mobil. Our family has

been raising money to build the foundation's endowment, holding recent fund raisers in New

York's Hamptons and Washington. A benefit concert in London was planned for the fall, along

with events in Washington and Miami.

"Bill was forced to defend his foundation in August after media reports of infighting

among staff and questions over the organization's financial management. Tell me, Doctor, Why oh

why do they continue to persecute us? Surely we have paid the price of whatever sinfulness we

may have indulged in. The foundation disclosed that an outside firm conducted an audit in 2011

that recommended a stronger management staff and a more independent board. We tried to give it

to them. But I suspect they will continue to try to throttle us as long as Clintons are in politics.

"Republicans have already indicated that the foundation's work would be fair game if I run

for president in three years. I can hardly wait! Kirsten Kukowski, a spokeswoman for the

Republican National Committee, cited 'mismanagement and conflicts of interest' within the

foundation and said it showed 'how the Clintons operate and is part of the baggage tied to me.' So

what else is new?"

January 29, 2014

Hillary happily returned to brag some more about her daughter and her fiancé. "Unlike her

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mother, Chelsea doesn't have to be the family breadwinner. Marc Mezvinsky manages his own

hedge fund after a successful stint at Goldman Sachs and at the age of 37 already has an estimated

net worth of $15 million. The daughter is smarter than her mother was at Chelsea's age, and looks

after her own interests. Mezvinsky is the son of two former congress members. Marc's mother

Marjorie teaches law at the University of Pennsylvania. My granddaughter Mia took Mezvinsky's

class, and said she is a wonderful teacher. I won't mention again that Marc's father was sent to

prison for fraud. Well, as I said before, after the Monica Lewinsky affair and my husband's

impeachment, I can't be too critical.

"I think Chelsea and Marc are a perfect match: They met when they were teenagers, but

didn't start dating until years later in 2005, and didn't marry for five more years. After weeks of

media obsession, wild guesses, and outright impatience, Chelsea Clinton and her groom Marc

Mezvinsky were finally wed. As expected, the event took place on Saturday, July 31 in Rhinebeck,

New York, at the opulent Astor Courts estate, a private Beaux-Arts mansion on 50 wooded acres

that overlook the Hudson River.

"American designer Vera Wang, a Clinton family friend who was also a guest at the

wedding, designed Chelsea's wedding dress. The stunning strapless style, tightly draped across her

bodice and cinched with a gem-encrusted belt, bloomed into a voluminous, laser-cut organza-and-

tulle skirt. Chelsea wore a full veil to walk down the aisle, and carried a bouquet of all-white moth

orchids. For the reception, she changed into a Grecian-style gown with a narrow, black grosgrain

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belt, in which she looked like a Grecian goddess. I'd say it was quite a contrast to my own

grabbed-off-the-rack bridal dress, wouldn't you, Doctor? The groom wore a wool-mohair-mix

tuxedo custom-designed by Burberry.

"When I looked at the glorious couple standing side by side under the huppah, and thought,

'That's my daughter standing up there,' I couldn't help bursting into tears of joy. Nobody seemed

to notice, as they were all blowing their noses, too.

"The bridesmaids looked absolutely gorgeous in strapless bias-cut gowns made of

lavender silk chiffon with plum-colored grosgrain ribbons at the waist. In contrast to my own

wedding, I wore an elegant embroidered Oscar de la Renta gown in a potent shade of raspberry. I

even enjoyed looking elegant! I guess I've changed me since then, along with my type of gown.

"Chelsea put Bill on a diet, as she said she didn't want "some fat guy" walking her down

the aisle. He lost all the weight Chelsea wanted him to, and even more. By cutting out junk food

and exercising more, the proud father of the bride actually lost more than 20 pounds, going five

pounds beyond the goal Chelsea had set for him. He is a little vain, too, which helped him lose the

weight. I think he was hurt that she called him 'some fat guy.' Now all he has to do is to keep it

off! I promised Chelsea that I would try to keep him away from McDonalds.

"For some reason I don't understand, there were fewer famous names who attended the

wedding than I expected. It's strange, because I am very good about attending weddings of the

famous and near-famous. Recognizable faces included acting couple Ted Danson and Mary

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Steenburgen, former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, the incredibly wealthy Warren

Buffett, and former Democratic national committee chairman Terry McAuliffe. I was upset that

Oprah Winfrey, Steven Spielberg, and Barbra Streisand all failed to show up. Don't they like me?"

she asked me wistfully.

I quickly informed her that they must certainly like her, as she is very likeable, but they

probably were kept from attending the wedding by long standing engagements. I don't think she

believed me.

"I wish I weren't so sensitive," she continued along the same line. "I felt every rejection to

the wedding as if an arrow were shot through me. And I wasn't even the one getting married! Why

do you think my feelings are so easily bruised, Doctor?"

I think you were very hurt each time your father was critical of you. No matter how well

you did, there was always something he said you could have done better. And here you are now

giving a spectacular wedding for your daughter, and apparently it still isn't good enough for some

people to attend.

She smiled, and said, "You're right. That is exactly the way it feels when someone turns

down my invitation, the way I felt when I pleaded for a compliment from my father and he refused

to give it to me."

Good that you know it, Hillary. It is their loss, not yours. Perhaps in the future when

someone rebuffs you, you can tell yourself, 'So and so is not my father, and I am not a little girl.'

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She nodded thoughtfully, and returned to discussing Chelsea's wedding...

"The road to the exclusive estate was blocked off for the uninvited and a no-fly zone

imposed,' she continued. 'Guests were prevented from bringing any device that texted, tweeted,

took photos, or sent any kind of description anywhere. To my fury, a few sneaky guests got away

with taking photographs, which they proceed to sell to tabloids for what I'm sure was a jackpile of

money. I should have been more careful who we invited!.

"The wedding, which was called the event of the year, included a sumptuous dinner and

dancing for 400 guests. The people I invited who didn't come don't know what they were missing.

They will never see its like again. It all took place under a tent at the former estate of John Jacob

Astor IV in Rhinebeck, N.Y. The mansion dates back to 1902 and boasts an indoor tennis court

and white marble swimming pool.. The wedding ceremony was inside a premium windowed tent

lit by chandeliers. The inside of the tent was transformed into a fairyland. The ceiling and walls

were draped in silks, its support poles blossomed with flowers, with tables covered in gray-blue

cloths and arrangements of pink, blue and lavender hydrangeas and roses. Not bad for the daughter

of a little girl from Pine Ridge, Illinois!

"Although Chelsea is a vegetarian, the guests dined on locally raised grass-fed beef (short

ribs) or grilled Atlantic char, risotto, salad, and dinner rolls, catered by the St. Regis Hotel in New

York. All the bread served was gluten-free, in deference to the bride's allergies..

"The eleven-tier chocolate cake, which was created by La Tulipe Desserts in Mt. Kisco,

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NY. cost $11,000, and was all that a wedding cake can be. It certainly was not modest. At $11,000,

it couldn't be. Can you believe it? The parsimonious father in me cried out, 'How can you waste

all that money? Whole families in India can live on much less than that a year!" I answered, 'Shut

up, Papa! She is only going to get married once (I hope).' Fortunately, he was not around to

smack my butt.

"Neither I nor anyone present will ever forget Bill's toast to the bride. Perhaps his most

quoted line addressed the battle of the sexes: Since Chelsea had been taught by her mother to voice

her opinions, the former President (who was not known for meekness) said he has 'been

outnumbered in his household by women. Now, with a son-in-law, 'the playing field is even. I

have someone else on my side.' He added, 'My daughter is happy. I like and admire my future

son-in-law, so I couldn't be happier about it.' I didn't believe him. I suspect he is very jealous of

Marc.

"The new couple performed a choreographed tango routine to the Etta James classic 'At

Last.' Like Bill and me, who have always loved to dance, they danced graciously and brilliantly. I

was ready to burst with pride. I thought, "At least there is one thing in my life I have done right. I

have raised a perfect child!'

"Bill helped to mastermind the nuptials to a limited degree. Though he told Ryan Seacrest

in March that his role was limited 'to walking Chelsea down the aisle and paying the bills,' on

April 19, he told NBC that his daughter had decided to allow him to tap his world-leader

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expertise.: 'Chelsea is good enough to include me in the decisions...so I love that.' Still, Bill made

sure to keep the focus on the bride. 'I am going to try not to cry because this isn't about me, it's

about her. I don't even want to be mentioned in the story except that I didn't stumble walking

down the aisle. So I am going to try to manage it but don't promise,' he said at June's

Fortune/Time/CNN global forum.

"When CNN's Crowley asked me which is harder, negotiating Middle East peace or

planning Chelsea's wedding, I replied with a smile, 'Well, I'd probably call it a draw.'

January 31, 2014

"Only a few members of Chelsea's inner circle had seen her engagement ring until she

flashed her huge diamond ring at the opening night of 'Promises, Promises on Broadway,' Hillary

began. "The media of course published photos of the future bride on crutches. My dear daughter

had broken her heel, insisting she had no idea how it happened. Chelsea is a very honest person,

but that one is hard to believe. Leave it to Bill Clinton's daughter to mess things up! Fortunately,

she was expected to recover in time for her wedding.

"My wedding dress was quite a contrast to Chelsea's. As you may recall, I grabbed a beige

muslin-y, linen Jessica McClintock number off the rack at Dillard's the day before my wedding. If

I ever regretted not having a fancier wedding, my daughter's nuptials sure made up for it big time.

"I was asked before the ceremony if it would be religious. I said that is questionable. I am

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a Methodist, Bill is Southern Baptist, and to complicate matters further, Mezvinsky is Jewish. The

couple had a range of choices, including conversion or a melding of both traditions into one

ceremony. After all, Chelsea was spotted last year attending Yom Kippur services with Mezvinsky

in New York. I have to laugh when I think of how her anti-semitic grandfather would have felt

about her choice of a husband. He must be turning over in his grave. Serves him right, the old

bigot!

"It turned out that duties were divided between Yale University's Jewish chaplain, James

Ponet, and Rev. William Shillady of the Park Avenue Methodist Church in New York. At one

point, after a breeze flipped a page in Shillady's service book, Chelsea helped him remember his

next line of verse. At her own wedding, yet! Don't I have a smart daughter? Or are you getting

tired of hearing it?

"After they exchanged vows and rings, friends and relative read the customary Jewish

Seven Blessings. Chelsea and Mark stood under an arch of twigs, vines, and flowers like a Jewish

chuppah (wedding canopy). One of the couple's friends read a 1943 poem by Leo Marks called

The Life That I Have, which I love. Here is the first verse:

The life that I have

Is all that I have

And the life that I have Is yours

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"I cried, along with everyone else.

"Security proved to be a problem right from the start, as two Norwegian journalists were

arrested and charged with trespassing for snapping photos at the estate's gate. To my great

satisfaction, as a means of keeping out the paparazzi Federal authorities ordered the closing of

airspace over the territory the entire weekend. I really appreciate it when the government steps in to

help me out, rather than the other way around.

"After their marriage, the story book couple lived in New York City's Gramercy Park

neighborhood and in March 2013 they purchased the $10.5 million condominium on Madison

Square Park in the Flatiron District of Manhattan. Would Bill and I had been so rich at their age! I

don't feel that rich even now. We probably aren't. I'm only a little bit jealous."

February 5, 2014

"To return to the Foundation, Democrats call attacks on it just a typical assault upon the

Clintons, and say the charitable work we do speaks for itself," Hillary said "The foundation said

this week that it had helped more than 5 million people with AIDS receive medication in 70

countries, its agriculture work in Africa had helped 4,300 farmers feed 30,000 people, and its work

led to the planting of 4.5 million trees in Rwanda and Malawi. I think that is a pretty wonderful

record, despite what the nasty Republicans may say about it.

"Everything and anything available, and even some that are fabricated, will be used against

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us, but if that's the biggest complaint they can dig up, that my family has helped save lives around

the world, I am happy to be a Clinton. The foundation's future could rest in the hands of my dear

Chelsea, who has traveled far and wide on its behalf and despite her youth serves extremely well as

vice chair. She recently presided over a panel on noncommunicable diseases and announced several

philanthropic commitments, including efforts to provide clean drinking water and promote the

health of women and children in Latin America. Right in my footsteps! How proud can a mother

be?

"'Baby Clinton' has hinted that politics could be in her future. With her parents, it wouldn't

surprise anyone. Who could have had a better preparation? She has heard politics discussed

everyday from the moment she was born. When she was only two years old, she already shared the

podium with Bill and me as we campaigned throughout Arkansas for Bill's gubernatorial race.

In an interview with CNN from Rwanda, she said she was 'attempting to lead a purposely public

life' and that she might consider entering politics if she thought she could make a difference. If I

don't make president, maybe my daughter will do it for me in 2050. I hope I'm around to see it! If

not my mother and I will shine down on her from Heaven. If politics are anything like they are

today, Chelsea will need all the help she can get."

February 7, 2014

"Today, Doctor, I want to tell you about what were probably the most wonderful years of my life,"

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Hillary said.

I had been listening to sad stories all day long about deaths, illnesses, and rejected lovers,

and felt weighted down myself by them. I looked at Hillary with pleasure, thinking what a great

relief it would be to hear about happy occasions for a change. I said, That will be good to hear,

Hillary. Tell me about them.

She said, "Toward the end of Bill's presidencies, I woke up one morning to find myself

thinking, 'I am weary of riding on Bill's coattails. I am as smart as he is, and practically ran the

presidency with him. Why don't I resurrect Hillary Rodham who was a natural born leader and run

for office myself? I mulled over the idea for a while until early in 1999 when it occurred to me that

I could run for the U.S. Senate seat in New York vacated by Daniel Patrick Moynihan and possibly

win. The more I thought about it, the more plausible it seemed, so I decided to discuss it with my

best friend and advisor, Bill Clinton.

"'Bill,' I said hesitantly, 'What would you think about my starting a career of my own and

running, say, for senator of New York after we leave the White House?'

"One of the nicest things about Bill as a husband is that he always encourages me in

whatever I want to do. If I said, 'Bill, I want to go lion hunting on Mount Everest,' he would say,

'Let's hop on a plane for the Himalayas tomorrow.' When I asked him what he thought about my

running for New York senator, he answered, 'What a great idea, Hillary! Go for it! I will do all I

can to help you win. We would win by a landslide!'

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"I thought, 'What do you mean, We?' But I said, 'Thanks, Bill. I appreciate your support.'

"So we quickly bought a beautiful house in Chappaqua, New York, to establish our New

York residency. I ran for the office in November 2000, and as usual found that Bill was right. His

political instincts are unsurpassable. I did win by a landslide, and was elected to the U.S. Senate. I

served as a United States Senator from New York for eight lovely years, from January 3, 2001 to

January 21, 2009. I was happy as a lark, and indeed found myself singing in the shower. I had

found my calling at last. I was 60 years old. Some of us it takes a little longer."

February 9, 2014

Today was my birthday. To my surprise, I received two dozen gorgeous long stemmed

roses. I thought, how lovely! I haven't received any flowers since my husband died. Who could

have sent them? I opened the little card that came with the flowers, and almost fell over when I

read, "Happy, Happy Birthday, from Hillary. I'm happy you were born." I was very touched. What

a thoughtful woman! Even though she's not supposed to give me presents.

February 10, 2014.

Thank you so much for the flowers, Hillary, I said. But you shouldn't have done that.

Patients aren't supposed to give presents to their analysts.

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"I only follow the rules when I like them," she quipped with a smile.

How did you know it was my birthday??

"Oh, I have my ways," she said, fluttering her lashes. "Enough of that, or you'll know all

my secrets," she said, and began to talk further about her husband. "Bill retired to Chappaqua after

leaving the presidency on January 20, opened an office in Harlem and began to write his

autobiography." Hillary said. "The book, My Life, was published in 2004 and became a bestseller.

He made a lot of money for a change, more than me for the first time. Bill received an advance of

$10 million dollars, while I only got $8! It's just another example of the sexist mentality of this

country. It was also the first time in Bill's chaotic life he made a decent income, not that he hadn't

always deserved more.

"Then Bill traveled extensively around the world, particularly in Africa and Asia, where he

began efforts to import medicine to combat the AIDS epidemic. In 2005, President George W. Bush

appointed Clinton and the elder President Bush to direct humanitarian relief efforts for the victims

of a tsunami that killed more than 200,000 people along the coasts of the Indian Ocean on

December 26, 2004. They saved many lives. Both ex-presidents were also involved in the relief

efforts for the victims of Hurricane Katrina in 2005. In 2010, Clinton and George W. Bush created

the Clinton Bush Haiti Fund to assist the people of Haiti after an earthquake there in January. I'm

glad W. finally managed to do something worthwhile in his presidency. Can you believe a

Republican and a Democrat could work so well together? You'd think two ex-presidents would vie

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for supremacy. It's a tribute to both men that they didn't.

"My quest for the Senate was met with some skepticism, but I was able to win over voters.

After I became a senator, even the Republicans whom I expected to greet me with crucifixes and

garlic learned we could work together and, grudgingly, began to respect me.

"My constituency apparently did as well. In the 2000 election, New York City's firefighters

supported my Republican rival for the Senate seat. Six years later, the firefighters publicly endorsed

me before any Republican threw his or her hat in the ring. I was sworn in as a U.S. Senator by Vice

President Al Gore in the Old Senate Chamber, as Bill and Chelsea looked on. After the ceremony,

Bill said to me, 'We are so proud of you, Hillary. Aren't you proud of yourself?'

"I answered, 'I'm so proud of myself I could bust!'

February 10, 2014

" Although I was sworn in on January 1, 2001, I remained the First Lady until January 20. I

served simultaneously for twenty days as a member of one branch of government while married to

the leader of another branch, another first for me, and as far as I know, for anybody.. I got a little

dizzy leaping from one position to the other, and was relieved that the interval was only twenty

days.

"The first year, while working to understand my new state and position, I tried to maintain a

low public profile while building relationships with senators from both parties, to avoid the media

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circus I had experienced as First Lady. I also joined religious senators by becoming a regular

participant in the Senate Prayer Group, which I found most soothing, in the midst of the hustle-

bustle of the senate..

"I was thrilled to be re-elected in 2006, winning more than 67 percent of the popular vote in

N.Y. state. As of November 2007, I enjoyed a 60 percent job approval rating . On Feb. 14, 2008,

the Washington Post reported that I was among the top 10 senators for securing federal funds for

my home state, bringing in more than $342 million in earmarks for New York

"In the Senate, I became a staunch opponent of the Iraq War."

I looked at her incredulously.

She picked it up, of course. Hillary Clinton doesn't miss a thing.

"Although I voted in 2002 in favor of the initial invasion," she explained, "knowing what I

know now, I would never have voted for it. I later cast votes against the war, including against a

troop surge and in favor of calls to withdraw troops."

I nodded, feeling only slightly skeptical about her answer.

She continued without picking up on my ambivalence. Either she hadn't noticed, which I

doubt, or she didn't care.

"I added a wide variety of causes that were important to me in the Senate," she went on,

"expanding access to family planning and contraceptives and supporting unwanted pregnancy

prevention through education I quickly leaped in when the media revealed that a popular video

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game contained explicit sex scenes, which disgusted me. I have nothing against sex, but portraying

it before the eyes of children? Come on! Although Bill sometimes calls me a prude, he couldn't

stop me from co-sponsoring the Family Entertainment Protection Act, which called for stricter

rating guidelines and better enforcement of existing guidelines. In March 2007, I introduced the

Count Every Vote Act in the Senate, which required that paper copies of electronic votes be used as

the standard in a recount, and tightened guidelines on electronic voting machine security.

"1introduced 377 bills between Jan. 22, 2001, and Aug. 11, 2008. Of these, 323 died in

committee, earning me a rating of 'extremely poor' in relationship to my peers. Not surprising,

when you consider how much the Republicans hate me. Ten of these bills were enacted into law,

and I also co-sponsored 1,858 other bills.

"In the Senate, I voted along Democrat Party lines 97.2 percent of the time.. I'm not rigid

about voting along party lines, and voted on laws I believe in, regardless of who introduced them. I

see you are looking at me questionably, Doctor. I know I voted for more bills sponsored by

Democrats than Republicans. But can I help it if I usually agree more with Democrats?

"After the ghastly terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, I feel proud that I initiated a fund

of $21.4 billion to assist cleaning up and recovering, to provide health tracking for volunteers at

Ground Zero and to create grants for new developments. In 2005, I issued two studies that

examined the disbursement of federal homeland security funds to local communities and first

responders. I made a point of visiting American troops in Afghanistan and Iraq during the U.S. war

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in those nations. The soldiers made such a fuss over me that I felt like a rock star. You would have

thought I was Elvis himself! I must admit it was fun.

"I also became a national advocate in public and in my Senate work for retaining and

improving veterans' health, along with other benefits provided. As a champion of New York state, I

led a bipartisan effort to bring broadband access to rural communities; co-sponsored the 21st

Century Nanotechnology Research and Development Act; included language in the Energy Bill to

provide tax exempt bonding authority for environmentally conscious construction projects; and

introduced an amendment calling for funding of new job creation to repair, renovate and modernize

public schools. I won an extension of Unemployment Insurance, which passed on the first day of

the 108th Congress, and was a vocal opponent of the Bush Administration's tax cuts. I instigated

many changes that will improve the lives of New Yorkers forever. I don't think the constituents of

New York made a mistake when they elected me," she said shyly (for her.).

I looked at her with admiration. I had not known that she had accomplished so much as

senator. You can't fool Hillary Clinton! She picked up my approval and smiled.

"My memoirs Living History were published in 2003," she went on. It sold over 3 million

copies both in the U.S. and in other nations; it was eventually translated into foreign languages

including Chinese. At last I felt like a real writer, a profession I had always wanted to follow.

Unfortunately, it sold fewer copies that Bill's book, a fact he doesn't hesitate to tease me about. I

answer, 'I'm not finished yet, Bill Clinton! I'll write another book that will sell better than yours!'.

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February 12, 2014

"Perhaps my most important achievement," she began in her next session, "was one that

very few people know about." She examined her fingernails. "Sometimes when you do something

especially good for people, you feel shy talking about it."

I smiled and said, I know what you mean, Hillary.

"After the horror of the September 11, 2001 attacks,' she continued, "I rushed to the aid of

New Yorkers by obtaining funding for their recovery efforts and for additional security

improvements in the state. New York's senior senator, Charles Schumer, and I quietly secured

$21.4 billion in funding for the World Trade Center site's redevelopment. In an action that

particularly pleased me, I also took a leading role in investigating the health issues faced by 9/11

first responders, and supported improving health benefits for veterans."

I nodded. She was right to feel proud about her actions. And she was also right that many

people, including yours truly, had not known about her efforts.

"Although I have taken a lot of flak for this, maybe even yours," she said, "I strongly

supported the 2001 U.S. military action in Afghanistan, saying that it was a chance to combat

terrorism while improving the lives of Afghan women who suffered under the Taliban government.

It is a good example of the 'two for the price of one' strategy that Bill and I believe in. I still think I

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was right."

I decided to remain quiet about my stance on U.S. military action in Afghanistan.

"Similarly, although some people denounce me as a hawk, I voted in favor of the October

2002 Iraq War Resolution, which authorized President George W. Bush to use military force

against Iraq, should such action be required to enforce a United Nations Security Council

Resolution, after pursuing it with all possible diplomatic efforts. I did this because I believe that the

United Nations must remain the guardian of the security of the world at all costs, or we will have a

repetition of what happened to the League of Nations after World War 1. I always thought it was a

dreadful mistake that Woodrow Wilson kept us out of the League. Again, I believe my vote

authorizing military force against Iraq was justified."

And again I remained quiet, thinking she had a right to her thinking, although I didn't

happen to agree. Hillary didn't seem to notice, and continued speaking.

"In accordance with my belief that the middle classes deserve some relief in contrast to the

millionaires of the country, I voted against the two major tax cuts packages introduced by President

Bush. At the 2000 Democratic National Convention, I had called for maintaining a budget surplus

to bring down the national debt for your children and mine. At a fund raiser in 2004, I told a crowd

of financial donors, 'Many of you are well enough off that the tax cuts may have helped you but

for America to get back on track, we're probably going to cut that short. We're going to have to take

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things away from you on behalf of the common good.' I probably made myself a lot of enemies

with that speech, but I have to vote for what I believe in, in this case the greatest good for the

greatest number.

Here I agreed with her, but also remained quiet. It really wasn't her business what I thought

about politics.

"In line with my interest in education," she said, "I led a bipartisan effort to bring broadband

access to rural communities, and cosponsored the 21st Century Nanotechnology Research and

Development Act, which encourages research and development in the field of nanotechnology. To

my great pleasure, continuing the work on education I had accomplished in Arkansas, I introduced

an amendment that funds job creation to repair, renovate and modernize public schools.

"This one you may find hard to believe, Doctor. I still do. In 2005, I was joined by former

House Speaker Newt Gingrich, (Imagine me and Newt working together!) who once had led the

Republican opposition in my husband's administration in support of a proposal for incremental

universal health care. That was one proposal I particularly loved! I also worked with Bill Frist, the

Republican Senate Majority Leader, in support of modernizing medical records with computer

technology to reduce human errors, such as misreading prescriptions. I joined Rrist in working for

the bill when I found out that a little girl had died of being given the wrong prescription. I vowed to

do all I could to keep another such tragedy from happening. If I could help prevent even one such

death, I would consider my time as senator well spent.

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"My votes did not always please the opposition. For example, I voted against the

confirmation of John Roberts as Chief Justice of the United States, saying 'I do not believe that the

Judge has presented his views with enough clarity and specificity for me to in good conscience cast

a vote on his behalf.' I also joined with about half of the Democratic Senators against the

nomination of Samuel Alito to the United States Supreme Court, and subsequently against his

confirmation along with almost all Democratic members of the Senate. On the Senate floor, I said

Alito would 'roll back decades of progress when confronted with an administration too willing to

flaunt the rules and looking for a rubber stamp.' Again, I am happy I followed my Methodist

conscience, even though it made me more enemies.

"Ahead of my time, in July 2004 and June 2006, I voted against the Federal Marriage

Amendment that sought to prohibit same-sex marriage. I did so because of my belief that all people

should have the right to love whomever they please, so long as they are not hurting anyone. I

wouldn't want the government to tell me who I could or could not marry, and would like the same

privilege for everybody," she said vehemently.

"If the Republicans were unhappy about my record, I am delighted to tell you that I enjoyed

high approval ratings for my job as Senator with New York constituents, reaching an all-time high

in December 2006. of 72 to 74 percent approving over 23 to 24 percent disapproving

I made a speech to New Yorkers in which I said, 'Thank you, New Yorkers, who for eight years

have given me the joy of a job I love, with the opportunity to work on issues I care about deeply, in

a state that I cherish.' I wasn't the only one in tears. Everywhere I looked I saw people blowing

their noses."

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She looked up at me and said, "Not a bad record, eh Doc?"

No, Hillary, I answered with a feeling that came from deep inside me. I am profoundly

moved to hear of your magnificent contributions to the people of our state. You should know that I

am honored to be your analyst."

Her eyes filled with tears. "You are so different from my father!" she said. "If I had asked

him what he thought about my work as New York Senator, he would have said, 'You voted against

the Flag Desecration Amendment, which failed to pass by one vote. How come? You should have

known better than to vote against it!'"

February 13, 2014

To my surprise, Hillary called and asked for an extra session. Since I knew she wouldn't

have asked if it weren't important to her, I stayed past my usual hour to see her.

What's wrong, Hillary? I asked, feeling concerned about her pained expression.

"I want to tell you about the worst thing that ever happened to me. This is very hard for me

to talk about, but I've found out here that I'd better do it right away while I have the impulse or I'd

never be able to."

You did the right thing, Hillary, I said.

She remained silent until she regained control of herself, and then said, " As you well

know, I ran for president of the United States and lost. There I was one step away from the White

House and that interloper Barach Obama had to come in at the last minute and ruin everything for

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me. I don't think I'll ever recover from the shock.

"I had dreamed of becoming the first woman president of the United states since I was a

little girl, and had secretly begun preparing for my potential candidacy since early 2003. On

January 20, 2007, I announced on my web site the formation of a presidential exploratory

committee for the United States presidential election of 2008, stating elatedly, "I'm in, and I'm in to

win!" I exalted in the millions of hurrays from all over the country. No woman before me had ever

been nominated by a major party for President of the United States. When Bill Clinton became

president in 1993, a blind trust was established in our name; in April 2007 we obliterated the trust

as I began the presidential race. Later statements revealed that our combined worth as a couple was

now over $50 million dollars, and that we had earned over $100 million since 2000, with most of it

coming from Bill's book and speaking engagements. Imagine, after me supporting him for years, it

was Bill who finally made us a fortune!

"To my delight, I led candidates for the Democratic presidential nomination in opinion polls

throughout the first half of 2007. Most polls placed Senator Barack Obama and former Senator

John Edwards of North Carolina as my closest competitors, but I wasn't too worried, as I am a

person who is used to wining every competition I enter. Obama and I both set records for early fund

raising, trading the money lead each quarter. By September 2007, polls in the first six states holding

Democratic primaries showed that I was the leader in all of them, which kept up my good spirits.

By the following month, national polls showed me far ahead of all Democratic competitors. It sure

looked like I was about to become the first woman president of the United States!

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"But to my shock that didn't last too long. I soon began to worry that things were shifting

toward Obama. Unfortunately, at the end of October, I fell ill while I was debating against him, and

did very badly. I think that was the beginning my downfall. Obama's lofty oratorical abilities along

with his message of change began to resonate with the Democrats more than my record of

experience. For a while more, we ran neck to neck, especially in the primary states of Iowa, New

Hampshire, and South Carolina. But by December I began to lose my lead in some polls. As the

polls dropped, so did my state of mind.

"In the first vote of 2008, I placed a bad third in the January 3 Iowa Democratic caucus to

Obama and Edwards. Obama gained ground in national polling in the next few days, with all polls

predicting a victory for him in the New Hampshire primary. I gained a surprise win there on

January 8, however, narrowly defeating him, which made me feel better. I believe I did better in

New Hampshire because I was seen more sympathetically, especially by women, after my eyes

filled with tears and my voice cracked the day before the election while I was answering a voter's

question about starving children in Africa. I wanted to yell out, 'See, I'm not Sister Frigidaire after

all!'

"The nature of the contest, however, changed drastically in the next few days. Several

remarks by Bill and me about Martin Luther King, Jr. were mistakenly interpreted by the media as

limiting Obama as a racially oriented candidate and otherwise denying his post-racial

accomplishments. Imagine anyone believing that Bill and I would make a racially oriented

comment, with our lengthy history of standing for racial tolerance! Never mind the truth. The

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damage was done. As a result, I lost much of my support among African Americans.

"My campaign had counted on winning the nomination by Super Tuesday, and was

unprepared for a prolonged financial effort. When our Internet fund raising began to lag, I lent my

own money to the campaign. You must know from that how important winning the presidency was

to me. After all, I am my father's daughter, and we know what a penny pincher he was. There was

continuous squabbling within the campaign staff. Thinking that was causing the problem, I made

several top-level personnel changes. It didn't help. Obama won the next eleven February caucuses

and primaries across the country, often by large margins, and took a considerable delegate lead. He

did particularly well in primaries where African Americans or younger, college-educated, or more

affluent voters were heavily represented. I did better in primaries where Hispanics or older, non-

college-educated, or working-class white voters predominated. Some Democratic party leaders

expressed concern that the drawn-out campaign between the two of us could damage the winner in

the general election contest against Republican presumptive nominee John McCain. Fortunately for

the Democratic party, if not for me, it didn't

"My confession in late March that my repeated campaign statements about having been

under hostile fire from snipers during a 1996 visit to U.S. troops at Tuzla Air Base in Bosnia and

Herzegovina were untrue, attracted considerable media attention and risked undermining my

credibility and claims of foreign policy expertise as First Lady. I didn't mean to lie about it.

Sometimes I get carried away by my imagination. Snipers were shooting nearby, and I was terrified

that I would be hit. It was a short step from the fear of being shot at to feeling that I had been sniped

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at. Try and explain that to the press!

"On April 22, I won the Pennsylvania primary, and was elated at the possibility that I could

still win the election. But my exuberance didn't last very long. On May 6, a very slight win in the

Indiana primary along with a large loss in the North Carolina primary ended any realistic chance I

had of winning the nomination. My mother wouldn't let me be a quitter (remember she said when I

was little that there is no room in the Rodham family for a quitter?) so I resolved to stay on through

the remaining primaries. Because of her teaching, I could accept losing, but not quitting. Despite

Obama's lead, I won some of the remaining contests, and indeed, over the last three months of the

campaign I finished with more delegates, states, and votes than Obama, but nevertheless was

unable to overcome his advantage.

"After the final primaries on June 3, 2008, Obama had gained enough delegates to become

the nominee. In a speech before my supporters on June 7, I tearfully ended my campaign as my

mother cried in the wings. Even though I was broken hearted, I endorsed Obama, saying, 'The way

to continue our fight now to accomplish the goals for which we stand is to take our energy, our

passion, our strength and do all we can to help elect Barack Obama.'. We had each received over

17 million votes during the nomination process, with both breaking the previous record. I also

eclipsed by a very large margin Congresswoman Shirley Chisholm's 1972 mark for the most

primaries and delegates ever won by a woman. You'd think being number one would make me

happy at least in that respect, but it didn't. I am a poor loser, even if I try to disguise it.

"I gave a passionate speech supporting Obama at the 2008 Democratic National Convention

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and campaigned frequently for him in Fall 2008, which concluded with his victory over McCain in

the general election on November 4. Nobody can say I'm not a good sport. My campaign ended up

severely in debt; with me owing millions of dollars to outside supporters. I wrote off the $13

million that I had lent the race myself. My father would have been horrified. Seeing I am like him

in financial matters, the horrendous debt upset me almost as much as losing the election.

Fortunately for my peace of mind, the money owed was finally paid off by the beginning of 2013."

We were silent for a few moments. Then I said sadly, I'm so sorry you lost the election,

Hillary.

She answered, "So am I."

February 14, 2014

"Look what Bill gave me for Valentine's Day," she said, rushing in and thrusting out her

hand to show me a beautiful diamond ring. He didn't have enough money to buy me one when we

got engaged, and just got around to it now. Better late than never, I always say!"

It's beautiful, Hillary, I said. (It really was.) It sparkles like the Hope diamond. I hope it

brings you lots of pleasure.

"I'm sure it will, even though I'm not much for wearing jewelry. Well, onto important

things," she said, only half seriously. "After I lost the election to Obama," she said, "I was

distraught. Nothing Bill, Chelsea, my mother, or close friends could say helped. I am a failure, I

thought. I've always felt like one deep down under my false air of confidence anyway, and my

defeat confirmed that I had been dead right all the time. My father had the correct idea when he

intimated that nothing I did was good enough. It's certainly not good enough to run for president of

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the United States and lose! Far better not to have run at all.

"But guess who made me feel better? None other than my arch rival, Barach Obama, in

offering me the position of Secretary of State! I've always liked Barack, and his generous proposal

made me feel a little guilty about all the nasty things I said about him during the campaign. But I

must say, if a bit grudgingly, he is a big human being, and I suspect he didn't take my putdowns

personally, but understood they were just political garbage. Not many people I know would be able

to put aside hurt feelings (if he is capable of feelings) and appoint his former competitor to the

second most important position in the United States government. On thinking about it, I doubt if I

would have appointed him secretary of state, or indeed, anything at all, if I had won the election."

Maybe not, Hillary, I said. But I admire your ability to tell the truth, even when it isn't

particularly flattering to you.

She considered my remark, and then said, 'Thank you, Doctor. I'm glad you think so. Some

people just call me blunt. I'm not a person who stays behind the scenery. I am very open about

what I think, and am not reluctant to say what's on my mind. If some people need to interpret that

the wrong way, I can't help it. But I am not always doing myself a service when I run off at the

mouth. As a private person I could do that, and live to regret it when Bill or a dear friend got mad at

me. But every time I open my mouth now, it is America speaking. Every word I say is carefully

examined, weighed, and assigned a new meaning. People try to read between the lines, below them,

above them, and even look for meaning in every comma and space. It gets a bit tiresome, and I

sometimes find myself longing for the days when I could get away with saying whatever I felt like."

She added, "I'm not a stupid woman. I know I should butter up the press, that it annoys people

when I change my hairdos, I know I should behave as if I didn't have any opinions, but I'm just not

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going to. I am able to compromise, I have compromised, I gave up my name, bought Barack, but I

refuse to pretend to be somebody I'm not!"

I smiled. That is Hillary at the most Hillary.

"Within a week after the November 4, 2008, presidential election," she continued, "the

president-elect called me on the phone and spoke about the possibility of my serving as U.S.

Secretary of State. I was flabbergasted when he repeated, 'I want you to be my secretary of state.' I

said, 'Oh, no, you don't! Please, there are so many other people in the United States who could do

the job better than I!' He answered, 'I don't think so.' Obama specifically had criticized my foreign

policy credentials during our run for the presidency, and the idea of him appointing me as secretary

of state was so unexpected I told one of my aides, 'Not in a million years.' But despite our primary

battles the political differences between us never were very great and we developed a respect for

one another that allowed me to campaign for him without reservations in the general election. To

tell the truth, even though I was honored, I didn't want to take him up on his offer. I liked being a

New York senator. I wasn't finished with my work there and didn't want to leave the job. There

didn't seem much opportunity for advancement, however. While the Senate leadership had

discussed possible leadership positions or other promotions with me, nothing definite had been

offered. Prospects of my ever becoming Senate Majority Leader looked mighty slim. That didn't

look good to me. My philosophy of life is that life is a see saw, If you don't go up you go down.

"I also was concerned about Bill's effect on the country, should I accept the job. I was

honest with Obama about my fears and told him, 'There is another problem, Barack, my husband.

You've seen what the media is like; the gladiators in the Coliseum were treated better than potential

cabinet members. That's the kind of circus the press will go wild over if I take this position. In my

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opinion, reporters have big egos and no brains, and should be avoided at all costs. That will be

difficult to do, if I become Secretary of State.'

"I also was concerned that Bill's post-presidential activities might violate conflict-of-interest

rules for cabinet members. There already was considerable speculation in the press about the effect

that taking the position would have on my political career and any possible future presidential

aspirations, and I hadn't even decided if I would take the job yet. Why are they so worried about it?

Why don't they just go about their own business?

"As Obama and I continued talking. I began thinking that if I had won and called him

(which I wouldn't have done in a million years), I would have wanted him to say yes. You know,

I'm a pretty old-fashioned girl; that's just who I am. So if your president asks you to serve, you

naturally say yes. Chief of Protocol of the United States Capricia Penavic Marshall, who had known

me since my White House days, confirmed my rationale: She said, 'When asked to serve, Hillary

does. And her president asked.'

"After swallowing my humiliation, I accepted the position on November 21 . At the time,

America was at a crossroads, and shunned by many countries after eight years of the tepid Bush

administration. I planned to make our country a desirable partner again, as I searched out new areas

of power and extended the boundaries of twenty-first century diplomacy.

"As part of the nomination, Bill agreed to a number of restrictions on his fund raising

activities for the Clinton Presidential Center and Clinton Global Initiative. He consented for my

sake, even though it restricted his ability to raise money for his pride and joy, the foundation.

"'I love that man!' she said, her eyes all aglow. 'I can always count on him to stand behind

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me - except when it comes to women. Oh well, nobody's perfect! He is a dear - most of the time.'

"I also suspected Barack was just being nice, and really didn't expect me to accept. It seems

I was wrong about that. Along with Capricia Marshall, I believe that when your president asks you

to do something, you really don't have any choice. Also the secretary of state is perhaps the second

most important job in the world. If I can't be president, perhaps as Secretary of State I could have

some influence on Barack in making the world move in the direction I wanted it to go. So with

trepidation in my heart and wobbly knees, I accepted. He sounded as if he had expected me to take

the job all along. He certainly is one cool cucumber! If there ever were an atomic attack on the

United States, God forbid, I would want him to be at the helm. Well, I am happy I accepted the job.

Even though it almost killed me, it was perhaps the greatest experience of my life...at least so far...

So, if you can stand hearing about my tenure as secretary of state without being bored to death,

Doctor, I would like to tell you about it. I'll try to be as brief as possible, as I know that by now it is

only of interest to historians."

On the contrary, Hillary, I lied. (Politics have never been my area of greatest interest.) I

would like very much to hear about your tenure.

Hillary is pretty shrewd, and a great shit detector. She looked at me skeptically, and

continued anyway. I felt sorry for her, and regretted that I had not been more involved in politics, as

I could have served her better in that respect. I resolved to read the newspapers more thoroughly in

the future. That shouldn't be too difficult, I realized, as I would be reading about my patient. In the

meantime, I could learn. That is one of the things I like most about my work: each patient brings

me a different view of the world, like the changing refractions of a diamond when it is turned.

"But regardless of my lack of political aptitude, Hillary had no choice but to continue: She

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needed to tell the story of her life.

February 17, 2014

"As even you know, Doctor,' she said spitefully, 'I served as United States Secretary of

State from 2009 to 2013, and was head of the department conducting the foreign policy of the

Obama administration. I was preceded in office by Condoleezza Rice, who is not my favorite

person, and succeeded by John Kerry. I was only the third woman in our entire history to hold the

position. I was also the only former First Lady of the United States to become a member of the

United States Cabinet. Not a bad record for a girl who never could do anything well enough to

please her father! What would you have to say about that today, Poppa? I know, you'd say, 'You

shoulda made president!'

"Confirmation hearings before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee began on January

13, 2009, a week before the Obama inauguration. I stated during the hearings, 'I believe the best

way to advance America's interests in reducing global threats and taking advantage of worldwide

opportunities is to design and implement global solutions. We must use what has been called 'smart

power', the full range of tools at our disposal, diplomatic, military, economic, political, legal and

cultural, picking the right tool or combination of tools for each situation. With smart power,

diplomacy will be the vanguard of our foreign policy.

"Despite my gut-felt aversion to war, I was at the forefront of the U.S. response to the Arab

Spring, the revolutionary wave of demonstrations and non-violent and violent protests and civil

wars in the Arab world that began on 18 December 2010. I had approved military intervention in

Libya because I believed that early military engagement might prevent a holocaust later on.

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Unfortunately, it didn't, although I am happy to say that it helped to oust the vile Libyan dictator

Moammar Gadhafi in 2011. But as Gaddafi's forces gained momentum and threatened to massacre

innocent citizens in early 2011, influential Obama advisors, including then-U.N. Ambassador Susan

Rice and national security aides Ben Rhodes and Samantha Power argued for air strikes. Even with

public opinion running more than 2-1 against them, I joined the interventionists. My philosophy has

always been that diplomacy, development and defense are only effective if used together. Kind of

like Theodore Roosevelt's maxim, 'Speak softly and carry a big stick.'

"There was something strange about how all of a sudden the people of Tunisia, Syria, Egypt,

and Yemen all started revolutions at the same time. People are always asking me what got into

them. I answer that all of this had been boiling under the surface for a long time. No one had

predicted that there would be so many simultaneous explosions, but there had been warnings for

years that the situation in the region was highly unstable. Poverty, dictators, population explosions,

and severe unemployment make for an explosive combination. The United States was not planning

a comprehensive strategic approach to the Arab Spring, but dealt with each country separately.

February 19, 2013

"I need to talk to you about one of the most terrible experiences of my life," she began,

looking distraught. "As even you must know, on September 11, 2012, a heavily armed group of

between 125 and 150 gunmen attacked the American diplomatic mission at Benghazi in Libya,

killing U.S. Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens and another diplomat. The date of 9/11 certainly

was not a coincidence. Several hours later in the early morning of the next day, a second group

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launched an attack on a different compound about one mile away, killing two other embassy

security personnel. Ten others were injured in the assaults, which were strongly condemned by the

governments of Libya, the United States, and many other countries throughout the world. Stevens

was a dear friend," she said, wiping away a tear. "It broke my heart when I heard about his death. I

haven't recovered yet. I doubt if I ever will.

"Stevens was a much admired diplomat, loved and respected by men and women on both

sides of the political gulf. Personable and humble, he was a practitioner of diplomacy out of a story

book. They don't make them like him anymore. He was the rare kind of diplomat who achieved

agreements and cooperation through interpersonal relationships, and was known to have

accomplished more over cups of coffee in the marketplace than ever could have been gained in

reams of paper or thousands of e-mails.

"A vicious report by the Senate Intelligence Committee wrapped up their investigation with

the conclusion that the attack that killed the four Americans in Benghazi could have been prevented,

and blamed the State Department for its failure to bolster security after receiving warnings about a

security crisis in the city. The inquiry placed at least part of the blame on Stevens himself. General

Carter F. Ham, the commander of the United States Africa Command at the time, said that he had

called Stevens to ask if the embassy in Tripoli needed additional military personnel for use in

Benghazi, but Stevens advised Ham that it didn't. A short time later, General Ham repeated the

offer at a meeting in Germany, and Stevens again declined. I myself had sent Stevens to Benghazi

as a special envoy, which makes the incident even more painful to me. Until the Benghazi murders,

I was delighted with the work he had done. What I can't fathom is why a man as intelligent as

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Stevens would do such a foolhardy thing as to turn down Ham's offer. If anyone told me I was in

danger, I would want all the protection I could get. I don't like to say anything unkind about a so

remarkable and lovable a man who is not around to defend himself, but I'll tell you, Doctor Dale,

that Stevens' pig-headedness really has caused me a lot of trouble.

"At various times between September 11 and 17, eight other diplomatic embassies in the

Middle East, Asia, and Europe were attacked by spontaneous outbursts that some officials believed

was in reaction to an inflammatory video, Innocence of Muslims , an American-made movie

denigrating Islam's Prophet Muhammad.

"It originally was thought that the Benghazi attack developed out of a similar unplanned

protest. But further investigations by the U.S. State Department and the House of Representatives

committees on Armed Services, Foreign Affairs, Intelligence, the Judiciary, and Oversight and

Government Reform concluded that there was no such outburst and the attack was premeditated and

carried out by Islamist militants.

"I received a lot of flack for my vote for military engagement in Libya, and would hate my

tenure as Secretary of State to be judged on that. I was clearly wrong, but my heart was in the right

place. I was trying to avert war; instead I helped to bring about its exacerbation.

"In contrast to my own sense of guilt, I was happy to hear what columnist New York Times

and commentator on the PBS David Brooks had to say about the attack. According to him, it was

purely an operational matter. He said, 'In my view, to be fair, the Secretary of State is not in charge

of something this low-level. She's responsible only for the larger policy agenda.' I'm positive that

Brooks is right and the Republicans are trying to get all the milage they can out of the attack.

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Nevertheless, I believe with all my heart that my vote for military intervention was the greatest

mistake of my political life. As I prepared to step down from the post, feeling that I had done a good

job as Secretary of State, I was attacked by an interrogation reminiscent of the Spanish Inquisition

from Republicans in both the House and the Senate over what went wrong in Benghazi.

"A Senate intelligence committee report distributed the blame among the State Department

and intelligence agencies for not preventing the attacks. The two party report had revealed more

than a dozen facts about the assaults. It said that the State Department failed to increase security at

its diplomatic mission despite warnings, and blamed intelligence agencies for not sharing

information about the CIA outpost with the U.S. military. Although the Republicans never stop

badgering me about the attack, as if I had personally thrown the bomb, they don't need to. If they

want me to feel bad, they should know that I chastise myself all the time about it. The Benghazi

travesty comes back to haunt me in my nightmares. I suppose it will as long as I live. Four dead

men, all of them fine servants of the government. I will never forgive myself.

"I take full responsibility for what had happened in Benghazi, which I think is very decent of

me. But I still insist that the Obama administration had not misled the American public intentionally

when it indicated that the attack grew out of the protest over the anti-Islam film. I believe the hatred

the film engendered contributed to the violence of the assaults. I also pointed out that I had not

been shown requests for additional security at the U.S. diplomatic mission in Benghazi before the

attack. As if I can help it if my staff was inefficient!

"But to my relief, not everybody blamed the catastrophe on the state department and me.

Besides Brooks, Senator Dianne Feinstein of California, the top Democrat on the Senate

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Intelligence Committee, blatantly criticized critics who said that the panel's report on Benghazi

placed blame for the attacks on Hillary Clinton. The day following her panel's release of a lengthy

review of the Benghazi attacks, Senator Feinstein said that some Republicans 'intimate that the

report blames former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for the tragedy. This is patently false,' she

insisted, noting that my name was not even mentioned in the fifty-eight pages of findings that

members of both sides of the intelligence panel signed. 'I want the record to be clear.' she added

mercifully. 'I condemn any effort to use this report for political purposes."

"I love you, Dianne Feinstein! Because of people like you and David Brooks I can sleep a

little better at night."

February 21 , 2013

"Greetings, Doctor," she said with a smile that lit up her face.

I thought, What a difference her smile makes! She looks twenty years younger.

` "Well, enough of Benghazi, at least for a while," she began. "To change the topic to a more

satisfactory one, in 2010 I introduced the Quadrennial Diplomacy and Development Review process

to the State Department in an effort to make it more effective, and in line with perhaps my major

interest, to promote the empowerment of women everywhere. The QDDR is a study to be done

every four years to analyze the short, medium, and long-term blueprint for the United States'

diplomatic and developmental efforts abroad. It sought to plan on a longer basis than the usual year-

to-year appropriations, and to bring together diplomacy and development plans under one aegis. It

also sought to correlate the department's missions with its capacities and identify its shortcomings.

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We completed the first such review toward the end of 2010. I am pleased that through the QDDR I

could help our country plan ahead for a better world for women and all humankind.

"I was the most widely traveled secretary in U.S. history during my time in office (and oh,

my bones do feel it!) and also the first to use social media to get our message out to the world. For

some people, it's nice to be first. For me it's essential. That's who I am: number one. That's why I

can put up with Bill Clinton's philandering. I know I am number one in his heart."

She began to giggle.

I said, What's so funny, Hillary?

"Once I said to Bill, we shouldn't argue so much. Like the Chinese say, 'When you are in

the same boat, you need to cross the river peacefully together.' Bill said, 'I can always swim."

We both doubled up with laughter, and got nothing further accomplished that day.

February 24, 2014

She came in more serious than she was in her last session. Good, I thought. I was beginning

to worry that we were enjoying ourselves at the expense of her analysis. "Obama's choice of me for

Secretary of State was seen as part of his plan to put together a 'team of rivals' in his

administration," she said, "following in the footsteps of his great predecessor, Abraham Lincoln.

The philosophy of rivals working successfully together also has been found useful in war tactics, i.e.

when George Marshall and Dwight Eisenhower functioned well together in the Battle of Normandy

that launched the invasion of German-occupied western Europe during World War II by Allied

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forces. The technique also is used in business, by such notables as by Indra Nooyi, who kept on her

top rival for CEO at Pepsico. So Barack and I were treading in giant footsteps.

"Choosing me for Secretary of State also enhanced Obama's image of being the self-

assured, cool cucumber that he is. I guess you could say that you and I are working together as a '

'team of rivals,' wouldn't you, Doc?"

I smiled and didn't answer. I didn't consider us rivals, although if she felt we were, it was

fine with me. If trying to outdo me with insights was her goal, I thought it would make her work

harder. I approve of anything that advances an analysis.

"I just love to talk to myself," she quipped. "On January 15," she said getting serious again,

"the Committee voted 16 to 1 to approve my nomination. Of course there always has to be one

Republican who wants to get rid of me. In this case it was Republican Senator David Vitter of

Louisiana. Up yours, Senator!

"Sorry, Doctor," she said, looking at my face. So far as I know, it didn't show any

disapproval. In my thirty-seven years of practice, I've heard a lot worse.

Apparently deciding I could live with her minor profanity, she went on, "By this time, my

public rating had spiraled up to 65 percent, the highest it had reached in my public career since the

Lewinsky scandal, and 71 percent of the public approved of my nomination to the cabinet. Hey

Poppa, are you listening?" she asked, looking upward. "71 percent! Would that number include

you?

"Even before I took office, I worked with Bush officials in checking security issues around

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the new president. The night before his inauguration, we were investigating reported plans of a plot

by Somali extremists against Obama intended to take place during the inauguration itself. I argued

that typical security responses were not feasible here: 'Does the Secret Service intend to yank

Obama off the platform so the American people will see their new president vanish in the middle of

his inaugural address? I don't think so. We must have better security than that!' Fortunately, the

threat turned out to be non-existent.

"I took the oath of office of Secretary of State on January 21, 2009 and reluctantly resigned

from the Senate the same day. I became the first former First Lady to serve in the United States

Cabinet. I also became the first Secretary of State to have been elected since Edmund Muskie served

less than a year in the office in 1980. (First again!) In being selected by my formal rival Obama, I

became only the fourth person in the last hundred years to join the cabinet of someone they had run

against for their party's presidential nomination. But then I've always been first at things since I

was a little girl, including being the first Wellesley student to speak at a graduation.

"During the presidential transition period, my passage from one job to the other was difficult

- possibly because I had never even dreamed of being Secretary of State, or any other Cabinet

Secretary, for that matter. Then, to add to my difficulties, in the early days of my tenure there was

considerable jockeying for jobs within the department among those in 'Hillaryland,' my longtime

circle of advisors and staff aides, as well as other staff members who had worked with me in the

past. Unfortunately, there were more applicants than there were jobs, so I had to turn down some

people I would have liked very much to have worked under me. My decisions lost me some good

friends. Barack gave me more freedom to choose my staff than he did any other cabinet member. In

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other ways, too, he treated me with greater respect than any other person in the cabinet. Did he feel

guilty that he had taken the election away from me? Or is it possible that he just admires me more?

"Much as I did at the beginning of my Senate career, I kept a low profile during my early

months as Secretary of State, as I worked hard to familiarize myself with the history of the

department. Unlike some members of the cabinet, not to mention any names, I don't believe in

speaking up until I know what I am talking about. To help me 'feel my oats,' I spoke with all the

living former secretaries, and especially with my close friend, Madeleine Albright, who was of

incalculable help.

"Incidentally, I just found out something fascinating about Madeleine: She plays the drums!

I wish I did. I can't even whistle in tune. Maybe in the next lifetime...."

February 26, 2014

"At the start of my tenure, in a wonderful new move," she began, "Obama and I appointed

several special envoys to overlook trouble spots around the world. These diplomats included former

Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell as Mideast envoy and Richard Holbrooke as envoy to

South Asia and Afghanistan. On January 27, 2009, I appointed Todd Stern to be my department's

Special Envoy for Climate Change. I don't like to keep patting myself on the back, but it pleases me

to realize that this move added to the security and cultural development of many foreign countries.

"By May 2009, Obama and I planned to nominate Paul Farmer, co-founder of Partners in

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Health, as Administrator of the United States Agency for International Development. He was a

good man, but unfortunately, for reasons unknown to me, his nomination was turned down by the

White House. I suspected it was because his appointment was supported by a Clinton. I was

wracked with fury over the rejection. My rage motivated me to come before the public and openly

criticize the long process for administration appointments, calling it a 'nightmare' and 'frustrating

beyond belief.' In November 2009, an unconventional person was nominated in Farmer's place,

Rajiv Shah, a young Under Secretary of Agriculture for Research, Education, and Economics, who

is known for delivering results in both the public and private sectors. He has forged partnerships

around the world, particularly in Africa and Asia, and developed innovative solutions for the poor in

global health, agriculture, and financial services. If we couldn't have Farmer, Rajiv Shah was a

good second, and did the job well.

"Despite some early press predictions, I was greatly relieved that my departmental staff

managed to avoid the leaks and infighting that disturbed my 2008 presidential campaign. One

possible future line of internal tension was resolved in early 2011 when State Department

spokesperson P. J. Crowley resigned after making personal comments about in-captivity leaker

Bradley Manning and his treatment by the Department of Defense. Good riddance to bad rubbish!

"During the transition period, I worked to build a more powerful State Department. I pushed

for a larger budget for international affairs and an expanded role in global economic issues. I also

referred to the need for an increased U.S. diplomatic presence, especially in Iraq where our Defense

Department had conducted diplomatic missions. To my satisfaction, U.S. Secretary of Defense

Robert Gates agreed with me and also advocated larger State Department budgets. I brought a

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message of departmental reform to the position, in which foreign aid programs would be given the

same status and level of scrutiny as diplomatic projects. This gave me a special pleasure, as I have

always been as interested in world development as in the growth of the United States. Does this

make me less of a patriot? I think not. Perhaps I should call myself a Humanist rather than a

Democrat, but don't tell anybody!

Sorry, Hillary, but we'll have to stop now, I said, looking up at my clock.

"What, already? Again? Up yours!," she said sticking out her lower lip and stalking out the

door.

February 28, 2014

Apparently Hillary gets over being angry quickly, at least with me. She picked up where she

had left off. "I spent most of my first days as Secretary of State on the telephone, calling dozens of

international leaders. I told them the world was breathlessly awaiting a new American foreign

policy. I said, 'We've got a lot of damage to repair.' I didn't mention that the Bush administration

was responsible, but everybody grasped what I meant. I did state that not all past policies would be

repealed, and in particular I thought it essential that the six-party talks over the North Korean

nuclear weapons program continue. I re-emphasized my views during my first speech to State

Department employees when I said (cleverly, I think, if I must say so myself), 'There are three legs

to the stool of American foreign policy: defense, diplomacy, and development. We are responsible

for two of the three legs. And we will make clear as we proceed that diplomacy and development

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are necessary tools in achieving the long-term goals of the United States and that robust diplomacy

and effective development are the best tools in the long run for securing America's future.

"Around that time, I also visited the United States Agency for International Development,

where I met the employees and told them they would be getting extra funds and attention during the

new administration. I am happy to say they applauded my speech.

"I kept a low profile when it was necessity for diplomatic reasons, but from the beginning

maintained a close working relationship with the president, particularly in foreign policy decisions.

My first one hundred days saw me learning my new trade and gaining skills as a member of the

cabinet. To everyone's surprise but mine, I found it easy being a team player subordinate to

Obama. I learned how to fill that position as the wife of Bill Clinton. And remember, Doctor, I not

only was a girl scout but I have two brothers. I don't have to tell you where that put me in the family

line-up. Nevertheless, I was an international celebrity with a much higher profile than most

secretaries of state. My background as an elected official was helpful in that it gave me insight into

the needs and fears of the elected representatives of other countries.

"By the summer of 2009, there was a lot of discussion in the media about the role and level

of influence I had in the Obama administration, with every kind of speculation imagined. What did

they think? That I was trying to be a co-president again? Someone even suggested we were lovers!

I don't think that would have gone over very well with Michelle. Actually, Barack and I are two

very different kinds of people, despite the fact that we usually agreed on policy. I didn't care for his

lofty speeches, and believe my bluntness made him uncomfortable. I never became a member of his

trusted inner circle, although he always had the greatest respect for me and generally took my

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advice. Although we learned to work well together, we never became buddies. But over the last two

years of my tenure, he listened more closely to me. If I weren't in the room when foreign policy was

being discussed, he would say, 'Let's get Hillary's take on this.' I, in turn, grew more confident,

and voiced my views and gave advice more often. I added my pragmatic views to his more

theoretical ones, and believe that my voice was heard more forcefully.

"Although I am good at details, I think my greatest contribution to Obama's thinking is in

long term plotting. I am gifted, I think, at being able to see the whole picture, the needs of the entire

world rather than of individual countries. I think it is no longer possible to concentrate all of our

country's energies on one critical spot, ignoring the rest of humankind. Each issue and each country

are like dots on a paper, and to understand any one we have to connect all the dots. In my opinion,

the United States has to change the way we conduct our business around the world, if we wish to

continue as a leader in the twenty-first century, not only dealing with our individual concerns but

helping all peoples to resolve their own problems. For example, in the Arab Spring, each revolution

in every country brought a new set of issues with it, and a different set of headaches for Obama.

Each Arabian country needs to be handled separately. There is no one size fits all in politics

anymore. To help connect the dots, I developed an army of envoys, representing everything from

human rights to women's rights, to youth issues to climate change, to enable our country to reach

out a different helping hand to civil societies all over the world. But we didn't want to fight their

battles with our military forces. The United States had neither the appetite nor the money for

another war, with no wish to do everyone else's dirty work We felt it was time for other countries to

take the responsibility for their own problems.

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" I reevaluated my role as Secretary of State in a prominent mid-July speech to the Council

on Foreign Relations, in which I said, 'We cannot be afraid or unwilling to engage. Our focus on

diplomacy and development is not an alternative to our national security arsenal. The United States

still has the largest military establishment in the world, a bigger one than the next three largest

combined. But military might is no longer enough to protect us, especially when budgets are being

cut. Our country has to reinvent its diplomacy. ' I'm afraid that this kind of thinking began to give

me the reputation of being a hawk, ut that's not what I meant to imply. I merely wanted to follow

Theodore Roosevelt's advice, 'Speak softly and carry a big stick.'

February 28, 2014

"In July 2009, I announced a new State Department initiative, the Quadrennial Diplomacy

and Development Review, to establish specific objectives for the State Department's diplomatic

missions abroad. It was the most ambitious of my reforms, and was modeled after the Defense

Department's Quadrennial Defense Review, which I was familiar with from my days on the Senate

Armed Services Committee. The first such Review, Leading Through Civilian Power, came out in

December 2010. Its 220 pages centered around expanding the use of civilian employees as a cost-

effective way of handling challenges and crises overseas. I said, 'Working with civilians saves lives

and money.' The Review also sought increased participation of all U.S. ambassadors in

coordinating the work of U.S. agencies abroad. I was determined to get Congress to approve the

QDDR as a required part of the State Department planning process, saying, 'This report must not

simply gather dust hidden in somebody's back drawer, as so many others .have done in the past.'

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You will not be surprised to learn, Doctor, that an important theme of the report was my lifetime

goal of empowering the female population in developing countries around the world. To show you

how central female empowerment was to the QDDR report, it mentioned women and girls some 133

times! By making my goals in this area part of official policy, my co-workers and I hoped that my

work for the empowerment of women would last long after my term in office ended, as well as

shatter the glass ceiling pattern characteristic of business in the United States.

"In September, I spoke of the Global Hunger and Food Security Initiative at the yearly

meeting of Bill's Global Initiative. The goal of the drive was to battle hunger everywhere on an

organized basis as an essential part of our foreign policy, rather than simply handling food as

shortages occurred. I myself am not fussy about when I eat, and can make due with grabbing a

sandwich or a banana until there is a break in my schedule for a meal. I don't need to eat at a set

time and can put up with the rumbles of my stomach without being too miserable. But that is

nothing like true hunger. I said, 'Have any of you ever been hungry, really hungry? If so, you know

how painful and all-consuming it is. It takes over until nothing else matters. Have you ever been that

hungry, Doctor?"

I shook my head.

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She said, "I thought not." Neither have I. We are among the luckier ones on earth. Food

security is not just about food. It concerns all security: economic security, environmental security,

even national security. Massive hunger is a threat to the stability of governments, societies and

borders.' The Global Initiative sought to develop agricultural economies, fight malnourishment,

increase productivity, expand trade, and encourage creative thinking in developing nations. I said

that women should be placed at the center of the effort, as we constitute a majority of the world's

farmers. No mother should have to see her child crying from hunger.

"What a great job I had! It was a 24/7 position and filled every aspect of my thoughts,

despite its effects on every part of my aching body.' Who was it who said if you love your work you

will never have to work again? Those are my sentiments, exactly. I never felt I was working,

because I loved my job so much, and would have stayed on forever if only my body had held up. I

never had to think about whether the president and I were making the same foreign policy decisions,

and I had no intention of ever running for the office again. Once is enough for me! (Too much!)

While some friends and advisers thought I was only saying that to focus attention on my current

role and that I might change my mind about running for president in 2016, others understood that I

was content with the direction my life and career had taken and no longer had presidential

ambitions. That was pretty much the way I felt, but I wasn't surprised when nobody believed me."

I smiled. I didn't believe her either.

March 3, 2014.

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"By the close of 2009 there were twenty-five female ambassadors sent by other nations to

Washington; the highest number ever. This was dubbed the 'Hillary effect' by some observers. I

am proud to think that may be true. 'Hillary Clinton is so visible' as Secretary of State,' said Amelia

Matos Sumbana, the Mozambique Ambassador to the United States, 'that she makes it easier for

presidents to pick a woman official.' It is true that two other recent U.S. Secretaries of State,

Madeleine Albright and Condoleeza Rice, were women, but my international fame from my days as

First Lady of the United States made my impact the greatest of the group. That's OK with me,

Doctor. As you know, I love being number 1!

"In line with my penchant for looking at the worldwide picture, I included in the State

Department budget for the first time a breakdown of programs about the well-being of women and

girls across the globe. By 2012, the department was requesting $1.2 billion for such financing, with

$832 million put aside for global health programs. I also introduced the Women in Public Service

Project, a joint venture with the Seven Sisters colleges. It was fun to work with universities again.

I've missed them. In another lifetime I may well have been the head of the Political Science

Department at a major University. (I might have been better off.) Our goal was to persuade more

women to enter public service, so that within four decades there would be an equal number of men

and women in the field.

"Another cause I pushed for from the start of my tenure which I feel good about was

expanding the use of cookstoves around the developing world. That doesn't sound like a very

important improvement, but such stoves bring about cleaner and environmentally sound food

preparation and reduce the dangers of smoke inhalation and eye infections to food preparers, who

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are mainly women. In September 2010, I instigated a partnership with the United Nations

Foundation to provide 100 million of these stoves around the world within the next ten years, and

urged foreign leaders to adopt policies encouraging their use. Anyone who has had to cook over an

open fire will appreciate the importance of this contribution. Not that I do much cooking, over open

fires or anywhere, for that matter. But if I did I certainly wouldn't want to do it over an open fire..

"In a testimony in February 2010 before the Senate Appropriations Subcommittee on State,

Foreign Operations, and Related Programs, I sounded off again about the tortoise-paced Senate

confirmations of Obama's nominations to diplomatic positions, some of which were delayed for

political reasons and deliberately held back by Republican senators, whose fondest sport is torturing

Democrats. I insisted that the problem badly hurt America's overseas image. It became more and

more difficult for me to explain to significant countries why we had nobody for them to interact

with. Do you think that deterred the Republicans from frustrating me at every turn? Is the Pope

Jewish?

"By this time I was exhausted from my extensive travels and battles around the world, and

was aware every time I looked in the mirror that the struggles of being Secretary of State had aged

me by at least ten years. Check out my photos, Doctor, and you will see that I am not exaggerating.

I am not a vain woman, but who likes to age ten years in four? In 2009, and again in 2010 and 2011,

I informed Obama that I was committed to serving out my full term as secretary, but would not

serve a second term should he be re-elected. (As General William Tecumseh Sherman said after the

Civil War when the whole country was pressuring him to run for president of the United States, 'I

will not run. If elected I will not serve.') Obama was not happy about my decision, but nothing he

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said could convince me to change my mind. If he had I'd probably be dead by now."

You did the right thing, Hillary, I said. Who would the Republicans torment, if you were

dead?

She cackled.

March 5, 2014

"I later used what U.S. allies and I called 'convening power' to help keep the Libyan rebels

unified as they overthrew the Gaddafi regime. Sometimes the simplest means are the best.

Convening is a low-cost and high-impact leadership tool that shouldn't be overlooked. It simply

refers to a gathering of people around a clear, common purpose. Yet many people, including me,

consider this straightforward procedure to be a politician's most underrated tool. The power of

bringing together the right people in the same room at the same time can be remarkable. It provides

the chance to listen to others and learn everything about the important issues at stake. It is also one

of the most powerful actions to bring a community together, providing a space for people to meet,

sort out problems, and move forward together. Picture it like a huge group therapy session and you

will get the idea..

"Throughout my tenure, I have regarded 'smart power' as the strategy for asserting U.S.

leadership and values, combining military strength with U.S. capacities in global economics,

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development aid, and technology. The term 'smart power ' refers to the combination of hard and soft

power strategies. The Center for Strategic and International Studies defines it as 'an approach that

underscores the necessity of a strong military, but also invests heavily in alliances, partnerships, and

institutions of all levels to expand American influence and establish legitimacy of American action'

To say I believe in 'smart power' is very different from stating 'I am a hawk.' I wish the media

would get that straight! You can see the difference, can't you, Doctor?

I nodded.

"I am not alone in diplomatic circles in advocating smart power," she continued. "Joseph

Nye, former Assistant Secretary of Defense in the Clinton Administration and author of several

books on smart power strategy, suggests that the most effective plans of action in foreign policy

today require a mix of hard and soft power resources. He believes that using only one or the other in

a given situation usually proves inadequate. Nye uses the example of terrorism, arguing that

combating terrorism demands smart power strategy. He advises that simply utilizing soft power

resources to change the hearts and minds of the Taliban government is totally ineffective and

requires a hard power component. In developing relationships with the mainstream Muslim world,

however, soft power resources are necessary and the use of hard power alone would have damaging

effects. I couldn't agree with him more.

"In late 2011 I said, 'All power has its limitations, even ours. In a world that is networked

and multipolar we can't just wave a magic wand and say to China or Brazil or India, 'Quit growing!

Quit using your economies to gain power,' and expect them to follow our instructions. Why should

they? It's up to all of us to find our own ways on being as effective as possible in meeting different

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threats and opportunities.'

"Being a child of my times, I greatly expanded the State Department's use of social media,

including Facebook and Twitter, to get out its message and to help people keep in touch with their

rulers. I love the social media, and use it personally practically every day. I said, 'We live in a sharing

age, and our challenge is to learn how to be responsive, to help organize, loosen, and direct the

interest that is there.' I tried to institutionalize this change, by making social media a center for

foreign service officers and those at the ambassadorial level. By late 2011, the department had 288

Facebook accounts and 192 Twitter feeds. The change was enough to inspire my daughter Chelsea to

call me 'TechnoMom,.' as in 'Hey TechnoMom, How about going to the movies tonight?'

March 7, 2014

"In February 2009, " she began, "I made my first trip as secretary to Asia, visiting China,

South Korea, Indonesia, and Japan on what I called a 'listening tour,' which helped me lay out my

future path as Secretary of State. My plans revolved around what people told me they would like me

to accomplish. I continued to travel extensively during those first months in office, often finding the

locals as excited as I was about my goals to improve the lives of women everywhere. It was

wonderful to listen to so many different kinds of voices. Everywhere I went I met a person or saw

something new to me that opened up my heart and mind and expanded my understanding of

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humankind. As a result, the world will always be a larger place for me. What I learned on my

'listening tour' made me part of who I am today.

"On March 5, I attended the NATO foreign ministers meeting in Brussels. At this meeting I

brought up the idea of including Iran at a conference on Afghanistan, and suggested that the

conference be held on March 31 in the Netherlands. I still think it would have been a good idea. On

March 6, a media happening with Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov was designed to illustrate

the U.S. and Russia pressing the 'reset button' on our relationship in an effort to mend disrupted ties,

went a bit amiss as a result of an incorrect translation. It seems that the word the Americans chose,

'peregruzka,' meant 'overloaded' or "overcharged", rather than reset. The mistake didn't make for

greater intimacy! What gives with those translators? Didn't they do their homework??????

"During March 2009, I won a debate with Vice President Joe Biden about sending an

additional 20,000 troops to Afghanistan. Good ole' Joe! He and I are old competitors from way back,

and it felt great to win an argument with him. Of course I also felt it was the right thing to do."

March 10, 2014

"Darn! Darn! Darn! In June 2009, I was walking toward my official vehicle in the State

Department's basement garage on my way to a meeting at the White House when I slipped and fell.

.I felt pain, bruised, swollen and numb, to say nothing of disgraced and humiliated Stupid, clumsy

Hillary! I can still hear my father saying, "Can't you even walk straight, after all those fancy dancing

lessons I paid for?'"

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I looked at her in surprise. While I had never heard anyone else describe Hillary as clumsy the

description coincided with my own observations that she is not a graceful person, and does not move

well. I felt this from the first time we met. In thinking about it, I would say that her lack of grace

indicates that she lives on cerebral energy and is out of touch with her body. Perhaps this is one of the

reasons she is so dependent on Bill, who, if anything, is too much in touch with his body!

"To my despair," Hillary continued speaking about her injury, "I had to have surgery to repair

my elbow. Thank God I successfully survived the two-hour operation at George Washington

University Hospital and the doctors predicted that I would have no permanent injury. They proved to

be right. Despite the trauma I soon was able to return to work full time,.although I needed a few

months of physical therapy to fully recover. Work is always therapeutic for me, no matter what the

problem. Despite my pain and embarrassment, I was deeply grateful to the kind, professional medical

team at the hospital, and the many well-wishers who called me from around the country and all over

the world, including President Obama, who was one of the first to phone me after I was injured. The

world soon got used to seeing Secretary of State Clinton with a splint and sling to complement my

pant suit. I always made sure it matched!

"Unfortunately, the painful injury and recuperation caused me to miss two foreign trips,"

Hillary continued. "Nevertheless, during President Obama's trip without me to Russia, he appointed

co-coordinator with Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov, of a newly created U.S.-Russian

Presidential Commission to discuss nuclear energy, economic and environmental policies. I was

pleased that he chose to name me co-coordinator, although I wasn't on the site. I returned to the

diplomatic scene in response to the ongoing 2009 Honduran constitutional crisis that led to the 2009

Honduran coup d'état, which was rapidly becoming Latin America's worst political crisis in many

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years."

March 12, 2014

"At the end of October, I took a leading role in convincing Micheletti of Honduras to accept a

historic agreement, in which Zelaya would return to power in advance of general elections in which

neither figure was running. Although I had been insistent on this point, the agreement broke down,

and the U.S and I ended up supporting the winner of the 2009 Honduran general election, Porfirio

Lobo Sosa. I told the nation that the elections were 'free and fair' and that Lobo held a strong

commitment to democracy and the rule of constitutional law. I hope I was right.

"In August 2009, I embarked on my longest trip yet, to a number of stops in Africa. On

August 10, 2009, at a public event in Kinshasa, a Congolese student asked me what my husband

thought of a Chinese trade deal with the Democratic Republic of the Congo. I was furious at the

question, both for myself and all the other women in the world. I replied in a loud voice, 'You want

me to tell you what my husband thinks? My husband is not the Secretary of State, I am. You ask my

opinion, I will tell you my opinion. But I'm not going to transmit my husband's beliefs!' The incident

was printed in newspapers around the world, not all of it favorable to me. My aides suggested there

might have been a mistranslation, but that was not the case. I am sick and tired of being regarded as

an extension of Bill Clinton, and had said exactly what I meant. The student later apologized to me,

saying he meant to ask what 'Mr Obama' thought. It wasn't much of an improvement.

"His question was typical of the thinking of males today all over the world. You are abnormal

if you stay single, if you do get married and don't want children you are a selfish yuppie, if you get

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married and go to work, you are a bad mother, and if you get married and stay home you have wasted

your education. A woman can't win in today's world. I hope to make a dent in that kind of

reactionary thinking."

March 14, 2014

"In October 2009, my interventions, which included conversations on two mobile phones at

the same time while I was riding in a limousine, overcame last-minute snags and assured the success

of a historic Turkish–Armenian agreement that established diplomatic relations and opened the border

between the two hostile nations. I was delighted by this development, and thought, 'It makes me feel

like a real Secretary of State.. (Who, me, Hillary of the coke bottle glasses and stringy hair?)

I laughed. I didn't have to tell her I didn't agree. She knew it all the time.

"I then traveled to Pakistan," she went on, "where I had enjoyed a delightful visit in 1995

when I was First Lady. Unfortunately, this visit was ruined within hours by the 28 October 2009

Peshawar bombing. I said of those responsible, 'They realize that they are on the losing side of history

but are determined to take as many lives with them, as their movement becomes known as the

destructive, insignificant effort that it is.' In addition to meeting with Prime Minister Yousaf Raza

Gillani, I staged numerous public appearances, where I spoke with students, talk show hosts, and

tribal elders, who repeatedly criticized American foreign policy and American actions. Sometimes I

responded in a more blunt fashion than is usual for diplomats, for example asking why Pakistan had

not been more successful in combating al Qaeda. Parliament Member and government spokesperson

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Farahnaz Ispahani pleased me when he said, 'Formerly, when Americans came here, they would talk

to the generals and go home. Clinton's willingness to meet with everyone, hostile or not, has been

very impressive. Because she's Hillary Clinton, with a real history of affinity for our country, it means

much more.'

"On the same trip, I visited the Middle East, in an aborted effort to restart the

Israeli–Palestinian peace process. It seems even the mighty United States is unable to stop a lot of

countries from doing things we disapprove of. So what else is new.

"In November 2009, I led the U.S. delegation at the 20th anniversary celebration of the fall of

the Berlin Wall. I said: 'Our history did not end the night the wall came down, but began anew. To

extend freedom to more peoples, we refuse to consider that freedom does not belong to all of the

people all of the time. We cannot allow oppression based on religion, tribe, or gender to replace that

of ideology."

I thought, What a wonderful human being Hillary Clinton is Regardless of her reasons, she

really cares about the whole world. Would that there were many more like her.

March 17, 2014

"In December 2009, in an attempt to reopen negotiations and salvage some sort of agreement

at the battling Copenhagen United Nations Climate Change Conference,' Hillary continued, "I

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proposed that foreign aid be set aside to help developing countries deal with global warming. I

expressed my own alarm when I said, 'We're running out of time! Without such a stipend, the

opportunity to help developing countries to adapt to climate change will be lost forever. Who knows

what catastrophes my plan to aid these countries could avoid for our children and grandchildren!' The

contribution I proposed, $100 billion, was agreed upon by the summit. My intervention at the

Conference on behalf of developing nations is one of my best accomplishments as Secretary of State."

She grinned. "Even my father would have been proud," she said, with a sparkle in her eyes. ..

"I finished the year with very high approval ratings, which I must admit to you, Doctor, were

well deserved. In a Gallup poll I even narrowly edged out former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin as

America's most admired woman. Can you imagine rating second to Sarah Palin? I would duck my

head in shame. If she were elected president, I would grab my kid and make a dash for Kazakhstan,

wherever that is. (I've been in so many countries I confess I forget exactly where Kazakhstan is!)

Fortunately for me, not to mention our country, the American people - sometimes - show some

sense!"

I smiled and said, I just might come with you to Kazakhstan, Hillary, if Palin is elected

president! She smiled back and said, 'Anytime.' I hope she didn't think I meant it.

March 19, 2013

Hillary began her next session with, "In January 2010, I cut short my trip to the Asia-Pacific

regions to check out the destructive effects of the earthquake in Haiti and to meet with President René

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Préval. I also wanted to evaluate relief efforts and help to evacuate Americans stranded there. 'It's a

race against time,' I said. 'Everybody is working as hard as they can to try to restore Haiti to its

former condition.' I had a special interest in Haiti going back decades to our delayed honeymoon

there, as Bill was the United Nations Special Envoy to Haiti. I cried when I visited a beach where

we'd had a particularly loving time, only to find it reduced to a huge pile of ashes.

"As a baby boomer, I have been fascinated for a long time by the different ways various

countries make use of the Internet, some for the benefit of their citizens and some, unfortunately, in a

manner that does not benefit humankind. In a major speech on January 21, 2010, speaking for the

U.S., I said, 'We stand for a single Internet where all humanity has equal access to ideas and

knowledge,' while highlighting how 'even in authoritarian countries, information networks are

helping people to discover new facts and to make governments more accountable.' I also drew

analogies between the Iron Curtain and the free and unfree Internet. My speech, which followed a

controversy about Google's changed policy toward China and censorship, apparently marked a split

between authoritarian capitalism and the Western model of free capitalism and Internet access.

Chinese officials protested strongly, saying my remarks were 'harmful to Sino-American relations,'

and insisted that U.S. officials 'respect the truth.' I guess we all have our own versions of what the

truth is. Some foreign policy observers thought I had been too provocative. But, fortunately, the

White House stood behind me, and demanded that China provide better answers about the recent

Chinese cyberattack against Google. My speech scored a bull's eye among diplomats, as it was the

first time a senior American official had expressed a vision in which the Internet was a key element of

American foreign policy. As I have said, I love the Internet, especially Facebook. I don't know how

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we ever got along without it. It is a great way to contact all your friends at the same time, after you

wash your face and kick off your shoes.

"In February 2010, I made my first visit as secretary to Latin America. I toured Uruguay,

Chile, Brazil, Costa Rica and Guatemala and Argentina. My first stop was Buenos Aires, where I

talked to Argentine President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner. We discussed Falkland Islands

sovereignty and the issue of oil in the Falklands. I said, 'We would like to see Argentina and the

United Kingdom resolve the issues between us across the table in a peaceful, productive way.' I

offered to help facilitate such discussions, but did not agree to an Argentinian request that I mediate

such talks. I figured I had enough troubles. Within twelve hours of my remarks, Downing Street also

emphatically rejected the role, saying 'We welcome the support of the Secretary of State in ensuring

that we keep diplomatic channels open, but there is no need for our direct involvement.' I disagreed,

but kept my mouth shut about it. As I said before, I had enough troubles. I then went on to Santiago,

Chile to witness the aftereffects of the disastrous 2010 Chile earthquake and to bring some equipment

to aid the inhabitants in their recovery efforts. We are kind hearted people in the United States, and

try to alleviate problems whenever and wherever they arise."

You are, Hillary, I thought. I'm not so sure about all the rest of the world.

March 21, 2014

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"In April 2010, there was a rush of gossip that I would be nominated to the U.S. Supreme

Court to fill the vacancy left by Justice John Paul Stevens' retirement, including a recommendation

from ranking Senate Judiciary Committee member Orrin Hatch. I was flattered, but made peace with

the notion when it was quashed by Obama, who announced, 'The president thinks Clinton is doing an

excellent job as Secretary of State and wants her to remain in that position.' I was happy to hear that

he thought so. He is not exactly a person who runs off at the mouth. A State Department spokesperson

bore out the president's statement when he said 'Clinton loves her present job and is not looking for

another one.' He was right, but sometimes I look back and think wistfully, 'Just imagine, I could have

been a member of the Supreme Court! My mother would have been so proud!'

"By the middle of 2010, the president and I had developed an untroubled working relationship

without any power struggles. I easily became a team player inside the administration, and made

certain that neither Bill nor I upstaged Obama. In turn he usually accepted my viewpoints and in some

cases even adopted my more hawkish approaches. I met with him weekly, but did not have the

intimate, daily relationship that some of my predecessors had with their presidents, such as

Condoleezza Rice with George W. Bush (I always suspected she was in love with him), James Baker

with George H. W. Bush, or Henry Kissinger with Richard Nixon. That was fine with me. The

president had Michelle for that and I had Bill. While Obama didn't love me, I always felt that he

valued my opinions. After all, isn't that why I was Secretary of State?"

March 24, 2014

"During an early June 2010 visit,' she began. But I interrupted her. I found myself so absorbed

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with the question of how she remembered all those dates that I thought I better stop and ask her, so I

could turn my full attention to her again.

Sorry to interrupt you, Hillary, I said, but I am consumed with wondering how you remember

all those dates.

She smiled, and said, "Everybody always asks me that. First of all, I have an excellent

memory and people are sometimes surprised when I remember their names and the names of their

children. Once Bill had forgotten his first girlfriend's name, and asked me what it was. To his

surprise, I told him. It was Denise. Also I make a great effort to remember things. I am an orderly

person, and it helps me keep things straight in my head if I know the dates when events occurred. I

must confess that sometimes when I know what I want to talk about with you in a session, I check on

the date that something happened before I come here, so you will think I am smart," she said with a

shy smile. "But then you remember every detail, too, Doctor. You often quote back to me what I told

you so and so said about this or that, even months later."

"I guess we remember what is important to us,' she said with insight.

Some of you may remember Theodore Reik's book, Listening with the Third Ear. I agreed

with Hillary's conclusion, and was able once more to listen to her with all three of my ears.

She picked up where she had stopped before being so rudely interrupted. "During an early

June 2010 visit to Colombia, Ecuador, and Peru, I had to deal with questions at every stop of the way

about the widely controversial Arizona SB 1070 anti-illegal immigration law, which had damaged the

United States' image in Latin America.. The Support Our Law Enforcement and Safe Neighborhoods

Act (introduced as Arizona Senate Bill 1070 )is a legislative Act in the U.S. state of Arizona that was

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the broadest and strictest anti-illegal immigration measure in recent U.S. history.

"The bill states that U.S. federal law requires all aliens over the age of fourteen who remain in

the United States for longer than thirty days to register with the government. Violation of this law is

considered a federal misdemeanor crime, as well as a state misdemeanor for an alien to be in Arizona

without carrying the required documents. It demanded that state law enforcement officers determine

an individual's immigration status during a 'lawful stop, detention or arrest,' when there is reasonable

suspicion that the individual is an illegal immigrant. Critics of the law say that it encourages racial

profiling, while supporters say the law itself forbids the use of race as the only basis for investigating

immigration status. There have been protests opposing the law in over seventy U.S. cities.

Nevertheless, polling has found the law to have widespread majority support.

"On April 30, 2010..." She looked at me and smiled apparently about remembering the date,

"the Arizona legislature passed, and Governor Brewer signed House Bill 2162, which modified the

Act that was signed a week earlier, with the amended text that 'prosecutors would not investigate

complaints based on race, color or national origin.' The new text also stated that police may only

investigate immigration status incident to a 'lawful stop, detention, or arrest.' In the United States,

opponents and supporters of the bill have roughly followed party lines, with most Democrats

opposing the bill and most Republicans supporting it. Guess which version I voted for.

"When answering a question from local television reporters in Quito, I said that President

Obama was opposed to the bill and the Justice Department, under his direction, is planning to bring a

lawsuit against the act. This was the first public declaration that the Justice Department intended to

act against the law. One month later, it became official as the lawsuit United States of America vs.

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Arizona.

"At a hotel bar in Lima (What a nice place for a political conference!), I completed an

agreement with a China representative over which companies could be specified in a UN resolution

sanctioning the nuclear program of Iran. Returning to SB 1070, in August 2010 I included the dispute

over it in a report to the Office of the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights, as an

example to other countries of how difficult issues can be resolved under the law.

"In July of 2010, I visited Pakistan for the second time as secretary, bringing with me a large

United States economic assistance package as well as a U.S.-led bilateral trade agreement between

Pakistan and Afghanistan. That was one time I had no doubt I was a welcomed guest"

She began to laugh, and said, "While there I had an amusing conversation with the governor of

Punjab, Salmaan Taseer, who loved cracking jokes. He said, 'Mrs. Clinton, I'd like you to know that

when I was in London (where I was planning to travel) I used to throw rocks at the American

Embassy in Grovsvenor Square.

"'Don't worry about it, Mr. Governor,' I said without missing a beat. 'So did I.'

We both laughed hysterically. Fortunately, it was the end of the session.

March 26. 2014

"I then traveled to Afghanistan for the Kabul Conference," she said, returning to her travels as

Secretary of State, "during which time President Hamid Karzai vowed to initiate reforms in exchange

for a continued Western commitment. I told them that the U.S. has no intention of abandoning our

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promise of achieving a stable, secure, peaceful Afghanistan. 'Too many nations,' I said, 'Afghanistan

in particular, have suffered far too many losses to watch your country slide backward.' I then went on

to Seoul and the Korean Demilitarized Zone where Defense Secretary Robert Gates and I met with

South Korean Foreign Minister Yu Myung-hwan and Minister of National Defense Kim Tae-young to

commemorate the 60th anniversary of the Korean War. I said there that the U.S. experience in

remaining in Korea for decades had led to a successful result, which also might be applicable to

Afghanistan. Finally, I went to Hanoi, Vietnam for the ASEAN Regional Forum, wrapping up what

The New York Times termed 'a grueling trip that amounted to a tour of American wars, past and

present.'

"'Grueling' is hardly the word! 'Killing' would more accurately describe what I went through.

I got home and dissolved into my bed for a week. My body clock was stuck in limbo. Not all of me

had returned to the United States, some of me remained stuck in the airplane. When my secretary

came into the bedroom and said, 'You have an important phone call,' I answered, 'Tell them I died.'

The statement wasn't too far wrong.

March 28, 2014

"As they say, there is no rest for the weary. When I finally felt well enough to get out of bed

without collapsing, I became very busy with a role of another kind, 'M.O.T.B.' the mother of the

bride in daughter Chelsea's July 31, 2010 wedding to Marc Mezvinsky. I confessed in an interview in

Islamabad less than two weeks before the wedding that Chelsea and her future husband were both

nervous wrecks, as was I, and said, 'If we make it down the aisle in one piece it will be a major

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accomplishment.' More, much more about the wedding later, but first I want to finish the saga of my

Secretary of State tenure.

"In a prominent September 2010 speech before the Council on Foreign Relations, I

emphasized the primacy of United States power and involvement in the world, declaring the present

time a 'great new American moment.' Referring to many actions during my tenure as Secretary of

State, from reviving the Middle East talks to U.S. aid following the 2010 Pakistan floods, I said, 'The

world is counting on us. After years of uncertainty and war, people are wondering what the future

holds at home and abroad. So let me say it clearly: The United States can, must, and will lead in this

new century.'

"With Democrats facing the possibility of great losses in the 2010 midterm elections and

President Obama sinking fast in opinion polls, there was tail wagging in Washington that I would take

over as Obama's vice-presidential running mate in 2012, to add to his electoral appeal. Do you think I

am more appealing than Joe Biden, Doctor?"

I smiled and didn't answer.

Hillary growled. She doesn't like it when I resort to the psychoanalysts' privilege of

remaining quiet. She got over her huff and continued. "Some versions of this gossip had Vice

President Biden replacing me as Secretary of State. Don't people have anything more important to do

than gossip? Like walking their dogs, for instance. When the idea of job swapping was mentioned to

me I just smiled and shook my head. A couple of months later, Obama shot down the idea for good,

saying the notion was 'completely unfounded' and 'both officials are doing outstanding jobs where

they are.' That's all I need, to be vice president! I wouldn't take that job for a bucket of gold. As if it

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isn't wearing enough to be Secretary of State!

"In the summer of 2010, the stalled peace processes in the Israeli–Palestinian conflict were

revived when both countries finally agreed to talk to each other. While President Obama was the

orchestrator of the movement, I had gone through months of sweet-talking the concerned parties just

to get them to the table, and convinced the reluctant Palestinians by arranging support for direct talks

from Egypt and Jordan. Speaking at a September 2 meeting at the State Department between Prime

Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel and President Mahmoud Abbas of the Palestinian Authority, I

reminded them, 'We've been here before, and know how difficult the road ahead will be.' My role in

the ongoing harangues was to take over from U.S. Special Envoy for Middle East Peace George J.

Mitchell when discussions threatened to break down. The talks were generally given little chance to

succeed, and I faced the history of many such past failures, including Bill's near miss at the 2000

Camp David Summit. Nevertheless, my prominent role in them catapulted me further into the

international spotlight and affected my legacy as Secretary.

"As if I hadn't traveled far enough already, in October I embarked with shaking knees on a

seven-nation tour of Asia and Oceania. The Minister of Foreign Affairs for New Zealand, Murray

McCully, and I met In New Zealand and signed the Wellington Declaration to commemorate the

close ties between our nations and to establish the framework of a new United States-New Zealand

strategic partnership.

"Our agreement healed the stalled diplomatic and military relationship between New Zealand

and the United States. The signing took place twenty-five years after the United States suspended

ANZUS treaty obligations with New Zealand in the wake of the USS Buchanan incident. We had

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requested a visit to their country by the U.S.S. Buchanan, to test out the nuclear-free policy of New

Zealand. The United States refused to confirm whether the Buchanan was nuclear-armed, and .the

New Zealand government denied the U.S.S. Buchanan entry. As a result we broke off diplomatic

relations with them for twenty-five years! I was delighted to have an old breach healed. In my

opinion, this is international diplomacy at its best.

"To my satisfaction, I maintained my high approval ratings during 2010. Indeed, a

combination of polls taken during 2010 showed that Bill and I had by far the best favorable-

unfavorable ratings of any contemporary American political figures."

March 31, 2014

"Unfortunately, when things are going well is when disaster is most likely to strike. Chelsea's

mother-in-law Marjorie quotes the Jewish maxim, ''Don't give it a Kaynahorahm, an expression used

to ward off the evil eye. In other words, don't tempt Fate to become jealous. Too bad I didn't know

the expression then. In October 2010, WikiLeaks, an international online organization which

publishes secret information and news leaks, released a set of almost 400,000 documents about Iraq

and Afghanistan called the 'Iraq War Logs.' Among other things, they exposed the extent of failures

in Afghanistan and a higher number of civilian casualties than had been revealed. The group wanted

to expose the black inner machinations of the government, and promised that the state department

would be the next target. I'm usually a good sleeper, but for a month I couldn't sleep nights, worrying

about what they would reveal. Sure enough, in late November, WikiLeaks released confidential State

Department cables, selections of which were then published by major newspapers around the world.

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The organization had gotten hold of 250,000 official documents, and worked with international media

to spread its treasure on front pages all over the globe. WikiLeaks planned to release the leaks over

the Thanksgiving weekend.

"I was in Chappaqua with my family for Thanksgiving, and Chelsea said, 'Please, Mom, it's

Thanksgiving, so no phone calls today, OK?' Of course I had to agree, crisis or not. I made up for it

on Friday, when I was constantly on the phone. I walked around with my earpiece on my right ear,

calling officials in Germany, Great Britain, France, Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, China,

Afghanistan, and Canada to alert them to the coming disclosures and to ask for their indulgence. I had

to repeat the same things over and over until it was coming out of my ears. We didn't know yet which

classified matters of each country would be revealed. Beyond the hurt feelings of world leaders, I

worried that activists, dissidents or confidential sources could be identified. Even worse, it was

necessary to inform certain leaders that their names had to be removed from the documents, or their

lives would be in danger. I took my responsibility very seriously and believed that the best way to

soften the blow was to use my charm and ask for their understanding.

"The leak of the cables led to a crisis in the State Department, as blunt statements and

pronouncements of U.S. and foreign diplomats became public. I led the damage control effort for the

U.S. abroad, and also sought to bolster the morale of shocked Foreign Service officers. Some foreign

leaders accepted the frank language of the cables, with the Canadian foreign minister, Lawrence

Cannon, saying, 'Don't worry about it, Hillary. You should see what we say about you.' Hmmmmm -

What do you think they were saying, Doctor?

"I harshly criticized WikiLeaks, saying: 'Let's be clear about the leaks: They are not just an

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attack on America's foreign policy interests. They are a violation of the international community, its

conversations, alliances, and negotiations that safeguard global security.' The State Department went

into immediate 'war room' mode to deal with the effects of the disclosures, and implemented

measures to try to prevent another such leak from happening in the future. The WikiLeak disclosures

sent the whole world into a hissy fit, as everyone (including me) frantically sought to find out what

the United States really thought of them. People in every country did a quick index scan. Which

country came out the most favorably? Which one got the most mentions? How were they portrayed?

How did friends or enemies come across? Who did better, who came across worse? Every country

kept a score board. The WikiLeaks cables were turning into an international gossip column, with a lot

of juicy details about the habits of foreign leaders. I must say I read them with interest, along with the

rest of the world.

"The cables disclosed the web of connections our government had established around the

world for decades. The gap between what the United States said it was doing and what we actually did

was surprisingly small. The biggest disparity was what foreign leaders told their people and what they

said in private..

"I soon found out that a few of the cables released by WikiLeaks directly concerned me. I was

horrified to discover that directions to members of the foreign service had gone out in 2009 under my

name to gather details on foreign diplomats, including officials of the United Nations and U.S. allies.

These included Internet and intranet usernames, e-mail addresses, web site URLs useful for

identification, credit card numbers, frequent flier account numbers, work schedules, and other

biographical information in a process known as the National Humint Collection Directive. State

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Department spokesman Philip J. Crowley said I had not drafted the directive and that the Secretary of

State's name is regularly attached to the bottom of cables originating in Washington, and it was

unclear whether I had actually seen them. The material in the cables was actually written by the CIA

before being sent out under my name, as the CIA cannot directly instruct State Department personnel.

The disclosed cables went back to 2008 when they were sent out under Condoleezza Rice's name

during her tenure as Secretary of State. The practice of the U.S. and the State Department gathering

intelligence on the U.N. or on friendly nations was not new, but the types of information requested

went far beyond past practice and were not the kind of data diplomats would be expected to gather.

"For months to come, every time the administration made a comment about an issue I found

myself comparing it to statements WikiLeaks had released about it.

"Despite all the fuss, nothing important really was disclosed. The cables were of the lowest

classification, and none were top secret. There were no indications that coups were being planned or

that various countries had amassed secret supplies of weapons no on had ever heard of. I cannot

imagine any event causing a greater waste of time and energy!

"I continued to make calls about WikiLeak until the next spring, which brought a new set of

problems.

"Responding to calls from WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange and a few others that I should

step down from my post due to the revelation, White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said, 'I

think that is absurd! Secretary of State Clinton is doing a wonderful job.' Thank goodness for good

friends!

"According to Thomas S. Monson, American religious leader and author, and the 16th

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President of The Church of Jesus Christ Later Day Saints, 'The principles of living greatly include the

capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and trial with humility.' I'm

working on it, Thomas! Being Secretary of State gives me plenty of opportunity to practice."

April 2, 2014

"On December 1, I flew (for a change) to a summit of the Organization for Security and Co-

operation in Europe in Astana, Kazakhstan. There I met with fifty leaders who were subjects of

embarrassing comments in the leaks, including the President of Kazakhstan, Nursultan Nazarbayev. A

Kazakh official said that during such encounters, I 'kept my face' and didn't run away from difficult

questions. I emphasized that the leaked cables did not reflect official U.S. policy but rather were just

instances of individual diplomats giving unfiltered feedback to Washington about what they saw

happening in other countries. The situation led to some leaders turning my strong remarks about

Internet freedom earlier in the year against me. The OSCE summit also featured a meeting between

Ban Ki-moon, Secretary-General of the United Nations and me. In the attempt to repair the tension

caused by the Humint spying revelations, I expressed regret to Ban for the leaks, but did not make a

direct apology because I didn't believe I had done anything wrong. A U.N. statement said Ban

thanked me 'for clarifying the matter and for expressing concern about the difficulties created.'

Hopefully, he spoke for all the people of Kazakhstan. But somehow, I doubt it.

"About this time, our dear friend and UN Ambassador to Germany Richard Holbrooke

became seriously ill. He terrified me for good reason when he first fell ill during a meeting with me. I

sensed that he was in irrevocable danger, but hoped I was wrong. I wasn't. When he died shortly

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after, I am proud that I was a good friend to his wife Kati before, during, and after Richard's illness

and death. I sat by his bedside with Kati and held her hand, while Richard was dying. I hope someone

does the same for me when Bill dies.

"After his death on December 13 death, I presided over a spontaneous gathering of forty

senior State Department personnel and aides at George Washington University Hospital, where we

grieved together. At a memorial service for him a few days later, Bill and I praised Holbrooke's work.

I said, 'Everything we have accomplished in Afghanistan and Pakistan is largely because of Richard.'

Unfortunately, that was not completely true. Holbrooke had developed poor relations with the White

House during his time as Afghanistan envoy, and my vision of him forging a successful agreement in

that country modeled on his Dayton Accords ( the peace agreement titled the Dayton Accords because

the negotiations by the presidents of Bosnia, Croatia, and Serbia, ending the war in Bosnia took place

at the Wright-Patterson Air Force Base outside Dayton, Ohio) was unrealistic, as the treaty was short-

lived. But I guess I can be forgiven (Hear that, Dad?) for wanting to say only nice things about a

person at his memorial."

I nodded and said how pleased I was that she was learning to forgive herself. You really are

making progress, Hillary!

"I know I am," she said.

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April 4, 2014

"On December 22, 2010," she began, "I returned to the floor of the Senate during the lame-

duck session of the 111th Congress to witness the ratification by a 71–26 margin of the New START

(Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty). I had spent several days glued to the phone, calling wavering

senators and badgering them into giving us their support.. The New START is a nuclear arms

reduction treaty between the United States and the Russian Federation.

"Under the terms of the treaty, the number of strategic nuclear missile launchers were reduced

by half. A new inspection and verification regime was established, although it did not limit the

number of operationally inactive stockpiled nuclear warheads that remained in the high thousands in

both the Russian and American inventories. Still, it was a good start.

"Because of my work and that of both Russians and Americans on the committee, we may all

be alive today. If I did nothing else as Secretary of State, I earned my stripes on the ratification of the

New START treaty."

I stared in awe at Hillary. Here is this diminutive woman before me who looks like nobody so

much as the girl next door, who is nonchalantly telling me that she may have made possible the

continuation of life on earth. How many analysts are so graced as to have a patient as essential to life

itself as this one? I know how Hillary felt. If I helped only this one patient in a long lifetime of

practice, I had 'earned my stripes' as a psychoanalyst.

"As the year closed, I was pleased to be named again by Americans in a Gallup poll as the

woman around the world they most admired," she continued. "It was my ninth win in a row and

fifteenth overall." She smiled, and added, "Do you think I am narcissistic, Doctor? I do so like to be

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admired!"

No, I don't, I answered, only being partially truthful. You have earned every word of praise

you receive, and then some.

"Good!" she answered. "I don't want you to think I am a narcissist. Even if I am.

April 7, 2014

Hillary picked up right where she had left off, as if there were no time between the two

sessions. "I began the year 2011 in Brazil attending the Inauguration of Dilma Rousseff, where

Obama sent me to represent the U.S. Rousseff was the first woman to rule her country. Brazil is way

ahead of the United States in that respect. Maybe we'll catch up one of these days...."

I waited for Hillary to make some remark about the possibility of her ever serving as president

of the United states, but she remained stubbornly silent. Like everyone else, I was curious. And like

everyone else, I would have to wait. Once I made the mistake of asking her if she was going to run.

She answered, 'Don't you wish I knew!'

"In mid-January, I packed my bags again and dragged myself to the Middle East, visiting

Yemen, Oman, The United Arab Emirates, and Qatar," she continued. "Speaking in unusually blunt

language at a conference in Doha, I criticized the failure of Arabian governments to move more

rapidly towards reform saying, 'In too many places, in too many ways, the region's foundations are

sinking into the mud. The new and dynamic Middle East I picture needs firmer ground if it is to take

root and grow everywhere.' The Arabs weren't exactly delighted with my observations. My visit to

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Yemen, the first such visit by a Secretary of State in twenty years, found me stressing the dangers of

terrorism in that country. To my delight, an impromptu tour around the walled old city of Sana'a

found me cheered by onlooking schoolchildren. Nothing is as sweet as the love of little children.

They made me miss my little Chelsea, who isn't so little these days, even more than usual. I wish I

had ten more! Too bad I've had to settle for one daughter (Chelsea) and one cat (Socks).

"A trip and fall while boarding the departing airplane left me unhurt but news services made

predictable witticisms. I seem to be getting clumsier the older I get. Or maybe I am just fatter.

"When the 2011 Egyptian protests began, I was in the forefront of the administration's

response. My public statement on January 25 that the government of President Hosni Mubarak was

'stable' and 'looking for ways to respond to the legitimate needs and interests of the Egyptian people'

was criticized in the media for being luke warm and behind the times, although others agreed that the

U.S. must not be out front in undermining the government of a long-term ally. I must have been in a

critical mood, and thought, 'If I got worried every time somebody said something nasty about me I

would be incapacitated. My skin seems to be getting a little thicker,' I thought with pleasure. In

retaliation, the next day I attacked the Egyptian government's blocking of social media sites. By

January 29, Obama put me in charge of sorting out the administration's confused response to new

developments. During the frenetic day of January 30, I combined appearances on all five Sunday

morning talk shows, where I stated publicly for the first time the U.S.'s view that there needed to be

an 'orderly transition' to a 'democratic participatory government' and a 'peaceful transformation to

real democracy.' I flew to Haiti and back to mark the anniversary of its terrible earthquake, engaging

on both flights in conference calls regarding Egypt. Whew, Doctor! I get tired just telling you all

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this! Are you sick of listening to it yet?

I shook my head, and honestly replied, No, Hillary. I find it fascinating, and feel privileged to

be an observer of your trip through history. I am learning a lot from you. She turned her face to the

wall, and I suspected she was trying to hide her tears.

April 9, 2014

"The Egyptian protests became the most critical foreign policy crisis in the Obama

administration," she went on, "and the president increasingly came to rely upon me for advice. I had

known President Mubarak for twenty years, and formed a close relationship with Egyptian First Lady

Suzanne Mubarak by supporting her work on human rights. As Mubarak's response to the protests

became violent in early February, I strongly condemned the actions taking place, especially those

against journalists covering the events, and urged Egyptian Vice President Omar Suleiman to conduct

an official investigation to hold accountable those responsible for the uprising. When Wisner baldly

stated that Mubarak's departure should be delayed to accommodate an orderly transition to another

government, I rebuked him, although I must say I felt somewhat the same way. Mubarak finally

stepped down on February 11 as the protests developed into the 2011 Egyptian revolution. I told the

Egyptians that the U.S. understood their country still had much work to do and difficult times ahead

of it. In mid-March, I visited Egypt and promised support for an Egyptian move towards democracy,

but made sure to avoid specific promises of U.S. aid.

"President Obama was unhappy with U.S. intelligence agencies, because of their failure to

foresee the 2010–2011 Tunisian uprising and the downfall of Zine El Abidine Ben Ali, as well as the

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Egyptian protests. Reacting to criticism that the State Department had failed to anticipate

developments in Egypt, I defended the U.S. in an interview on Al-Arabiya, and then soothed ruffled

feathers by saying 'I don't think anybody could have predicted when this all started that we'd be

sitting here together talking about the end of the Mubarak presidency."

"Reflecting not only on the situation in Tunisia and Egypt but also on the 2011 Yemeni

protests and the 2011 Jordanian protests, I said at a February 5 meeting of the Quartet on the Middle

East, 'The region is being battered by a perfect storm of powerful trends. It has driven demonstrators

into the streets of cities throughout the area. Quite simply, the status quo is not satisfactory.' I added

that while the transition to democracy could be chaotic, and free elections had to be accompanied by

free speech, a free judiciary, and the rule of law to be effective, in the end free people govern

themselves the best. Traditional U.S. foreign policy had sided with rulers who suppressed internal

dissent but provided stability and supported U.S. goals in the region. When the monarchy's response

to the 2011 Bahraini protests turned to force and bloodshed, I urged a return to the path of reform,

saying that violence against the protesters is totally unacceptable. I said, We very much want to see

human rights protected, including the right to assemble, to express themselves, and to see reform take

place. At the same time, I said that the U.S. cannot tell countries what they should do and cannot

dictate the outcomes. As the situation in Bahrain lingered on and continued to erupt in episodes of

violence against protesters, I said, 'Our goal is a credible political process that can address the

legitimate aspirations of all the people of Bahrain. Violence is not and cannot be the answer. A

political process is."

She turned to look at me and said, "Are you getting groggy from all this information, Doctor?

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I know it is not always interesting to non-political people."

Hillary's question put me in a bit of a dilemma. I firmly believe in telling the truth to patients

(and everyone else) whenever possible. Yet I didn't want to discourage Hillary from speaking her

mind. I remembered a conversation I'd had a long time ago with my training analyst, Dr. Theodore

Reik, when I told him I was bored with a long story a patient was telling me. He said, "Being bored is

the price you have to pay while you are waiting for the good stuff to surface." Bearing in mind Dr.

Reik's comment, I said, 'Of course I'm not groggy, Hillary. I always want to hear what you are

thinking about.' A little white lie? Yes. Necessary? That, too. Although I must say I was surprised

that Hillary with her extraordinary shit detector skills hadn't picked up on my subterfuge. Or maybe

she had, and just decided to ignore it. One can never be sure with Hillary Clinton.

April 11, 2014

"When the 2011 Libyan civil war began in mid-February," she began, "and intensified into

armed conflict with rebel successes in early March 2011, I said to Obama, Libyan leader Muammar

Gaddafi must go right now, without further violence or delay. As Gaddafi conducted counterattacks

against the rebels, I initially was reluctant, as was Obama, to impose a Libyan no-fly zone. As the

prospects of a Gaddafi victory and possible bloodbath that would kill many thousands expanded, and I

traveled Europe and North Africa and found support for military intervention increasing among

European and Arab leaders, I changed my mind and encouraged Obama to back U.N. action to impose

the no-fly zone and authorize other necessary military actions. The United Nations Security Council

approved a no-fly zone on 17 March 2011. The resolution included provisions for further actions to

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prevent attacks on civilian targets. I helped gain the financial and political support of several Arab

countries, in particular convincing Qatar, the United Arab Emirates, and Jordan that a no-fly zone

would not be sufficient and that air-to-ground attacks would be necessary. In regard to whether the

U.S. should send arms to the anti-Gaddafi forces, I said that this would be permissible under the

resolution, but no decision had been made yet on doing so."

April14, 2014

"U.S. policy towards turmoil in the Mideast countries involved backing some regimes and

supporting protesters against others," she went on. "I felt passionately about the subject, so that

Obama joked, 'I've dispatched Hillary to the Middle East to talk about how these countries can

transition to new leaders. These past few weeks it's been tough falling asleep with Hillary out there on

Pennsylvania Avenue shouting and throwing rocks at my window.' I'll bet he thinks he's funny!

"In any case, Obama's reference to my traveling a lot was true. By then I had logged 465,000

miles in my Boeing 757, more than any other Secretary of State had done in a comparable period of

time, and visited seventy-nine countries while on the job. Time magazine wrote that 'Clinton's

endurance is legendary' and that I would still be going at the end of long work days even as my staff

members were conking out. The key was my ability to fall asleep on demand, at any time and place,

for power naps."

Wow! I thought. She can go to sleep whenever she wants to. I wish I could. I'll have to ask

her how she does it.

"I also saw the potential political changes in the Mideast as an opportunity for an even more

fundamental change to take place in the world," she went on, "the empowerment of women,

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something Newsweek magazine saw as my major interest in life. I remarked about this in countries

like Egypt, 'If a country doesn't recognize minority rights and human rights, including women's rights,

they will not have the stability and prosperity that is possible.' In Yemen, I spoke poignantly of the

story of the present Nujood Ali and her campaign against forced marriage at a young age. I can't

imagine my dear Chelsea or me being forced to get married to a stranger at age twelve or younger. I'd

kill the guy! At home, I was even more expansive, looking at worldwide problems. I believe the rights

of women and girls is the unfinished business of the 21st century. Females across the world are

oppressed, violated, demeaned, degraded, and denied much of what we are entitled to as fellow human

beings. I also maintained that the well-being of women in other countries has a direct influence on

American self-interest: This is a big deal for American values and for American foreign policy and

our interests, but it is also important for our security. Where women are dehumanized and powerless

we are more likely to see extremism that leads to security challenges for us all. A lot of the work I do

in the State Department on women's or human-rights issues is not just because I care passionately

about the subject, which I do, but because I see it as a way of increasing security to fulfill American

interests.

April 16, 2014

"In the midst of all this turmoil, which also included my pledging government-level support to

Japan in the wake of the devastating 2011 Tohoku earthquake and tsunami, I repeated in a mid-March

CNN interview with Wolf Blitzer that I had no interest in becoming secretary of defense or vice

president or of running for president again. I also clearly said for the first time that I did not want to

serve a second term as Secretary of State. I stressed how deeply I cared for my current position

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'Because I have the best job I could ever have. This is a moment in history where it is almost hard to

catch your breath. There are both the tragedies and disasters that we have seen from Haiti to Japan and

there are the extraordinary opportunities and challenges right here in Egypt and the rest of the region.'

But I was weary from constant traveling, still not part of Obama's intimate inner circle, and looking

forward to a time of less stress, along with the opportunity to work, write, and teach for international

women's rights. In any case, second term Secretary of State or not I remained popular with the people

of the United States. My Gallup Poll favorability rating rose to 66 percent (against 31 percent

unfavorable), my highest mark ever save for a period during the Lewinsky scandal thirteen years

earlier (and why my popularity went down then I'll never know) . My favorability was 10 to 20

percentage points higher than those for Obama, Biden, or Gates. Not bad for a little girl who never

could please her father!"

April 18. 2014

"I was among those in the White House Situation Room who received hour-to-hour briefings

on the May 2011 mission to kill Osama bin Laden. In early 2011, the CIA believed it had discovered

his hiding place, and the White House held a final discussion on April 28 to decide whether to go

ahead with a raid to kill him, and if so, how to do it. I supported the idea of sending in Navy SEALs,

thinking that the U.S. could not afford to ignore this chance as it might never come again, and the

assassination of bin Laden was so important that it outweighed any risks. I believed with all my heart

that we owed it to the victims of 7/11 to get rid of that S.O.B. for once and for all. I was thrilled when

the U.S. fulfilled

its mission to kill Osama bin Laden at his hideout in Abbottabad, Pakistan on May 1–2, 2011. I didn't

feel sorry for him, because nobody deserved it more. There was resulting criticism from various

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Americans that Pakistan had let bin Laden hide almost in plain sight. Not wanting anymore trouble

with Pakistan, I praised its past record of helping the U.S. hunt down terrorists. 'Our counter-

terrorism alliance with Pakistan over a number of years has contributed very much to our efforts to

dismantle al-Qaeda. Cooperation with Pakistan helped lead us to bin Laden and the compound in

which he was hiding. We are totally committed to continuing the collaboration.'

"I then played an important role in the administration's decision not to publish photographs of

the dead bin Laden, reporting that U.S. allies in the Middle East did not favor doing so. I agreed with

Secretary Gates that such a release might cause an anti-U.S. backlash overseas. As usual in such

circumstances, there was some talk that bin Laudin is not really dead, because no one has ever seen a

photograph of his dead body, but in my opinion, that is ridiculous. We have enough proof of his

death from people who saw his body.

"A June 2011 trip to Africa found me consoling my friend and longtime aide Huma Abedin

after the sexting scandal about her husband Anthony Weiner broke out. I knew exactly how she felt.

The world is not kind to women. I also emphatically denied reports that I wanted to become the next

president of the World Bank, which needed a successor to Robert Zoellick after the end of his term in

mid-2012. Of course, nobody believed me. Can you tell me, Doctor, why nobody ever believes me?"

I smiled and shook my head.

She continued anyway.."In July, sounding more confident than I felt, I assured China and

other foreign governments that the ongoing U.S. debt ceiling crisis would not drive our country into

sovereign default, a prediction that turned out to be correct when the Budget Control Act of 2011 was

passed and signed the last minute before default reared its ugly head. Whew! We really were lucky

that time! I shudder to think what would have happened to our country if we had gone into default.

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But who knows what the next crisis will bring?

"I spent much of that summer trying unsuccessfully to persuade the Palestinian National

Authority to drop its efforts to become full members of the United Nations at its September 2011

General Assembly meeting. By September 2012, with their application stalled because of the Security

Council members' inability to make a unanimous recommendation, the Palestine Authority sought an

upgrade from 'observer entity' to 'non-member observer state.' Their request was put to a vote in the

General Assembly on November 29. In addition to granting Palestine 'non-member observer state'

status, the resolution asked the Security Council to consider the application submitted on 23

September 2011 by the State of Palestine for admission to full membership in the United Nations,

which requested the two state solution based on the pre-1967 borders. General Assembly resolution

67/19 was passed on Thursday, 29 November, 2012 in a 138-9 vote, upgrading Palestine to 'non-

member observer state' status in the United Nations. This change was described by The Independent

as 'de facto recognition of the sovereign state of Palestine."

"The vote was a historic moment for Palestine and a tremendous diplomatic setback for Israel

and the United States. Palestine's new position in the UN allowed the State to join treaties and UN

agencies. It permitted Palestine to claim legal rights over its territorial waters and air space. It also

gave Palestinians the right to sue in the International Court of Justice for control of the territory they

believe is rightfully theirs and allowed them the right to bring war-crimes charges against Israel in the

International Criminal Court. I was dismayed at the passage of the bill, and believe it was a drastic

error that has delayed the course of peace for many years. To be more graphic about it, every time I

think of the vote, I feel like throwing up!

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"I continued to receive high poll numbers, with a September 2011 Bloomberg News poll

earning me a sixty-four percent favorable rating, the highest of any political figure in the nation. A

third of the polls said I would have been a better president than Obama, an observation I heartily

agree with, but when asked what the likelihood was that I would stage a campaign against the

president, I answered, 'Below zero.' I believed that one of the great things about being Secretary of

State was that I could remain above politics as President Eisenhower managed to do, and retain my

dignity. After my dreadful experiences with the media at the White House, I was not interested in

being pulled back into a mud throwing contest. Of course, things were to change significantly later

on, but I didn't know that at the time."

I wondered, Does she mean she will run for president in 2016? But I knew better than to ask.

"After Obama's historic October 2011 announcement that the withdrawal of U.S. troops from

Iraq would be completed by the end of the year," she went on, "I vigorously defended the decision. I

said that despite the absence of military forces, the U.S. was committed to strengthening Iraq's

democracy. I also praised the effectiveness of Obama's foreign policy in general, and pointed to the

death of Muammar Gaddafi which ended the Libyan intervention as proof. This statement essentially

avoided criticism from those running for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination. In October

2011 I visited Tripoli and, in private, was somewhat guarded about Libya's future following the rebel

success. A video of my exclaiming 'Wow!' upon first reading on my BlackBerry of Gaddafi's capture

was

widely circulated. I added'We came, we saw, he died.."

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April 21, 21014

She entered the room crying, and wiped away the tears that were poring down her cheeks.

Alarmed, I wondered what was the matter. Practically all of my patients cry, but somehow I am more

concerned when Hillary does. She doesn't cry lightly. I was right. She said in a choked up voice, "I

was thinking what I would talk to you about today and remembering that to my great sorrow, my

mother, Dorothy Rodham, died in Washington on November 1, 2011. I cancelled a planned trip to

the United Kingdom and Turkey to be with her on her deathbed.' She stopped and was quiet for a

few minutes, which seemed an eternity to me. Then she said with shaking voice, "At the end, I

squeezed her hand and said, 'I love you, Mother.' She squeezed my hand gently in return and said, 'I

love you, too, Hillary, more than anyone in the world.' Then she closed her eyes for the last time. I

was completely broken up and unable to work for weeks. As you know, Doctor, I loved my mother

deeply and. knew I had to pull myself together for the sake of Chelsea and my country, but I couldn't

conceive of how I would be able to function without my mother watching me 'from behind the

curtain.' She was always there for me, no matter how terrible the problem; talking things out with her

always made me feel better. She was my best friend, my teacher, my mentor, my adviser. Losing my

mother was the worst loss of my life, even worse than failing to win the presidential election.

"Bill said to me, 'Hillary, you are a religious woman and believe in an after life. Isn't it

enough for you that you feel you will see your mother again some day?

"'It isn't enough! 'It isn't enough!' I shrieked. But somehow, probably because of the strength

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she had given me, I was able to draw upon forces I hadn't known I had, and little by little, rejoined

the world."

She shut her eyes and opened them to proceed with less emotional topics. I could see her at

work leveling her 'carpenter's tool.' "When the 2011–2012 Russian protests began in late 2011 in

response to the Russian election, I was very blunt about their need for democratic processes. I said,

'The Russian people, like people everywhere, deserve the right to have their voices heard and their

votes counted. They have the right to free, fair, honest elections and leaders who will answer to

them.' I added that Russian voters deserve a thorough investigation of electoral fraud and devious

influence. In return, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin publically criticized me, accusing me of

financially backing Russian protesters and precipitating protests. When Putin won the Russian

presidential election in March 2012, some officials in the State Department wanted to denounce

Russian politics again, but were overruled by the White House. Despite Putin's attack on me, I

thought it would help to keep bombs from murdering us all to state simply, 'The election had a clear

winner, and we are ready to work with President-elect Putin.'

"In early December of 2011, I made the first visit to Burma by a U.S. Secretary of State since

John Foster Dulles stopped there in 1955. I sought to support the 2011 Burmese democratic reforms

and met with Burmese leaders as well as the opposition leader Aung San Suu Kyi. Because Suu Kyi

and I had kept in touch with each other over the years, it felt like I was visiting a friend I hadn't seen

for years, even though it was our first actual meeting. I'll tell you more about that next session, as the

relationship between us is very important to me, and deserves time of its own. Naturally, my outreach

to Burma attracted criticism, with Congresswoman Ileana Ros-Lehtinen saying it 'sends the wrong

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signal

to the Burmese military thugs.' But there were others who said my visit combined idealism and

statesmanship in keeping Burma out of the direct Chinese sphere of influence. I had to overcome

opposition from the White House and Pentagon, as well as from Senate minority leader Mitch

McConnell, to make the move. But I personally appealed to Obama and won his approval. I think it is

hard for him to say no to me. (Probably to the formidable Michelle, too.)

"When asked if I thought the Burmese regime would follow up on reform pledges, I said,'I

can't predict what's going to happen, but I believe it certainly is important for the United States to be

on the side of democratic reform. I added, (cleverly, I think) 'This is a first date, not a marriage, and

like all first dates, nobody can predict where it will lead.'

"I also continued to address rights concerns, in this case those of gay people, in a December

2011 speech before the United Nations Human Rights Council. I said the U.S. would advocate for gay

rights abroad. 'Gay rights are human rights,' I said spontaneously, in a statement that became famous,

and 'It should never be a crime to be gay.' This of course drew vicious criticism from American

fuddy duddies.

"At the end of the year, I was named again by Americans in Gallup's most admired man and

woman poll as the woman around the world they most admired. It was the tenth time in a row that I

had been so honored and altogether my sixteenth. If they keep this up, I may have to believe them."

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April 23, 2014

"On January 26, 2012, in a State Department town hall meeting, I informed the world of my

need to come down from 'the high wire of American politics, after twenty exhausting years of

balancing myself on it.' I said, 'I have made it clear that I will stay on until the president nominates

someone else for the position and the transition can occur. It has been an extraordinary personal

experience and honor. But I really need to have my own time back. I just want to be my own person,

and maybe find out more who that is."

Why did you really leave the post, Hillary? I asked.

She answered, "I felt I had done my part to make the world a better place to live, and enough

is enough, even for me. I had visited 112 countries during my tenure, the most of any other Secretary

of State in U.S. history. I was simply worn out, and needed some time to be with my family and

perhaps write another book."

She looked at me in alarm. "Are you being critical of my decision, Doctor? Do you think I

shouldn't have quit?"

I am not your father, Hillary. I think you should do whatever makes you happy.

She looked at me and smiled through her tears.

"As the Syrian Civil War intensified, the U.S. proposed a UN Security Council resolution that

urged Syrian President Bashar al-Assad to resign and permit the formation of a unity government.

Russia and China refused to endorse the resolution, an action I called a 'travesty.' I warned the world

that Syria could easily degenerate into a brutal civil war. I then called for a friends of democratic

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Syria group of nations to band together to promote a peaceful and democratic solution to the

controversy. As a result of my efforts, the Friends of Syria was formed . At the first meeting of the

group in Tunis, I

again criticized the actions of Russia and China as'contemptible,' and predicted that the Assad regime

would meet its end via a military coup. During the summer of 2012, I repeated my criticism. Then

CIA Director David H. Petraeus and I developed a plan to send arms to and perform training of

selected groups of Syrian rebels. Unfortunately, to our detriment, Obama was loath to become

involved in the Syrian situation in the middle of an election year, and rejected the idea. Sometimes he

can be a pain in the you-know-what! He is supposed to be an idealist, but besides his high-and-mighty

speeches, I have seen little evidence of it.

"At a keynote speech before the International Crisis Group, I connected my thinking on

women's empowerment with that of peacemaking, saying the innumerable connections women have

with communities keep us more concerned about the quality of life issues that blossom in peacetime.

Women also identify more than men with minority groups, as we are discriminated against ourselves

and know how it feels. 'Women are the largest untapped reservoir of talent in the world,' I continued.

'It is past time for women to take our rightful place, side by side with men, in the rooms where the

fates of peoples and those of their children and grandchildren are decided.' I added that I believe

empowerment of women will cascade, as people become more and more aware that it leads to

economic growth.

"In April 2012, an Internet memo 'Texts from Hillary,'was shown on Tumblr. It was based

around a photograph of me sitting on a military plane wearing sunglasses and using a mobile phone,

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in which the authors imagined the recipients and contents of my text messages. It suddenly became

popular and earned even my enthusiasm, before being terminated by its creators. I liked the program

and thought it was fun, although I'm afraid I rarely agreed with what they thought I would text. They

quoted Maureen Dowd's column, in which she paraphrased Raymond Carver as saying that I was 'as

inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.' Maybe a tarantula, Maureen, but I never

claimed to be an angel! They also imagined a conversation between Bill and me, in which he said,

'Hey Hil, watcha doing?' I answered, "Running the world.' I don't think that's a bit funny!

"Obama himself took note of the meme's popularity, in a humorous comment that revealed the

ease we feel in one another's presence. Around that time, a photograph taken during the 6th Summit

of the Americas in Cartagena, Colombia showed me relaxing with a group of colleagues, drinking

Águila beer straight from the bottle and dancing at a local nightclub. It pleased me because it

indicates that I am not as much of a nerd as I used to be. Can you imagine me taking such a photo in

college? It was published on the front-page of the New York Post to illustrate how much I enjoyed

my job. When I saw it I said with a lack of humility, 'I can understand my popularity. There's a

certain consistency to who I am and what I do, and I think people have finally said, 'You know, I

kinda get her now.' A long-time Washington politician summarized the situation by saying, 'There's

no gain in criticizing her anymore.' I hope that remains true, but I doubt it. Too many people get their

kicks from attacking me. I must admit that I find it much more fun to watch TV when someone else

besides me is being blitzed.

"I wonder why the media seems to particularly like God jokes about me, such as this one:

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"Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in

heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first.

"Al, what do you believe in?"

Al replies, "I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that if any more freon is used, the

whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."

"God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

"God then addresses Bill. 'Bill, what do you believe in?'

"Bill replies, 'Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make

their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do.'

"God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."

"God then addresses Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?"

"I believe you're in my chair."

We both burst out laughing. I didn't even analyze it.

(About.com Political Humor.)

April 25, 2014

"During the same period," Hillary said, "my improved fashion choices attracted renewed

attention, as I had let my hair grow long and frequently pulled it back with scrunchies. Public

comments about my hair style had become a twenty year tradition. In fact, if I wanted to knock a

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story off the front page, all I had to do was change my hairstyle. But as one female State Department

traveler put it, 'As a chick, it's a big pain in the butt. The weather is different, and you're in and out of

the plane every five minutes. The staff gets off that plane looking like garbage most days, but Hillary

always has to look camera ready. She said the reason I grew my hair long was that it's easier to keep it

looking nice.' The real reason is that it is less trouble. If I have to bother with it, I just don't do it.

Despite my former lack of interest in what I wore, to the point of grabbing my wedding gown off a

department store rack the

night before I got married, I told the media I was past worrying about it. I felt lucky to be living at a

time when, if I wanted to wear my glasses, I wore my glasses. If I wanted to pull my hair back, I

pulled my hair back. If the security of the United States depended on how I looked, we were in even

worse shape than I thought we were. In any case, I felt much more relaxed with the press than ever

before. I have to confess to you, Doctor, that I now enjoy looking nice. (Don't tell anyone, promise?)

Who ever dreamed that Hillary with the coke-bottle glasses and the stringy hair would turn out to be a

fashion plate? Shall I send it to Ripley's 'Believe it or Not?'

I giggled. Patient or not, Hillary and I really were good friends.

April 23, 2014

"My trip to China in late April and early May of 2012 found me smack in the middle of a

drama starring the blind Chinese dissident, Chen Guangcheng," she continued. "Sightless since a

childhood illness, Chen grew up in a village of five hundred and attended school for the first time at

age seventeen. Chen became interested in law. He audited classes and became a self-trained lawyer

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who developed a career as a 'barefoot lawyer' and defended peasants on cases of forced abortions

under the one-child policy, corruption, and pollution. Although he spoke very little English and I no

Chinese at all, we were kindred souls in our interests. His best-known cause was exposing the ghastly

practice of forced abortions and sterilizations in his native Shandong Province. Chinese authorities

first arrested the valiant activist in 2005 after he filed a class-action lawsuit for women who had

undergone forced abortions and sterilizations as part of China's one-child policy. Chen's efforts

enraged local officials and led to nearly seven years of imprisonment. Incredible! It made me

appreciate living in the United

States even more, where we have freedom of speech (if you don't count the attacks on me by

Republicans and the media every time I open my mouth!).

"After his release, he and his wife and two children were confined to their home for nineteen

months. He compared his experience with the government to the 'collision between an egg and a

stone.' I presume Chen felt like the egg. I think in his character he was more like the stone.

"One night in April, 2012, he slipped past his guards and climbed over the wall of his

farmhouse, breaking his ankle but continuing on. How he managed to do so with a broken ankle as

well as his blindness I'll never know. I'm sure I couldn't do it with two eyes and two intact feet. With

the help of friends, he reached Beijing, where he appealed to the American Embassy for shelter. It

happened I was then on my way to Beijing for talks, and both the U.S. and Chinese governments were

eager to keep the negotiations from failing. Chen asked permission to stay in China and be guaranteed

safety. After a deal for it fell through, he requested and was given a seat on my plane when I flew

back to the U.S. Along with his wife and children, Chen was sent to our country, where he was

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appointed a visiting fellow at the N.Y.U. law school .

"After my departure. I personally negotiated with senior Chinese diplomat Dai Bingguo to

have Chen's deal put back in place. Despite an environment that had, as one aide said, 'exploded into

an absolute circus,' I somehow was able to find a path for the United States that kept China from

losing face. I'm a pretty good diplomat, Doctor, don't you think?"

I smiled. What am I going to say, No?

"After the high-level al Qaeda official Abu Yahya al-Libi was killed in June 1912 during a

U.S. drone attack in Pakistan," she continued, "I defended the action, saying 'We will always

maintain our

right to use force against groups such as al Qaeda that have attacked us and threaten us with further

assaults. In doing so, we will comply with the applicable laws of war, and take every possible

precaution to avoid the loss of innocent life.' Beginning with my 2009 trip to Pakistan, I had faced

many questions about U.S. drone strikes, which I usually refused to answer. Unknown to the media, I

was one of the leading proponents of expanding the strikes when the safety of Americans was

involved. I even sided in 2011 with U.S. Ambassador to Pakistan Cameron Munter when he requested

more control over the U.S. 'kill list' selections for that country."

What exactly is a 'kill list?' I asked Hillary.

She looked surprised that I didn't know. "Obama is the leader of a top secret nominations

procedure designed to designate terrorists to be killed or captured," she answered. "In my opinion

using it will protect the United States from another 9/11 attack."

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I swallowed and didn't know what to think. I am a psychoanalyst, not a politician. My job is

to help to save lives, not destroy them. I loathe the idea of a 'kill list,' but on the other hand, Hillary

may be right that a record of enemies who wish to do us harm serves to shield our country. To my

surprise, Hillary, the world's best shit detector, according to her husband, didn't pick up on my

ambivalence, and proceeded with the story of her tenure as Secretary of State.

"In June of 2012, I arrived in Riga, Latvia, the 100th country I had visited during my term of

office. It was a touchstone for secretaries of state. The previous record had been held by Madeleine

Albright, who managed 96. I was happy to wrack up four more visits than Madeleine, as I do love

being number one! Similarly, in July 2012, I became the first U.S. Secretary of State to visit Laos

since John Foster Dulles touched soil there in 1955. I also held talks with Prime Minister Thongsing

Thammavong

and Foreign Minister Thongloun Sisoulith in Vientiane, where we concentrated on economic matters

and the sad aftereffects of the Vietnam War. We had bombed Laos viciously during the war and

unexploded bombs were still a menace to the Laotian people. I was horrified to learn this, and

determined to do all we could to help them remove all remaining traces of the bombs. How awful that

we live in a world where such actions are necessary!"

I agree with you one hundred percent, Hillary, I said. How wonderful that you are doing

something about it!

April 28, 2014

"In July 2012, I visited Egypt for the first time since Mohammed Morsi became its.

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democratically elected president," she began. "As I arrived in the country, my convoy was met with

protesting mobs. I was terrorized when shoes, tomatoes and bottled water were hurled at the convoy,

although I lucked out that nothing hit either me or my car. Protesters also embarrassed me by

chanting 'Monica, Monica,' referring of course to the Lewinsky scandal. They behaved as though the

whole mess was my fault. What's with these people? Do they think Bill and I are the same person? I

also met with conspiracy charges that the U.S. was secretly aligned with the Muslim Brotherhood.

The Muslim Brotherhood? The United States! They've got to be kidding! I will be happy to refrain

from any further visits to Egypt.

"On September 14 remains of the slain Americans were returned to the U.S. The president and

I attended the ceremony, where a young woman with covered head and eyes haunted with sadness

held up a handwritten sign saying, 'Thugs and killers don't represent Benghazi nor Islam.'When I

saw it I

burst into tears..

"The attack on our Government's preparation for the Benghazi assault, as well as explanations

for happened afterward, blew up into a political explosion in the U.S., particularly because of the

ongoing presidential election. Unfortunately, the State Department had listed embassy security as a

major choice for cutbacks in its budget report. On September 20, I gave detailed instructions to U.S.

Senators, for which I was severely criticized by several Republican attendees, of course. They were

furious at Obama's consistent refusal to inform them about the Benghazi attack, only to find it

published the next day in The New York Times. I guess I would be mad about that, too, if it happened

to me. To make everybody happy (except me), I arranged for the formation of an Accountability

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Review Board panel to investigate the attack from the point of view of the State Department.

"On October 15, I announced to the media that I was at fault for the deaths of the officials: I

said, 'I take full responsibility for the deaths. I'm in charge of the State Department's 60,000-plus

people all over the world, 275 posts, and the blame is on my shoulders. I take the attack to heart and

am flooded with guilt about it. I promise to get to the bottom of the catastrophe, and do everything

possible to prevent it from happening again.' She added tearfully, "I meant every word of it, Doctor.

It was one of the worst experiences of my life. Everybody thinks I am so tough. They have no idea

that I spent many nights crying myself to sleep over it.

"On November 6, 2012, Obama was elected for his second term as president. I had told him

before that I would stay on the job until my successor was chosen. Despite my insistence that I was

not interested, speculations about me as a possible candidate in the 2016 presidential election kept

growing. A poll taken in Iowa, the first state in the nomination process, showed that in a hypothetical

2016

contest, I would have 58 percent support, with Vice President Biden coming in second at 17 percent.

What! Do they think I'd go through all that again? Not on your life!"

I looked at her skeptically. She said, 'You don't believe me?' I smiled and said, If you say

so... In here the customer is always right.

She blinked and let it go. "In November, I traveled to Jerusalem, the West Bank, and Cairo,

and met with Benjamin Netanyahu, Mahmoud Abbas and Mohamed Morsi in a combined attempt to

end the 2012 Gaza conflict. On November 21, Egyptian Foreign Minister Mohamed Kamel Amr and I

announced that a cease-fire agreement had been reached between Israel and Hamas in Gaza. Who was

300

it who said when it looks like something is too good to be true it is? The 2012 Egyptian protests

against Morsi broke out soon after. When I was asked by the media how long I thought it would take

for peace to come about between Israel and Gaza, I answered, 'Unfortunately, we don't have any

magic wands we can wave.'

I just love her sense of humor. In fact, I think I love her.

April 30, 2014

"Another catastrophe happened in mid-December," she said. "I somehow picked up a

stomach virus on a trip to Europe, and became very dehydrated and fainted. I banged my head as I

fell and suffered a mild concussion. As a result I had to call off an appearance at Congressional

hearings about Benghazi .A few conservative figures, including Congressman Allen West and

Ambassador to the UN John R. Bolton, accused me of cooking up an illness to avoid testifying before

Congress. I was furious!

Not only did my head hurt like nobody's business, but my integrity was attacked when I was not in a

position to defend it. Fortunately, a State Department spokesperson said the statement was

'completely false' and Senator Lindsey Graham denounced the allegations, even though he is a

Republican. Do West and Bolton think I actually would lie about something so stupid and easy to

check up on? I am a very honest person, as those who know me well can attest to. I am so frank that

some people even call me blunt. If I were to betray my Methodist conscience and tell a falsehood, it

would have to be about something much more important than a concocted illness.

"The Pickering–Mullen Accountability Review Board report about the Benghazi attack was

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publicized on December 19. It strongly criticized State Department officials for ignoring requests for

security upgrades, and failing to adopt safer surveillance. It openly attacked the Bureau of Diplomatic

Security and the Bureau of Near Eastern Affairs, and berated leadership at senior levels within two

bureaus of the State Department. According to the report, the security measures for Benghazi were

completely inadequate to deal with the attack. After the release of the report, four State Department

officials were fired from their positions. I was lucky the document did not criticize more senior

officials in the department, including yours truly. My good friend (at least he is now) Pickering said:

'We placed the blame at the assistant secretary level, which we think is the correct place to look,

where decision-making actually takes place.' I was temporarily off the hook, at least everybody's

hook but my own. I wrote in a letter to Congress that I accepted the conclusions of the

Pickering–Mullen report, and had formed a State Department task force to carry out the sixty items

recommended by the investigation. The Deputy Secretary of State, William J. Burns, and the Deputy

Secretary of State for Management and Resources, Thomas R. Nides, testified for me before two

Congressional committees on December

20. I myself planned to testify in January, when I expected to have completely recovered from my

fall. .

"The Benghazi affair also had an effect on the choice of my Secretary of State successor.

Ambassador to the UN Susan Rice was Obama's first choice, but she was grossly attacked by

Congressional Republicans for what they believed were deceptive statements after the attack, and like

a hurt dog withdrew her name from consideration. Senator John Kerry was then nominated for the

position by the president. One report blatantly stated that I had preferred Kerry over Rice all along.

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Did you? I asked.

'No comment,' Hillary said with a smile.

"Although I was not yet well enough to attend the December 21 public statement of Kerry's

nomination, Obama described me as being 'in good spirits.' He also praised Kerry as being of the

'highest caliber.' Hmmmmm. Do you think the president meant higher than me?

"I intended to return to work on December 31, but the day before that I had to be admitted to

New York-Presbyterian Hospital after my doctor discovered that the concussion had formed a blood

clot. On December 31 he announced that the clot was behind my ear near my brain. I prayed to God,

my mother, my father, and anyone else who was listening. Someone must have heard me. After being

treated with anticoagulants, I was told that I had not suffered any neurological damage, and was

expected to make a full recovery. I was thrilled, of course, and like Blanche Dubois said, 'Sometimes

there's God so suddenly!'

"I was released from the hospital on January 2 and returned to work at the State Department

on January 7. To my delight, co-workers welcomed me back with a standing ovation and a joke gift

of a

football helmet featuring the department's seal. I also received a football jersey with 112 on it, the

number of countries I had visited during my tenure. The illness, however, put an end to my days of

traveling on the job. I finished after putting my feet down in112 countries, making me the most

widely traveled Secretary of State in history. But woe is me! My total of 956,733 air miles ended up

falling short of Condoleezza Rice's record for total mileage, 1,059,207, which was expanded late in

her tenure by repeated trips to the Middle East. I had traveled 401 days, with 306 of them spent in

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actual diplomatic meetings, the equivalent of 87 full days on airplanes. Compared to other recent

secretaries, I had traveled more extensively, with fewer repeat visits to many countries. So there,

Condoleezza!

"I finally gave more than five hours of testimony on January 23 about the Benghazi affair

before hearings of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee and the House Foreign Affairs

Committee. It was a heart wrenching ordeal I wouldn't go through again for all the gold in China! I

said in a trembling voice, 'For me, this is not a matter of policy, but a deeply personal trauma, a

catastrophe that has broken my heart.' President Obama and I huddled close to each other at

Andrews, as if to draw strength from the other's presence, as one by one the Marines solemnly

carried the flag-draped caskets off the plane. As each casket passed me by my spirits catapulted

downward another degree. By the time the last one passed, I would gladly have joined them.

"I put my arms around the mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, sons and daughters of the

victims and we cried together. I again accepted formal responsibility for the departmental security

lapses that led to the attack and deaths, but did not admit to any personal blame for them. Although I

wished with all my heart that I had been able to prevent the attack, I never believed in my gut that it

was my fault. I said, 'I feel responsible for the nearly 70,000 people who work for the State

Department, although I never saw the specific security requests that concerned Benghazi. They didn't

come to me, but like all such reports, were handled by the security professionals in the department,

who were supposed to take care of them. I neither approved them nor denied them. I did acknowledge

that I had agreed to keep the Benghazi consulate open after an earlier report that its security had

deteriorated , but had assumed the security personnel responsible would take care of the matter.

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"Senator Ron Johnson, a Republican in the Tea Party movement, continually questioned me

on whether Ambassador to the UN Rice had misled the public after the attacks. His interrogations

made me furious. In a raised voice and with knocking knees, I answered, 'With all due respect,

Senator (which is more than he deserved), the fact is that we have four dead Americans. We don't

know at this point whether the attack was caused by a protest or if some guys out for a walk one night

decided they'd kill some Americans for fun. What difference does it make? The Americans are dead,

and nothing we can do will bring them back to life again. It is our job to figure out what happened

and to do everything we can to prevent such a catastrophe from ever happening again.' I was also

attacked by other Republicans. Representative Jeff Duncan accused me of 'national security

malpractice' and Senator Rand Paul said the president should have dismissed me from my job for

having failed to read security-related cables coming into the State Department. I answered, 'There are

over a million cables that come into the State Department, Senator Paul. Could you have read over a

million cables?' He had the good grace not to answer. My arch rival Senator John McCain said that

while 'It's wonderful to see you in such good health and as combative as ever, I am not satisfied with

your answers.' Tough shit, Senator! I don't like you, either.

"I also addressed the opposition in Mali and Northern Africa. Mali was considered a model

African democracy until the military seized power in March 2012 and the north fell under al-Qaeda

control. I said, 'This Pandora's Box of side effects from the Arab Spring has opened a new security

challenge for the U.S. We cannot allow northern Mali to become a safe haven for terrorists. Perhaps

because of my interventions, presidential polls in August 2013 contributed to the return of civilian

rule.

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"The next day, January 24, I introduced John Kerry before the Senate Foreign Relations

Committee, where hearings were held on his nomination to succeed me. I said he was the right person

to carry on the Obama Administration's foreign policy, and that his testimony before the same

committee in 1971 in opposition to the Vietnam War 'had spoken hard truths about a war that had

gone badly off track.' I really do think he is a good man, and will make an excellent Secretary of

State, if not quite up to the person who formerly held the position.'

When I looked at her dubiously, Hillary said, "I'm only joking, Doctor! Can't you take a

joke?" Maybe not. Marilyn Monroe didn't think I could.

"At both public appearances as well as Barack's second inauguration, I reluctantly wore

glasses with Fresnel prisms instead of my usual contact lens, in order to cure double vision hanging

on from my concussion. I was embarrassed when the use of the special glasses was made public by

the State Department, which said, 'Mrs. Clinton will wear these glasses instead of her contacts for

some time because of medical issues stemming from her concussion.' They had some nerve to make

such an announcement! Is it really anybody's business but mine what kind of glasses I wear? I must

admit I was unhappy about my forced regression to glasses (which took me back to my hippy days),

after I had worked so hard to improve my appearance. But my doctors insisted, so what could I do?

Even a Secretary of State is helpless against the almighty doctors. (I hate them! Nothing personal,

Doctor!)

May 2, 2014

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"60 Minutes aired an interview with me and Obama on January 27. It was the president's first

broadcast with a member of his administration. In it, he enthusiastically praised my performance,

saying 'Hillary will go down in history as one of the finest Secretary of States the United States has

ever had.' He made me feel so good I almost forgave him for winning the presidency away from me.

He said the relationship between us was very comfortable, and that getting past our 2008 primary

campaign battles had not been difficult. (Maybe not for him!) When asked about my health, I said, "I

still have some effects from falling on my head and having the blood clot. But the doctors tell me that

will recede. And so I'm looking forward to returning to work.' I didn't mention the times I was up all

night worrying about whether I would fully recover, and if so, when.

"On January 29, I held my last and the fifty-ninth global town hall meeting of my tenure. It

made me a little sad."

I said, A little sad, Hillary?

"OK," she answered, " maybe a lot sad. Also on January 29, the Senate Foreign Relations

Committee unanimously approved Kerry's nomination and the Senate confirmed the nomination by a

94–3 vote. Despite my joke last session, Doctor, I really was glad I was of help to a very decent man.

In my final public speech, on January 31 before the Council on Foreign Relations, I reopened the

theme of 'smart power,' which as you may recall, refers to the combination of hard and soft power

strategies. The approach emphasizes the need for a strong military, but also recommends

partnerships, alliances, and institutions to expand American influence.' It is still my fervent belief

that the use of 'smart power' is necessary to establish and maintain worldwide peace.

"I suggested that new structure was needed for developing relationships in the changing

world. Where a few strong columns like the Parthenon once could hold up our weight, in this day

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and age we need a forceful mixture of architecture and materials. I added, 'We are truly the essential

nation. That is not an empty slogan or boast, but merely recognizes our decisive role and the

enormous responsibilities we face in the continued development of humankind. That's why the

conservationists are dead wrong. It is why the United States will remain the leader in this century,

even as we move ahead in new and possibly unknown ways.'

"My final day as secretary was February 1, 2013, when I met with Obama to hand him my

letter of resignation. We hugged each other and cried. 'We have been through a lot together,' he

said, 'and the United States and the world are better for it.' I later gave farewell remarks at a meeting

of employees at the State Department headquarters. To be cliché, there wasn't a dry eye anyway

near the House.

"Well, that's pretty much what my tenure as Secretary of State was like, Doctor. I'd like to

evaluate for you, as well as for myself, how I did. Maybe we can decide together what kind of

Secretary of State I really was. Will you help me do that, Doctor?"

I nodded, overwhelmed with the enormity of the task she was assigning me. I only hoped I

would understand what she was talking about.

When I could speak, I said, I am not a politician, Hillary. As you are surely aware by now, I

am not even particularly knowledgeable about politics. What I can do is give you as the most honest

opinion I am capable of.

She smiled, and said, 'That's all anybody can ask. Let's start tomorrow.'

I answered, Of course. I didn't sleep too well that night.

May 5, 2014

Hillary came in shivering, and then said, 'Brrrrrr! It's freezing outside. Don't you have any

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heat in this place? You are just like my father, always trying to save a few pennies.

I got up and adjusted the thermostat.

She said, I was only kidding. You really aren't at all like him, thank goodness! What do you

call it - transference?'

I nodded, pleased that she had recognized the phenomenon.

She then picked up the thread where we had stopped the session before. "While my tenure as

Secretary of State by and large is well thought of," she began thoughtfully, 'certain unfriendly

observers insist that there was no significant diplomatic breakthrough during it nor any improvement

around major issues such as those made by Dean Acheson, George Marshall, and Henry Kissinger. I

disagree. It is true that the insoluble conflicts existing when I entered office, such those in Pakistan,

Iran, Arab-Israeli relations, and North Korea, had not changed when I left. But, in my opinion, the

conditions of the political world during my tenure were far too complicated to allow breakthroughs

such as the Marshall Plan or Nixon's trip to China. What I suspect is that many of my contributions in

smart power will take much longer to evaluate, and my reputation will be enhanced as time goes by.

In other words, I believe that my success is less tangible, but longer lasting.

"Brookings Institute analyst Michael O'Hanlon said, 'Even an admirer like me must

acknowledge that few big problems were solved on her watch, and that few victories were achieved.

She has been more solid than spectacular.' If so, I don't think being 'solid' is such a bad thing, do

you? It is better than being called 'wishy-washy.' Some other people disagreed with O'Hanlon For

example, Eric Schmidt argued that I was 'perhaps the most significant Secretary of State since

Acheson.' All agreed about my celebrity. As one unnamed official said, 'She's the first secretary

who's also been a global rock star. It's permitted her to handle issues on the global agenda in a way

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no one before her has been able to do.'"

Hillary laughed brusquely and said, 'A rock star! Me? Can you believe it? Do I look like

Michael Jackson? Frankly, Doctor, sometimes I don't understand why I am so popular with so many

people. Underneath all the claptrap, most of the time I still feel like the drab girl nobody gave a

second look at until Bill Clinton came along."

Why do you think you are so popular, Hillary?

"I've been thinking about that, and believe it is because I have their interests at heart. People

know when it is real and not put on to bring out votes. But I wonder even more why I am so

unpopular with a lot of men. I decided that it is nothing personal, that I represent sociological

changes to them. Sometimes I think it isn't really me they hate at all, but that I represent the woman

boss they are embarrassed to work under, the wife who went back to school and makes more money

than they do, and the daughter they wish weren't so independent."

Well put, Hillary, I said.

She smiled and continued, "The conflicts between me and Obama that many observers

predicted never came to pass. A writer for The New York Times Magazine wrote that 'Obama and

Clinton have

led the least discordant national-security team in decades, despite enormous challenges on almost

every front.' That's pretty good, don't you think, for two people who had fought so viciously for the

same position? I have to say, and I wouldn't admit this to anyone else in the whole world, I think the

way I handled becoming friends with Obama after losing the election to him indicates that I am a

pretty big person. Don't you agree, Doctor"

I nodded. I do indeed, Hillary. In fact, I would say magnanimous. Not many people I know

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have the capacity to make friends with their successful rivals. Most of us are too jealous and

revengeful.

She was pleased. I was glad she didn't ask me if I were one of those people. I wouldn't have

known how to answer. Hillary continued, "Nevertheless, there were limitations to the amount of

influence I had: Much of the handling of the Middle East, Iran, and Iraq during my tenure was done

by the White House or Pentagon. Obama likes to control his own affairs of state as much as possible.

Some people, not to mention any names, might call him a 'control freak.' On other issues, policy-

making was locked inside the White House among the president's inner circle of advisors. They must

have thrown away the key. The circle never included me. You'd think the highest office in the land

would be above such things, but it isn't. The glass ceiling still exists in Washington, Doctor, as it

does in the business world, although I am proud to say that I put a few cracks in it . Obama and I also

had some important differences of opinion, which, of course, he was wrong about. Unfortunately for

Syria, I failed to persuade him to arm and train Syrian rebels in 2012, but overcame his initial

opposition to my visiting Burma in 2011. The trip turned out brilliantly, if I may say so, and I made

one of the best friends of my life, Aung San Suu Kyi. I'll tell you about it at length next time,

because she is very important to me. My original idea of the handling of key trouble spots by special

envoys under my aegis fell apart. I did

edge out the U.S. Commerce Department, however, by having the State Department take a lead role

in pitching sales for U.S. companies. In doing so, I helped negotiate international deals for Boeing,

Lockheed Martin, and Westinghouse Electric, among others. They love me. If they don't, they

should. Unlike most former secretaries, I believe the commercial aspects of diplomacy and the

promotion of international trade are vital to America. But then few people ever have agreed with me

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about anything. Why should I expect it from prior secretaries?

"My background as an elected politician showed in my talent for dealing with people, my

ability to remember personal connections that people find incredible (they don't know I carefully

memorize their names before every meeting), in visiting staffs of the State Department overseas, and

in understanding the problems of elected foreign leaders. It sometimes served to my detriment,

however, as when my personal relationship with the Mubaraks possibly caused me to back them too

long during the Egyptian Revolution. Until after the Benghazi catastrophe, I even retained personal

support from some Republicans. In mid-2012, Republican Senator Lindsey Graham said, 'I think

she's represented our nation well. She is extremely well respected throughout the world, handles

herself in a very classy way and has a work ethic second to none.' And that from a Republican, no

less! P.S. I loved being called classy! Because I don't see myself that way.'

How do you see yourself, Hillary?

"As a woman who has no talent for dressing or acting like a society woman, but is smart

enough to figure out how to do it anyway."

I smiled and said, I think that is a pretty realistic appraisement.

"It doesn't matter how I dress anyway," she continued. "The media just love to attack me on

it,

no matter what I wear. Sexist attitudes are clearly apparent in the ridiculous questions journalists ask

me about my favorite clothing designers. 'Would you ever ask a man that question?' I famously

responded to that inquiry in a 2010 interview. I labeled the question for what it was: a demeaning and

irrelevant jab at me because I am a woman."

Good for you, Hillary! I said. It is about time someone took the media to task for its sexism.

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She returned to the story of her tenure as Secretary of State. "I would say that on the whole

reactions to my service as secretary were mixed. A mid-2012 Pew Research study of worldwide

public opinions found that I was viewed positively in Japan and most European countries. I received

mixed marks in China, Russia, and some Central and South American countries, and, unsurprisingly,

poor grades in Muslim countries. Overall, I'd say my attempts at improving the image of the United

States in those nations were unsuccessful, because of the unpopularity of our drone attacks on

Pakistan and elsewhere. Opinions of the U.S. in those areas declined during my tenure, according to

a Pew Research, which found that only 15 percent of Muslims had a favorable impression of the U.S.

in 2012, compared to 25 percent in 2009. The results in Pakistan were even worse. Only 12 percent

of Pakistanis had a favorable impression of the U.S. in 2012, compared to 16 percent in 2009,and

only 3 percent had confidence in me, compared to 37 percent who didn't. The results of the polls hurt

my feelings, of course. But I consoled myself with the thought that time will tell who was right.

"As the first Secretary of State to visit such countries as Togo and Timor-Leste in the

electronic age, I believe personal visits are still more important than ever. As I said shortly before

leaving office, 'I have found it highly ironic that in today's world, when we can be anywhere

virtually, more people than ever want us to show up in their countries. Somebody said to me just the

other day, 'Just look at

your travel schedule! Why are you knocking yourself out? Why Togo? Why the Cook Islands? No

Secretary of State has ever been to Togo before'. Well, I am not like any other secretaries of state. I

do what I think is best for the security and comfort of the whole world. It just so happens that Togo is

on the U.N. Security Council. Even if nobody has ever heard of it, Togo is full of people who are as

important as we are.'"

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May 5, 2014

Hillary came in and sat silently for a few moments. Then she said, "Last session I said I would tell

you about my Burmese friend, Aung San Suu Kyi. It will give me great pleasure to do so.

"While I have Bill and Chelsea to talk to about the important personal matters of our life, and

many women I can chat with about our children and the events of daily living, and even enjoy talking

to you, I must admit it gets a bit lonely up at the top. I don't have a single woman friend at my

political level with whom I can mull over the circumstances of the day. I sometimes I doubt if there

are any like me in the whole world. Most of the daily events are classified, and I am honor bound to

keep silent about them. It is a heavy load to carry alone. The world of the Secretary of State is a

closed universe which is difficult to understand if you are not deeply involved in it. My closest aid,

Huma Abedin, who is practically my right arm, helps to fill the spot. She assists in planning policy,

prepares for coming events, and even carries my luggage when it is necessary. But for me it is

difficult to feel the kind of intimacy I need with an employee. There are things even she cannot

know, and we just are not on the same level of security. Although Barrack is wonderful to talk with,

he is rarely available to me. And he is a man. I must admit that there is something about a close

woman friend that I need in order to feel at

my best. Nevertheless, although I crave understanding from a female equal I long ago gave up

looking for one, and learned very early in my political career that if I were going to be at the top of

the political world, loneliness is the price I would have to pay."

I understood very well. I am in a lonely business, too. For reasons of confidentiality, I am

unable to discuss my patients with anyone. There is nobody I can tell that the most powerful woman

in the world is my patient, although I would like to shout it from the rooftops.

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"On December 1, 2011," she continued, "that was to change forever. On the shore of the vast

and glorious Inya Lake directly across from the former home of General Ne Win, the ruthless dictator

who ruled Burma with an iron fist for half a century, is a two story villa set in the middle of a ragged

unkempt garden overrun with weeds and unmowed grass. On our state visit there, we approached the

two-story villa, which was well known to me and the world through photographs. Like most

buildings in the area, it was in a state of disrepair. Its stucco walls were stained black with mildew,

and looked as though they wouldn't make another year in an upright position. The home is

surrounded by a blue fence with delightful green figures of dancing peacocks painted on simple

white disks. The house, which has become the symbol of the democratic movement of Burma, is the

home of Aung San Suu Kyi, the fifty-four year old Noble Peace Prize winner and world renowned

political dissident, who is almost always called 'The Lady,' a respectful title given her by the people

of Burma who are reluctant to mention her full name for fear of reprisals by the military regime, the

SLORC (The State Law and Order Restoration Council)

"We arrived in Rangoon as the sun was setting upon the oldest Buddhist pagoda in the world.

With its gold plating and thousands of diamonds and rubies it lit up the sky on the darkest of nights.

an important visitor of state, I was permitted to ring out one of the glorious forty-ton bells, which

resounded throughout the countryside. Sometimes at night when I can't sleep I listen to the glorious

tones of the pagoda bells in my head. They will remain with me as long as I live. What an auspicious

beginning to an experience of a lifetime! I felt a surge of excitement quite unusual for me, I who

spent my days hobnobbing with the greatest people of the world. For that evening I was scheduled to

meet someone very special, Aung San Suu Kyi, a woman who had been a heroine of mine for many

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years.

"When I first entered the home of The Lady at the lakeside villa in Rangoon, where she been

held under house arrest for six years, I ran my eyes over the huge living room which seemed almost

empty. Almost lost in a distant corner was a fragile exquisite woman with a flower in her long dark

tresses and a wisp of hair across her forehead. As she approached me, I felt overwhelmed by her

elegant beauty. I thought her features were as delicate as a carved cameo. No photograph or

description has captured her unique essence, which is immediately evident on meeting her. A branch

of yellow flowers hung from the bun at the base of her neck. She was wearing a lungyi, the colorful

traditional Burmese sarong, which tightly embraced her hips and imparted a sinuous grace to her

slender figure as she crossed the room to welcome me. Although only my size, five feet four inches

tall, she possessed the commanding presence of a large woman . Like me, she must have liked what

she saw, for we greeted each other with a mutual smile that reached as deep inside as a smile can go,

and I knew immediately that I had found my equal in the famous activist of the political and personal

worlds, and that she would become the friend I had long sought.

We greeted each other with a kiss on the cheek and a warm embrace, and slipped into an easy

conversation as if we had known each other for years.

Although we had spoken only once on the phone, we already knew a great deal about each

other. Suu Kyi had read both Bill's and my autobiographies, and I had watched The Lady, a film

about her life. We spent over three hours talking about our lives, our hopes, and dreams for ourselves

as well as our countries. Suu asked me to explain to those people in the United States who opposed

engagement with Burma because of its cruel military dictatorship that the Burmese people

themselves would like democracy and close contact with our country. Already Suu and I were best

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friends, and spoke together of things no one else in the world knew. I gave her a rare and precious set

of books written and signed by another heroine of mine, Eleanor Roosevelt. Even lovelier, Suu gave

me a silver necklace she had made herself. I immediately put it on, and knew I would always regard

it as one of the great treasures of my life.

"After dinner we strolled in the garden hand in hand, her dog happily jumped for joy

around the two of us, seeming to understanding that something phenomenal was taking place in his

mistress's life. The 'garden' was now little more than a pile of mud, for Suu's release from

imprisonment had come at the top of the monsoon season, when torrential rains turn huge expanses

of the countryside into a foggy water world from the shores of the Andaman Sea to the bottom of the

Himalaya foothills. Suu explained apologetically that on the day they placed her under arrest, her

garden was very beautiful, and overflowing with exquisite fields of Madonna lilies, orange

frangipani, and fragrant yellow gardenias and jasmines. 'I loved working in the garden,' she

continued, 'It was one of the great pleasures in life left to me. I'd dig and replant and speak with the

guards. Planning the garden was a work of artistry, like painting with flowers. But a beautiful garden

requires a great deal of money for its upkeep, and I couldn't afford to take care of it for very long.

The military offered me money for its care, but of course,

I refused to accept anything from them,' she added in the elegant British accent she had acquired at

Oxford University.

"'Sometimes I didn't even have enough money to buy food,' she continued. 'I became so

weakened from malnutrition that my hair fell out, and for many days I wasn't even able to climb out

of bed. I was terrified I had damaged my heart. It thumped so strongly I could barely breathe. My

weight fell to nearly 90 pounds from my normal 106. I thought I would surely die of heart failure

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before I starved to death. Then my eyes went bad on me, too, so that it became difficult to read. To

make matters worse, I developed spondylosis, a deterioration of the spinal column, which made it

painful even to move.' She was quiet for a moment, apparently taking in my sympathy, and then

pointed to her head and said proudly, 'But I never let them get me up here where it matters!

Unfortunately, however, I had to let the garden fall apart. When I found a bit of money, I was forced

to use it for food and not flowers. Sometimes I'm not so sure I made the right decision. When the

military released me, I brought in a team of gardeners to clear out my garden. I was horrified to be

told that it was full of snakes.' When I jumped, she said, "Don't worry. We finally got rid of them.

They aren't here anymore.'

"All her life Suu has been obsessed with her father, the great Bogyoke (General) Aung

San, who was assassinated when she was two years old. It was a loss that determined the course of

her life, for she felt impelled to live out his life for him as well as her own for the sake of their

country as well as for him Aung San was a Burmese revolutionary, a nationalist, the founder of the

modern Burmese army, who was considered to be the Father of modern-day Burma. The great man

was responsible for achieving Burma's independence from British colonial rule in Burma, but was

assassinated six months before independence.

"Imagine losing your father at such a young age! I was a middle-aged woman when my father

died, but at least I had him while I was growing up. He was the biggest influence of my life. and I

still mourn him every day. How Suu does so well without ever really having had a father is

incomprehensible to me. I am sure I couldn't have come as far as I have without my father's

influence in my growing up years."

I suspected she would have, but didn't say so. Who really knows such things?

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"General Aung San is recognized as the leading architect of independence, and the founder of

the Union of Burma," she continued. Affectionately known as "Bogyoke" (General), Aung San is still

greatly admired by the Burmese people, and his name will probably always be invoked in Burmese

politics, much as George Washington is in the United states. The General's daughter honored him by

adding his famous name, Aung San, to her given name, Suu Kyi (Sue Chee). A stately sculpture of

her father rises in the center of a park in Rangoon, and one is immediately struck by the close

resemblance between father and daughter.

'I always felt close to my father,' she said. 'It never left my mind that he would want me to

do something for my country. When I returned to Burma in 1988 to nurse my sick mother, I was

planning on starting a chain of libraries in my father's name. A life of politics held no attraction for

me. But the people of my country were demanding democracy, and as my father's daughter, I felt I

had a duty to stand in his place.'

"'I knew her father, and she reminds me very much of him,'a colleague of Suu's said to me.

'The way she smiles and tilts her head--all her gestures are similar to his. When she came back to

Burma, she had no intention of becoming a celebrity. She was inexperienced in politics. It was a hard

destiny. But she had her father's gift. And she matured in six years of house arrest.'

"We looked up at Aung San Suu Kyi, who was then speaking to a surrounding crowd. 'We

must avoid having extreme ideas,' she told them. 'Think before you do anything. The struggle for

human rights and democracy in Burma is a fight for life and dignity. It is a battle that includes all our

political, social and economic aspirations.' When Suu finished speaking, the crowd remained silent

for a long moment, and then burst into applause for fully ten minutes.

"It was time to say good-bye to my friend. First we said our political goodbyes, Suu thanking

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our country for all its help and its attempt to connect with the government of Burma. Then we spoke

of our personal farewells and all that the meeting meant to both of us, words I will keep in my heart

forever. As we reluctantly took our leave taking, we embraced warmly and agreed to stay in frequent

touch by phone and mail, which we have continued to do. When we waved good-bye for the last

time, my eyes filled with tears, and I saw that Suu's did, too. I felt like I was leaving my long-lost

sister.

"Suu's outreach to Burma balances unwavering support for human rights with the promise of

support to a previously suspicious regime and has opened that country to the world for the first time

in decades. I am happy to tell you, Doctor, that Aung San Suu Kyi is now free and her party is

actively participating in the reform efforts in Burma. Although we stay in touch as we promised,

there isn't a day gone by that I don't miss her, and long for her to visit the United States."

Hillary and I were both too moved to speak. She got up and left with neither of us saying a

word.

May 7, 2014

"Well, Doctor," she said the next day, "You never answered my question. Do you think my

tenure as Secretary of State was successful?"

How would you sum up your tenure? I asked.

She considered the question carefully before answering. "There are good things about it and

bad," she finally said. First of all, what I didn't accomplish. To my great sorrow, I failed to bring

about peace in the Middle east. I was unsuccessful in setting Afghadistan on the road to prosperity. I

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didn't prevent Iran from continuing the development of their nuclear program. But the 21st century

has seen a great change in the nature of power. United States power is larger than the total of our

successes and failures on the problems we have tackled. We no longer are in a position to define for

other countries what their goals should be and how they should go about enforcing them. Like a

parent sending her daughter off to college, we have to let them develop in their own way, come what

may. I was the first Secretary of State to implement the concept of 'smart power.' Under me, budgets

now include money for issues of gender. Foreign service officers are stationed at the Pentagon, and

economic management is part of diplomatic responsibility. I am proud of these accomplishments and

am determined that my work will be continued after I leave office. I expect to invest a lot of time

following it up and advising my successors (if they'll let me)..

"But I would say that my finest contribution as Secretary of State was not in these separate

actions, important as they may be, but in repositioning our country as the top leader in a changing

world. I have helped the United States to become a great global chairman who can help navigate

crises yet to come, which there certainly will be, from economic upheavals to climate changes to

sociological

disturbances.

"We are presently occupied in creating the world of a new century. Part of what I am

committed to now is introducing the United States to every country, government, and group of

people that matter to our ideals and our security. Things are more complicated than they used to be.

We may not be under the same danger of a nuclear attack that we were when I was a little girl and

told to get down under my desk for protection (as if a little wooden desk could have protected us

from a fallen tree, let alone an atom bomb), when we were at a crosswords with the Soviet Union.

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Instead we now live with the fear of suicidal terrorist organizations getting nuclear material.

"We are on the threshold of doing something unprecedented, the results of which are

unknown. Ten, fifty, or one hundred years in the future, people will look back and say,'They did it

right, or they did it wrong, they should have done this or they should have done that. But the fact is

that this is uncharted territory, and nobody can foresee the future. We can only do the best we can to

keep it advantageous for our grandchildren and great grandchildren.

"America undoubtedly remains the foremost political, economic, and military power in the

world, and I expect and count on it remaining so, because I think that's absolutely in our best interest

as well those of the whole world. While America is not in a position to solve every worldwide

problem, I don't believe there is any major difficulty on earth that can be resolved without us. So we

still retain the status of top dog.

"By the end of World War II we were unquestionably in that position, and first began to

understood the importance of alliances. As a result, NATO was born. We signed mutual defense

treaties

with Japan, South Korea, Thailand, and the Philippines in Asia, as well as with other countries. With

the demise of the Soviet Union, there was a premature, false assumption that, 'Well, that's finished!

Communism has been defeated! The Soviet Union is no more. Hooray! We are an even more

dominant power and therefore don't have to keep building these relationships.' Not true. A house of

cards keeps tumbling down, and must be constantly rebuilt all over again by many hands.

" I think it is time we understand that we cannot take on the obligations of doing everything

by ourselves. No person or country is that omniscient or omnipotent. We cannot bear the

psychological burden or the financial responsibilities that come with taking that stance. We want a

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world in which both existing and rising powers are responsible stakeholders, and we don't have to go

it alone. So it is in our deep and profound interest to build worldwide alliances and networks."

I looked at Hillary with awe, admiring her dedication to humanity, her brilliance, and her

creativity. She has talents unique in the world, I thought. There never has been another like her. How

tragic it would be for our country to be deprived of her services.

Hillary, I asked, you have so much energy. Why didn't you continue as Secretary of State

during Obama's second term?

"Because I know how tired I am. I may look like Superwoman on the outside, but being

Secretary of State is a very intense experience. It's a twenty-four hour a day seven day a week

commitment. I could be called up in the middle of the night every night to be asked about something.

The survival of humanity could depend on my being wide awake. I could be on an around-the-clock

schedule when I travel twelve hours away, because Washington is awake while we are asleep. I

wanted to give the job my all or nothing at all;. I didn't want to hold anything back. I wanted to do

my very best

to support the president and help our country. I thought it was expedient and important personally for

me to say, 'I'm going to do this fully for four years and then move on to other things, because I am a

human being and can do no more.'

She looked up at me and said, "Well. Doctor, are you going to answer my question? Do you

think my tenure as Secretary of State was successful or not?".

What do you think, Hillary? I asked.

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"Yes!" she exclaimed, her eyes all aglow. "In the biggest sense of the word."

Truer word has never been spoken, I said..

She slowly got up from the couch, walked over to me, knelt by my chair, and put her head on

my lap. I stroked her hair. We both cried.

May 9, 2014

Today was to be Hillary's last session. I wondered how it would go. Would she be happy? Would

she be sad? Would she cry, as so many patients do on leaving? Would I be sorry to see her finish?

She came in much as in most of her other sessions, with not much expression on her face. To

my surprise, she said with deep feeling, "Doctor, I need to thank you for all you have done for me.

You have given me a lot, and I love you for it. But I think I can hack it on my own now." One of my

questions was answered. Her eyes filled with tears.

I answered with gratitude that this seemingly frozen person was now able to express her love

for me. Neither of us spoke for a while, as we shared the moment of intimacy.

I think you are ready to leave too, Hillary, I finally said. You have come to terms with your

biggest conflict, the one that brought you here, and resolved your ambivalence about staying with

Bill You also have improved very much in what I considered your biggest problem, your difficulty in

accepting your feelings and the ability to express them.

"I hate to leave you anyway, Doctor," she said. "I thought before I came here that I must be

324

crazy to leave this wonderful woman, the only person I have ever known who accepts me as I am,

warts and all."

I answered, You will never really leave me, Hillary, anymore than you have left your parents.

My teacher, Dr. Theodore Reik, once said, 'People who love each other don't have to stay together to

be together.'You will take me with you wherever you go.

"Wherever that may be..."

"You can tell me now, Hillary, I said jokingly. Where is that? Are you going to run for

president? I promise I won't tell anybody.

She threw back her head and laughed her raucous guttural laugh, which held nothing back.

"You know me very well, Doctor. I'll let you answer that one yourself."

Aw, shucks! I said.

When the time is right for a patient to terminate therapy, I generally feel good about it. I

listened to what my instincts had to say about Hillary and although I knew I would miss her honesty,

her political genius, and even her sense of humor, I knew it was time for her to leave.

I got up and extended my hand to her. Ignoring my outstretched hand, she threw her arms

around

me in a warm hug. I hugged her back, as I would a dear friend. She left the room as she did

everything else. She didn't turn back

Hillary was right. That night I had a dream that answered my question, and that of most of the people

325

in the United States. I dreamed I was at Mount Rushmore, and saw there was a fourth mountain with

a human face on it. The face was Hillary's. The unconscious is prescient, I thought. It is telling me

that Hillary indeed will run for president. She will win the election and become President of the

United States. She will be among the greatest presidents our country has ever known. An old song,

"You didn't have to tell me; I knew it all the time*," ran through my mind. I turned over and went to

sleep, secure in the knowledge that I knew the truth about Hillary, and that our country would be well

taken care of in her competent hands. After all, who would know that better than I?

326

Bibliography

While I have read many books and articles on Hillary Rodham Clinton, I particularly want to to

thank Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, for its careful and detailed study of Hillary Clinton as

Secretary of State. I have followed its time line closely, and based some of the content of the section

of my book on Hillary as Secretary of State on information I acquired from the Wikipedia article.

An Invitation to the White House: At Home with History.

by Clinton, Hillary Rodham.

Simon & Schuster, 2000.

A Woman in Charge: The Life of Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Carl Bernsteinl.

Knopf, 2007.

Bill and Hillary: The Marriage.

327

by Christopher Anderson

William Morrow, 1999

Bill and Hillary. The Politics of the Personal

by William H. Chafe

Farrar, Straus and Giroux, September 4, 2012

Bill Clinton, the Inside Story

by Robert E. Levin

Shapolsky Publishers, Inc., 1992

First In His Class: A Biography of Bill Clinton.

by David Maraniss

Simon & Schuster, 1995.

Game Change: Obama and the Clintons, McCain and Palin, and the Race of a Lifetime

by John Heilmann and Mark Halperin.

HarperCollins Publishers, 2010

10 E. 53rd Street New York,

328

NY 10022

Hillary Clinton

by Robin S. Doak

Scholastic, Inc 2013

Hillary Rodham Clinton: Living History.

By Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Simon & Schuster, 2003

1230 Ave. Of the Americas

NY NY 10020.

Hillary Rodham Clinton: A First Lady for Our Time

by Donnie Radcliffe

Warner Books, 1993.

1271 Ave of the Americas, NY NY 10020

Hillary's Choice

by Gail Sheehy

329

Ballentine Books, 1999

Hillary Clinton's "Talking It Over" newspaper columns,

written for Creators Syndicate from 1995-2000

By Hillary Rodham, 1973

Hillary Rodham Clinton, Dreams Taking Flight

by Kathleen Krull

by Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers, 2008

Hillary Rodham Clinton: First Lady, Senator, and Secretary of State

by Melissa Carosella

Teacher Created Materials, 2012

Hillary's Scheme: Inside the Next Clinton's Ruthless Agenda to Take the White House.

by Carl Limbacher

Crown Publishing, 2003.

It takes a Village, and other Lessons Children Teach Us

330

by Hillary Rodham Clinton, 1996

Touchstone Edition

Rockefeller Center

1230 Avenue of the Americas

New York NY10020

I've Always Been a Yankees Fan: Hillary Clinton in Her Own Words.

by Thomas. Kuiper

World Ahead Publishing, 2006.

Leadership Secrets of Hillary Clinton

by Rebecca Shambaugh, 2010

McGraw Hill

345 Hudson Street

New York, NY

Listening With the Third Ear

by Theodore Reik

Farrar Straus & Giroux, 1983

331

My Life

by Bill Clinton

Knopf, 2004.

One on One with Hillary Rodham Clinton

By Richard Wolf,

USA TODAY, May 19, 2012

Hillary Rodham's shocking drug diary!

Posted by Frank Marafiote on Feb 13, 2013 in Life

Jackie O: On the Couch

by Alma H. Bond

Bancroft Press, 2011

Marilyn Monroe: On the Couch

by Alma H. Bond

Bancroft Press, 2013

332

Paris: A Love Story

by Kati Marton

Simon and Schuster, 2012,

1230 Ave. Of the Americas

NY NY 10020,

The Case Against Hillary Clinton.

by Peggy Noonan,

HarperCollins, 2000.

The Case for Hillary Clinton.

by Susan Estrich

HarperCollins, 2005.

The Lady: Burma's Aung San Suu Kyi

by Barbara Victor

Silkworm Books, 1999

5471 Sridonchai Road

Chang Mai 5100, Thailand

The Secretary: A Journey with Hillary Clinton from Beirut to the Heart of American Power.

by Kim Ghattas

333

Times Books, 2013..

The Survivor:

by John F. Harris

Random House Trade Paperbacks, October 10, 2006.

The Truth About Hillary

by Edward Klein, 2005

Penguin Group

175 Hudson Street

New York NY 10014

The Unique Voice of Hillary Rodham Clinton

A Portrait in Her Own Words

Edited by Claire G. Osborne

Avon Books, 1997

1350 Avenue of the Americas

New York, NY 10019

"There Is Only The Fight...":An Analysis of the Alinsky Model. Senior honors thesis, Wellesley

College, 1969.

by Hillary Rodham

Available at the college archives.

ResearchGate has not been able to resolve any citations for this publication.

She's the first secretary who's also been a global rock star. It's permitted her to handle issues on the global agenda in a way

Acheson

Acheson.' All agreed about my celebrity. As one unnamed official said, 'She's the first secretary who's also been a global rock star. It's permitted her to handle issues on the global agenda in a way

Posted by: shirleyclinkscalese078690.blogspot.com

Source: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/301202436_Hillary_Clinton_On_the_Couch

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